Friday, August 27, 2004

What a day.

Without going into particulars, let me first say that I am REALLY missing the Air Force today. Sometimes it's just nice to have your friends around and know that no matter what, they're with you 100%.

Also, I don't really know how to articulate how I feel about this, but one of the interns I worked with in D.C., and one of only two that I became close friends with, emailed me to tell me that he decided to quit law school. Just like that.

I'm torn because on one hand he is exactly the kind of person that I think should become a lawyer. He abides absolutely no bullshit. He works hard and plays hard and is a straight so many ways I think it's tragic that the prententious assholes of the world seem to always manage to scoot through law school unscathed while the people who could actually do some good, in a solid, practical way, are so put off by the experience that they quit and find other things to do where they feel more comfortable and useful. And I say all this as someone that has come close to quitting law school, in all seriousness, at least twice.

On the other hand, as sad as I am to see him quit, I respect his decision so much. I think that it's very brave to quit something that is not making you happy, irregardless of what other people think, and take some time to figure out what does make you happy. Life is too short to toil away in misery, hoping tomorrow will be better. I've found that there is this general belief in law school that if you quit something horrible will happen...your life will be ruined FOREVER, or you will somehow become unemployable in any field, FOREVER.

So, what does this all mean to me? I don't really know. I've thought so many times about quitting. I don't think I ever will just because I have a strong belief that there is something on the other side of the crappy law school experience that I will be good at and that will drive me, a place where I can make a difference...even if it's not practicing law but in some other, tangentially related to law, field.

It's also making me think about the fact that I have yet to find my niche at school. I've made friends and joined clubs and done all the things I'm supposed to do, but I still feel like an outsider, and I think it's because I just can't embrace the law school party line..."Be scared, work yourself to death, be wary of others, feed the paranoia, drive yourself crazy wondering what the other guy is doing/having/accomplishing."

I have yet to become vested in the legal education process and doubt that I will anytime in the next two years, so I guess what I'm thinking about now is how to get through the next two years in a way that is productive and healthy and not detrimental to who I think I am as a person. Like Charlie Brown, I just want to be one of the gang...I want to find a place to belong, not just in my legal education, but as I try to decide what I want to be when I grow I guess I'm hoping that this year will bring some clarity to my life.

At the risk of really rambling on here without much of a point, I am going to feed my existential angst some cookies and Diet Coke, and if I can come up with some even remotely coherent thoughts, perhaps I will have more to say about this another day.

But, if my friend is reading, I want him to know that I think what he's doing is so awesome and I hope he finds his path and discovers much happiness along the way.
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