Tuesday, December 07, 2004

I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one.

I think we have a new Team Natural Selection MVP. Normally it's not as funny if they don't actually "die" or "burn down their own house" or something, but hey...it's not often we get a real live dumbass who lives through their antics long enough to actually benefit the Team.

Here's the only stuff you need to know...the rest is stuff like "details" and "context" but don't worry, those little things don't make this any less funny.

Police were in pursuit of a 37-year-old man riding a lawnmower moments after he threw two Molotov cocktails at his ex-girlfriend’s front and rear doorsteps.

The cocktails, which were emptied Budweiser beer bottles filled with gasoline with a piece of cloth sticking out of the opening, never ignited but the fumes did make breathing difficult for a number of neighbors. [oh yeah, I'm sure one broken bottle with gasoline in it really made it impossible to breathe...quit the melodrama people -- ed.]

When police were called, one officer spotted Coleman smoking a cigarette while on an idling lawnmower on the small strip of road which connects Tolend Road and Whittier Street, police said.

The police officer then activated his emergency lights in his cruiser at which point Coleman took off on the lawnmower, police said.

Police said the officers noticed he was wearing yellow rubber gloves and had a full Budweiser beer bottle in his left breast pocket of his jacket.

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