Is it so wrong...

that every time I see the commercial for the "LAST THREE EPISODES OF EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND" I weep tears of joy?

Roll Tide

I sent my dad a picture of my target from the other night...my parents both shoot and I knew he'd get a kick out of it. Plus, 20 bullets into a target and only 3 strays ain't half bad. Here's what he wrote me back:

"that's probably kind of intimidating in [TVPNM]--in Alabama, it would be grounds for matrimony."

UPDATE: Here's what my mom says: "Wow, nobody better mess with you. Of course you get your skill from your mother. HAHA."

He's so funny! Maybe I should move to Alabama where the boys will be more impressed by my prowess with a gun and ability to hold my booze. I lived there twice before, once for a year (11th Grade), and once for Officer Training School...it's, you know, very...uh...Southern.

I have been considering whether I might go back to Texas someday. All I know is that, barring a great job I can't walk away from, I can't stay here after school is done. I'll go nuts. (MORE nuts). I think this place gives me Seasonal Affective Disorder or something...during the winter when it rains all day every day and gets dark by 4pm I just feel terrible. I don't start to feel better until the spring when the sun comes back out. I loved New Mexico, but the economy is so awful there that I'm not sure I'd want to move back. Maybe Arizona. Or, I don't know, somewhere in the middle part.

Didn't Julia Roberts move to the midwest in that movie "Sleeping With The Enemy"? She moved to Iowa or Kansas or something. And she met a hot, compassionate drama teacher from the local college who cooked, was romantic, and sang "Bennie and the Jets" while watering his lawn. And let her dress up in clothes so she could feel special. Does everyone who moves to the middle part get that kind of treatment?

Hmmmm...I'm going to be putting more thought into this as the summer goes by and I have to start (*gulp*) thinking about actually getting a job at some point. I love moving. I love the act of starting over. But, by the same token, I would love to find a place I could *finally* put down some roots and start a family and make long-term friends. I don't know.

SUBJECT BREAK.

Someone was mean to M. yesterday and made her all upset. I think we should all send mean thoughts towards him and see if we can't affect his karmic balance somehow.

A three-hour tour.

This is pretty much about the same caliber as the analytic I wrote last quarter to satisfy my advanced writing requirement...only mine was, you know, not really this good.

PS: Upon reflection I realize that "same caliber" is pretty much antithetical to mine being not as good. What I mean to say is, my subject choice was kind of along the same vein (ie: pop culturish rather than law schoolish), but this one is better written. It has pretty page breaks and nice endnotes that look all professional and whatnot.

Ugh.

I hate having to get up and go to school on a nice Saturday morning in order to try to get at least semi-caught up for the PAST week...not even talking about the next week. But nonetheless, that's where I'll be spending my Saturday.

Yesterday I went and saw The Interpreter. It was good...but definitely not great. There were parts that were very suspenseful, but I wouldn't say it was action packed by any stretch of the imagination. Also, throughout the movie Nicole Kidman had the same hairstyle as Lilly from Cold Case, which looks stupid on both of them.

Also, I saw the "new" Doublemint twins on an advertisement on TV...um.....aren't they supposed to be identical twins? Those two girls look nothing like each other.

I'm still working on the E! True Hollywood Story of my ex. I wrote something and then thought it was stupid so erased it, and now I guess I have to start over. I would just put up the links to some of the news stories, but I'm pretty sure I don't want to go there.

Lastly, did anyone see that clip from The Amazing Race where the woman tells her boyfriend that he's afraid of commitment? He was in the Army and a POW in Iraq and she used that as an example of him dodging his commitment to the Army...what a moron. My God. Anyway, luckily the clip is available at the website (takes a second to load in the upper righthand corner), it's only about 3 minutes long, but the part about him being a POW is probably 2 minutes into it, so you have to spend a couple of minutes listening to her incessant whining and wondering what in THE HELL this guy is thinking to even *consider* marrying her. Geez, a lifetime of that voice screeching at him about all his faults and failures...he's an idiot if he marries her.

Friday Spies Part II

Here's if THEY gave me the answer tonight and I wrote the question. I wrote the songs that make the whole world cry.

A: YES.

Q. Am I totally drunk right now?

Q. Did I see a LOT of mullets tonight?

Q. Do I love Chinese food?

Q. Am I watching the series finale of JAG despite the fact that it sucks?

Q. Did I drunk IM another blogger, someone who maybe is pretty nice to me even when I'm drunk?

Friday Spies ©

It's that time again...damn those BTQ boys (and girl) for forcing me to do this every week. Seriously, the email they send is like "answer these questions or we'll hate you. FOREVER!" And, what can I say, I'm very sensitive, I can't have people hating me. So, in light of that, here we go.

This is the Karnak the Magnificent Edition of Friday Spies, where your author is provided with the ANSWERS and has to come up with the QUESTIONS.

1. Archibald Leach, Bernard Schwartz, Lucille LeSueur.

What types of names would force me to come up with a new name should I ever to go Hollywood and try to make it big?

2. To get to the other side.

Why did the financial aid officer collude with the Department of Education to have the most ridiculous financial aid application process known to man?

3. Drugs. Massive quantities of drugs.

I don't want to sell anything, buy anything or process anything as a career. I don't want to sell anything bought or processed... or buy anything sold or processed... or process anything sold, bought or processed... or repair anything sold, bought or processed, BUT, if I drop out of law school I would think about selling, buying and/or processing what?

4. Milbarge.

Who's the savior of the universe? Who'll save every one of us? Who's a miracle? Who's King of the Impossible? Who's a man with a man's courage? Who only has 14 hours left to save the earth?

5. Without question, the single most idiotic thing ever thought up by the human mind. (Note: The question "What is this week's set of answer-questions?" will NOT be accepted.)

What is this?

Dear Satan,

Dear Satan,

It's been awhile since I was in Financial Aid, but it was good to see you again today. Just wanted to say a quick thanks for being so nice as to (FINALLY) point out that my FAFSA was lost, the Dept. of Education cannot verify anything I filed, you never received it, and financial aid packages for next year are already distributed...which, needless to say, I won't be partaking in the spoils of. If ever there was a greater motivator to drop right the fuck out of law school, I don't know what it would be...no financial aid, huh? Awesome. Thanks. Really.

E. Spat

How busy am I?

I'm so damn busy I didn't even THINK about the blog until just now, and then only to go "did I post today or not?"

I've got some ideas of stuff I want to write about though, so perhaps tonight or tomorrow I'll get busy (writing, not "get busy" in any other sense...I wish). I'm considering possibly telling the (partial) E! True Hollywood Story of my ex-husband...The Criminal. Who wants to hear a chilling tale of intrigue and deception?

Back on the chain gang.

I am trying to get back into exercising. It is SOOOO hard to make the time to do it, but I've been walking and I know it's so good for my mental health (at the VERY least). The biggest challenge has been getting over the feeling that, as a long-time long-distance runner (10 miles a day for a while), it doesn't *count* if I'm not overdoing it. Obviously my big running days are far behind me, but I'm trying to remember that every little bit helps...every minute I'm not sitting on my ass in front of the TV is a good start!

Aside from this (which I only write about because my legs are sore), Alias is kind of sucking lately. I like Alias. Really. But the suckage is getting extreme. I want, no I NEED, more Michael Vartan. C'mon ABC, hear my prayers!!!

Mmmmmmm...Michael Vartan.

I told you that I heart guns!

Here's the results of my shooting trip last night. You can see the three that got away from me...I think it was probably a result of flinching when the guy shooting the elephant gun three lanes down would fire his big old canon (see previous post -- correction, make that "see the post BEFORE the previous post"). LQ is going to be putting up her results too soon, so check in there as well.

Hey, what's going on?

My Admin prof decided to send us "synthesis questions" to do today in lieu of class...really they're questions from old finals, we're supposed to sketch out answers and then tomorrow we'll talk about them to help us "process" what we've been reading. Seeing as how I've complained on here before that the crazy 3-4 classes a day and no reading period makes it difficult to synthesize the material, I guess I can't complain about the questions. AND I don't have to go to class, although, for some reason my body won't cooperate and let me sleep in either. Damnit.

In PR we're watching a video because she's out of town.

I almost feel confused by this situation. No Socratic badgering? No getting up at the crack of dawn and spending an additional 3 hours reading and outlining the material for just that ONE day in Admin? Extra time to come home this afternoon and clean up the house and pay bills and go for a walk?

I'm not sure I understand! I'm going to try to work with it though.

ALSO: I just heard on the news that they're raising our tuition 7% next year - to fund financial aid. I wonder if it makes sense that we wouldn't need so much financial aid if our tuition didn't get raised an exorbitant amount every year. I'm sure there's some complicated mathematical/economics related reason why that's not so, but God.

Oh yes it's ladies night...

Tonight we (the Military Law Association) took law students on the annual field trip to the shooting range. SO FUN! We always go on Tuesday because it's Ladies Night at the range and so as long as we get a female on each lane it's super cheap. Anyway, it's always a good time to see a bunch of people who've never picked up a weapon get all excited to shoot up some paper targets.

I shot pretty well, I'm gonna sweet-talk LQ into letting me use her digital camera in the next day or so and I'll post a pic of my target so all you gun nuts can swoon over my awesomeness.

Ummmm...not much else to report from the gun range. Except there was a guy there shooting one of these...holy crap it was loud! Oh yeah, and I feel a lot less stressed out after shooting some stuff up. I heart guns. Really.

I think someone's got a case of the MONDAYS!

For some reason I can't think of anything to blog about today. My brain feels like it's a little off-kilter for some reason...I had a hard time in all my classes and have just not been tracking well all day. Weird. I skipped lunch because I was busy, so maybe that's it.

Hmmmm...maybe tomorrow I'll think of something. Or leave a comment if you feel like making a request. Or you know, whatever. I'm off to go shoot some stuff. WOOHOO!

I've got a firm policy on gun control. If there's a gun around, I want to be the one controlling it.*

It's that time again. Guns are fun!

*Clint Eastwood

Bad computer. BAD!

Why is it always the day that I get up at 6am, come to school at 7am, and spend nearly two hours writing notes to all my kajillions of pages of Admin reading, and briefing all the cases for today (because he says we have to, not because I want to), that my computer decides to just shut down and about half of what I've just slaved over gets eaten by whatever gremlin lives inside my laptop?

WHY??

Also, is it bad that at least twice a week my computer just randomly shuts off with no warning...just write in the middle of whatever I'm doing it kind of goes "pffft" and then turns off. I cannot afford a new laptop! Evil computer.

A game for the readers to play.

So, I may or may not have been drinking a little bit tonight.

And here's the question.

I was sitting in this shit bar tonight trying to figure out the TEN things I HAVE to have in a boy (besides a boy of the Cabana Boy variety). I only got to like, number four, before I couldn't think of anything else.

So, let's hear it, name a few things you can't live without in a partner...keep me from ever picking another horrible husband.

A naked blonde walks into a bar, with a poodle under one arm, and a two foot salami under the other...

Sheeee-it. I hope none of you come after me in 7 years because of all the horrible jokes I told on this blog!

Also, for the sweet love of God, this woman on Oprah is feeding Oprah the traditional Icelandic delicacies of lamb's testicles and rotten shark meat. YUMMY!

I'm reminded of the time my friend and his wife invited me over for dinner for Christmas Eve (I think) and served me lutefisk. Uh....NO!

Beer Peer Mentoring

Today I had peer mentoring. I don't mean I got mentorED (although I need it), I mean that I am part of a group of 2L's (and one 3L) that is supposed to be mentorING 1L's.

We just got our course packets to begin planning courses for next year and so they're supposed to ask us questions about courses (good, bad, ugly) and OCI or summer jobs or whatever.

I *hate* peer mentoring. All the other mentors are these totally smart, law review/moot court, I (heart) OCI types...basically I'm the mentor that's like, "Eh....don't worry about it, you're gonna change your mind by the time classes start next year and rearrange your whole schedule anyway, no reason to get all bent out of shape now." In other words, I am the slacker mentor.

It makes me feel bad, because (although I joke about it on here constantly) I'm not a terrible law student, and I do definitely go through phases of working really, really hard and, just like everyone else, getting bad grades gets me down when it happens. The difference of course is that I am not INVESTED in law school really. I want to be a lawyer (most of the time), I am SUPER excited about my summer job, and I am finally finding subjects I think are *really* interesting and that I think I could make a career out of thinking about. And the really smart, brainy, all-star mentor people are awesome people and that role fits them so well...I totally don't begrudge them their law review and moot court honor board and whatever else.

This year has been so weird. I feel like on one hand my life is really changing in a lot of ways and I'm starting to have to actually think about school being over and what I want to do with my life(since apparently I can't just keep getting student loans and living in a shitty apartment with no car and only buying clothes from Old Navy forever). On the other hand, I KNOW that if I put too much thought into all that stuff I am going to be so paralyzed by fear and indecision that it's better to put it off, at least for a while, and just kinda of *hope* it will all work itself out.

Damn, peer mentoring is tough...it's like an exercise in "What Existential Angst Means To Me". I think for now I'm going to avoid the whole thing for awhile...hopefully the summer job will clear some stuff up and move me in the right direction.

Too tired to think of a witty title.

Today I helped a friend move in with her fiance, and now I'm tired...even though I didn't actually do much except walk around going "Should I be doing something?"

I have done nothing for school all weekend (including Friday)...not sure if that's good or bad. It's nice to feel like I'm living a bit more of a normal life, but scary when I think that now I'm not only *still* behind but I'm actually *more* behind.

Anyway, I know a lot of readers have exams in the next week or two. Good luck! My final set of exams (LUCKY #3) isn't until the first week of June, so I guess you can count on me at least for non-exam related posts while yours are going on.

Ummmmmmmm...I got nothing tonight. My life is extremely uninteresting. Maybe tomorrow there will be something good to write about.

i carry your heart with me

THL says it's National Poetry Month and she posted an e.e. cummings poem (I read somewhere you are actually supposed to capitalize it, but I still like it lower case), which reminded me of a poem of his that I really love...so even though I'm not a librarian, or even a librarian student, or even really a great connoisseur of poetry for that matter, I decided to jump on the old bandwagon. Enjoy.

i carry your heart with me

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
i fear
no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

e.e. cummings

Boooooooooring.

This has got to be the most boring weekend ever. Everyone is either out of town or too busy to hang out. I went to Target this morning and bought myself some nice sparkly earrings, and I've spent the rest of the day reading and watching really awful Lifetime movies with terrible plots and even worse acting. Truly these movies are so wretched that it almost hurts my soul to watch them, and it's definitely killing off some much-needed brain cells.

The long winding road from the movie Sahara to my lack of a Cabana Boy.

Today I went and saw Sahara. It was pretty good. And by "good" I mean "HOLY CRAP Matthew McConaughey is SO FREAKING HOT!"

For that matter, Steve Zahn is kinda hot too, mainly because he's just so funny (although he's cute too). He's the guy I would go for in real life. Fantasy life is all about Matthew, but Steve is pretty damn funny and seems like he would be fun to have some drinks with.

I need a Cabana Boy. How come no one has applied? Well, technically that's not true. Here's an example of my latest adventure in almost dating.

I met a guy at a bar at a little get together, not a stranger, but a friend of a friend. He seemed nice, older than me (by about 10-12 years), OK looking...just generally a pretty decent guy (or so it seemed).

We had a few drinks and then he asked if he could drive me home. I told him that he could, but that he couldn't come in AT ALL and it was literally going to be just driving me home...nothing else (note that he was NOT a stranger, and our mutual friend who lives across the street from me is a big scary guy who drove home right in front of us the whole way). He agreed and so we got in his freaking swank Mercedes and he proceeded to drive me the couple of miles to my apartment.

About halfway home the following conversation takes place:

Him: "So, you're very cute."
Me: "Thanks, but you're not coming in."
Him: "Why, you've never had a one night stand?"
Me: "I'm not going to even discuss that with you...I'm trying to grow up and not have that kind of crap in my life anymore."
Him: "Well, it's late...and you know, I should be getting home to my girlfriend."
Me: "Uh...huh...what?"
Him: "Well, you know, I have a girlfriend."
Me: "Why are you trying to pick me up then?"
Him: "I'm just not sure where it's going, and you're really cute and so I thought I would just drive you home so we could talk because you seem so nice and you're funny." (blah blah blah -- ed.)
At this point we are at my apartment, so I grab the door handle and start to get out of the car.
Him: "So, you're really not going to ask me in?"
Me: "No, I am really not going to."
Him: "But why, it would be fun and not serious....just a good time for both of us." (yeah right...that's what they all say -- ed.)
Me (finally losing my temper): "If you think I am going to play second fiddle to some pathetic chick that you don't even respect enough to be faithful to, you have lost your mind. I am an AWESOME person and I absolutely am done being with men who treat me like an afterthought."
Him: "Uh...well, if I'm not coming in I guess I should get home."
Me: "Yeah, whatever."

So, as you can see...I am making progress in the self-esteem arena, and yet, still attracting men who for some reason think that I just LOOK like the kind of girl who wants to be treated like shit. What is it about me? I think I come across as a very funny, together, smart, confident person (and I'm really starting to believe that inside)...and yet men either hate me, dismiss me because I don't meet their physical specifications, or want to embroil me in a big old ball of drama where they will treat me like crap and I will take it in the hope that someday they will be the man I need.

Blah. Men.

This post went seriously off track about 1/4 of the way into it...I apologize. I just couldn't help myself. I wasn't going to tell that story on the blog but then it just seemed like it needed to be told...it was BEGGING to be told. Honestly, at the time it happened I told M., and she said "That's probably the healthiest interaction you've had with a man in ten years." And it's true...I felt so totally empowered after I told that guy off, but honestly, I feel like it's also an omen about the type of man I attract. Maybe I need to switch perfumes or something.

Friday Spies ©

From BTQ, it's the latest edition of Friday Spies.


1. Which Simpsons character are you most like?

I am Snowball II.

"Snowball II is a serenely independent creature, indifferent to everyone -- except when she needs something. Her special skills involve walking across the room while balancing on a ball, dressing up in Lisa's doll clothes, waltzing with Maggie, and sleeping for interminable lengths of time."



2. Name a song you hate that is performed by a band you like. Name a song you like by a band you hate.

"Your Body is a Wonderland" by John Mayer is a song I really hate. I don't know that I would say I "like" him, but he was funny once on The Chappelle Show, and that song is truly vile.

This is really embarrassing, but I love that song "Horse With No Name" by America. Everything else they did (well, actually this too) is very "70's"...but I still love it.

3. What skills do you possess? Nun chuck skills? Computerhacking skills?

Well, we know I don't have any lawyerin' skills. I can crochet. I have an astounding tolerance for booze -- I never get sick...I guess that's more like a "trait" than a "skill" though. I can apply slutty black eyeliner like nobody's business. I also make the best snickerdoodle cookies in the entire world.

4. Coen Brothers or Farrelly Brothers?

Coen Brothers for sure. I mean, they have Raising Arizona, The Big Lebowski and Fargo. The Farrelly Brothers have Dumb and Dumber, but other than that, I'm not a huge fan.

5. What do you predict will be the worst part(s) of the new Star Wars movie?

The worst part will definitely be the acting. Honestly these new ones have been so terrible (especially the last one) that I probably won't even see it, or will at least wait until it comes out on DVD. Hayden Christensen (Anakin Skywalker) has got to be the worst actor on the planet...he gets my vote for predicted worst part of the movie...he's not even cute.

Clients or customers?

I am SOOOO tired!

I think tomorrow I am going to stay away from school and go see a movie. After all, I deserve it.

But, lest you think I am not on the lookout for creepy lawyers (since it seems I started this, this, and this and got LQ involved to boot), here's a really good one for you.

Meet Ronald Miller. Criminal Defense Attorney/Porn Star. (This is a news story, totally safe for work).

Sometimes he feels uncomfortable doing cross examinations because he thinks the witness recognizes him. Seriously.

He is currently filming Justice Your Ass: Part Seven.

There is a link to his personal pornographic website in the story at the link above, it is so disgusting and not safe for work I'm not even going to list it here. Trust me, don't go there.

Just in the nick of time...

You know it's bound to be a good day when you get to school and find out your first class has been cancelled. The one you didn't finish the reading for because you were out drinking last night. The one where the professor can smell that you haven't done the reading and will definitely call on you and spend half the class torturing you just for the Socratic fun of it. The only thing that would have been better would have been to find out BEFORE I got up early and came to school, but I'll take what I can get.

Oh the surreality of it all..

Tonight my roommate from last year's parents took us and her boyfriend out to dinner and then to a bar. They are SO cool. We took them to our regular German beer bar where we "did the boot." The boot is a 2-liter glass shaped like a boot, it cannot touch the table, it's filled with beer and passed to the left, and the person who manages to drink the last is kind of the winner since the person who gets passed the empty boot has to buy the next round (a boot filled with beer is about $15-20). Her parents were so funny and into it, it was awesome! Also, they took us to dinner at this awesome place we love...beer and good food, man, what a great night.

I heart beer. I especially heart beer and good conversation with people who I like. My roommate's mom was so rad...we talked about boys for about an hour and it was so funny to talk to a maternal figure who's not my mom (and so I can therefore tell the truth).

Today was a very, very, very good day. A nap, a beer (or a couple...or maybe like about five), I blew off my homework, and I'm going right to bed with a good book. What a life.

*Sniffle*

Oh yeah, thanks for the flowers you picked up for me from the grocery store. Now, why don't you ever write me love letters on the back of the love letters I wrote you 35 years ago when our love was new. WHY????

Another somebody done somebody wrong song.

Is it just me, or does it seem like there's a lot of scumbag lawyers in the news lately? Maybe I just recently started noticing it more. God.

Well, I'm glad you asked...

What's it like to be done with Moot Court? Well, I'm glad you asked.

Today I VACUUMED MY APARTMENT!

Today I DID MY LAUNDRY!

Today I BURNED YUMMY ROSE SCENTED OIL!

Today I DROVE AROUND IN MY FRIEND'S CAR AND DID FUN ERRANDS!

Today I am GOING OUT TO DINNER AND DRINKS WITH FRIENDS!

Today I am going to WATCH DR. PHIL AND NOT FEEL GUILTY! (I'll only feel guilty about how many brain cells it kills to watch that crap, but not about the time it's wasting).

Today I am HAVING A DRINK IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAMN DAY!

WOOHOO.

I heart free time. I know it won't last and in like two more days I'll be whining about how I have no time, but right now I am in my pajamas in the middle of the day with nothing to do but hang around and be useless. And it feels pretty damn good.

Odds and Ends...stuff I've been missing because I've been too busy to read the news.

This dude missed my semi-almost-famous PR quiz by only a week or so, but he has a spot reserved in the next edition. Also, he looks like a complete and utter thug...I would definitely not hire him to be my lawyer unless by hiring him as a "lawyer" I actually got the services of a "professional leg-breaker."

This story is pretty good...here's what I thought was kind of the highlight (besides the fact that he was drunkenly skinny dipping with his "girl" while his wife was out of town at a funeral):

Police allegedly detected a strong odor of alcohol coming from Stevens. Carriker asked him how much he had to drink and Stevens allegedly replied, “Not enough.”

Stevens of Aspen Way, Fayetteville, was charged with DUI, two counts of resisting an officer, public indecency, public intoxication, reckless driving, violation of park hours, driving a golf cart on unapproved road and driving a golf cart without headlights.

And finally, if you're unhappy with the sentence for your crime...do it again in front of the judge. Especially if your crime is public masturbation.

I TOLD you SO

Remember when I told you about the local lawyer who uses young high school (ish) looking girls to advertise for his "firm?"

Well, as LQ points out...he's also been noticed by our PR professor. I told you so, I told you so!!! (Follow the link above to LQ's place to find the link to the actual commercial and the individual's website along with her commentary since I wasn't in class yesterday).

Update on the UPDATE

We got soundly trounced again tonight. Of course, it was against the people who came in second place in the competition last year, so whatever.

It is MUCH, much, much!!! harder than I thought it would be to be the person who came in last out of all four people both nights. Apparently I am not persuasive...there are many reasons for this, part of which are due to me, and part of which are due to the format of the problem and the fact that I haven't taken CrimPro and had to argue two very complex Fourth Amendment questions having to do with a traffic stop. Also, the other three people have taken CrimPro and it showed.

Nonetheless, I am the team anchor. My partner tried to make me feel better, and I know I should have let her, but I really thought oral arguments would be the place I would shine since I totally sucked at the brief writing stage...but apparently I am just sort of mediocre -- which actually squares pretty well with the rest of my law school performance.

Hi, I'm E. Spat, Mistress of Mediocrity.

UPDATE

We got stomped. More on that later.

Happily I just got home at 11pm to find an email from someone in one of my classes asking me if I had the assignment due at 11am tomorrow because she didn't get the email. Guess what, I didn't get the email either...so that's awesome. Apparently the professor hid the assignment on the back page of a handout from last week, then emailed us to tell us about it, then half the class didn't get the damn email.

Awesome.

This is not the best day of my life. Perhaps tomorrow will be better.

PS: On a scale of 10, I am a "4" for persuasiveness. Also, I don't at all intend this post to indicate that I am bummed about my performance...for it being the first time I've ever done this, and going against two people are on Moot Court Honor Board and came in like third or something last year, I think my partner and I did really well. I would change some things, but it was fine. Tomorrow night we argue off-brief and are lucky enough to go against the people who came in second last year. /sarcasm Trial by fire is my middle name. Luckily, tomorrow night we should be done and then I get my life back and Wednesday I have plans that include heavy beer drinking. I didn't want everyone to read my post and think me despondent...I'm more pissed at how much homework I have due tomorrow morning that is keeping me up at midnight. Also, I had a fab drink after the argument that very nearly made the whole thing worthwhile.

BEEEEEP...you've reached E.Spat. I can't come to the blog right now, but leave a message and I'll try to get back to you in this millenium.

Needless to say, I am swamped. Between Moot Court, the neverending onslaught of Admin homework and reading, and my other two totally neglected classes, I don't have time to think, or even breathe.

I DID have a pretty fan-f*cking-tabulous Raspberry Mojito tonight at dinner though, so there's that.

I will surely attempt to update you all on my Moot Court adventures sometime on Tuesday (depending on just how awful and humiliating it is), but if I had to guess I would say there won't be anything substantive going on around here until Wednesday at least.

Send good waves towards the TVPNM. Like something along the lines of "please help E.Spat not to stand there like a total dimwit in front of the panel of 'judges', tongue-tied and totally unable to think of the basic facts in the cases that make up the foundation of her argument. Also, please help her to have an argument. Really, any argument. Seriously, just write a letter...ANY LETTER."

I wish I knew what was going on.

There's this one particular harbour...

I am currently working on my oral argument for Moot Court on Monday. I am REALLY nervous. Those of you who are longtime readers will remember that I didn't do 1L Moot Court because my partner was pregnant and her baby came about 3 weeks later than expected, just a couple of days before it started. So, she and I are doing the 2/3L competition this year since we figured it was an experience we should at least try. And the thing is, it's like the blind leading the blind.

We have two required rounds, Monday and Tuesday night, one on-brief and one off-brief. People that do well in the first two rounds go on to the quarter finals on Wednesday night. Needless to say, I have already made plans for beer drinking with some friends on Wednesday night.

So, I am about to reread all the cases that I think are most likely to come up, make my little chart of cases with all the important elements I need to remember, and then tomorrow I'm writing my sure-to-be-not-that-fabulous "roadmap" of my argument. Oh man, I smell disaster.

What do I wish I was doing tonight? It is a beautiful West Coast spring night here. Chilly, but the sun is setting pink and orange and sort of really deep purple-y blue right at the top of the sky. The beach is probably less than ten miles from my house and I have never been there in two years. I want to put on a sweater and roll up my jeans and go down to the beach and sit in the sand with a beer and a blanket and take just an hour to think about what's going on in my life, and where I want this whole "law school experience" to go.

I am not at all a person that enjoys beaches for swimming or just sitting around roasting in the sun. I am super fair-skinned, so sitting around in the sun is pretty much verboten for me. The kind of beach I love is one where you have to roll up your pants so that you can walk out to the tidepools and see the starfish, and the seals float on the surf, squeaking at you and waving. I love driftwood, and bonfires, and beer, and solitude. There is nothing better than hiking out to a deserted beach and just sitting there, watching the waves roll in and out. It's sort of romantic, like the difference between being alone and being lonely.

Here's some places I went this summer that I wish I could be at right now.

Stuff. I heart stuff.

Things I Need From Glarkware. Inspired by Rock-Opera who posted the first item on their blog.

Urban Asshole Notification Cards.

The Periodic Table of Sloth T-shirt.



I Heart Irony T-shirt.



You Are Nothing Without Your Robot Car T-shirt.

Friday Spies © (The Better Late Than Never Edition)

God, I'm so tired today, I forgot to give credit where credit is due. As always, the these questions are the brainchild of BTQ. Also, the much anticipated E. Spat/Soup audioblog has been postponed due to "technical difficulties." And, by "technical difficulties" I mean "too busy to get our shit together."


1. What names did you consider for your blog?

Are you kidding? It took me six months to come up with the name I DO have. I think I paged through a Black's at one point and tried to find something clever and Latin that hadn't already been taken, but I was totally at a loss until Prof. Property hooked me up by being funny in class.

2. What is your favorite adult beverage and why?

Oh man, I LOOOOOOOVE the beer. Especially German beer...Aventinus, Spaten Optimator, and Spaten Oktoberfest are my current three faves. And, the BEST beer ever is obviously Chimay.

I have been called "the jolliest drunk ever", which is generally true, but I think when I'm feeling especially high-spirited (no pun intended), I usually drink vodka sours, with a cherry and sometimes a touch of grenadine. I also like Washington Red Apples, which have Crown, Apple Pucker, and I think a touch of Cranberry juice (or something)...they're freaking fabulous. When M. and I are going for all out stupidity, it's all about the Jack. Finally, I once spent over $250 at a Tequila bar in Vegas, so there you go.

3. If you could cancel 3 televisions shows, what would they be?

The Bachelor
The Bachelorette
The Real World

I HATE "reality" TV. I wish I could cancel the whole genre.


4. You've been asked to host SNL. Which cast would you choose to work with, and who would you choose as the musical guest?

Everyone else got an ensemble cast, so I'll take one too. Gotta have Chris Farley, Kevin Nealon, Tina Fey, Jimmy Fallon, Phil Hartman, Steve Martin, Darrell Hammond, Will Ferrell, and Molly Shannon. At the very least. There are probably 10 more that are absolutely essential, like Belushi, Chevy Chase and Dan Akroyd. But, you know, gotta stop somewhere.

Musical guest? Need you ask? Jimmy Buffett of course! If he didn't want to do it I would probably have The Mighty Mighty Bosstones or Flogging Molly since they're awesome live. Also, I have been wanting to see Me First and the Gimme Gimme's live forever, so maybe they could come too.

5. What will Britney Spears name her baby and which three names will she consider and reject before settling on the "winner"?

Considered and Rejected:

Princess Red Bull Spears Federline III
Fancy Harmony Savannah Justice Chastity Spears Federline Jr.
Timber Lake Spears

Winner:
Lowrise Gene Spears Federline, Esq. (it's pronounced La-reese-ah, ya'll)

It's my BIRTHDAY. Well, not mine...but Favorable Dicta's.

It's April 15th, and you know what that means.

NO, not Tax Day...the one year birthday of the little blog that could, Will Work for Favorable Dicta.

So, here's my ruminations on one year of blogging.

I started this blog because my friends were totally annoyed at how many emails I was sending them full of stupid newspaper stories and stuff, and I read blogs all the time, and so they kept telling me "GOD, you're so annoying, start a blog already and quit emailing us!!" (This is the crappiest paragraph ever, I apologize).

I thought about it for months, but was stymied by the lack of a good name. Then, one fateful day, I was sitting in Property when the professor told us that we should be defiant about our grades, and that after law school he didn't win a case for seven years and he "only worked for the favorable dicta." And *literally* I IM'd like five of my friends and went "I have a name...A GREAT ONE!" That was the day WWFFD was born.

My very first post was an open letter to a professor who was torturing us with a casebook still in draft form. And then I pretty much went downhill from there.

And so, here's what I think about blogging after one year.

I've gotten a chance to interact with people whose blogs I was totally addicted to before I ever started this one. SMP? , BTQ, Soup, Larry, NDC, Wayne, Beanie, AmbImb, and L^3 are all people* whose blogs inspired me to start this one (or sometimes to keep writing, or sometimes to feel bad about how much funnier they all are than me). Larry was the first one to link to me (I think)...I seriously thought I had won the lottery. Instead of my usual 6 readers a day, I got like 25 or something and I was like "HELL YEAH I'M FAMOUS (by association)!"

The one reason I keep blogging even though sometimes I feel bad about how much I bitch about school, or how sadly unfunny I am, or how unfair it is that for about six months all my Google ads were for alcohol rehab, is the comments and emails. I heart comments. I know some people don't dig them so much, but honest to God, they are my favorite part. NOTHING makes me happier than to see comments or emails and know that people actually read past the first sentence, or just wanted to say Hi, or read a story about a guy blowing himself up by trying to light his grill with gasoline and TOTALLY thought of me!

Where will I be in a year? Who the hell knows. Hopefully thinking about graduation. Maybe finding my dream job in the Promised Land...where the beer flows like, um...wine, and the Cabana Boys grow on trees. Or something. You know what I mean.

Even though I didn't win an award or anything (God knows)...I feel compelled to say "Thanks" to all the wonderful people who have stopped by and read WWFFD and/or have linked to me from their own fabulous blogs. I really appreciate everyone who has commented, emailed me to commisserate about law school, congratulated me on my victories, taken time out of their busy lives to give me advice, tell me about opportunities, or just tell me to keep my chin up. So, thanks!

*This is not an all inclusive list, there is NO WAY I could name every person whose blog I poured over during the summer before law school, or whose blog I read and thought to myself "this is so awesome, I should start one of these too." Suffice it to say that the blogroll to the right is full of blogs that are really, really great and that I read all the time, and they all deserve a hearty "Thanks."

Taxes shmaxes

I did my taxes tonight. Now tomorrow I just have to find time to go mail them. I will be SO FREAKING GLAD when Moot Court is over. It's taking up a lot of my life and making me a nervous friggin' wreck. Or that could be the caffeine. Is it wrong to drink 3 liters of Diet Coke a day? Why do I have this headache? Is aspartame BAD? WHY AM I TREMBLING?

OK people...time to make yourselves useful

The first ever Soup/E.Spat phone audioblogging interview of doom is scheduled for tomorrow. Soup is setting up the technical stuff and I am supposed to be thinking of topics/questions.

So, what should Soup and I talk about? (Please refrain from being perverted...he's a married man, and I'm...you know...pure and stuff).

If you don't leave a comment you'll have bad luck forever.

Back on the pipe...

I'm back on the Spice Drops, people. WATCH OUT. I'm full of sugar, caffeine and rage.

Oh my GOD. Who thought of Spice Drops?

"Well, what would be a good candy? I know, we'll get jellybeans, take away the good fruity flavors and replace them with the spice flavors (because who doesn't love allspice?), roll them in seventeen pounds of sugar each, and then sell them as 'treats.'"

The fact that I buy these at all, let alone eat them, is an example of sheer marketing genius. What marketing you might ask? Putting them on the shelf at the damn drugstore...that's what.

Also, and this is the best part, they actually make my stomach hurt...and YET I STILL EAT THEM! Conversely, running makes my knee hurt and so I've used that as an excuse to not do it for the last three years. See how inconsistent I am in my bodily punishment?

Moot Court is next week. I'm nervous. I think I'm going to sound really stupid, but without the alcohol to blame. Not having done it last year, I think I am even more nervous because I don't know what to expect (except the worst, but that's what I always expect).

Anyhoo...maybe later, after the sugar wears off, I will attempt to post something coherent, but I wouldn't count on it if I were you.

Big Effing Surprise.

Your Inner European is Irish!

Sprited and boisterous! You drink everyone under the table.

Who's Your Inner European?

UPDATE: Where did I get this? Whoever you are I owe you a link. Sorry!

Cold Shower on Aisle One

I am sitting here reading Admin Law watching this new show Eyes on ABC. The show has Tim Daly (yeah, the one from Wings) as a private investigator who owns this big firm and is basically, well, kind of a scoundrel.

Anyway, he is ALMOST as hot as my boyfriend James Spader because he is sort of....deliciously wicked. I can't even describe it, I just think he might be filthy...in the good way. If you know what I mean.

So, I'm sitting here minding my own business, Admin book open so I'll at least feel virtuous, highlighter uncapped and resting on the coffee table, ready to be used VERY VERY SOON, when I see Tim Daly, as Harlan Judd P.I., making it with his estranged TV wife and I swear to GOD it looked like they were really doing it. The ummmmm...*act* was very.....realistic. And, you know, convincing. And he is pretty hot. I'm just saying.

It kind of reminded me of when I went to Germany and was delighted properly horrified to find free soft-core porn on late night TV. The best part? It was in English and dubbed over in German. Oh Mr. Plumber, please come back to my room and fix my pipes! (Maybe LQ can translate so we'll get the full effect).

Anyway, this story has no real point except that for a couple of minutes I was SO FREAKING HAPPY I'm not watching this show with my parents.

Firefighters. Without Shirts. WOOHOO!

So, I'm walking with my friend today after school (Guacamole Kid...he comments here sometimes), and we pass some other people from school playing frisbee on the lawn out front. One of them, who I love to tease mercilessly, misses catching the frisbee and I (because I'm senstive to other people's feelings) yell out "Nice Catch!"

So, frisbee guy picks it up and throws it at me and I scoot out of the way but it still hits me in the ass.

At which point the following exchange happens.

GK: "Heh, that was a good shot."
Me: "What? Why?"
GK: "He hit you on the ass from way over there!"
Me: "Please. I'd be more impressed if he could actually hit something small. Like a kid."

The other funny thing I overheard today was in my office when a couple of the guys were noticing my brand new hunky firefighter pic I got from THL and put on my computer desktop.



2L: "Yeah, I totally look like that with my shirt off."
1L: "You look like a dalmation with your shirt off?"
Me: "BAHAHAHAHA"

Anyway, I have to go start my fifteen kajillion hours of Admin reading for tonight. Enjoy the hunky firefighters if you're into that kind of thing. If not...sorry, maybe you should go see Soup.

Human beings can lose their lives in libraries. They ought to be warned!*

Ummm...I forgot to say that I am doing this at the behest of Fitz.

1. You're stuck inside Fahrenheit 451, which book do you want to be saved?

Ummmm...look, as I've noted before on this stupid blog, I'm not really very well read in anything that doesn't have significant between the sheets action or a good murder mystery. What I'm saying is that I've never read Fahrenheit 451. *cringes in shame*

So, I did what I do in law school when I don't know something...I googled it. Then, I did the other thing I do in law school when I don't know something and I've googled it...I read the first and last sentences, filled in the rest in my head, and am going to proceed with righteous indignation just like I'd read it in the first place and had been accused of not reading it.

Duh, of course I know about Fahrenheit 451...the firefighters start fires, illicit book reading...God, don't accuse me of not knowing about it!

So, I would maybe save...ummmmm...I don't know. What's the point of saving the latest Jonathan Kellerman or James Patterson or Harlan Coben novel? I guess by virtue of the question it should be a literary masterpiece, but most of the ones I've read I don't understand anyway. I'm gonna go with Madeline L'Engle's "A Wrinkle In Time." It's an all time favorite and one that I've really treasured throughout my life.

2. Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character?

God, this is hideously embarrassing, isn't it? OK, I admit it, I TOTALLY had a crush on Ponyboy from "The Outsiders." And not to be totally crass, but I love all of author Elizabeth Lowell's hunky Donovan Brothers in her series that features them. God, every last one of them is tall, dark, handsome, and rich and yet caring, supportive, protective and valiant. Gotta love it.

3. The last book you purchased?

You mean, besides the Chemerinsky on Federal Jurisdiction? Right now I'm reading Jonathon Kellerman's latest book, think it's called "Therapy" or something along those lines. I just finished "Digital Fortress" by Dan Brown. Technically I bought them both at the grocery store by my house on nights when I couldn't face any more school work and thought I deserved a reward.

4. What are you currently reading?

See above. I usually have at least three or four books in progress, so in addition to the Kellerman one, I'm reading "Who Let The Blogs Out" by Biz Stone, and thinking about rereading "Good In Bed" by Jennifer Weiner (one of my favorite books of all time).

5. Five books you would take to a deserted island?

Let's see...I know Fitz was taking some books about, like, grilling fish and stuff. But, I think I'll go for pure entertainment value.

1. "Good In Bed" by Jennifer Weiner
2. "Wrinkle in Time" by Madeline L'Engle
3. "The Lord of the Rings" by J.R.R. Tolkien (do I get all three? I read The Hobbit but never the LoTR series, so I think a deserted island would be a good place to catch up on that).
4. "Naked" by David Sedaris (funny. every. single. time.)
5. "Atlas Shrugged" by Ayn Rand (another one I haven't read but everyone loves it so maybe it would be good for the island).

Honestly, if I was going to be stuck on a deserted island I would probably like to have a bunch of full-on trashy romance novels...I mean, why not, right? But, on the other hand I guess it's nice to have books you don't mind reading again. I'm sure the romance novels would get old...like, "Yeah, yeah, yeah, go ahead and do her already Mr. Erik "I'm a Viking King" Falconwinggoldenrod....I can see right where this is going."

So, apparently I have to make three other poor souls do this or I'll have terrible luck forever...or something. I choose...uh...Kelly P., LQ, and THL. It's an all-girl (book) revue review...I know how you guys like that.

*Saul Bellow

Coalition for Darfur

The newest Coalition for Darfur post is up. I'm not going to reprint it in full, but go here to read it.

PS: I will be back with my assignment from Fitz after I go to a meeting.

The sound of my soul dying.

Hey Ya'll,

Look...me and my hubby (here's a pic taken moments before I concept-ed) are spectin' a little 'un. Ain't he furtil? Damn ya'll...I'm so happy I could bust. I'm gonna be the best mama ever to this youngin'. And Kevin is gonna be an AWESOME daddy...just like he is to the baby his girlfriend was preggers with when I stole him away with my money body love.

B :)



NO NO NO NO NO

YAY! Whorebag Federline-Spears is going to give birth. OH GOODY! Thank God she's breeding...I was so scared that they weren't going to pass on their low-rise genes. I can't think of two people better suited to produce offspring...little, tiny, chain-smoking, trucker hat wearing, cheeto eating, red bull drinking, white trash babies.

I hope she's been saving that Camel Cash...babies are expensive and Kevin isn't going to be making the big bucks forever.

Professional Wha?

Yeah, so I'm busy studying for my PR exam tomorrow...closed book, rote memorization on the Model Rules...it's straight up questions taken from the bar exam.

Am I going to pass? Doubtful.

Here's what the PR exam would be like if I wrote it, and could only use answers that I found via Googling combinations of the words "lawyer", "drunk", "sex", and "misconduct."

Warm-Up Questions

Beer before liquor, never been __________?

Liquor before beer, you're in the ____________?

Which alcohol is the judge least likely to smell on your breath?
a. Brandy
b. Cooking Sherry
c. Vodka
d. Tequila, sucked out of the bellybutton of a girl named Candy Lynn Hotpants at the White Zebra Gentlemen's Lounge during lunch (ok, breakfast...whatever).

Multiple Choice
What activity is always performed best when drunk?a. Dancing
b. Putting on make-up
c. Motion for Summary Judgment
d. The Woo-ing of The Lay-dees
e. Having sex in the cab of your pick-up truck with, you know, some chick from the bar
f. All of the above

Using a penis pump is appropriate for members of the Judiciary when:a. Behind closed doors
b. At home, i.e. behind closed doors
c. Sitting on the bench hearing cases

The appropriate way for an attorney to handle his anger is:
a. To drink until he can't walk
b. To turn it on himself. He's so stupid. God, why was he ever born?
c. To beat the living shit out of a random bicyclist that happens to cross his path

A lawyer may accept legal fees in the following forms:a. Credit cards
b. Cash
c. Checks
d. The once in a lifetime chance to watch kinky sexual acts between a client's wife and her sister-in-law

If a lawyer gets stupid drunk at a college football game, and gets caught in the rain, the appropriate response would be to:a. Find a taxi to take him home
b. Call his friend/neighbor/wife/girlfriend/mistress on his everpresent cell phone and arrange a ride
c. Get naked with a friend in the laundry room of an apartment building neither one lives in and do a sexy strip tease for the building residents
d. Find a bar, order up a pina-colada, and find a girl who's not into health food, but is into champagne

If you are unlicensed to practice law, you should:
a. Immediately seek out the proper procedure for regaining your license
b. Practice just like you always have...who needs to know?
c. Have a nice drinky-poo and don't worry about, these things usually fix themselves
d. Just reprint it off that one email...

If a witness in a case has information that might hurt your client, you should:
a. Go to the jail and tell her to change her story and point out that if she doesn't, she has no place to hide
b. Withdraw immediately, no one said there would be clients who are *guilty*!
c. Don't worry about it, after all, you're not the one going to jail...right?

The best way to help your client is to:a. Show up to court prepared each and every day
b. Fully investigate each claim to the best of your ability
c. Tell off the judge and spend a month in jail

True or False and Fill-In-The-Blank

True or False? Lawyers are better than other people and so don't have to pay their taxes.

True or False? The most effective way to obtain information from a client in jail is to pull your skirt up around your waist and have some nice steamy sex in the interview room in front of God and everyone.*

True or False? Acting as both defense lawyer and prosecutor to the same defendants is an excellent example of good resource management.

True or False? The best way for a judge to handle a lawyer he thinks is an idiot is to scream at said lawyer and then jump down from the bench and grab the lawyer and give him a good shake.

A person who acts as his own lawyer has a _________ for a client?

*Shout-out to Scott at L^3 for the heads-up on this one.

By the way, most of this applies exclusively to personal injury lawyers.

What's your biggest secret?

Wow, this site is really, really amazing.

Basically, people mail in a postcard with their biggest secret written on it, and it goes into this traveling collaborative art project.

I'm not sure what's so powerful about it. Is it because it's even MORE voyeuristic than a simple blog, which is pretty damn voyeuristic in and of itself?

Is it because it sounds so amazingly freeing to tell someone (anyone) your biggest secret, the one thing that might be able to set you a little bit more free if it was off your chest?

I don't know, but it's fascinating and I spent FOREVER reading all the postcards.

I think it would be easy to make fun, or say "God, there's a lot of weird people out there"...and then I think about what people would say if they could read what I would put on a postcard, or even on my top ten potential postcards, and it's a little easier to refrain from making fun.

I heard about this via THFB.

ABC is the devil.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHY???????????????????

How the hell am I going to get my requisite dose of my boyfriend James Spader every week? I am NOT GOOD at waiting, and I DO NOT like surprises! ABC is going to pay for this. I am not watching any of their stupid shows until they bring my boyfriend back to me*. This is very upsetting. I am going to need some cookies.

BOSTON BUMPED: The verdict is in on the case of Grey's Anatomy vs. Boston Legal, and ABC is siding with the docs. The network announced Friday that it's keeping its new medical smash Grey's Anatomy on Sundays at 10 pm/ET through the end of the season. As a result, Boston Legal — which was slated to reclaim the time slot at the end of the month — will stay adjourned until fall. ABC president Stephen McPherson says Legal's five remaining episodes will be tacked on to next season's total, giving the network "the amazing luxury of bringing Boston Legal back with an unheard-of 27 original episodes." Unless something better comes along again.

*Except Lost, Alias, Desperate Housewives, and Grey's Anatomy.

Brought to you by Dewey, Cheatem & Howe

LQ and I are doing PR flashcards today for the upcoming PR midterm on Tuesday. The flashcard I have been stuck on for 10 minutes due to the fact that it's hilarious reads as such:

"You are part of a team prosecuting the Dry Hole Oil Company..."

"While the case is still under way, you negotiate a private employment contract with Dry Hole..."

"This would prohibit you from discussing private employment with Dry Hole..."

Is it just me or is Dry Hole a REALLY unfortunate name for a fake company name? Funny, but unfortunate.

The good news about today? Plenty of Diet Coke, a HUGE crock pot full of chili plugging away on the counter, LQ brought Girl Scout cookies to the study session, I got plenty of sleep, and the hangover is gone. YAY!

Hell yeah I have a light saber, I do what I want!

This is me if I was from South Park and I was on vacation. I would go to a Jimmy Buffett concert and drink a margarita and eat ice cream cones. And carry a light saber. Not sure why I need the light saber, but I just do. It's fun to make cartoon characters of myself and think about being on vacation somewhere. Somewhere with no law school, and no hangovers, and no spiders. And with light sabers and margaritas.



Make your own South Park character here, via THL.

The Taxman Cometh

So, is it bad that I haven't filed my taxes yet?

At first I couldn't figure out if I needed to...I earned no income, but did receive scholarships and an educational stipend.

So, I finally figured out that I do need to file, even though I owe nothing and will get nothing back. I don't get EIC or any of that stuff because my income was $0 for the year, and likewise I don't get a Lifetime Learning Credit either...you have to pay something in to get something back...at least, that's what H&R Block says.

HOWEVER, the place I worked, who gave me the stipend, somehow "missed" me when doing W-2's, and has yet to get me one. Which means that literally THE only piece of information I need, I don't have. I called them last month and they were supposedly getting it done ASAP, and yet, no W-2 as yet.

So, now it's April 9th, I filled out my FAFSA with a bunch of guesses back in February and said I would be filing taxes later...which I want to do, only I can't. I'm going to call the work place on Monday and see if they can't at least READ me the info on the phone or something so I can file *something*...but procrastination and their mistake have basically conspired to cause me to be totally not on the ball with this.

Recipe for Reaching Complete and Utter Rock-Bottom Depression*

2 parts nagging hangover.
1 part lingering alcohol induced depressive effects
2 parts totally inflated and completely groundless sense of overwhelming social rejection (see lingering alcohol induced depressive effects)
1 part Ben
1 part Jerry
4 parts Bridget "I found my happy ending" Jones and her stupid romantic relationship with her stupid perfect man and her stupid "he loves my fat arse and my granny panties"

Mix all ingredients, put into a pair of old sweats and place on the couch until it starts to "cry" and "think about total lack of boyfriend for nearly two years."

*Yes, I realize I'm being melodramatic. I can't help it...I'm tired and have been watching sappy movies where everyone meets the love of their life and finds total personal fulfillment.

Bringing you the funny.

Two blogs have been making me laugh today. Alot. Even through a really awesome hangover...the kind that lingers all day, feet up on your coffee table, scratching its crotch and screaming at you to bring it a beer and a pot pie.

They are:

Blue-Eyed Infidel

and

Moral Turpitude

I highly recommend.

Blackhole Sun

Dear Mr. Sun,

You are a WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE. Why don't you take your "shiny" and your "happy" and your "yellow-ee-ness" and go bother someone that *didn't* consume an entire keg of Aventinus last night? I know you only come out around here once a month, but why today? WHY?

If you can't find it in your coal black shriveled up little heart to go away, can you at least just kill me quickly? I think one good unobscured ray would be enough to send me to Aneurysmville-Pop. 1.

Thanks!

E. Spat.

Damn you Blogger.

Did I just spend nearly two hours writing a post about my very strange night at the bar last night? Yes I did.

Did Blogger eat it? Yes it did.

I guess this is God's way of saving you, my faithful readers, from ten paragraphs of rambling verbal incoherence about why the "Cool Kids" at law school make me feel so socially awkward and stupid.

See, I condensed the whole thing into one sentence.

Maybe I'll revisit the whole thing later, but now I have to get off the couch, which is, coincidentally, where I passed out slept last night. The PR midterm is on Tuesday, I have a written assignment due in Admin on Monday, and, as always, I'm behind! We should all pray my hangover has already reached its stunning highpoint, and is now receding back into just a simple headache and an inability to move about in a coordinated fashion.

DRUNK

Second night in a row of excessive drinking. First night in a row of not hating law school. Isn't it funny how even people you think you might hate (for whatever reason, or no reason at all) are OK on an individual basis at a bar when you're super dooper drunk??? It's times like this when I realize I am putting my own beliefs about how people MIGHT perceive me onto them....they don't care one way or the other but I just *think* they might and so I feel all uptight and persecuted.

I just wish I had more of an opportunity to know people like this...the only time I catch up with them is by accident, no one calls or anything...but I wish they did because they seem so great when I get to actually know them.

Then again, I'm drunk and it took me four times to write this.

I'm so happy to get to go out and drink and meet awesome people and shoot the shit, and so sad that tomorrow morning I have to start studying for my Professional Responsibility midterm on Tuesday.

Also, I'm sad it seriously took me like an hour to write ths. SAD!

Big News in Spatula Land

OK, I finally gave in and decided to live this summer in the same place I lived last summer. It is way dorky but within walking distance to work, has tons of nice cold air conditioning, and is centrally located just a couple blocks from Union Station, the Capitol, and all the other cool D.C. stuff like museums and whatnot. (ahem, bars).

My parents are going to pay upfront too, and then I'm going to pay them "rent"...so that's good since my government "salary" is really more like a government "joke" and I still have to pay rent for my place here. Really, I just went ahead and accepted the place because I don't have the time or energy to worry about it anymore. Plus, the people I was contacting off of Craigslist and Roommates.com were, for the most part, either crazy or totally embellishing how great their place was. "Close to the Metro" is not the same as "Ride a bus 30 minutes to the Metro, transferring twice, and then take the Metro 35 minutes to work." Also, asking someone to send you their picture before you will tell them about the place = WAY CREEPY!

So, thanks to all the people who very helpfully emailed me about apartments and friends they had that might be able to help me out and all that...I totally appreciate it and if you're ever in the TVPNM I will gladly reciprocate!

Let's see...what else. I wrote a big post last night while drunk about someone at school who I don't even know who did something that hurt my feelings and now I'm glad Blogger ate it, because it was probably not really very appropriate or necessary. Let's just say that if you are in your second year of law school and already consider yourself to be so distinguished a human being that you are above HUMOR, well, I feel sorry for you. Also, you're a jackass.

I had SOOOOOO much fun with M. yesterday. She came to all my classes, and then we had quite a few pitchers of Fat Tire at the local across-the-way Irish pub...I am so sad to see her go. It was so awesome to have my best friend here and to feel totally socially connected again...she knows me and STILL loves me no matter what, and thinks I'm awesome and funny and fabulous. If I ever find a male M., I am going to marry his ass before he can run away.

Also, we went shopping and I got Bay Rum Soap and Bay Rum Cologne because I LOVE the smell of Bay Rum and I guess if I can't have a Cabana Boy I'll just have to make do. I put a tiny bit of the cologne on this morning, and every once in a while I smell it, just for a second, and I'm in the middle of a Jimmy Buffett song laying in a hammock with the Cabana Boy of my dreams just using one foot to sway back and forth and sipping on a great big boat drink. I heart Cabana Boys.

Friday Spies ©

It's that time again...Friday Spies...questions brought to you by the boys and GIRL of BTQ, and answers brought to you by me (unfortunately for you).

1. James Bond or Austin Powers?

Definitely Mr. Bond. I mean, Austin Powers is funny...sometimes. But, Bond is ALWAYS total hotness. The best Bond? Well, I have to admit I'm partial to Pierce Brosnan...not sure why but I think it's just that I think Sean Connery is gross and Roger Moore is only OK. Timothy Dalton is only OK too...and that one other guy whose name I can never remember only made one 007 movie, so he doesn't count. Pierce Brosnan is just the hottest in my opinion.



2. What is the most romantic thing you've ever done for someone?

Oh God. This question is hard because if I tell you then I look like a big sappy dork, and if I just skip it and say nothing everyone thinks I'm coldhearted or something.

One time for our (I think) two year anniversary of dating (with Ex#1), I went to a flower wholesale place and got about 10 dozen cream and sort of very light pink colored roses. Then, I went to a fabric store and bought two huge rolls of cream colored velvet ribbon. THEN, I got his roommate to let me into his house and I tied ribbons to the stems of all the roses and hung them from the ceiling all over the place so it looked like the whole ceiling was made of roses. I lit all these candles and had a little picnic dinner for us to eat on the bed. As we ate and uh...stuff...the rose petals would sort of fall down on the bed and carpet, and it smelled SO GOOD!

With another boyfriend I once figured out where he was staying during a business trip since he was gone for Valentines Day and then made tons of homemade cookies and brownies and sent them to the hotel and had the concierge put them in his room with fresh flowers and a card.

These stories illustrate why my love life never works out. In both of these instances, when I put TONS of thought into doing something really special, the guy was like "oh yeah, here's the card I bought you at the convenience store when I stopped to get gas on my way to come get you" (if they did anything at all, which I can't ever remember now so it must have been pretty crappy). Very disappointing.

3. Rachel claims this is her favorite movie. Her actual favorite movie is?

I only know who Rachel is from looking at BTQ, so apparently it's Rachel from Friends. Also, two of the people who have answered Friday Spies have said it's Weekend at Bernie's...so I guess that's the answer. I don't get it. Must have been an episode I didn't see.

4. What is the perfect rock-and-roll song?

I don't know. I always think The Authority Song by John Mellencamp is a great rock-and-roll song. I guess American Pie by Don McClean comes to mind as well. I don't know...ummm...Black Betty by Ram Jam is pretty good. Honorable mentions go to The Eagles for Hotel California, Van Morrison for Brown Eyed Girl, and Jerry Lee Lewis for Whole Lotta Shakin Going On. I guess this is one of those questions I could go and on about forever, so I'll quit. But, I grew up in a house with parents who are really into sort of old fashioned rock-and-roll music, so music was always a part of my life and I associate so many songs with so many great things in my life.

5. So what really happened to Milbarge?

Using my fabulous law school reasoning powers, here is what I have figured out. Let's just say for argument's sake that SOMEBODY has SUDDENLY dropped out of their blog, because, say, they are having a hard time typing due to the fact that THEY ARE MISSING A FINGER and are afraid that LAW ENFORCEMENT AND WENDY'S MANAGEMENT ARE CLOSING IN ON THEM. I'm just saying. Either that or he's run off to join the circus and right this minute is learning the ancient art of the flying trapeze.

Drunken Ramblings

Am I drunk? YES I AM!

Did I leave my friend's car lights on when I borrowed his car tonight (before the drinking)? YES

Did his battery die? YES

Do I suck? YES

Did we forget to fill his gas tank up? YES

Did I try to compensate by leaving him a gift certificate for a coffee shop in the car? YES

Do I know how lucky I am to have such awesome friends? YES

M. and my really close law school friends are so awesome. I complain about law school a lot, but I am so lucky to have such good friends. And also to be so drunk.

Yeah.

Real live honest-to-God law stuff...

LQ points out that we went and saw the Ninth Circuit this morning, where I got into a bit of a tiff b/c they told us we had to get out of line to go put our bags away and then, while I took our bags upstairs, they handed out the tickets to get into the courtroom while I was gone. My friend was nice enough to give me his, and claims that he had the better seat in the overflow room where they projected the arguments onto a big screen, but still...I felt bad taking his ticket. AND they made me throw away my Diet Coke at the door. How hard would it have been to send out an email yesterday that said "No bags allowed. No drinks, even bottled water." I mean, c'mon.

Anyhoo...since M. is taking a nap, and I'm doing Admin homework (which is conveniently located in Blogger apparently), and pretty soon we're about to start in on the Raspberry Vodka, I just thought I'd give a quick update on the courtroom experience this morning.

Judge Tallman was my favorite. He was really quick-witted and didn't hestitate to call the attorneys out on their arguments, but he made some pretty funny jokes too. He was kind of more personable than I thought a federal judge might be, and obviously incredibly smart. All three judges on the panel were great (the other two were Canby and Rawlinson), but he stood out for some reason.

The cases were interesting (3 of the 4 anyway)...I don't think I'm going to talk too much about them...I'll leave that to the real legal scholars. But, the stop-loss case was interesting, and perhaps after M. leaves and I have more time I'll put up my impressions, having been a victim of stop-loss myself. (Here's the info: Appellant's Opening Brief, Government's Brief, Appellant's Reply Brief).

If you're interested, the two line decision on stop-loss is already up.

Since that's probably more actual legally related news than you've ever gotten here before, I want to reassure you that I'm fine (I haven't gone over to the dark side of all law all the time), and in fact am going to wake M. up from her nap right now and start on the vodka. HOORAY FOR VODKA!

I PASSED...OH MY GOD I PASSED! VICTORY!

HOLY EFFING SHIT.

Fed Courts grades are up.

And I did not fail!

In fact, I am right at the curve...which is OK because I seriously thought I was going to fail. I wasn't just saying it but really thinking I wouldn't...I actually meant it the whole time. I am dedicating this to all the people who left me comments after the exam and told me it would all be OK.

YAY!!!! Congratulate me! Last quarter I got the worst grades of my law school career. This quarter I got the best.

Weird. BUT YAY!

Oh God, you richies are so smart, that's exactly why I'm not heavy into activities.

Foreword: This post seriously got away from me. I feel like I should provide you with a Table of Contents or something. First few paragraphs = feeling like it's pointless to participate in certain activities because everyone keeps telling me my lack of superstar grades and law review have *already* seriously constrained my future opportunities. Middle-ish/End-ish paragraphs = one of our profs acting totally crazy during a debate with a prominent prof from another school. Last couple of paragraphs = I'm not happy with the way the blog is going lately but am not sure what to do about it.
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Today in Admin Law our prof commented that yesterday there was a clerkship panel with judges, one in particular who is an alum and very prominent in our state, and barely any students showed up. He told us he really thought it was embarrassing that people here in this school are so unsupportive of events that the school holds, not only because we are missing opportunities to meet influential and interesting people and learn about opportunities, but because these bigwig people are going to go back and tell their bigwig friends about the low turnout and low enthusiasm of students at our school.

Without commenting on the quarter system and how insane most of our lives are, since I think you've heard quite enough of that from me, and without pointing out that (I heard...this is not fact), the panel was held not during lunch but during classtime and directly preceding the deadline for turn-in of appellate ad competition briefs for 2 and 3L's, I think he's right that our student body is, for the most part, not engaged with these panels and presentations and stuff the school sets up.

What can I say? I'm not *uninterested* and often I think something sounds good only to feel like I have so many other things to do that I just can't make the time. Running between three or four classes a day plus all the requisite reading and stuff just doesn't leave a lot of time for leisurely taking in a lunchtime panel.

But, I think it goes deeper than that. The school and, maybe I'm projecting here, but in my opinion, the greater legal community, have kind of made the normal, "average" law student (or at least me personally) feel like "well, why should I bother?"

Why bother going to a panel on clerkships when all my professors, Career Services, and every legal publication I have ever read have already told me that I'll never get one because my grades aren't good enough and I'm not on law review?

Why bother going to a "career" panel staffed only by BIGLAW attorneys when I've already been told that, once again, average grades and no law review is equivalent to "don't bother"?

Why bother going to all the Career Services special little lunchtime events on "finding yourself" when they all seem to be structured for people who have never had a job before, which is clearly not the case for the vast majority of people at this school?

Why bother going to the resume writing workshop when the last two I've been to the person has been unable to address my unique career background in any significant way?

I know this is kind of self-serving, and probably not applicable in any generalized way, but really I have said before that I feel very disengaged from the law school "process."

Last quarter one of my profs told our class that he thought "law school is a lot like the military because it breaks you down in order to build you back up in a new way."

I just can't overstate how categorically wrong I think that statement is. The military breaks you down, that much is true. But then they build you up. They train you and give you opportunities to have small victories, and then bigger ones. You have written feedback and performance evaluations on a regular basis. You work hard and play hard with your peers. There is camaraderie.

Law school breaks you down, and then, in the case of my school at least, leaves you hanging for the most part. The feedback is mainly in the form of grades, which seem to be largely arbitrary and stigmatizing for the "bottom" 90%. Professors, like bosses, are hit or miss in terms of getting feedback and mentoring, so that's perhaps the same everywhere -- you have to seek out good mentoring no matter where you find yourself. But, so far in law school there have been few victories. The training, if you can analogize moot court and law review to "training", is apparently only useful to about 10 of the 192 people in my class...I guess the rest of us are shit out of luck since "training" is based on a competition.

I won't even get into how totally useless my 1L writing class was...we were part of an "educational experiment" and in a lot of ways got totally shafted, but that experience is probably not the same as what other people have experienced in LRW since it was really out of the mainstream. I have made some awesome friends, but most of the time we are all too busy for the "play hard" part of the equation above...there is always too much to do as we frantically move through the quarter...barely starting a class only to be confronted with outlining and exams.

So, what I'm saying is that I don't begrudge the many people who love law school and think it's great experience and a wonderful place to be and manage to get great grades and be the Editor in Chief of Law Review their happiness and joy. More power to them, they probably work a lot harder than me or are just inherently smarter or something.

But, from the very first day I got here I have just felt kind of like an outsider. When I like my classes, I really enjoy the law school experience. I enjoy researching, I enjoy advocacy, I enjoy the interactions I have in class when they are intelligent and not blindly dogmatic.

I guess I don't have an answer for why people don't participate more. I get pissed when I can't even get the members of the organization I'm president of to show up for our meetings, so I totally empathize...and God knows that what I have to say is totally useless, unlike a prominent judge who has all kinds of great advice. But, whenever I think about it I just think..."why bother?"

I know apathy is never the answer, so maybe I need to make a bigger effort to not get sucked into my own feelings of disenchantment and take the position that there is a lot out there that IS for me, and I won't know about it unless I take a closer look at what's going on around me and what the school is at least *attempting* to offer.
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As a side matter, it's interesting that during the one recent event that had a pretty good turnout, a debate between one of our profs and a prominent professor from a law school that is located in a very windy city, if you know what I mean, our prof generally acted like he was insane. He belittled the other prof, called him names, made accusations about the guest prof's personal and professional beliefs, alluded to his lack of "deep understanding" of the subject, and announced that he was no longer using this prof's book for his 1L class because the guest prof had added just a couple of sentences in order to "extort" students and law professors who had to buy the new edition.

No one in the Administration seems the least bit concerned about this incident. The Dean (once again, I heard this second hand), supposedly told a couple of people he didn't think there was any problem, that essentially it was just a spirited debate. But let me assure you, it was far more embarrassing for our school than low turnout at a clerkship panel...if this guest prof goes back to his school and tells people about his experience, or tells his professional colleagues about what happened, the embarrassment will be a lot more than a local issue between students, administration, and alumni.

Anyway, as usual this post started out with a point and then just got away from me. I apologize.
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I am kind of unhappy lately with the direction I've been going with this little blog experiment, but I'm not sure if I want to go back to just links to news stories and a little blurb about it in a "trying to be funny" manner, or if I'm just sick of bitching about law school but too tired and socially isolated to have anything else meaningful to talk about. If anyone has suggestions, I would be happy to hear them.

Tomorrow may be a "no blogging" day since the Ninth Circuit will be arguing four cases at the school in the morning and through lunchtime, and then M. will be here. I'm sure you'll miss me.

New Links

I just added a post to this new thing, The Blawg Review. Despite the fact that I'm not entirely sure I understand the premise, I am intrigued and I will be interested to see the first issue. I have also added a bunch of new blogs to the blogroll lately, but I'm too dumb to figure out how to add the "NEW" tag to them, and too scared of hurting anyone's feelings to organize them into any grouping other than "alphabetical."

Thanks to all the people who have linked to me recently, or have emailed and asked me to link to them. I am, unfortunately, far too busy to have read through most of these in any kind of dedicated way, but I'm looking forward to getting to know all these new people on the block (blawk?).

A Girl Walks Into a (Bar) Exam
Barely Legal: The Blog
Blawg Review
Expressio Unius
Idlegrasshopper
Jelly Beans and Corduroy
Just Playin'
Law School Mommy Diaries
LexBlog
Nuts and Boalts
Objective Justice
Raw Law
Stare Decisis
The Paper Mercenary
The Untimely Objection
Why Law
Won L
You Can't Get Arrested For Being Awesome

Who's the President? What year is it?

Mom: "Hey, your dad just got home from his Monday Night Ride, let me have him say goodbye to you."
Dad: "Hi, how tired are you? What day is it?"
Me: "Tuesday, duh."
Dad: "Let me help you out, I just got back from my Monday night ride."
Me: "Oh yeah."

I borrowed my friend's car to do a couple errands and pick up dinner, and after parking the car in the structure, running in to the store, and coming back out, I couldn't find the car. I was so tired I had totally forgotten where I put it. I wandered up and down the rows until I found it, but it was totally ridiculous.

I got one hour of sleep this afternoon, but in true "I'm a crazy law student" fashion, I couldn't sleep because I was worried about how much work I still have to do for Admin tomorrow. Thank goodness the Ninth Circuit will be here this week, so we should have Wednesday off of classes to attend that.

Need. Sleep. Now.

DONE!

The brief is turned in. My partner and I are still friends. I feel like we went through prison together or something...like we saw and did horrible things to survive and now we must never speak of them again.

I am so tired and strung out...it's crazy, but I think I am going to try to stay here and at least skim the reading that I was supposed to have done for Admin today, so that I can do some kind of better job for what's due tomorrow. I'm so worried about getting behind in there!

Anyway, I am all jittery and crazy from lack of sleep and caffeine, and I'm pretty sure I look like a full size bag of ass, but I guess them's the breaks.

I can't wait for M. to get here. I'm sad she'll only be in town for one day, but I am pretty excited about some girl time and some booze time. If we throw in a Cabana Boy, some Diet Coke, a Jimmy Buffett CD, and some cookies, my life will be just about perfect.

It's 2am, do you know where your appellate brief is?

Why yes, it is 2:18 am and I have been up for nearly 22 hours working on this ridiculous brief. I did manage to figure out how to do the automatic table of authorities in Word, so that's nice. I also told my partner at one point that "maybe if she would quit jumping down my throat I could get something done"...or something to that effect. That didn't go over that well, but look, we're both too tired to hopefully remember. Why did I decide to do this stupid competition?

Needless to say, I will be up in less than four hours to go back to school, spend 5 or 6 hours finishing this thing, skipping all my classes since I am totally unprepared, and then coming home to hopefully sleep for the entire afternoon.

M. gets here on Wednesday. Beer. That is my mantra.