This story is pretty good...here's what I thought was kind of the highlight (besides the fact that he was drunkenly skinny dipping with his "girl" while his wife was out of town at a funeral):
Police allegedly detected a strong odor of alcohol coming from Stevens. Carriker asked him how much he had to drink and Stevens allegedly replied, “Not enough.”
Stevens of Aspen Way, Fayetteville, was charged with DUI, two counts of resisting an officer, public indecency, public intoxication, reckless driving, violation of park hours, driving a golf cart on unapproved road and driving a golf cart without headlights.
And finally, if you're unhappy with the sentence for your crime...do it again in front of the judge. Especially if your crime is public masturbation.