Monday, December 20, 2004

Bad Date #5: Don't ask, don't tell. Please.

Bad Date #5 is a little story I like to call "Don't Ask the Question if you Don't Want to Know the Answer."

I don't even know if this technically qualifies as a date, but it was pretty bad (and it's a short story - yay!) so I'm gonna throw it in here.

Without even going into all the background (which would take weeks) I had been dating this guy, let's call him Lars (he had some crazy Scandinavian name) long distance for a couple of months. He finally came to visit me in Texas, and after I introduced him to all my friends at a great big dinner (they all hated him), we got a bottle of wine and went back to my place, where the plan was to sit in front of the fire and have a romantic evening.

We get home, get LARGE glasses of wine, and just sit there for a while, drinking and watching the fire. And then Lars says "E. Spat, can I tell you something?" And I, so happy that he's finally going to tell me he loves me, go "Of course" and just stare at him all lovey dovey and stupid.

And Lars goes, "One time, at a party, I made out with a man." Ummmm...oh. That's not what I was expecting. So, trying to figure out what to say, I just sort of mumble something like "Uh huh...oh...I see." And then, this is the worst part...he tells me the ENTIRE story..."See, I was at this party and there was this guy named Warren there and we are really drunk and somehow the next morning I ended up sleeping in the same bed as him...and I kind of liked it..." Oh. Uhhhhhh.... There were actually dates, was pretty awkward.

What can you say to a story like that? Let's just say the mood was pretty much killed.

Our relationship actually went on for awhile after this incident, but pretty much it was all downhill...and strangely, not because he had kissed a boy. Because, as it turned out, he was still kissing girls. A lot of them.

And, just for your edification, here are some interesting tidbits about Lars.

- I was making him a queen size quilt for Christmas and when we broke up (in the summer) I got so mad I sent him the unfinished quilt top that I had spent literally hundreds of hours on. Later on, when I decided I wanted it back, a friend of his asked him for it and he claimed I was lying and that I had never sent him anything like that.

- He broke up with me on my cell phone after I tracked him down because I hadn't heard from him in a week. He told me, and this is a direct quote "I just can't stop thinking about all the other girls I want to be effing." During the week I couldn't track him down it's because he was boning some girl he met on a trip for work.

- I had an opportunity once, on a trip that I took, to be with perhaps the most fantabulous man I have ever laid eyes on, and I turned it down because I don't cheat...ever. When I found out Lars had been cheating on ME, at least 50% of my anger was directed at the fact that I turned down perhaps the finest specimen of manflesh that is ever going to cross my path outside of my dreams.
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