Saturday, October 30, 2004

The great North American rapidly expanding marshmallow diet.

I'm sure you've all experienced this, like, all the time...but doesn't it just totally suck when you eat about 400 marshmallows and they are SOOOOO good and then, in your tummy, they start to expand and it's just the most horrible feeling ever? Additionally (doesn't that sound official?) I washed the little bastards down with Diet Cream Soda and holy shit, I feel crappy.

Also, it is strangely pathetic to be home alone on the Saturday night before Halloween with nothing to do and nowhere to go after having spent the entire day at school.

Lastly, cattle guards have no place on VW Bugs, and actually, no place on any car in TVPNM...I mean, c'mon people. My Texan sensibilities are hideously offended.

Hey Ma, I'm an Enzyme! What's an Enzyme?

You are an enzyme. You are powerful, dark,
variable, and can change many things at your
whim...even when they're not supposed to be
changed. Bad you. You can be dangerous or
wonderful; it's your choice.

Which Biological Molecule Are You?
brought to you by

Via my good friend, and brand-new blogger, Legal Quandary.

Friday, October 29, 2004

Best thing in the whole wide world?

What is the best thing in the whole wide world?

Getting drunk on Spaten Oktoberfest, not having the bus pass you like last week, and getting home to find you have NOT ONLY cake in the fridge, but also TATER TOTS. Life is good people.

In re 3,987,472 dead brain cells

What makes me laugh out loud in the library and choke on my Vanilla Diet Coke?
The allegations. The complaint. The next step in legal world domination.

Simulposted here.

I am soaking my brain in aspartame and trying to write my Evidence paper which is patently ridiculous since I know that I am soon going to the happy German bar for beer. How can I be expected to concentrate...I've got least two strikes against me right there.

What time is it? BEER TIME!

Not that I need a reason to go get all crazily boozed up, but just in case, here's some good news for a change on what has become my little book of depression and woe.

1. My supervisor from this summer finally got my final evaluation done and turned into our Career Services Office, which means that they will stop emailing me and demanding it every damn day, and also that I will actually get some credit for the 12K I spent this summer.

2. Career Services actually got it routed correctly to my faculty supervisor for approval, and in less than two days...a minor miracle.

3. My faculty supervisor was nice enough to take time out of her busy day to go hunt for the package in her mailbox, open it, read the form to see if they had checked the "allow student to see this" box, and then let me read it while she stood there.

4. All evidence to the contrary, and in direct contradiction to the fact that I wrote a 15 page legal memo with the very first case I cited being unpublished because I just wasn't paying attention, and the fact that since my supervisor only had time to read the first two pages, and since her only comment to me on it was "You got the right answer, but why the hell did you cite to an unpublished opinion?", they still gave me a positive, if lukewarm, evaluation.

5. A job that I'm very interested in, but was having trouble arranging an interview for because they want me to pay to come see them and aren't thrilled with the phone interview idea, and I want to pay $800 to get my cavities filled thereby making a 2-day last minute plane trip across country rather impractical, has an executive type person who's going to be in Seattle next week and is going to interview me in person. So we all win.

6. I heart German beer. 2 hours and counting until beer time.

I've got my shoes tied tight

OK, been a little busy the last couple days but thought I ought to drop in for a little visit and update everyone on what's up.

1. Beefy McManstick Badass Spatula is still alive. Barely. Last night I came home and he was kind of bobbing along at the top of the tank and I really thought he was dead. But, after I hit the side of the tank like nineteen times he started swimming around. Perhaps he's just lacking motivation. I'm going to buy him a toy for the tank so he won't get bored. Problem solved. Unless he dies.

2. Yesterday in Family Law we read a case about the statutory requirement for separation before a divorce is granted (something I know a little bit about, coincidentally) and the man in the case wanted to separate from his wife, but she was disabled, so he felt guilty. So, he moved into his van in their front yard. So, this girl in our class is reading her holding to the class, and she goes..."blah blah blah, when he lives in a van...." And I totally lost it, because in my mind is Chris Farley going "DOWN BY THE RIVER." I laughed so hard I was crying. Sadly, since it's law school, only about 1/3 of the class got it I think...but it was damn funny.

3. I owe a shout out to our Career Services Office for making sure that I didn't get a single non-firm job announcement, EVER, and for not letting me know that almost all the government jobs I'm even remotely interested in have deadlines for application next week. Thanks guys. Just think, if you keep up this level of service you could surpass Financial Aid in pure evil-ness by the end of the school year.

4. I love International Legal Processes so much, I can't even tell you. It is the first (and only) class in all of law school that I haven't pretty much hated or just had no real feelings about either way. I've had classes where I like them because I liked the professor, but this class has a good prof AND it's awesome. Yay.

5. After school today I'm going to a German bar where I am going to drink German beer and get very drunk. It's the bright spot of my week.

Thursday, October 28, 2004


Overwhelmed with work. Back tomorrow.

Beer = Good

In absolute proof that the squeaky wheel gets the beer and beer related goodies, the very first chapter of PBR is born.

The good news is that apparently, even if you're a total lush in college, that's probably alright as long as you calm down afterwards and give your liver a break. It doesn't say whether spending another three years in law school and being forced to drink constantly to blunt the pain of the experience counts towards one's years of allowable lush-hood. I like to think of it as just sort of a warm-up for a lifetime of needing to blunt the pain once I become a real lawyer.

Wednesday, October 27, 2004

I guess no news is good news

Dear Energy Spatula,

Blah blah blah blah blah blah we don't care where you go but you can't work here. Blah blah blah blah we noticed how much candy you stole on your way out. Blah blah blah blah although you probably don't suck it didn't come through in the interview so we offered the job to someone else. Blah blah go to hell and quit calling us. Blah blah blah best of luck in your job search, you seem like you're going to need it.


The Place That Doesn't Particularly Want To Hire You

Just Because: The Franchise

Just Because: Cabana Boys of Desperate Housewives

James Denton

Jesse Metcalfe

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

Oh yay, good news.

Even The Onion knows I've been having a rough week!

Capricorn: (Dec. 22—Jan. 19)
The overwhelming sense that everything is falling apart around your ears will be reinforced by painful sonic and tactile cues.

That's Mr. Beefy to you!

I just brought home Beefy McManstick Badass Spatula. He's so cute. He's sort of electric blue and he has a home all full of purple/blue rocks and some shiny glass beads I just happened to have lying around. If he lives longer than a week I'll be putting up a pic.


Whenever I am feeling all depressed or unwell in any way, my parents have little theories about what I could do to feel better. And, in the end, it all comes down to this.

Mom: Brush your teeth and take a shower. Everyone feels better when they're clean. If that fails, pray. If that fails, it's probably the aliens and you're doomed.

Dad: Drink a glass of water. Go for a run. Did you drink the water? Damn,'re probably just dehydrated. Have some more water. But don't have Gatorade, that has sugar (and hence calories)...plain water is best. Did you know the human body is 70% water? Here, I got you a glass. Once you drink that I'll take you to 7-11 for a Super Big Gulp. But only after you go running.


I went to the pet store near campus today with a friend, both of us bound and determined to get ourselves some pet fish. I need a fish so I will have a pet to love and talk to and fuss over and my apartment doesn't allow dogs and I'm allergic to cats. So, I told my friend I needed a fish because I'm so excited about this "Beefy McManstick" thing (see below) and felt like I just really need a pet to pawn that name off on. And she said she was gonna get two fish, and they were going to be gay, and they were going to be so happy together and she already had names picked out. So, we got to the pet store and as it turns out he only carries salt-water fish, so we were all disappointed and had to walk back to school dejected and unhappy. At which time we had the following exchange:

Me: "God, this sucks. I'm so fish already has a NAME...I need to a fish to call Beefy McManstick!"
Friend: "You think you're disappointed? My fish* already had names AND a lifestyle choice!"

In other news, as a word to the wise, if you bring your lunch on a paper plate into the ladies room, don't be throwing around the attitude when people put their backpacks up on the counter next to you food. You brought your lunch...INTO A BATHROOM! You have no room to be critical, ok? Back off.

*fishes? fishi?

Monday, October 25, 2004

Didn't you get my email? I sent it! Where could it have gone?

I found this on Begging to Differ:

The people (John Wooden of "Chickenhead Productions") who own [not Bush-Cheney '04, Inc.] recently discovered their catch-all mailbox and have posted a slew of random messages people mistakenly sent to


Looks like somebody's got a case of the MONDAYS!

If I see that Ashlee Simpson video clip one more time of her screwing up on SNL I am gonna effing lose my mind. I'm warning you.

Also, as usual, Airtoons make me laugh when life gets weird.

I've written and erased about 10 really long posts because I'm not sure what I want to write about, or rather, I know some things I'd like to write about, but I'm not sure how to do it. I'm feeling conflicted. Suddenly I've realized that, thanks to law school and moving to a place where I've experienced a great degree of culture shock, I am not a connected, active, interesting person anymore. I go to the library. I go home. I watch TV. I occasionally drink too much. Repeat every day until you are essentially a pre-Colin Firth Bridget Jones. Only without all the hope and cheerfulness. Blech. Life is weird these days...but hopefully it's just a phase...the 2L doldrums or something. Maybe it's the upcoming 30th birthday. Double blech. Oh well, thanks to those who wished me well today, I'm feeling a lot better...I made a yummy Chinese Chicken Salad for dinner since I was home early, and ate popsicles. I'll be back at school tomorrow, ready to take on the world...or at least drugged up to the point where I don't feel like a bag of ass. Hooray for modern OTC pharmaceuticals!

UPDATE: Thanks Wayne. I think the fact that I don't actually have a penis makes this awesome name even more special. I'm pretty sure I'm gonna have to get a fish now...he's already got a rad name.

Your Penis Name is: Beefy McManstick

I'm going back to bed.

So, I have been feeling unwell all day (and NO, I'm not hungover). I persevered through two classes and then got to my third class, realized it was my day to talk in there (by a cruel twist of fate, I had just gone on Friday) and I was totally unprepared (not having actually READ the material for today), turned around without even having sat down and walked right back out. And came to the library because I have a lunch obligation to go to before I can head home, thereby skipping my fourth and last class of the day. And what is in the library? 1L's. Perky, happy, laughing 1L's. Why are they so perky? What do they have to be so happy about? As soon as my lunch thing is done I'm going home, I'm going back to bed, and I'm not coming back until I'm absolutely sure that I am not, in fact, dying.

Another Team Natural Selection member gone...just, gone.

This guy "stabbed himself in the groin" while "slaughtering animals" and "died."

I love the overzealous use of quote marks.

Saturday, October 23, 2004

I deserve a break today...

I'm taking a vacation. Mentally as opposed to physically, but still. I'm leaving the library early, I'm gonna go take a bike ride or something equally suited to enjoying the fact that although it's super cold here today it's not raining, and I'm not blogging anymore this weekend since no one practically reads it on the weekend anyway. I might even do some cooking and wine drinking...just for fun. See ya Monday.

Friday, October 22, 2004

Just Because: AGAIN

OK, I'm watching Walking Tall...and once again I'm reminded that The Rock is THE HOTTEST MAN ALIVE. I mean...DAMN. God. It's sick how hot he is.

You Suck.

Dear Mr. Bus Driver Guy,

Thanks for driving right by the bus stop tonight at 8:30 p.m. I'll have you know that I was kind of drunk and really had to pee and I didn't appreciate having to chase you three blocks down 15th Avenue because there were no more buses for an hour. Also, when you said "Gee, I didn't think you were waiting for the bus" when CLEARLY I was standing at a bus stop, with a backpack, staring plaintively at you, I felt like punching you right in the face. I am going to watch Walking Tall right now and try to forgive you. You have bad karma, I just know it. You're lucky that I didn't have a heart attack or something running after you. I mean, really...I'm a law student, I don't get out much.

Yours Truly,


I think the kids like it when I "get down" verbally

I totally forgot the other day to put up the best quote by a prof all year so far.

Prof: "So, who knows where Nike is incoporated?"
Student: "Oregon, right?"
Prof: "That's right, Oregon...the state of beaver."

I swear to god, I almost choked.

The SS Flu Shot

Every morning I get up and turn on the Today Show while I get ready so I can watch the news and whatnot, and every few minutes they do little breaks for local news. So, this morning, the first thing I see is that the TVPNM is going to be running a cruise to Vancouver, BC for people to get flu shots. $125 for the cruise also covers the flu shot when you get there. C'mon people, this flu shot thing is out of control. Let's all take a deep breath and calm down...hold on...let me get my face mask first.

Also, I blogged before about what I consider to be, quite possibly, the first true sign of the apocalypse, and I'll be damned if the commercial isn't on every four minutes. God, get it away.

Lastly, I put up a post at Blawg Wisdom with the first of the results/helpful answers and links from my "What Should I Do With My Life" question from the other day.

Thursday, October 21, 2004

Quote of the Day

Question from student in Evidence:

"So, if someone is busted for cocaine possession does the substance the cops find have to be cocaine only when it's admitted into evidence, or does it still have to be cocaine at the time of trial?"

I hate it when the coke trans-morph-a-ri-sizes between the time it's admitted into evidence and when the trial starts.

Things you don't know about me...

NDC posted a "Things you didn't know about me" post a while back...and I really enjoyed reading it. At the time I thought to myself "Self, you should do one of those too" but then I just got really busy and I couldn't think of anything to say so I kept putting it off. But, I decided there's no time like the present. So, without further ado, here's some things you didn't know about me.

1. I hate tomatoes, olives, and ham.
2. My favorite flower is the spider mum (the pic is of a yellow one...but I prefer white if you're taking notes), followed closely by the tulip.
3. I once locked M. outside our hotel room in Las Vegas after we'd been drinking heavily because she was sick and I have an intense and irrational fear of people vomiting (complete with panic attacks, cold sweats, dizziness, intense fear, etc.). I cannot overstate how freaked out it makes me to be around sick people...not normal "everyone hates puking" fear...but intense, heart-racing, white-knuckle fear. Not to the degree of being emetophobic...but pretty far out there on the craziness scale.
3a. I have never been sick from drinking to the point where I actually puked. Ever. I will endure a four day hangover before I'll let myself be sick. I might "feel" sick but I won't "get" sick.
4. I went to three high schools in four years.
5. I lived in Korea for two years and the Philippines for two years.
5a. I went to my junior year of high school in Montgomery, Alabama where I was recruited onto the school's Model United Nations debate team because I was the only person in any of the teacher/MUN faculty advisor's History classes who had actually been out of the country.
6. My first real word was "guava."
7. I had a baby blanket as a kid that my grandma made for me and it had these little tassles all over it with like little cotton ball things on the ends, and I ate each and every tassle over the course of my baby and toddler-hood.
8. In high school our (M. and I) English teacher made us draw pictures to go with the book we were reading, The Picture of Dorian Gray. M. and I drew a comic strip where all the characters looked like Elvis and had huge rhinestone belts with their initials on them to tell them apart.
9. I have two tattoos. A chinese character on my inner right ankle, and a dragon on my lower back. I feel superior though because I got the dragon almost 10 years ago, WAY before the lower back tattoo got trendy for girls. The chinese character says "wife" (supposedly...who knows?) and ex#2 and I got them (well, his said "husband") two days after our elopement, following the ingestion of a HUGE amount of Jack Daniels, at the tattoo parlor across the street from my house in Ft. Walton Beach.
10. I am an obsessive planner of my social life and my time spent outside of the point that I drive my friends crazy. I like to know several days in advance what I will be doing and I am ALWAYS early. The concept of "fashionably late" means nothing to me and spontaneity is not a part of my vocabulary.
11. I have weird colored eyes, kind of brownish-orange-hazel, and get asked at least a couple times a week if I wear colored contacts by random strangers.
12. The first boy I ever really had a huge crush on, who later became the first boy I ever kissed, ended up being a drug dealer and screwed a girl in my Algebra II class. A harbringer of things to come.
13. I have never had sex in a car. Thankfully. But, if a pickup truck bed counts, then, well....
14. I LOVE to look at big industrial structures like power plants at night when they're all lit up. I don't know why, but I just really think they're sort of beautiful. Bridges too, but most especially power plants.

OK..that's it for now...I apologize in advance because I'm not sure this is really all that interesting, but you was a long day. And, as an aside, it is REALLY hard to think up stuff that you guys don't know about me...I gotta quit putting my whole life up here -- where's the damn mystery?

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

Freak Out...

OK, so some totally cracked out woman from down the hall ("HI, I'm your next door neighbor in Apt X" which is actually in another part of the building and nowhere near my apartment)...came to my door just now and was just totally crazy and asked if she could borrow my laundry card because her card only has .25 on it and her laundry has been in the machine for two days and don't I know her daughter Rosemary because they live right next door and don't I remember meeting her a couple months ago (interesting since I just moved in) and she just knew that last time we met I looked like a nice person and I should definitely make sure to say hi to Rosemary next time I see her. Thank god I live in such a nice place where they keep out the crackwhores and psychotic freakshows.

UPDATE: Holy Shit...I can hear her in the hall now giving someone else her crazy sob story. Drugs are bad...mmmmmmkay.

Just Because: The Franchise

Just Because: Tom Welling

Tuesday, October 19, 2004


OK...I had a different post up here but it was WAY too long. Bottom line is that I don't know what I want to be when I grow up. At every turn people are discouraging me by telling me I'm "not right for a small or medium firm" or I "will hate a big firm" or I'm "only suited for going back into state or federal government" or "state and federal government is a terrible choice for reasons X, Y, and Z."

So, many of you are lawyers. Some of you are even bloggers. I would love to hear about your jobs, career paths, how you got to a place you enjoy, and even non-law jobs that you are using (or not using) your JD in. Leave a comment, send an email, put a post up on your site...but help all of us undecideds reach career self-actualization. I need to say THANKS! to the people who've already sent me emails in the past telling me about their jobs and why they like them or think I would like them. If you do decide to email me, let me know if it would ever be OK to share your answer (anonymously of course) as I might try to compile the answers if I get a few different ones into a "helpful advice" post for over at Blawg Wisdom (and here too!). And if you are a blogger and you've already addressed this drop me a line with the link so I can read it.

I really want to get some opinions and ideas that aren't filtered through the Career Services Office...which I don't want to spend all my time disparaging but just isn't helpful unless you are either (a) Mr./Ms. Law School Top 10% Law Review Perfect Everything Gonna Make the School Proud, or (b) the "I have lived here my whole life and want nothing more than to follow the herd and stay here and do everything that everyone else does." Even our "mentor" program is only for people who want to stay here...if you say you want to move away from TVPNM after law school they go..."Oh sorry, we don't give a shit about you can't help you even though we'd really like to."


How do you really feel?

Dear Lady Clipping Your Nails On The Bus In The Seat Directly Behind Me,

That is fucking disgusting. If I wasn't currently mired in my own apathy and self-doubt I would punch you right in the throat.



It's modern art. Duh!

I wondered a couple of weeks ago wtf the ugly ass metal thing was that was being assembled on the law school front lawn. And now I know. It's art. OOOOHHHH...of course it is.

The name of this monstrosity masterpiece is The Department of Forensic Morphology Annex. Seriously.

And it's meant to complement two other sculptures on campus which, unfortunately, I have yet to see. I'm sure they're lovely.

Anyway, I still think it looks like a sheet metal igloo.

It's Tuesday already?

Yesterday was just a really vile and wretched day.

For instance:

I had to go to Career Services for a "career counseling" session. This is something that they're doing for us this year now that there's new management in the office to prove to us that they don't suck anymore. And I'm willing to concede that they seem a lot more together in there than ever before.

However, is it bad when I go in for my career counseling meeting and the only thing I leave with is a job printout to be a Human Resource recruiter for the state government? Just to "hang onto and check on for the next year or two until I graduate." WTF?! Is it already obvious to everyone but me that I have absolutely no future as a lawyer and so I should start looking at jobs that I was qualified for 8 years ago when I was getting my Bachelor's degree??

Bottom line(s)?
I need to dumb down my resume because my past employment is too complicated for people to understand (this one caused me to raise my hackles which I think is what set her off on the "you seem to have a...uh...very strong personality and...uh...very clear boundaries").
I will never be happy in any job where someone is the boss of me (DUH!)
If I don't want to stay in TVPNM then they don't really have any contacts to help me find a job

Anyway, if you read past the pictures below you also know I got a ding and a "we'll see" yesterday, which is actually OK except that I think I'm actually going to have to really start putting some effort into the job search. More on that later as it's time for me to go catch the bus. Today will be better. I'm sure of it.

Monday, October 18, 2004

Pictures as promised's an attempt at meeting the photoblogging requests I got.

Mount St. Helens -- it's pretty far away, and blurry, but I put a helpful arrow on it!!

Here's 1/2 of the Chuck Taylor collection...unfortunately the other half is in a box at my mom and dad's...I forgot a couple boxes when I moved back up this summer. But, I think you get the idea.

Here's the shelf/hook thingie I hang my keys on when I walk in the door. And no, I don't live in a funhouse, I just can't take a reasonably level picture apparently.

Here's the top shelf holding part of my rhinestone picture frame collection...oooohhh shiny! Sorry, but to protect the innocent I had to block out the pictures.

Here's the whole wall. There are probably another 20 frames distributed throughout the rest of the apartment on every flat surface, but once again, you get the picture. And my dad refurbished the chest and my mom painted it...I've said it before, I come from incredibly accomplished and talented people and yet somehow manage to struggle with just meeting the minimum on a daily basis. *sigh*

And just in case you're still paying attention after all those pictures, that sound you hear is me getting dinged. One "you're very qualified but at this time we've decided not to extend an offer to you" email, and another letter of the "we are still considering you, and if you want to come down here on your own dime that's cool, and we'll let you know next month...but we're just not sure yet." I'm going to bed.

Sunday, October 17, 2004

A mixed bag

I went shopping with a friend of mine today for jeans. On the upside, it was just as excruciatingly soul-crushing as always. Oh wait...that's the only side. If I have to shop for a bathing suit anytime in the next year or so, that might be the last straw.

The real upside I guess is that she's the friend that lent me her digital camera to help the photoblogging effort, so there may be pics of shiny stuff, Chuck Taylors, and possibly even a fuming volcano (cross your fingers) in the next few days once she has a chance to download my fumbling attempts at "focusing" and "centering." Yay!

Lastly, if you own one of those scented oil burners from The Body Shop (or the home accessory store of your choice) there is a new oil out for fall called Pumpkin Tangerine and it smells SO good! My house smells like fall and pumpkin pie spice and cold crisp weather and warm gooey happy feelings. So yummy!

Saturday, October 16, 2004

Just Because: Penance

Just Because: Henry Rollins

OK...I realize Rollins might not to be to everyone's taste -- but he's definitely to mine. And it's my blog. So there. :)


In what I like to think of as "The MOST shocking news flash of the week," a poll conducted in Belgium finds that...wait for it...more men than women are willing to sleep with their bosses to get ahead. NO! IMPOSSIBLE! I don't believe it.

Friday, October 15, 2004

A letter to the fans from Britney "I'm so put upon" Spears

OK. First, Britney said all this:

Britney Spears has been spending the last several days writing a missive called “Letter of Truth: I hope you can handle it” — which she plans to post on her fan site. “It was a life-changing letter for me, and I just want my fans to read it,” Spears told Britain’s OK magazine. “It really states where I am in my life right now. It is making closure with a lot of things and I think this is my ultimate truth.” The newlywed pop princess says she had some epiphanies after seeing the Broadway production of “Wicked” — a look at "The Wizard of Oz" that’s sympathetic to the Witch of the West, and has worked so hard on her letter that she says, she “feels like I’m at Harvard.”

And now, here's the letter:

Dear Fans,
I am going to start writing this column now as often as possible. The reason being is so I can talk directly to you, my fans, who have stuck by me & who continue to support me. Also, I'm not going to be as busy as my Mom. She's running behind my sister like crazy! I am also going to take some time off to enjoy life. I've actually learned to say "NO!" With this newly found freedom, its like people don't know how to act around me. Should we talk to her like we did when she was 16 or like the Icon everyone says she is? My prerogative right now is to just chill & let all of the other overexposed blondes on the cover of Us Weekly be your entertainment... GOOD LUCK GIRLS!! I'm sorry that my life seemed like it was all over the place the past 2 years, it's probably because IT WAS! I understand now what they mean when they talk about child stars. Going & going & going is all I've ever known since I was 15 years old. It's amazing what advisors will push you to do, even if it means taking a naive, young, blonde girl & putting her on the cover of every magazine.
I know now that my knee gave out on me this past summer so that I would have no choice but to stop. My body was shutting down and needed rest. It's funny how the Man upstairs works. Right now, I have to go-- I really want to watch "Saved" with
Mandy Moore and re-runs of "Sex and the City." I want to enjoy all of the simple things that I missed over the past few years due to working way too much. Being married is GREAT and I can't wait to start my family! There is so much change going on right now... not only with me, but in the world, as well. So, the next time you see my face, hear one of my songs or even if I'm the topic of your next conversation, please remember that times are changing & so am I.

Love always, Britney
P.S. I look forward to writing you all again soon. Kevin and I are finally able to take our Honeymoon!!

I can see how writing this extremely intellectually rigorous letter would make her feel like she's "at Harvard." It must have taken, like, minutes hours weeks. It must be hard being a capital I Icon, rather than a lowercase i icon...and having everyone FORCE her to dress like a total skank and have her picture on all those magazine covers. I mean, if she dressed like that all the time, I would have a MUCH harder time believing it, but seeing as how she's normally the picture of modesty* -- I'm definitely seeing how put upon she really is. Jesus.

In defense of the Britster, perhaps this ISN'T the letter she was talking about -- although this IS the only letter from her that is up on the website and addressed to the fans and advertised as the letter they've (the fans)all been waiting for...but maybe we'll get lucky and there will be ANOTHER letter that's even BETTER and more INTELLIGENT than this one. I can only cross my fingers and hope.

*These are all magazine pics and are fairly SFW in that she's not any more naked in these than she is any other time I don't think.

Also, I apologize in advance to Larry because I know she loves Britney -- but this was just too good not to put up.

My boyfriend, the do-gooder.

A very hearty THANKS to reader Frolics and Detours for sending me the following article about my boyfriend James Spader off the EOnline Tab Fab page.

Brat Pack Villain a Hero: Instead of highlighting obscene celeb overspending, this week the Good$ is also about the good. The National Enquirer reports that when Boston Legal star James Spader was leaving Santa Monica restaurant La Vecchia recently, a speeding car banged into a homeless man's cart, sending all his possessions sailing. Sensitive soul Spader ran into the street, dodging cars and helping the weeping man gather his stuff. Then he paid for his taxi to a nearby shelter. Spader reportedly pressed $320 into the man's hand, saying, "I'm sorry. That's all the cash I have, but please take it and buy yourself some new things." Spader rules!

I agree, Spader rules! *Sigh*

I need my caffeine...NOW!

Oh. My. God. Is there anything funnier than two 1L's who've been in school for two weeks now having a high-minded conversation first thing on a Friday morning? I can't even write an accurate parody of what they're saying because it's already so ridiculous -- I'm not sure I could improve on it by trying to make it funny. Apparently they read a case last night that lends itself to phrases like "Well, I'll say this, his reasoning is absolutely razor sharp, but what a dick." The part I like the best is the pseudo-intellectual pontificating at TOP VOLUME so we can all hear the opinions that they heard on NPR this morning.

I mean, who says to a fellow student "Let me just finish my thought here because I firmly disagree with your position on this and I would like to have a chance to explain to you why I went from being a true liberal to being a social liberal and a fiscal moderate"? Also, apparently she will "Never be caught dead taking a paycheck from a libertarian law firm." But, she also said she has a crush on John Stossel...isn't he a libertarian?

I'm just gonna concentrate on my Diet Coke and try not to laugh out loud.

Thursday, October 14, 2004

Why? whywhywhywhy?

Here's a question. Why the f#*% can't I just keep one friggin allen wrench for more than like three days after I buy it? Every time I need one I buy one of those little sets with all the different sizes, and then it's gone...POOF. I went rollerblading today and my wheels are all squeaky (probably the result of not having used them in about two years, since the last time I lived close enough to a paved, not-too-downhill-y, squishy grass to cusion my falls path) and I want to tighten them. Damnit. Why do I lose everything? I also lose matchbooks, nailfiles, cords for electronic stuff, maps, appointment books, coupons, hair clips, lipglosses, hammers (seriously, I bet I buy one new hammer a year! WTF??), keychains, booklights, knives (seriously again...I'm missing at least three out of my idea where they are!), tupperware lids, sunglasses, etc...the list goes on and on. It's the Diet's making a hole in my brain where my short-term memory for item placement (and names apparently) used to be.

OK...I'm really back now. are all the odds and ends and stuff I've been forgetting to post about and tell you guys (can I say guys if it's only one reader?).

1. The callback went well. I got there and was waiting for about 20 minutes before they called me back to the conference room...and to make a rather long story short, about 10 minutes after that one of the interviewers walks in late and goes "I have been sitting in my office for the past half hour thinking about how awful you are, and how you're late, and how you must really not want to be a summer associate here because you're a half hour late...and then I found out you've been here the whole time and I'M the one who's late." It was kind of bizarre because I had definitely been sitting the waiting room for like 20 minutes thinking "Why the hell are they making me wait so long?" Anyway, a failure to communicate I guess. I met a couple of the younger associates who recently were summer associates and of course they said they liked it, etc.... I feel a lot better about them then I did after the first interview...both about the interview itself and about them as a firm. Anyway, guess we'll see what happens.

2. My very nice friend from school lent me her digital camera, so I will be getting the pictures that were requested up this weekend I hope.

3. I saw Mt. Saint Helens TWICE and both times there was steam and stuff coming out of was really cool. I took a picture out the window while I was stuck in traffic with the aforementioned digital camera, so if it comes out, I'll post that too.

4. I'm SWAMPED at school...somehow every day I get a little bit more behind. This weekend I vow to get at least semi-caught-up. No boozing. This time I mean it.

5. My ex sent me this pic of our dog...Bad Bad Leroy Brown. Look at his freakishly long tongue. When he was a baby and we first got him, he almost died of parvovirus, and I sat at the pet hospital with him for DAYS while he had tiny little IV's in his puppy legs, it was awful. We spent almost $1000 keeping him alive within the first week we had him because I had fallen in love and absolutely wouldn't hear of having him put to sleep. When the ex and I got divorced he kept Leroy because he had a yard...but he's been really good about sending me pictures of our "baby boy" and letting me in on the milestones in Leroy's life (first time he broke through the fence and chased a car, first time he ate a major piece of many chicks he helped my ex get after the divorce). Anyway, I thought this pic was funny...enjoy.

Odyssey to Callback Land

I am still swamped at school, trying to make up for being gone yesterday...and I will eventually get something up about the second interview. However, here's the first tidbit in what I like to think of as my two day odyssey to "Callback Land."

I went to Enterprise Rent-A-Car after school on Tuesday to pick up my rental, so I could drive partway to "Callback Land" and spend the night -- trying to cut down on the five hour drive the next morning. And, because the dirty Diet Coke is rotting my brain, I forgot that I HATE Enterprise because they won't let you use a debit/credit card...something about you (the customer) being able to get the car and then clean out the account and end up being a total criminal. So, anyway, if you're going to use a debit/credit card they make you fill out an additional form that basically looks like an apartment lease or something (Name, Social, Address, REFERENCES, etc...). It's totally ridiculous. And one of the lines is "What is your purpose for renting this car?" So, now that you have the background (1 long paragraph), here's the punchline (about 3 lines).

Enterprise Guy: "You didn't fill out your purpose for renting the car."
Me: "Well, no. I don't really think it's any of your business."
EG: "Well, I have to put something."
Me: "How about trolling for hookers?"
EG: "Ummmmmm...I'll just put N/A."
Me: "You do that."

Anyway, that's how the trip started...and, as a final bit of hilarity, the car they gave me was called a Pontiac Vibe. Who thought that name up? The Enterprise Guy goes "Here's your vibe, you're gonna like it, it's a fun ride." I swear to god. I thought Diet Coke was gonna come out my nose, I was laughing so hard.

Wednesday, October 13, 2004

Just Because: The Franchise

Just Because: Mark Valley

Mark Valley is on Boston Legal with my boyfriend James Spader. He's hot. He fought in Desert Storm. He's hot. He does push-ups on the show. Hot. Hot. Hot. He is a beautiful, beautiful man.

PS: The interview went well, more on that and everything else tomorrow -- I'm exhausted and have been in the car basically all day except for the two hours I spent trying to charm three people who I've never met before...I generally have a hard time charming people I already know...and they're usually drunk. Anyway, more later.

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

Coming back to check if the iron is on.

Poor Stag had her entire site eaten by the service she was make sure you (a) go visit her in her new place and leave a condolence, and (b) fix your link so she won't feel lonely!

The Doctor is OUT

Today is a crazy day -- lots to do and lots of reading to catch up if that's ever gonna happen. Anyway, right after school today I am going out of town for a callback with the resume toucher. It should be interesting -- after the initial interview I hesitate to even ponder what a second interview might be like. Anyway, I won't be around tomorrow to put up a JB post, so I'll make sure to do my usual penance -- one on Thursday and an extra one over the weekend sometime. See ya Thursday.

PS: I will be driving right by this...I'm not sure what it means when more than one of my friends has said they hope it blows up while I'm driving by so I can "take pictures." Um...yeah.

Monday, October 11, 2004


Hooray for funny lawyer t-shirts -- it's about time someone did it.

I will be placing my order as soon as they make one that says "What Would Karl Llewellyn Do?"

Anyway, go there...get an Ambulance Chaser t-shirt for your mom for her birthday. I'm going to.

I'm in hysterics...but not the bad kind this time.

Oh. My. God. I haven't laughed as hard as I did when I looked at this in a really, really long time. It takes perhaps a minute or two for the pics to load, even with a cable modem, but it's worth every second...really. Just sit back, let it load, and prepare to laugh your ass off.

Thanks to Inter Alia for the link.

How exactly do you define "hardcore" Justice Burger?

Good News! My neighbor is drunk. And screaming. And playing (sort of) his bass. Oh yay!

Also, I got an email from my professor that tomorrow is my day to talk in Freedom of Expression. The topic? Obscenity. I predict that I will use the phrase "internet porn" more than once. Something I know nothing about of course. I've just heard other people talk about it.

I heart sparklies.

A heartfelt thanks to a faithful reader who IM'd me the following today saying he just thought it was something I would appreciate...and I do!!!

The Word of the Day for October 9 is:
coruscate • \KOR-uh-skayt\ • verb *1 : to give off or reflect light in bright beams or flashes : sparkle 2 : to be brilliant or showy in technique or style

Example sentence:Nora quipped, "All articles that coruscate with resplendence are not truly auriferous," meaning "all that glitters is not gold."

Did you know?To help you gain a flash of recognition next time you see "coruscate" (or to prompt you when you need a brilliant synonym for "sparkle"), remember this bit of bright imagery by George Bernard Shaw, describing a centuries-old abbey: "O'er this north door a trace still lingers / Of how a Gothic craftsman's fingers / Could make stones creep like ivy stems / And tilings coruscate like gems." The more mundane can just memorize the word's etymology although it's not a shining example of remarkableness. "Coruscate" developed from the Latin "coruscare," which means "to flash." That word also gave us the noun "coruscation" ("glitter, sparkle") and the adjective "coruscant" ("shining, glittering"), long before "coruscate" was even a glimmer in English-speakers' eyes (it first appeared in English prose in the 18th century).

Dirty Karaoke -- as performed by the TVPNM Bus Driver One Man Band

I forgot to post about this over the weekend because I was preoccupied with being in pain -- but on the way to the library on Saturday I had a singing bus driver. Now, it wasn't as bad as it might sound, at least at first. He was sticking to blues standards, a little bit of country, and some nice good old fashioned rock and roll (think Bruce Springsteen and John Cougar Mellencamp)...and he wasn't the worst singer I've ever heard (which would be myself). And, he was like the Southwest Airlines Flight Attendant of the bus driving world...chit chatting and making jokes over the intercom, flirting with all the old ladies, etc. The TVPNU was having a football game that day so the bus was loaded with all sorts of people on their way to campus. And then, DISASTER. He starts singing a song...and I know I've heard it before...even from several seats away I recognize the tune. And then it hits me. He's singing Darling Nikki by Prince...perhaps one of the dirtiest songs one could ever dream of singing while driving public tranportation. So, then I thought "surely he will at least mumble through the more explicit parts"...but NO! He actually sang the word "masturbate" clear and loud -- in front of old ladies, old men, toddlers, at least one heroin addict, and me. It was SO creepy. Anyway, just thought I would share before I forgot.

TVPNU doesn't give Columbus Day lucky me, I'm at school. If you do have the day off -- enjoy!

Sunday, October 10, 2004

Boston Legal Update

James Spader just gave a speech on Boston Legal about the capabilities of his very agile tongue to his much younger girlfriend on the show. Ohmygod. He's so hot...he's dirty, but in the good way. Yum. This is quickly becoming the best hour of my week.

Sunday night internet wanderings...

This site has LOADS of great stuff. First, the geek hierarchy. Next, the Apathetic Online Journal Entry Generator...for instance:

Maybe tomorrow
I've just been letting everything happen without me recently, but what can I say? Not much on my mind to speak of. I can't be bothered with anything recently.
Current Mood: jejune
No Comments

What can I say?
I can't be bothered with anything recently. I've just been staying at home waiting for something to happen. Shrug. I guess it doesn't bother me. I've just been letting everything happen without me lately. Not much on my mind right now.
Current Mood: stagnant
No Comments

Such is life
Not much on my mind. I've just been letting everything happen without me. I feel like a fog. I haven't gotten anything done lately. My life's been pretty boring lately.
Current Mood: ho hum
No Comment

Awesome! Apparently the site is no longer active but there's several years worth of archives, so check out The Brunching Shuttlecocks for more. I'm sure that this is probably one of those things that everyone who was an internet person long before me already knows about -- but I'm a late bloomer, so cut me some slack! :)

Weekend blues...

I have been BUSY the past couple days -- trying to write a motion in limine for Evidence and just lots of other school stuff. Unfortunately all my books are at school and I hurt my back yesterday and just can't even fathom getting upright and over to the school, so I think I'm going to be VERY unprepared tomorrow -- and even more behind than I already am...yay! At any rate, hopefully I'll be back on my feet tomorrow.

Friday, October 08, 2004

Crazy is as crazy does.

Oh my god, I've spent HOURS today looking at the website Awful Plastic Surgery. Peruse the archives. Hours of train-wreck-esque entertainment. I really can't emphasize enough how freaky some of these celebtrities are after a few million botox treatments, fake boobies, lip/cheek/chin/ implants, and god only knows what else. I'm entraced by their tragic decisions to take their natural beauty (most of them -- some really start out bad and just get worse) and ruin it forever.

So, what you're saying is....what the hell are you saying?

One of my interviews today went so well that I am suddenly very excited about a job I wasn't thinking I would be too into...and I am really hoping for a callback. The other interview went like this:

Interviewers: "Why do you want to work for us?"
Me: "Blah blah blah practical experience, blah blah blah really interested in the things you're doing, blah blah blah make a difference."
Interviewers: "What attracted you to applying to our organization?"
Me: "Uh....blah blah blah practical experience, blah blah blah really interested in the things you're doing, blah blah blah make a difference."
Interviewers: "What do you hope to get out of a summer experience with us?"
Me: " I said before...blah blah blah practical experience, blah blah blah really interested in the things you're doing, blah blah blah make a difference."

This goes on for like 13 questions...all of them slightly different and yet making it possible for me to only give the same answer over and over. Finally, this happened:

Interviewers: "Well, what's the one thing you want us to remember about you from this interview?"
Me: "I'm not sure what I'd like you to remember, but I think you're gonna remember that I'm the girl that said 'blah blah blah practical experience, blah blah blah really interested in the things you're doing, blah blah blah make a difference' fifteen times in a row."
Interviewers: "Oh."

I don't think they were amused by my half-hearted attempt to make light of the fact that I spent 30 minutes with them and really didn't feel like they got to know me or that I got to know them very well. Oh well.

Cross your fingers and hope that I get a callback from the morning place. They were awesome.

OCI: The Final Countdown.

I've got my suit on...I haven't broken an ankle yet in my high heels despite the fact that it's pouring rain...and no runs in the pantyhose yet. All in all...a morning of good omens! Two interviews today, the last day of OCI for TVPNU. One is BIGLAW and one is a government agency, I like to keep all my bases covered. :) Anyway, I'll be sure to post later if anything goes terrible awry in a way that I can squeeze any humor out of whatesoever.

Thursday, October 07, 2004

Shout Out

Hi Sammy!


I was going to come home and write a nice long post. But instead, I went to a free beer event after school (actual name: TGIT) and now I am kind of tipsy, and really hungry, and I have two interviews tomorrow plus homework to no long post...not that I think anyone is worried about my posting habits late on a Thursday evening. Anyway, tomorrow I will be walking around in a suit all day looking awkward and uncomfortable, so if you see me make sure to say hi and comment on the run that I'm sure will be in my pantyhose about 4 minutes after I get to school, or 1 minute before I'm supposed to walk into the interview.

As a final thought friend spotted this license plate frame today (is it called a frame? a surrounder thingie? a cozy?):

My other ride is your daughter.

In the line of duty.

This guy (whose name is Barbette, which is funny by itself) slashed his defense lawyer in court. And like any vile good lawyer, he's trying to spin it in support of his defense theory (Is that a real thing? I couldn't come up with anything better...which bodes poorly for me considering I've already had CrimLaw) right up until the bitter end. He says "I've contended all along that this guy is nuts, and to be honest, this pretty much confirms it[...] what kind of rational person would attack his own lawyer?"


Who says we can't be friends?

My ex-husband (the non-criminal, non-evil one...#2) sent me this via email this morning.

Wednesday, October 06, 2004

More on Mama Spatula

I have heard from SEVERAL people that they think my biggest fear about ever being found out in terms of the blog (as opposed to being found out for the millions of other illicit things I'm involved with apparently) should be what will happen if my mom ever reads about how I talk about her. Now, M. will back me up on this, my mom is a total nut. She is the most wonderful person I've ever met too, and I love her to death, but she has her moments of total bizarre-ness (not that I should be talking). Anyway, I got an email tonight from her and thought I'd post an excerpt just so everyone could see how truly scattered she is. It's like she has five personalities and they all took turns writing a sentence.

I bought a broasted turkey breast tonight and made some of the Idahoan mashed potatoes that are different flavors. YUMMY!!!!! New best snack food ever. There are about five flavors. They come in small pouches and I just put it in the micro for 4 minutes and WALA an American Dream. You should try them. I just finished the first class in my Rose Seminar* at the Church. There are at least three people out of the 10 there who have no hope ever of painting a rose or anything else. Oh Well. I should take Molly for a walk but I can't bring myself to do it. It looks like it's gonna storm so I'll use that as an excuse.

PS: *I think I've mentioned before that she's an artist. The "Rose Seminar" is a painting class she teaches at the church for free.

PS pt 2: I'm sure posting this is a guarantee that one day she'll find I want to say in advance: Mom, I love you and think you're awesome and I am SO glad you passed along the gene that allows me to make really awesome snickerdoodles, but you have to admit...sometimes you can be a little crazy. In a nice way. I love you.

Come to Oklahoma. Or don't. Judging by the quality of our literature...we don't much care one way or the other.

This one is for you M.

Oklahoma: It's really not OK. At all.

Q & A

True or False?

There is NOTHING more annoying on the entire planet than sitting on the bus for almost 100 blocks behind two shrill undergraduate girls discussing the nuances of Marxism (as learned in their Freshman philosophy class, no doubt).

Answer: TRUE

Also, Jimmy is on 60 Minutes tonight. I will be having my parents TiVo for posterity.

Just Because: A Special Request

Just Because: Jude Law*

*For my friend from school who's been requesting this for MONTHS!!!

Tuesday, October 05, 2004

A quick post that got totally out of hand!

Have I ever mentioned how much I love the show Overhaulin' on TLC? Well, I do. Overhaulin' and Extreme Home Makeover are the only two "reality" shows that I can even remotely tolerate. Also, cutie-pie and JB boy in the making, Chris Jacobs, who is the co-host of Overhaulin', graduated from law school and then decided to become an actor. Gee, I bet that was a tough decision. (The female co-host Courtney Hansen is pretty hot too, although perhaps more in line with Soupie's JB establishment than mine). And of course, as far as JB potential goes...Ty Pennington, host of Extreme Home Makeover and sometimes carpenter over on TLC's Trading Spaces, has more than his fair share. Yummy.

UPDATE: While perusing the internet for naked pics information about Ty Pennington I found out he's in a band. The name? Thick and Vainy. Uh...ok.


I came to the library after class to try to get some reading done and picked out a nice carrel that I thought would be a good study nook. The guy in the carrel next to me just opened up a full-size rolling suitcase with the entire tax code in it. And a tupperware container with what looks like a sandwich. He's gotta be an LLM student from the tax program...but I consider this yet another sign from God that tax is not for me.

The day of random comments

Number of minutes it took me in my afternoon class (from which I am blogging) to realize I hadn't even opened the notes on my computer to make at least a pretense of taking notes: 39

Overheard in class today:

Guy to Girl: "Can you speak up?"
Girl: "It's written on the board"
Guy: "I can't see the board...jackass"

To be fair, I think these two might be friends since no one seemed overly offended...but it was still funny. I don't think the teacher ever figured out why half the class had dissolved into laughter.

Overheard in same class today:

Discussion was about miscegenation laws and what states had laws like this in 1965. Professor is moving down the row and each person is naming a different southern state.

Guy in front row: "Texas"
Prof: "Why?"
Guy: "I don't know...because they're Texas and it just seems like something that would happen there. I mean, it's Texas...and that's all I should have to say."
A few other people go.
Girl: "Oklahoma"
Prof: "Why?"
Girl: "Because it's next to Texas...I mean, they're bascially the same place."

Uh...actually...NO! Ask Larry, she'll tell you.

Overheard in someone else's class today:

Professor (rooting around under podium to try to get a video cued up): "Wait a minute folks, I'm having a hard time getting it up."

I've got two dollars in the jukebox, and five dollars in a bottle, and ten more just in case that don't do the trick...

My best friend M. sent me $20 the other day -- for which I am very grateful, seeing as how I'm a poor student...not really a "starving student" per se, but more like a "student in withdrawal." So, yesterday I take the $20 off the kitchen counter and put it in my pocket and notice there's writing on it. I take a closer look and believe me, I'd recognize M.'s handwriting ANYWHERE (can anyone say "penmanship of a psychotic serial killer?"). So, on the back of the $20 bill she wrote:

Shopping List:
Diet Coke
Ice Cream

I'm happy to say I've already used the $20 for one thing on the list and I've got change...which means, considering the neighborhood the school is in, I should be able to get the other three and still have at least $6.83 left over.

You're the best friend ever M.!!

Dumbasses on parade.

Team Natural Selection*: Extra-special Tuesday edition

1. Gang-banging can be hard...especially when you're a total dumbass.

2. missile is broken (insert penis joke here) should I repair it? How about gas and a torch?

3. What should you do if you just buried a bunch of cocaine in your grandmother's yard and you need to get away...FAST? (Besides go straight to hell...that's your grandmother!!). Steal a car...of course! Only maybe next time try to pick one that's not up on jacks.

4. Finally, this teacher administered a "math" test I think I got on email a couple of years ago...the one with questions like "Jose has two ounces of cocaine," "Willie gets $200 for a stolen BMW," and "Raul gets six years for murder." I'm not sure this techically goes in the Team Natural Selection category -- but anyone who would take what was already a patently offensive email and then administer it to students is only moments away from cleaning his gun with a blowtorch or trying to light his grill with 2 gallons of he's getting *pre-inducted*.

*links to past winners losers participants.

Monday, October 04, 2004


What would Jesus do? Well, I'll tell you right now he wouldn't get into a face slapping catfight with another dude over the presidential debate.

Monday stuff....

I have so much reading to do for my classes that I feel like I'm drowning in a sea of cases, and treaties, and rules, and rationale...god, it's insane.

So far I have to say that although the whole "first year they scare you to death" thing wasn't applicable to me, I just might be able to relate to "the second year they work you to death." I'm adding "able to brief cases and explain them to me while rubbing my neck and shoulders" to the Cabana Boy job description. I never want to read again.

Also, I LOVED Boston Legal last night. My boyfriend James Spader was just as hot as usual, and he said "slut"...he's so dreamy!

Kids these days...

Dear Teacher,

I need a couple days off to run to the border and pick up some drugs that I am then going to sell to my fellow students...okay? Please don't tell my mom.

I heart meth.


Your Student

From bad to worse...

This guy is having the worst day ever. Oops! He cut off his own penis. Double Oops! His dog ate it.

Sunday, October 03, 2004

A permanent reminder of a temporary feeling.

As Larry has noted, Blogger has a suggestion this week that we (bloggers) should ask you (readers) what three pictures you would like to see posted on our blogs. I, unlike Larry, don't have a digital camera...but I have a few pictures left on a roll of film I was going to get developed anyway, so if you have any requests, leave a comment or drop me a line and I'll see what I can do.

Ride 'em Cowboy.

I saw the funniest thing today. As I left school to walk to the bus stop I passed a church that is right across from the school. Outside the church, directly in front of the front door, was a car which was clearly waiting for a post-wedding bride and groom escape. Someone had written "Just Married" and "Congrats" and all that other get-away car stuff on it. But, on the back was an extra-special tribute to the happy couple. Written in huge letters was "Finally Gonna Do It" and below that was a picture of two stick figures doing it doggie style with the stick boy spanking the stick girl on the stick ass. So funny.

I'm kind of rooting for the dog here.

Man to Dog: "Hey there little sure are cute! We're gonna play a game!!"
Dog to self: "Oh goody, I love games. I hope he has a frisbee!"
Dog to self: "Uh...hey wait...why is he taking his clothes off?"
Man to Dog: "Now I'm just gonna take off my pants...and then I'm gonna...OOOOWWWWW!!!!"

Moral of the Story: Any game you play with a dog that requires you to take your pants off is probably going to turn out poorly in one way or another.

Saturday, October 02, 2004

You've never covered yourself with Vaseline?

Oh the humanity. But, the government at least is doing something proactive to ease the pain of the poor, overworked, put-upon strippers.

The study's findings were used to develop English and French-language
brochures for sex workers that cover legal, security, financial and health

The flyers contain advice for strippers, such as using a scarf or towel
while sitting. Exotic dancers are also advised to scream if assaulted in private

Really? An entire government study to come up with advice that the stoned and hungover attendant at my gym could have given for free..."Uh...don't sit on the benches with your bare ass." Also, scream if assaulted? Who would have ever guessed??

I am woman...hear me slack.

Today, despite the fact that I was still drunk after I woke up for about 4 hours, I managed to get tons of stuff done. Here's the inevitable list.

1. Made Snickerdoodles. Perhaps someday I'll post the recipe...they are SOOOO good, and provided I don't eat every last damn one of them, I'll be taking them to school on Monday (hell yes I'm trying to buy friends with cookies).

2. Painted toenails bronze with glitter. Very classy. I swear. Didn't paint fingernails because all 82 bottles of nail polish I own have glitter in them and I have interviews this week. Damn them...first the suits, then no glitter nail thing you know slutty black eyeliner will be out too.

3. Nap

4. Oh wait...there is no 4.

Yeah, I wasn't so productive today. On the up side, Desperate Housewives AND Boston Legal both start tomorrow night. I'm so happy to see my boyfriend James Spader in a show that will focus not only on his supreme hotness but will also showcase his fabulous acting talent and irrepressible wittiness. ::Sigh:: When will he realize that his true calling is being my Cabana Boy?

Tomorrow is homework day...blech. And I'm waiting to see what the fallout is going to be on the announcement of my classmate at the party last night of the blog's existence. I noticed a few more visits than normal today from the greater metropolitan area, but hopefully most people are going to forget and not be too curious. Guess we'll see.

First 2L Binge

Well, I finished my first full week as a 2L. Overall the classes are a little more difficult than I expected, and I'm definitely having to prepare WAY more than I did last year since most of my professors are using varied forms of the Socratic method. But, most importantly, the first big party of the year was last night. Here's the recap:

-- I drank huge amounts of vodka, but thankfully I have managed to escape the vile hangover I would have right now if I had started in on the whiskey and stuff...I'm so happy I resisted the urge

-- I introduced myself to a whole bunch of people as the "class lush"

-- I did shots with my peer mentees

-- I told a couple of people about the blog, and then someone else yelled the name of the blog out for everyone to hear, so I guess the secret might be at least partially out depending on what everyone can remember

-- Everything else is a boozy haze, but I had fun and I'm sticking by my original assessment that people are acting MUCH cooler this year than last year
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