Today I had peer mentoring. I don't mean I got mentorED (although I need it), I mean that I am part of a group of 2L's (and one 3L) that is supposed to be mentorING 1L's.
We just got our course packets to begin planning courses for next year and so they're supposed to ask us questions about courses (good, bad, ugly) and OCI or summer jobs or whatever.
I *hate* peer mentoring. All the other mentors are these totally smart, law review/moot court, I (heart) OCI types...basically I'm the mentor that's like, "Eh....don't worry about it, you're gonna change your mind by the time classes start next year and rearrange your whole schedule anyway, no reason to get all bent out of shape now." In other words, I am the slacker mentor.
It makes me feel bad, because (although I joke about it on here constantly) I'm not a terrible law student, and I do definitely go through phases of working really, really hard and, just like everyone else, getting bad grades gets me down when it happens. The difference of course is that I am not INVESTED in law school really. I want to be a lawyer (most of the time), I am SUPER excited about my summer job, and I am finally finding subjects I think are *really* interesting and that I think I could make a career out of thinking about. And the really smart, brainy, all-star mentor people are awesome people and that role fits them so well...I totally don't begrudge them their law review and moot court honor board and whatever else.
This year has been so weird. I feel like on one hand my life is really changing in a lot of ways and I'm starting to have to actually think about school being over and what I want to do with my life(since apparently I can't just keep getting student loans and living in a shitty apartment with no car and only buying clothes from Old Navy forever). On the other hand, I KNOW that if I put too much thought into all that stuff I am going to be so paralyzed by fear and indecision that it's better to put it off, at least for a while, and just kinda of *hope* it will all work itself out.
Damn, peer mentoring is tough...it's like an exercise in "What Existential Angst Means To Me". I think for now I'm going to avoid the whole thing for awhile...hopefully the summer job will clear some stuff up and move me in the right direction.