Winner of the Most Obvious Meaning of a Dream Award? ME!

Last night during the approximately three hours that I actually slept I had exactly one dream that I can remember. Why don't we all take a stab at interpreting it.

First, I was in a swamp taking some kind of tour. Then, as I was walking on all these dock things across the swamp, I looked down and realized that some of the "docks" were actually the backs of alligators. As soon as I realized this, they started coming alive, rolling and roaring and just generally trying to get me to fall into the water so they could eat me. So I would run and just when I would think I was safe, I would be either on or near another huge alligator.

Ad infinitum.

Hmmmm...maybe the alligators are my conflicted feelings about my father, and the fact that they're trying to eat me and I can't get away is my fear of starting my new job full-time? Oh...uh...wait. Maybe I'm a tiny bit anxious about something else. I'm off to school...one more day of studying. I laid awake for two hours last night (well, early this morning) because it was too hot to sleep and I couldn't remember "judgment as a matter of law."

Also, and perhaps saddest of all, I wrote this entire post having to go back after every sentence and put two spaces because I've trained myself to only put one space after each sentence for my bar exam answers since it saves space out of my character count. See how this is ruining my life?

Yeah. Um....yeah.

Wow, I have to go to sleep so I can wake up and get one more day of studying in. Still lots of stuff I either don't know or feel like I don't know. Where did all the time go? I need another week! TWO WEEKS! OK, three days! Just three more days! I'll clean my room and giveuptheboozethistimeireallymeanit.

Anyway, it's a billion degrees in my apartment but I need to pack for tomorrow and try to get some sleep so I have a prayer of being semi-productive tomorrow. Yikes. One more day.

Walking on the sun.

It's gonna be another hot one today folks. What can I say? I'm BEYOND THRILLED.

I have to go to the library so I can sweat my ass off for the next 8 or 9 hours. I still have to figure out what I need to take to the bar and pack and everything...we're supposed to bring a "bag lunch" both days - what the hell should I pack that will stay good as it sits in the (possibly not air conditioned) room for a few hours before I get a chance to eat it? Guess it's gonna be PB&J or something.

I am reaching my mental limit. I need this to be over, I feel like in the last three years all I've done is think about law school, prepare for law school, worry about law school...even in the summers I knew I had to come back and go through the whole process again. After this, aside from worrying about the results until mid-October, this will all be behind me. And it can't happen a moment too soon.

Holy shit...the bar is almost here.

Tonight we went to Starbucks for awhile (sweet blessed air conditioning), then decided to go to one of our fave bars that has an outside patio, where we spent about four hours, and a couple of pitchers, doing flashcards. The thing I hate about the bar is that just when I start to think I can remember CrimPro, or CivPro, or Property, I remember that there are 18 other subjects that I need to remember simultaneously. And then I cry. Well, figuratively speaking. I cry on the inside. On the outside I act cavalier about the whole thing, drink beer, and pretend like I'm not worried and that everyone telling "Oh, you seem so sane about the whole thing, you'll definitely pass" doesn't bug the shit out of me.

In the meantime, I have lost all patience for the rest of humankind, and heaven help people who impede my progress in driving, grocery shopping, or any of the other nudgie human tasks that we must do each day - I feel like a homicidal maniac every time someone wastes my sweet, sweet time.

It's 10,000,000 degrees in my apartment, but I guess I should try to go to sleep anyway. I am excited about the hotel that we're staying in for the bar just for to sole reason that there will be air. The lesson here? Don't count your A/C before it's saved by two birds in a bush. Or something.

It's as hot as two rats f*cking in a flannel sack.

No one here has A/C. Normally this isn't an issue as it rarely gets above 80 and it gets cool at night, so no worries. However, yesterday it was 94 and today it must be over 90 at least already. Which means that it is approximately 800 degrees in my apartment, at the school, and at every store and shop I have any reason to go into. All you can hear is the whine and hum of millions of fans and the sound of people sweating. I mean, I used to live in Texas. And Florida. And Alabama. And even Mississippi. But, there you can just go in somewhere there's A/C, and here no matter where you go it's horrible. Pant Pant Pant. I'm dying over here.

So sue me!

I took the morning off. God, I really needed it. REALLY. I didn't get out of bed until 10:15, and then all I did was finish a book I've been reading (The Sex Lives of Cannibals...I really enjoyed it). Now I'm going to go get my Diet Coke, pick up the Ex-Roomie, and spend the rest of the day in the library. But, at least I had a couple of hours to relax. At some point I have to get my computer all ready, and make sure my stupid disk drive works with Exam Soft and all that. And pack. I bought some new black sweatpants from Lucy to wear during the first two days. They are so soft and comfortable...they're the best. I'm also considering trying to corral someone into seeing a movie tomorrow night. I need me some Johnny Depp. I doubt it'll happen though, I'll probably have to wait until next week and go alone. BOO!

Let's play a game.

True or false? I have had nearly an entire bottle of wine tonight?

Also, the same friend from last night, who is being so funny these days, tried to give the Ex-Roomie a hint about trespass to land (Ex-Roomie was searching for the word "invasion" and the other friend [who I'm not sure I am allowed to identify by name or initial] kept telling her "It's like aliens, think of aliens," which was totally not working). So, Ex-Roomie is going "What about aliens? I don't get it!" And I'm drinking wine and going "What is 'my ass is sore' for $200 Alex?"

Anyway. If you haven't talked probing, aliens, torts and wine in one night, you just haven't lived. I highly recommend. We have noticed some of our friends are starting to come unglued. The bar starts on Tuesday. I'm glad we're almost done. I'm physically and mentally exhausted, I don't feel healthy because I've gained weight and feel disgusting, and I just want my life back. I never thought I'd look so forward to going back to work.

I have started thinking lately alot abou the military and my experience in it. I might try to write more later, but think about this fellow bar takers. Officer Training School is much like preparing for the bar exam in that it is physically and mentally taxing (and costs a lot of money - probably $1500 for uniforms alone). Now, think about doing bar review with 12 people you've never met, and you all have to live together and you can't go anywhere unless you can all agree on where to go and go there together, and you can't leave your rooms until you all synchronize your appearance (sweats and t-shirt? shorts and sweatshirt?), and you will definitely be stopped no matter where you're going and harassed which will inevitably eat up at least an hour, thereby making you late (and probably in the wrong uniform) for everything else. Believe me, it's so much worse. This is why it's my theory that I'm not as crazy as some other people - at least no one is forcing me to standardize my appearance, have room inspections, march perfectly for two hours to get my lunch, or do remedial physical conditioning, or ask for "permission to pass" everyone I see in the hall so it takes three hours to go to the bathroom.

See, it could be worse.

It isn't a bone at all, it's a muscle.

The Scene: Studying CivPro flashcards at my house tonight.

The Question: "What are the three methods of personal service?"

The Answer: "Ummmm...first, is...uh...hand service?"

The Response: BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I feel nice, like sugar and spice!

In a rare moment of non-melancholi-ness, I actually feel semi-victorious this morning as I wrote three essays in three of my most hated subjects (CivPro, Evidence, and ConLaw), using the actual time limits/character counts for the bar, and didn't do TOO horribly. Believe me, I have a lot of improvement that could stand to happen - especially as I SOMEHOW couldn't remember the freaking rule on FREE SPEECH during my ConLaw essay...D'oh! But, I got through all three and they aren't as bad as I would have feared, so I guess I'm going to keep practicing and put off hari kari for another day or so.

I'm going shopping at lunch with Ex-Roomie. Because that's how we roll.

In other news...it could be so much worse.

A - Anthrax
B - Blindness
C - Colostomy Bag
D - Death Penalty
E - Electrocution
F - Fiery Death
G - Gas Leak
H - Hit by a bus
I - Incontinence (with Impotence a close second)
J - Jungle Bugs (followed by Jock Itch)
K - Kidney Stones
L - Locusts
M - Mangled
N - Never gonna look the same again (this is when we started to get punchy)
O - Oozing orifice
P - Public Humiliation (although this could relate TO the bar exam)
Q -
R -
S - Suffocation
T - Trapped in a whale
U -
V -
W -
X -
Y -
Z -

I knew it all along!

Over at Anonymous Law Firm they have e-cards for the bar exam. They say:

"Anonymous Lawyer wishing you luck on the bar exam. Because it's not just a test of legal knowledge. It's a test of your value as a human being."

C'mon...it's kinda funny.

The games people play.

My fellow studiers and I have started a new game. We're calling it "A-Z things that could happen to me worse than studying for (or sometimes failing) the bar." Then you name things in alphabetical order than are worse than what you're doing right now that make you feel better.

A - Anthrax
B - Botulism
C - Cancer
D - Death
E - Embolism
F - Food Poisoning
G - Gangrene

The list goes on and on...it's literally infinite. It's a great game. I highly recommend. But, then again, I'm kinda drunk, so maybe you shouldn't trust me. I can tell you the Frye test for Expert Testimony though...yeah, we're the only state without Daubert. I can also recite an entire paragraph about personal jurisdiction as well as an entire paragraph about what makes an instrument negotiable. Take that.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: "No more f*cking ABBA!"

The thing is...flashcards are WAY better over beer.

I'm not drunk, I'm pre-funking for the bar exam.

We've got a thing that's callllllllllled...Radar Love.

Only, maybe courthouse love.

I love reading the CL Missed Connections - I don't know why. No one is ever really looking for me (although someone was once looking for a friend of a friend, and when I sent it to her she was like "Oh my God, I remember that guy, he was SOOOOOO creepy" - see rest of this post), but for some reason I like them. I used to like them more until someone posted this big thing once about how now stalkers are using the Missed Connection forum to find the people they are stalking - they pretend they are looking for an old friend, and then one of the person's dumbass friends emails the stalker with all the info...and VOILA...instant stalker gratification. Is nothing sacred anymore?

Are you lookin' at ME?

BEEEEEEEEEEEEP.

Uh. Yeah. Ms. Spatula? Yeah. This is Jane from your apartment complex? I just...uh...wanted to...uh...let you know that...uh...we were doing a walk-through of the grounds today...and...uh...I need to ask you to get rid of the...uh...trash and...uh...debris on your porch? Well, and...um...I need you to do that...because...uh...well...I would...ummmmm...REALLLLLY hate to have to give you...uh...10-days notice. So. Yeah. If you could...uh...pick up that trash. Yeah.

***************************************************************

Sadly for Jane, I am filled with aggression, have achieved something approximating minimal competence in Landlord-Tenant Law, and have nothing better to do than plan what I will say when I call her back in the morning. They want to give ME 10-days notice? For trash that isn't even f*cking mine? Did anyone on this so-called expedition of the grounds bother to effing look up and see that, HEY GUESS WHAT???, the neighbors DIRECTLY ABOVE ME have about 10 pots balanced precariously on the ledge of their balcony and, HEY GUESS WHAT???, the "trash" and "debris" on my "porch" is actually, HEY GUESS WHAT???, potted plants that seem to have somehow mysteriously fallen RIGHT OUT OF THE F*CKING SKY! Wow!!! It's a MIRACLE!

Needless to say, I was thrilled to come this evening and spend a few of my precious minutes picking up my neighbor's trash. No one bothered to even call and ask if it was mine before making what is essentially a threat over THREE POTTED PLANTS that CLEARLY came from the neighbor's balcony. Jesus! Oh yeah, if I don't make this girl cry tomorrow I will give you a dollar. Really. OK, not really.

In other news, I bought flouride rinse. Dental health is so important, don't you think? It's right up there with penmanship. PENMANSHIP COUNTS DAMNIT! As an aside, thank GOD I can type the bar exam.

Also, watch the Hearsay Video. It will make you happy. Don't forget the sound, or you won't remember the song when you're taking the bar.

I talked to Guacamole Kid tonight. He's doing good, still studying for the bar aboard his boat. He was a little tipsy and I was jealous. He's up there with his family, doing what he loves, studying for the bar knowing that he's still out earning a living, enjoying the beautiful Alaska summer, and drinking beer. That lucky bastard.

I'm reaching panic stage. As in...HOLY CRAP, there is NO WAY I know enough to pass, no way I'm going to learn the rest by next Tuesday, and no way that I can write 24 essays in 2.5 days on all these subjects (most of which I didn't have in school) that I haven't even learned yet, let alone memorized. PANIC PANIC PANIC. Hopefully the flouride rinse will at least keep me from getting a cavity, and maybe I'll get to make someone cry tomorrow. One can dream.

The ratio of people to cake is too big. TOO BIG!

Number of hours spent trying desperately to cram Commercial Paper and Secured Transactions into my head today? 12.

Number of ounces of Diet Coke (yeah, I mean ONLY today!)? 84

Number of times I checked my email? Infinity+1

Number of emails I actually got? 2

Number of times I spelled "County" C-U-N-T-Y in the essays I wrote today? At LEAST 10.

Number of times I got to say "And so, the sheep is collateral then?" today? 1

Number of golden retrievers who ran out in front of my car, causing me to stop, try to call the owners, and then let the dog sit in my car on my lap until finally the owner came down the street looking for the dog and then when I had to give it back I cried and cried? 1

Number of pounds of Mega M&M's I've consumer since Bar/Bri started? 3

Number of red Diet Coke bottle caps I've saved since Bar/Bri started with the intention of entering them into my online Diet Coke account for points towards free merchandise that I don't want and/or need? Probably close to a hundred.

Number of times I've cried since Bar/Bri started? 4

Number of flashcards I've made? Over 12 packages of 3x5 cards

Number of cupcakes eaten this weekend? 2

Number of miles walked this week for pseudo-exercise since I refuse to go to the gym when the weather is actually nice? 17

Number of pterodactyl's seen on late-night walks with friend? 0 (damnit)

Number of bar subjects mastered? 0

Number of bar subjects I think I can bullshit my way through? 4 or maybe 5 (out of 21)

Number of times I've considered just not going to the exam, sleeping through all three days, then telling everyone I took it and failed? Infinity+2

Number of times today I said "I have absolutely no freaking idea" when asked a question about any subject other than Family Law? Every. Single. Time.

OK. I'm done. Must go to sleep. Have to pick up ex-Roomie in the morning to get started early - 8am until ???pm. I can't f*cking wait until this crap is done. My brain doesn't even hurt anymore, it's just totally shut down. 18 substantive essays + 6 PR essays = THE DEVIL.

Name. That. Lobster.!!!!!

I am, for some reason, completely fascinated by this genetic mutation of a lobster found in Maine. Maybe it's my new job in the commercial fishing industry, or maybe I just like creatures that are a little bit odd looking in a "he's got character" way (but not a "is that a bolo tie and top hat he's wearing?" kind of way). Anyway, no lobster, no matter how neat looking, could ever usurp Darwin as this blog's mascot, but I do think this guy is pretty cool.

Let's have a participatory game since I don't have time to blog, but I love checking comments.

NAME THIS LOBSTER! Best name wins...uh...worldwide recognition on my blog which is read, well...not worldwide. But I try.

It's the little things...

Me: patting pockets of jeans and sweatshirt...

Ex-Roomie: "What are you looking for?"

Me: "I'm trying to find my key card so I can go to the bathroom and still get back in the study room."

ER: "Oh...ok."

Me: "Yeah, I promised myself that if I finished this essay I could have a bathroom break, I've had to pee for like the last 20 minutes."

ER: "Nothing like giving yourself a 'reward' that's a real 'indulgence.'"

Me: "God. My life sucks."

I'm OK!

The stories of my death have been greatly exaggerated.

Spatula - lost in space.

Be vewy qwiet, we awe hunting wabbits.

Very tired.

Memorized quite a bit of commercial paper today...boo hiss on negotiable instruments.

Went walking with my friend tonight, and another friend, no pterodactyls. I think we were too loud. But, we saw an otter.

Must go to bed. Tomorrow is the last day of Bar/Bri. A blessing and a curse I think...I just want this to be over so I can start working and getting a paycheck and move out of my shithole apartment and live a semi-normal life again. My brain hurts and my emotional craziness is reaching a volume of 11. Or a really loud 10.

An open letter to the douche who stole my Diet Coke...

Dear Douchebag McDoucherson,

You Sir (or Ma'am, but somehow I just know you're a Sir), are a pig-f*cker. I mean, I was pissed the other day when someone (presumably you) stole my lunch, but this really takes the cake. Diet Coke is like liquid gold to me. I guard my daily Diet Coke more closely than the Mexican restaurant across the street from the law school guards its guacamole, which, from the amount they charge for one small scoop, you would think is made out of crushed diamonds or pure coke cut only with angel feathers and the tears of virgins.

I just hate you so much. Due to your total inability to behave like a normal person and quit stealing shit that doesn't belong to you, I am going to be forced to put my bar studies on hold while I plot my revenge. I am going out right now to buy (another) Louisville Slugger, a jar of honey, trashbags, carrots, matches, cod liver oil, sour cream, and handcuffs. And an armadillo. You better watch your back.

XOXOXO

E. Spat.

The dirty weed.

Tonight we went to a bar to study (a bar that is generally not crowded and allows lots of spreading out to do flashcards and drink beer) and there was a softball team there sitting outside that was, ahem, indulging in some outdoor smoking of products that did not seem to be of the "legal" variety. We were sitting near the door to the patio and it was like WAVES of pure, unadulterated weed, washing over us. None of us mentioned it until finally Ex-Roomie was like "Does anyone else smell that?" and we were all like "Oh my GOD!!!"

You gotta love the TVPNM where you can smoke the dope right out on the front patio of a bar that is (from my personal knowledge) frequented by cops. Anyway, in honor of the outdoor celebratory mood, we did CrimLaw/CrimPro flashcards. Yay!

That's my stapler!

Work? No!

Essays? No!

Beer? YES!!!!

New bar? YES!!!!

New fun bar in my new hoped-for neighborhood? YES!!!!

SCREW THE BAR!!!!! YES!!!!!

What just happened?

The practice exam was a little bit like being abducted by aliens (or so I've heard).

I saw a bright light, then I don't remember anything else, and now my ass is really sore.

First things first.

Tomorrow is our first practice test. We have six essays...not quite the 9 per day we'll be having on the real exam, but close enough.

Supposedly we'll be "surprised" at "much we know" that "we don't know we know." Or something.

Eh.

I'm productive!

I had a study session tonight that was actually pretty productive, and I knew A LOT more than I thought I did. SUCCESS! Of course, that doesn't help me in the other 20 subjects, but whatever. Had a long talk with a friend about all the weirdness the bar exam brings out.

Here's some stuff "they" don't tell you about bar review.

1. You WILL start to have every unresolved issue in your life come to the forefront. Self-esteem, spouses, parents, kids, abandonment, self-doubt, dependency, self-abuse...oh yeah. All of 'em.

2. You will spend a lot of time wondering how you actually spent the last six hours and why you don't have anything done.

3. You will comfort yourself in whatever way is the most physically, emotionally and mentally destructive.

4. You will cry because you think your friends hate you because you're sure that some random thing they said was actually directed against you.

5. You will be sure that whatever "bad" things are going on in your life (even ones you never knew or cared about before) will never end or be resolved.

6. You will sometimes eat ice cream in the middle of the night just because if you don't you might die.

7. You will have a dream about whether your boyfriend moving on to your side of the bed in the middle of the night constitutes an easement (this happened to Ex-Roomie, obviously not me).

8. You will have a nightmare that your parents called you up and found the blog and disowned you.

9. You will eat a lot of snacks and/or drink more caffeine than any human heart should be able to handle.

10. You will feel guilty no matter what choice you make.

I'm off to bed. Because I feel guilty about not studying. Or, alternatively I feel guilty about not getting enough sleep which makes me paranoid and weepy and fearful and probably drives my friends bonkers. I might even feel guilty about the fact that I am too tired to read more than one page of the book I've been "reading" for over a month before I fall asleep, face in my pillow suffocation-style, and sleep like the dead until tomorrow morning. When I will feel guilty for hitting snooze too many times, for not blow-drying my hair, for not reading for class, for not making time to flashcard before class, for not going to the gym, for paying more to park so I won't have to walk so far to class, and for eating too many snacks in class to stay awake.

Bar Review Studiers - We Produce More Guilt Before 8am Than Most People Do In A Year!

Happy 3 Weeks Until Bar Exam Starts Day!

I promised myself that today was the cutoff point for getting serious about studying and memorizing and writing essays and all that shit (yeah - no Multiple Choice here - just 18 essays on substantive subjects the first two days, then 6 PR essays the 3rd day).

So, I spent the day catching up on some flashcarding. Then my friend and I killed off a case of beer, I made some Mexican food, we watched beautiful fireworks and I'm going to go to bed and wake up in a new frame of mind tomorrow - a working, serious about my future, not taking this lightly frame of mind.

Shut up. It could happen.

Truer words were never spoken!

This article about the "Seattle Freeze" should be required reading for anyone considering moving here. I'm breaking the TVPNM cone of silence to put this article up because it is EXACTLY what my experience here has been like - EXACTLY! I sent it to Ex-Roomie and she read it, looked across the table at me, and went, "Oh my GOD! I totally thought I was the only one experiencing this - it's exactly true!"

I have lived in about 20 different states/countries and this is the loneliest I have ever been on a consistent basis, and definitely the longest it has ever taken me to make friends. All of my good friends except a couple are transplants like me.

We're sitting here excitedly chattering in the library about how validated we feel, and how we really were starting to think it was us and it's so nice to just know that it's EVERYONE who's not from here! The Seattle Freeze -it's The Suck!!

For the record.

Last night, over beers, the talk turned to post-mortem wishes for our remains. Why? I have no idea. We all talked it over and here's the consensus on my disposition.

I would like to be cremated, mixed with glitter and pink rhinestones, and the sprinkled over Belgium.

Or, alternately, I would like to to be cremated, mixed with glitter and pink rhinestones, and then placed in a hideously guady urn...something that would make Liberace go "Don't you think that's a little much?" Said urn will be placed in M's front yard with a birdbath on top of it.

I tried to get Ex-Roomie and her bf to agree to divide up my ash/glitter/rhinestone mix into tiny little bags, like the sachets you get at weddings, and then have a big party and hand me out to everyone as a party favor, but they weren't going for it.

I pointed out to Ex-Roomie's bf that, in reference to cremation v. burial, "They'd probably stick me in the oven and all you'd hear is WHOOOOOSH! as my beer soaked body went up in flames."

We also discussed that thing where you can get your ashes pressed into a diamond...I guess it's kind of like a CZ or something. Ex-Roomie's bf said they come out really yellow and weird, and Ex-Roomie goes "Why?" My answer? "Because humans are filthy, disgusting creatures!" And I think it's probably true. Because I'm a scientist.

I turned in a graded commercial paper essay today - should be interesting to get it back. I am picturing a hit squad coming to my house and taking me out before I can pollute the legal community with my idiocy.

I was hoping for some Chimay in my Chimay.

Ex-Roomie, her bf, and I decided to try a new bar last night that is across the street from the favorite Chimay-on-tap bar. The new bar ALSO has Chimay on tap (these must be the only two places in the city!), so of course that's what I ordered. Well, when it came, it looked and tasted a little funny. I knew it wasn't Chimay, and I thought it tasted vaguely familiar, but I couldn't quite place it. So, Ex-Roomie's bf tasted it and he goes "Oh my God, that's Mac & Jack!" M&J is our local fave microbrew - it's served in every bar and we always get it, so that's why I recognized it. At any rate, the waiter came back and we (tactfully) told him that the Chimay was actually NOT Chimay and suggested maybe the taps were crossed since they were right next to each other (we're not complaining, we're doing a public service). He went back, got a half glass of each and brought them over to the table and it was OBVIOUS just from looking which one was the Chimay - it just LOOKS smooth and sort of creamy - it has a really thick (in consistency) but thin-ish head. So, finally we determine that the bartender is getting married in like 3 days and is just tired and not paying attention. She was really nice and came over and apologized and left all the M&J's, which Ex-Roomie's bf drank happily.

Anyway, I only had two beers last night, but I was a boring rambler for some reason. Ex-Roomie and her bf deserve a medal for putting up with me, I was just all weird and taking a LONG and boring walk down my own memory lane, which of course no one is probably the least bit interested in. I'll pick up the next round in honor of them loosing an entire night of their lives to my inability to shut up.

Today...more flashcard goodness. How exciting.

Lemon bars and toilet bowls and total notes.

P.S. - I had to put this at the top because I totally know you don't read all the way to the end of these long-ish posts - there are still LOTS of unclaimed songs on the Ipod meme - frankly I don't think my music tastes are quite SO obscure that no one has ever heard of these songs!! C'mon - you know you want to show everyone what a musical genius you are! Now, on to the real post...

I cleaned my bathroom today. Finally. And, in semi-related news, I'm making lemon bars. This flurry of activity is directly related to the fact that a couple of my fellow Bar/bri sufferers are coming over this afternoon to sit by my pool and do flashcards. I'm most excited about the lemon bars companionship of my friends. I also got my Super Big Gulp this morning. I haven't been getting them every day like I used to because we sit at these long desk/table things in lecture, and I'm afraid it'll get knocked off and land on someone's head/computer/lap/etc. I've been drinking Diet Coke out of the bottle - OK, I suppose, but not the Super Big Gulp. And, lastly but not leastly, someone stole my lunch out of the office at school and I told ex-Roomie I was "totally going to write a total note" and post it on the fridge. She wrote me back and said "I'd love to see what a 'total note' is"...so, here you go...a total note.

Dear Complete and Utter Waste of Human Life that Stole My Lunch,

I just wanted you to know how much I appreciate coming upstairs after sitting in the library, hunched over my books (because unlike you I actually go to school here, you thieving piece of shit) for hours on end, only find out that instead of buying your own lunch, you stole mine. Assuming that you aren't Robin Hood, and therefore did not steal my lunch in order to give it to those less fortunate than yourself, the only choice I have left is to believe that you somehow mistook the law school procured refrigerator for your local Safeway. What gave it away? The long aisles filled with grocery carts and tasty Keebler treats? The cashiers waiting breathlessly to take your money for the food you purchased and sell you a lotto ticket? The free sample lady handing out tiny pieces of buttered toast?

Oh. Wait. You mean you didn't think the fridge was perhaps a strange tiny mini-mart placed into the law school by grocery loving aliens, sans cashiers and aisles, for you to browse in and sample items from at will? Barring a head injury or a severe mental defect, I just can't imagine what would possess you to steal my lunch. I mean...frankly, I was going to eat it! I (unlike you) went to a grocery store, where a disaffected teenage boy with terrible acne took my money, put my items in a bag, asked half-heartedly if I'd like help out to my car, seemed relieved when I declined, and then went back to talking about Grand Theft Auto with his friend. That took time! That took money! That took patience! Patience that I do not have to deal with people who just steal things from my lunch bag willy-nilly in order to stuff my expensive pita chips right down their filthy gullet, all the while probably laughing at me for being so gullible as to leave my LUNCH in the FRIDGE provided FOR THE EXACT PURPOSE of coddling my lunch softly and safely in its loving arms of cool breeze goodness!

At any rate, you wretched excuse for a human being, I sincerely hope you enjoyed my lunch. If there is any justice in this world, you got food poisoning and are right now crouched behind a bush like a dog, clutching your stomach and praying for death. You are, truly, The Suck.

Go To Hell.

E. Spat.

A meme for me.

I got hit with this meme the other day from LQ, and I took a study break today to compile it - thinking it would keep you guys busy for at least a couple of days, which I will spend slaving away in the library even though it's gorgeous outside. The 25 songs I used are just the first 25 on my "studying" playlist - which is what I listen to all the time and has like 100 songs on it - and it's probably the only thing that keeps the entire list from being Jimmy Buffett. And I will say that there are a couple of songs that are the same group, and they are covers of other songs...but, either way, I guess if you get the title I'm not supposed to worry about the artist per LQ's instructions - there are just a couple of songs on here that are somewhat marginally cooler when sung by cover bands. :) Enjoy! Also, I'm not going to tag anyone with this - take it if you want it, or don't...whatever!

Rules:
A. If you’ve got an iPod or similar technology, copy your Top 25 Most Played.
B. Then pick a lyric from each.
C. Post the lyrics on your blog.
D. Have commenters guess what the song is.
E. Either strike out the lyric once it has been correctly identified or place the guesser’s user name directly after the lyric.
F. Extra points for knowing the artist. Let’s not go overboard and try to figure out albums. I’m not even sure I could figure some of them out. Heck, some of the lyrics would stump me and I'm the one posting them.
G. NO INTERNET ASSISTANCE.

Lyrics:

1) I look back on Venus, I look back on Mars, I’m filled with the fire of 10 million stars

Froggie got the song right, but (again) it's the Me First and the Gimme Gimme's version - I LOVE their covers of everything, but right now I'm listening to their album "It's a Drag" a LOT.

2) In the desert you can remember your name, because there ain’t no one for to give you no pain

Lawmommy got it...Horse With No Name, America

3) Every day I love her just a little bit more, and she loves me the same

4) My heart knows me better than I know myself, so I’m gonna let it do all the talking

Kristan was even inspired to comment, and got FOUR! This is Big Black Horse & A Cherry Tree, KT Tunstall

5) Dr. X will build a creature. See androids fighting Brad and Janet. Anne Francis stars in Forbidden Planet

This is, indeed, Science Fiction Double Feature...but it's the Me First and the Gimme Gimmes version. Little Tort got this one.

6) Won’t you help to sing these songs of freedom

My real-life friend Jim got this one...Redemption Song, Bob Marley

7) ‘Cause in my head, there’s a Greyhound Station

Kristan - Soul Meets Body, Death Cab for Cutie

8) By the way my name’s Marcus, but if you like you can call me Sensei

Beanie is my new hero and go this one, and #15, probably two of the hardest in terms of non-mainstream-ness! This is A Shogun Named Marcus, by Clutch.

9) Heaven help me when I say, I think I’m giving in

10) You might be the type if I play my cards right

Kristan (again! :) ) - Promiscuous, Nelly Furtado

11) And as my mind begins to spread its wings, there’s no stopping curiosity

Kristan (she must have good taste in music - like me!)...Upside Down, Jack Johnson

12) If I were Roy Rogers, I’d sure enough be single

Alex got this one, and recommended a cover. This is the Lyle Lovett version of If I Had a Boat

13) Rock to the rhythm of the funky rhyme, so I can get this in just one more time

F&D got this one...it's Let Me Clear My Throat, DJ Kool

14) Lying in my plastic bed, thinking how things weren’t so cool to me

15) Line after line, round after round, empty shells fall to the ground

Beanie got this one too - A Drug Against War, KMFDM

16) Rudy tells the waitress that his chicken died in vain

17) I’m down on my knees, I’m begging you please, to come home

Yup, it's Little Tort again. This is Cecelia, by Simon & Garfunkle.

18) You know she’s waiting, just anticipating

Lawmommy got this one too. Try a Little Tenderness, Otis Redding.

19) What a beautiful wedding, said the bridesmaid to a waiter

Little Tort got this one too - I Write Sings Not Tragedies, by Panic! At The Disco

20) I’m a tidal pool explorer, from the days of my misspent youth

21) Ticking clock, everyone stop. Everyone’s saying different things to me

Mackenzie got this - Waiting Line, by Zero 7

22) She give me one smile, two smile, three smile – she’s got me going wild

23) You giggle every time that I say “Yes Ma’am”, and I get this feeling that if I held you tight, you’d be seeing his and hers, buckles, boots and spurs

24) I got my Ph.D in heartaches and misery, and a B.S. in barstool philosophy

25) Get up in the morning, slaving for bread, sir, so that every mouth can be fed.

Skelly figured this one out, it's The Israelites, by Desmond Dekker

I'll come back and start crossing out as soon as there are some comments with answers.

*Stands up...brushes self off* I'M FINE!

Special thanks to my friend A, who, after I cried on the phone with ex-Roomie for a half hour, offered to go for a walk with me. We walked down to the water, sat on a picnic bench, talked about life, nearly got killed by a pterodactyl, pondered the meaning of life, told funny stories...etc.

Killed by a pterodactyl? Yes. A huge creature from the deep came out of the bushes by the water, screaming and screeching, and flew right at us before veering off at the last minute and going back into the bushes - presumably to eat its young and bring forth the Dark Prince.

I heart depression.

I have been sitting in my apartment crying my eyes out for the last 40 minutes or so. I went out to a wine bar with a couple of friends tonight and had a pretty good time, but it's hard. I feel like I sometimes have a hard time here because I'm so different from everyone else and sometimes I feel like I can't connect with anyone. My life experience is so different, and I wonder who I can talk to that will understand where I'm coming from. My friends here are so awesome, so this isn't to say that they aren't fantastic, because they are - but I am just feeling sort of misunderstood tonight (I mean, who's going to understand me whining about being twice divorced and how it makes me a dating pariah?). And, I really want to call M and can't because she's out of town for awhile, and it sucks. The one person in my life who always loves me no matter how crazy I am is unavailable and it just totally blows. And I keep thinking I'm going to end up with 1,000 cats, and I probably won't have anything to do but make them all little cat sweaters, and I only know how to crochet so they won't even be good sweaters - they'll be bulky. And I'm allergic so I'll have to have those horrible hairless cats...they always look like they were brought to earth to steal your soul. I am so, so, so, so sad tonight, and I'm not sure why. It's honestly not really anything to do with bar review (in the sense of worrying about passing the bar), I just got my feelings hurt a few times in the last few days (OK, maybe I'm more vulnerable to that because of my exhaustion), and I'm feeling extra-special sensitive and moody and crazy. Last time I cried like this it was 1L and I told everyone that I was quitting law school, only to be talked back into it by M. Tomorrow I'll be fine, I need to get some sleep and quit being a freak - but my brain won't stop. There are just a few things that are important to me in my life, and when it seems like they aren't working out, all at once, it makes me unhappy. And then I cry.

Overheard in bar review. Part Deux.

RE: Strict liability for wild animals:

Prof. Torts: "So, if some doofus sticks his hand in the tiger cage, and it gets just RIPPED RIGHT OFF, and he's brushing his teeth with his elbows for the rest of his life...."

RE: Risk of Loss:

Prof. Sales, in an example where a truck carrying cases of wine overturns and the Seller tries to replace the wine ordered with another type of wine: "So, imagine that Seller sends Buyer 100 cases of Port!"

Class: Collective gasp. OH THE HUMANITY! Swear to God, in Texas, nearly everyone in a room full of mostly 20-somethings would have looked at each other and shrugged, but here in the TVPNM, literally EVERYONE (except me...clueless as always) literally fell out of their chairs. People were exclaiming "Oh my GOD! Can you IMAGINE? Oh my GOD!" It was like he'd suggested they were going to replace the wine with bottles of pig blood. I totally understand the reason behind the gasping (in an intellectual sense), but it was just a moment that smacked of what I hated about law school - everyone read the "I Heart Wine" booklet, and because it told them to be horrified, they were. I'm not saying it's unlikely that EVERYONE in my lecture (roughly 200+ people) is enough of a wine affionado to get the joke/inference, but...well...I guess I find it difficult to believe that all these people were personally affronted enough to gasp in unison about his, but not about the example in Torts where the baby drowns in the inflatable pool and the innocent bystander stands and watches it because he has no duty to rescue.

I've got nothing else. Went to lunch with friends today and it was AWESOME. Our lecture ran overtime (5 hours, with only 3 FIVE MINUTE breaks), so we figured we deserved it. I am currently making SHITLOADS of CivPro flashcards, so basically I'm pretty much ready to shoot myself.

My neighbor had a long conversation with someone last night at 3am. It kind of sounded like one of those deals where someone is overseas and you talk to them over the internet, because he was kind of yelling - but seriously. This is the PacNW, we don't have A/C here so most everyone sleeps with windows open, and it's an apartment building so everyone is basically on everyone else's doorstep. He's gonna seriously regret it if he tries this shit again. I am in NO MOOD.

Tidbits of wisdom. From me. Quit laughing.

Friend: "God. I think I'm hitting the wall. This sucks."

Me: "I can't hit the wall because I'm not moving. If I ever do hit it, I'll be walking so I probably won't get hurt."

******************************************************************

Me: Giant sigh.

Friend: "What?"

Me: "I have 9000 more flashcards to make. If I die I want you to make sure I'm buried with these flashcards...they are my most significant accomplishment to date."

Overheard in bar review.

I'm too lazy to check my notes (because I wrote this down since it was so funny), but the gist is as such:

Our VERY eccentric Torts professor from 1L lecturing us on intentional torts:

"In order for there to be assault there has to be APPREHENSION on the part of the person you are assaulting, they have KNOW it's coming. So, for instance, if you wanted to kiss Sleeping Beauty, and she was asleep, and didn't know you were looming above her about to kiss her, that's not assault, she isn't fearful of your impending kiss. And, staying on the Sleeping Beauty example, if you want to, say, practice your swordplay right over her face all night long and she never wakes up and then in the morning you just walk out with her never even realizing your were there, and you never touched her, that's not assault either."

An incomplete list of things I hate today.

1. Essays...so many goshdarned essays!!!!

2. Civil Procedure

3. Carpal Tunnel Syndrome

4. Not being able to have another beer because I have work to do

5. Men who make me feel ugly

6. Not having control over my schedule

7. Not having time to cook dinner and eat something healthy more often

8. Filling up my tank to the tune of $53

9. Contracts

10. Being lonely

11. Not having A/C when it's 93 degrees

12. Wanting things I can't have

13. Pangs of regret that are unnecessary but get worse when I'm tired

14. Roots (or, as my hairdresser friend says, "regrowth"...trees have roots)

15. Radio stations that change format without warning

16. Skinny undergrad bimbos at Starbucks that make me feel old, fat, pale, and tired

Just so you understand I can see the silver-lining, I will say that I got tons of stuff on sale at The Gap today...lots of shirts, a pair of jeans, and two zip-up sweatshirts since our Bar/Bri room is FREEZING.

Also, I am having a girls-only mani/pedi movie-night here on Monday night since we don't have bar review on Tuesday morning because of the holiday. Thankfully I'm a hoarder of all beauty products, so I have a million colors of nail polish. We're going to drink tons of wine, watch a funny movie, and do our nails. Finally, something to look forward to.

Laughing at people's fear is mean.

But that doesn't mean I won't do it. Especially when it's this freaking hilarious.

Digestion is for chumps.

I accidentally ate a piece of styrofoam tonight. Don't ask. Let's hope it's brain food.

This is E. Spat. E. Spat proscrastinates and is likely to fail the bar.

I was supposed to turn in three essays to be graded by tomorrow, so I thought I'd be all productive and get them done this afternoon. Did two of them, and then....and then came contracts. Man, I freaking hate contracts. I don't remember hating it during law school, but I sure hate it right now. I can't even start because the questions are so nebulous and sort of wishy-washy that I can't get a toehold. I thought ConLaw was going to be my nemesis, but I think it's going to be Contracts nose-and-nose with Property. Joy!

At any rate, as usual, I feel wholly unproductive...probably because I'm BEING wholly unproductive. A couple of people have wondered about why we are turning in so many essays for Bar/Bri when they aren't turning in any, and the answer is that our bar is totally an essay test - 24(?) essays over three days - 18 substantive (or, as they say in Bar/Bri, subSTANTive) essays, and 6 professional responsibility (which is apparently not subSTANTive...go figure). So, that's why all the essays - no multiple choice here!

Let's see...what else is going on? Guacamole Kid is out on his boat studying and learned that he needs to submit this questionnaire/essay thing to graduate, but he's...well, out on his boat. So, he is going to call me tonight and dictate to me over his satellite phone and I'm going to type it up and turn it in for him. Sadly, I am excited just to have a legitimate break from bar review - one that I can't feel guilty about. Helping a friend is ALWAYS a good excuse! :)

Ummm...oh yeah. It's in the mid-90's here today, which is about...oh...20 degrees higher than normal, and no one here as A/C. So, that should be fun. Can't wait to go home tonight and swelter in my crackerbox of an apartment. Might have to hit the sbux for some study time and soak up their air.

Pool shark

I wasn't just unproductive today, I was *aggressively* unproductive.

What can I say? I'm a perfectionist.

It's a beautiful day.

It was so beautiful here today - truly breathtaking.

I spent it in the library.

I'm going to go sit outside for awhile and pretend to work, then I'm going to have a glass of wine and go to bed early.

I hate the bar exam.

Welcome to America!

Tonight, for the first time ever, I got hit on by an Albanian. I've been hit on by Irish guys, Scottish guys, Norwegian (sp?) guys, German guys, Puerto Rican guys, Spanish guys...even French guys, but never an Albanian before. I swear to God, I think he said his name was "Kasko" (Costco?), and that we should "go somewhere" and "have a good time" and he'd "treat me really good." Um...yeah. I explained to the delightful Kasko that, while the offer was enticing, I wasn't going anywhere with a guy who (literally) just got off the (commercial fishing) boat, and who couldn't look me in the eye when I asked point blank if he was married. To his credit, he certainly made a good effort, and that was flattering given my current situation of being a sort of desperate bar studier - it's a terrible life right now, and I'm glad someone, even a drunk guy who probably hasn't seen a woman since Dutch Harbor, thinks I'm attractive enough to proposition, but still...I just don't think so.

So, off I go to bed. Alone, buzzed, and looking forward (or not) to another fine day of studying tomorrow.

Also, I had a cup of coffee today, which I never do because it makes me crazy, and I ran a red light and then walked out in front of a bus and almost got killed. I swear, coffee makes me feel simultaneously like I'm crawling out of my skin AND like a total space cadet. It's awful. Thank God for beer, which is the depressant antidote to skin-crawliness.

When I dress up as a frigid bitch, I try not to look so constipated.

I have no words.

If I did have words they would be: child support, maintenance, best interests of the child, modification, separate property, community property, dissolution, no-fault, and establishment of paternity.

Sadly, the people in my Family Law essays are getting a lot more action than I am (or have in the past three years...damnit). They're a frisky bunch...and fertile too!

Very tired, but with very shiny lips.

No time to write until probably tomorrow afternoon or Sunday. Due to the compressed schedule I have tons of shit to do that isn't done, plus, fantastically, class tomorrow morning for four hours -- YAY! That will take a nice chunk out of my day. How wonderful!

I did 5 essays today though so I am rewarding myself with happy hour and then early to bed. Thank goodness there's a late happy hour at a local seafood place that's pretty good and makes me happy. $3 fish and chips - hooray!

In other news, I am blogging from Starbucks courtesy of Ex-Roomie who donated her T-Mobile HotSpot card she got free (somewhere) to me. She's so nice!

Let's see....ummmmmm...not much going on worth talking about. Got up W/Th/F at 5:30 and went to the gym - go me! Bought a new lipgloss that I am LOVING. It smells good and makes your lips all tingly - Ex-Roomie has been calling me "Hot Lips" all day...and it's true! It's Neutrogena MoistureShine Lip Soother in "Glaze". It's awesome - super shiny (but not glittery), stays on, smells really good, and gives me the coveted Hot Lips. HELL YEAH! Also, my hair looks good today. Maybe stress is good for my hair?

Alright, gotta go score some beers.

Suck it Trebek!

I TOTALLY got my punk ass out of bed at 5:30am this morning and went to the gym.

It gave me flashbacks to the military days, but I feel good that the gym is out of the way and now I can focus on studying all day without having to run all over town.

Holy shit. Did I just say I feel good about studying all day? Oh my God...I should have had an emergency plan for this -- like, someone should be screaming "CODE GREEN!" and coming to my house right now to take me out for a morning beer to restore my equilibrium.

Things I'm thinking about but don't have time to write about:

Connie Chung = craaaaaaaaaazy bitch. Did you see that stunt with the piano? Holy crap.

Saddam Hussein's defense attorney = 3rd one in 8 months just got shot. That's a gig I think is probably just about the worst deal ever. Damned if you, damned if you don't.

Britney Spears = I am still thinking about that interview with Matt Lauer. God, is she totally insane or what? I am having nightmares about that wayward false eyelash. It looked like a caterpillar crawling off her face in an attempt to go live in her bushy unkempt eyebrow. Ick.

Nachos = lately I crave nachos all the time. How come I never crave wheat germ or brown rice? Sigh.

Alright, gotta run off to bar review...I'm late as always.

In a little district in a neighborhood...

I have actually been fairly productive today - I got my entire ConLaw outline done, but then of course my friend told me one of the tests he gave us is wrong so now I have to plow through the "big book" and try to figure that shit out. I am NOT a ConLaw person, so this is going v e r y slowly.

I was talking to one of my fave prof's yesterday morning and he asked me how bar review was going. I told him I didn't know why the bar couldn't test the subjects I actually LEARNED in law school. Law, Literature and Film? CHECK! I could write a million pages on To Kill A Mockingbird! Or, better yet, Admiralty Law. I got an award for getting the highest grade in the class and am working in the industry. Bring it on!

Real life marches on I suppose. I am becoming one with the library, which is depressing and yet comforting all at the same time for some reason. I have also become the de facto social organizer for my group of friends. Thus far I've got us on schedule for weekly lunches (Wednesdays), weekly happy hours (Fridays), and some supplemental "study sessions" (Saturday this week). I fully admit that I do this mostly to assuage my own guilty feelings regarding not wanting to drink alone, but so far all the happy hours have been fun. By Friday night everyone seems ready to have a couple of hours of relaxation -- last week we laughed so hard over an old story about Guacamole Kid (who sadly can't be here with us) -- we were all in tears.

Let's see...other news? My dad's friend Dental Ben is sending me a much-needed shipment of the Extra-Special Fantabulous Pens From Heaven...so that's good. I am keeping current on my pop culture (so important), and my beer drinking (extra double important), but not so much on my Bar/bri essays. Sigh. I think perhaps the worst part of my personality is turning out to be the fact that I need panic in order to be productive. Who knew?

It's my barbri and I'll cry if I want to.

ConLaw makes me feel...well...icky. Yucky. Ewwwww. Yes, it's that bad, and then some.

Our ConLaw lecturer looks like a professional boxer, is a former torch/showtunes singer (or something like that), and is rather a flamboyant prima donna. He has absolutely no patience for the fact that the microphone isn't working, but isn't afraid to spend 15 minutes on his own personal theory on how to organize a substantive due process analysis before any of us have any idea what that even is. Some of us still have no idea what that is. Not me, obviously. I mean, I TOTALLY know what substantive due process is...what do I look like? An idiot?

So, tonight I hit the ConLaw long outline, review the workbook, and lament the number of essays I'm behind on. Part of the problem seems to be figuring out a schedule that will work for me in terms of getting enough done every day and still getting to the gym, but I think tonight I came up with at least a semi-coherent plan. Plus, I just have to accept that I started three weeks later than the rest of the world and so my life is going to suck extra hard for awhile...oh well.

I wish I had something else to talk about, but unfortunately, I don't get out much these days. I went to spinning today and the cute guy in the bandana wasn't there. Boo hoo. :( I briefly considered trying to hit the gym BEFORE lecture in the morning, but I just don't know if I can get it done. I mean, when I was in the military, it was nothing to get up at 5:30 every day, but I'm soft now...undisciplined...lazy. I just don't think I can do it...what if I die from getting up too early? It could happen!

Oh yeah...the other crazy thing I have started to do is to become obsessed with this pen I really like. And, of course, it's not anything I can buy because I stole it from my dad's friend's dental office (my dad's best friend is "Ben"...aka "Dental Ben"). I told my dad to just tell Dental Ben that I am a total nutcase and BEG, BORROW or STEAL as many of those pens as he can get his hands on because I love them and I'm irrationally attached. I only have one now and if it gets lost I'm going to come unglued.

Double bacon cheeseburger. It's for a cop.

Standing at grocery store talking to friend on phone.

Me: "How do you know if oranges are good or not?"

Friend: "I think the most important thing is that they have a nice tight skin. They shouldn't have loose skin."

Me: "So, I should look for nice, tight oranges? No loose oranges?"

Friend: "Yeah."

Me: "These oranges suck. They're dirty little sluts."

Friend: "HAHAHAHA"

People in store = not amused.

Uncle!

OK, I give up. I am never going to understand Property, and Admin seems to be OK, so I'm quitting for the night. I went to the grocery store, bought healthy food, and even did my dishes. We are turning in our first three graded essays tomorrow morning, and all of mine are AWFUL! Two Property and one Admin...yikes. In other news, I'm NINE essays behind in Property because I just don't have enough time to get them all done. I'm going to try to at least do three or four of them this week, plus outline the rest. Tomorrow we start ConLaw -- BLECH! I HATE ConLaw SO MUCH! I really do. Really.

I'm going to go watch some sort of mindless drivel on TV, read my fiction book, and catch up on some emails and stuff.

Back on track.

Tonight Ex-Roomie and her boyfriend and I went to the fave Chimay-on-tap bar and played Trivial Pursuit. It was so fun, even though her boyfriend kicked both our asses pretty soundly and she accidentally left her purse there (although she got it back). I was diligent working all day today, so it was awesome to have a nice reward of time with friends and good beer. Unfortunately I have yet to do a single essay (OK, I did do one...poorly)...tomorrow will sadly be essay day and it's going to blow. But, I'll go to the gym so at least I can eat ice cream or something. A girl's gotta have a reward. Maybe I'll even cut out early and watch some TV. I hate the condensed 7-day-a-week bar/bri. It's awful.

Open Letter to Hot Guy At My Gym

Dear Hot Guy At My Gym Who Wears a Bandana,

Normally I don't find the bandana look all that attractive, but I must say, you manage to pull it off nicely. Speaking of pulling things off, how about those pants? Anyway, where was I?

Oh yeah. So, you are very cute. And, as it turns out, I am very desperate and very stressed out. Sadly, I am not as cute as I normally strive to be, but I'm sure you could find a way to overlook that...see above: desperation - which, as we know, lowers inhibitions only slightly less than Cuervo Gold.

About me. I am high-strung, slightly crazy, have obsessive perseverant thoughts, and mumble things at random moments like "PINE: Prescriptive, Implied, Necessity, Express..." I drink too much caffeine, don't sleep well, self-medicate with alcohol and candy, and am just, in general, a totally screwed up human being right now. But...ummmm...desperate. And stressed out.

Give me a call if any of this sounds good to you, I wrote my phone number of this piece of paper I tore out of my Bar/Bri book titled "Substantive Due Process" - I figure I need what you have more than I need that right now. Con Law is for chumps, cute boys in tight pants and bandanas are for moi.

XOXOXO,

E. Spat.

I hate you. so much. right now.

I hate bar review so much, I don't even think there are words in the English language with which I can express my disgust. I think so far the worst part is trying to figure out what is going to work for me and how I should be studying. Flash cards? Outline? Outline from the workbook or from the "big" book'o'law? Essays? Try to write them even though I know nothing or outline them and cheat? I want to bring a lawsuit against the school for not giving me a good enough education to allow me to pass the bar without a $2,000 separate course. GRRRR!

Also, one of my biggest peeves right now is that we started so much later than everyone else that we're basically on a crazy schedule (class every other Saturday, etc), and so I feel not overwhelmed or stressed out so much as pissed off and bitter. But, hey, what's new?

Anyway, the library is kicking me out so I guess I better gather my belongings and head to Starbucks, my new home away from home. Sigh. Maybe I'll at least see some cute boys there.

In other news, I shouldn't complain because GK is not only doing self-study bar/bri for his bar, but is doing it on his fishing boat while he commercial fishes this summer (I hope you all only buy wild salmon!!!!!)...his crew and family counts on him fishing (plus he loves it) and so he's doing it plus studying at the same time. I told him I hope he passes just so that I can tell people I know someone who is an actual bar exam God.

Open the floodgates

I don't normally share very personal things with my parents...we just don't have that kind of a relationship. But, tonight, for some reason, I told my mom something that was bothering me a bit that I would normally keep from her. And she told me something that she has been keeping a secret for a long time (probably 25 years). Neither "secret" was terribly awful or life altering or traumatic or anything like that, in fact, both are probably pretty harmless. It just makes me wonder what other interesting things my mom has in her past...she always seems so innocent and naive!!! And, as I said, nothing that was said was earth-shattering at all, but I'm glad we had such a good talk.

It was a little bit weird though.

I blew off essays tonight and went out for beers. Here's to procrastination!

Also, who saw Britney Whorebag Spears on Dateline tonight? Holy SHIT she looked awful. My God. She's got about $10000000 kajillion dollars and she can't get someone to do her makeup and put in some extensions that at least LOOK real?!

Give me your best bar exam advice.

Leave me a comment with your single best piece of advice for surviving the bar exam. After a day or two I'll take all the comments and put them in a post that other people can link to. I want to hear it all - healthy living, quirky habits, reading, outlining, essays (we're all essays in this state)...all of it.

Happy Graduation to ME!

In honor of finally getting out of law school, and not shooting myself in the process, I bought myself a 4GB Ipod Nano. I heart it. It has a pink cover and lots of songs and is small so I can take it to the gym, and it has playlists which is SO MUCH BETTER than the Shuffle. Yay.

I've been a total freak the last two days because of a bunch of weird shit going on in my life (ie: people moving away, graduation, parents in and then out of town, etc.), being overtired, and in general, due to the fact that it is becoming apparent to me that I am not handling change well at the moment. Bar/bri is going fine. I mean, what the hell can I say about sitting in a room all morning listening to lectures, then going to another room and making outlines/writing essays for the rest of the day?

I went to Spinning class at the gym today. I feel productive.

I'm off to do more review, but I'm going to do it at Starbucks and don't you think I earned a cookie? Yeah. Me too.

Best. Sweatshirt. EVER!

GK brought me a sweatshirt from a cool bar in Homer, Alaska, called The Salty Dawg Saloon. This is one of those places that everyone who goes to Alaska HAS to go visit, and it's famous, and all that jazz. So, anyway, GK is rad and brought me a sweatshirt when he came back for graduation.

So, tonight I went to the gym and afterwards I threw on the sweatshirt and ran into the grocery store.

First aisle. Guy comes up to me and goes "Oh man, I've been to The Salty Dawg!" Uh...ok.

Fourth aisle. Guy and his wife are walking by me, he turns to her and goes "The Salty Dawg, I've been there!"

Produce section. Guy comes around the corner, stares at my chest for a minute, and then goes "Oh! The Salty Dawg!" Then, he looks up at my face (FINALLY) and GUESS WHO IT IS??? The guy who I went on a date with like two months ago who wanted to know if I would go camping in his VW Bus with him! BAHAHAHAHAHA. Yeah right! Anyway, he never called me again after declaring me to be high-maintenance and saying he didn't think he could keep up with me (Yeah. Duh.), and so I just never thought about him again. Until tonight.

So, he goes, "Uh. Hey." And I finally see a chance to get out all the aggression I've been storing up, and I'm like "Blah blah blah...just graduated...blah blah blah." Anything to force him to stand there awkwardly. I told him all about how GK brought me the sweatshirt, and graduation, etc. Then, he's trying desperately to figure out what to say and so he says something like, "So, you are still looking?" When I figure out he means, "still single," I decide to go for broke. "Oh yeah, you know, I had to quit dating because all the men I was meeting were so flaky. They would say they'd call and then not call, they all thought I was too busy and were totally judgmental, I just haven't been on a decent date in YEARS!" God, it was so funny. I feel like I won the creating an awkward moment for someone who deserve it lottery. YAY!

I'm going to sleep good tonight. My work here is done.

Day 2 of my life in Hell.

Today we had our first real substantive day of bar review. Yeah. This is gonna suck. I went to Starbucks with a couple of my friends after the lecture, and we worked on our outlines and stuff, which was cool. But, I'm still really going to hate several weeks of thinking about nothing but The Law. Ick.

I'm also not using my computer during the lectures or anything, and so far I'm not studying at school much either, which means no wireless, which means no blogging. Guess I'm going to have to figure out all this stuff. Right now I am trying to catch up on some sleep, figure out a gym schedule, and figure out some times that my friends and I can get together for regularly scheduled outings that will hopefully keep us all in touch (and me from going crazy). Last night was really depressing after my parents and some of my friends left -- I felt so lonely and awful, but I think it'll all be OK once I get a little bit of a normal schedule going.

Anyway, I know I'm rambling, so I think I'll go to the gym and try to clear my head -- just bear with me while I figure out what the heck is going on.

I'm so tired.

I know I owe an update, but I am so tired I can't even think. The parents left directly after graduation yesterday afternoon, and I ended up going to dinner and hanging out drinking with the Guacamole Kid clan, who were so wonderful and fantastic. They were so nice to me and let me become an adopted member of the family for one night, which was really special for me since my own family wasn't able to stay in town and be there. The downside is that I stayed up too late, then had to get up at the crack of dawn and head to my first day of Bar/bri. Fun! OK, not really. Let me tell you how much I'm already loving the "condensed" bar review schedule I have since I graduated so late. I haven't had a full night's sleep since before exams last week, so I'm starting to be even crazier and more emotional than usual, which sucks. With everyone heading out yesterday and today I feel really lonely and depressed and worried about different things that I probably can't control anyway. Gotta get back to my real life, with sleep, and the gym, and eating "food" instead of "booze." And soon!

Anyway, I will try to get back on a "normal" blogging schedule here pretty soon. But first, sleep.

Sigh.

Mama Spatula: "Look at my new knitting project."

Me: "Oh, it's cute, what is it?"

Mama Spatula: "It's a baby blanket."

Me: "Are you having a baby?"

Mama Spatula: "No. But hopefully before I die you will."

I'm alive.

My parents are on their way here so we can go out, so this has to be short.

1. I'm alive.

2. Just barely.

3. My parents came over at 8am this morning and I had to send them back to the hotel because I was so hungover.

4. I told them I was just "exhausted" because I've "been working so hard."

5. First we went to breakfast and I almost threw up on the table when my mom ate a ham and cheese and egg bagel.

6. After a two-hour nap, and some Diet Coke, I think I might live.

7. I'll blog more when I have time/after they leave tonight.

8. Beer+tequila+vodka+rum=horribleawfulterriblepleaseohpleasegodletmediesoon.

I'm DONE!*

HEY, GUESS WHAT?

I
FINISHED
LAW
SCHOOL
TODAY!!!

HOORAY!

*technically I do have to turn in a paper tomorrow -- but I worked on it all day today, now I'm going drinking.

Bring us a pitcher of beer every seven minutes until somebody passes out. And then bring one every ten minutes.

I seriously want to marry this guy. I was hysterical reading his responses to the emails he got (scroll to bottom), and it only made it better that I was reading in an English accent. Well, you know, my extremely craptastic version of an English accent which sounds like Mary Poppins, only on crack and with no teeth and a terrible, terrible headache.

In other news, why won't my parents (who I love very much) get a cell phone? WHY? The answer is, to torture me. They have no idea when they'll be here on Thursday, no idea where they're going, and no way to contact me in either regard. They are definitely going to get stuck in rush hour, which means that, since our sucktacular (I already used craptastic and I'm trying to quit cursing so much on here) "graduation party" which consists of "being held prisoner on a boat with overpriced booze and people who wouldn't talk to me lo these last three years" starts at 8, I am likely going to miss seeing them when the finally get into town, after they drove all day to see me.

I'm totally going to hell.

In other, other news, the Law of Oceans and Coasts is no more in my brain now than it was several hours ago. The book has brand new shiny shiny orange tabs (OK, not shiny, but rather a moderate sheen I think...could be the chips I had for dinner though), and isn't that almost the same as learning the material? The problem is I have NO FREAKING IDEA where he's going to go with the exam, but if experience proves me right, it will be nothing we ever really did in class or read in the text, so studying is probably worthless anyway. I'm going to watch "The Deadliest Catch" though, and doesn't that count for something?

Next time I talk to you I'll be done with law school. WOOHOO!

A real question, not just comment-whoring.

I'm considering getting either both my parents, or just my mom (as my dad would rather have my mom get stuff like this) a gift to thank them for all their support of me during the last three years ("Uh yeah, Mom and Dad, I'm getting my second divorce, leaving the military, and going to law school, which is going to plunge me into a giant well of debt and depression, causing me to spend three years doubting my very existence and forcing me into therapy. Sound good? Can you send me fifty bucks?").

For my mom, I was thinking of a simple necklace or other piece of jewelry (she doesn't have pierced ears), since she really doesn't have any specific interests that I could buy a gift for. My dad, wow, he's tough. All he loves are bikes, and he works at a bike store with a ridiculous discount and buys everything he wants, and it's all top of the line (re: I can't afford to even look at things he would like).

Did anyone do anything like this for their family when they graduated? What kinds of stuff did you get?

Here's a brief description of my parents: Down to earth, outdoorsy, love to garden, exercise-a-holics, daily hikes with the dog, enough money to pretty much have everything they need and most of what they want, simple, not into jewelry or flashy things (except my dad with sports cars, boats, and bikes...all things outside my price range), nature lovers, would be embarassed that I'm even considering this, pragmatic, realistic, funny, non-drinkers, religious, country/rural type people.

Fifty percent is a lot. It's half.

I am half done with my exams. Today I had BusOrgs. Done! I will admit that after about the third question, when I realized I had probably written enough "technically" to pass...it was hard to force myself to finish it all out. But, I did, and now it's done.

Tomorrow, I have Ocean and Coastal Law: The Final. I also have Ocean and Coastal Law: The Paper, which still has to be BlueBooked (damnit).

So, the plan is that I will spend the morning taking the exam, the afternoon finishing the paper, and then Ex-Roomie and I will spend some portion of the night drinking. YAY!

I may have already had a LITTLE bit to drink today since once of my friends was done after BusOrgs and I didn't think it would be right to let him celebrate alone! Unfortunately getting motivated for studying is difficult after two beers and a giant sausage (which sounds dirty, but was just lunch).

In 24 hours (or so), I will be done with law school.

BIZARRE.

An Open Letter to the Dude at my Gym

Dear Dude at my Gym,

Yeah, you. In the MC Hammer-style lifting pants, and the sleeveless t-shirt advertising...what is that...a tanning product? God, you f*cking tool. Sigh.

Anyway, here's the thing. People come to the gym for a few reasons. To work out. To hit on good looking people of whatever gender they are personally inclined to hit on. To get away from their nagging wife/husband/kids. To study for their BusOrgs exam while burning off some percentage of the 1lb. bag of Mega M&M's they ate today. Whatever. The reason isn't important.

The one thing you won't notice above as a reason people come to the gym? To listen to you talk on your cell phone. WHILE you're on the treadmill. In the middle of the gym. Surrounded by people who are actually trying to workout, relax, make deposits into the spank bank, and burn off Mega M&M's.

The fact that your phone is deposited between your extra-hairy shoulder, which I can tell is ripe and sweaty, even from the Elliptical Bank'O'Low-Impact two rows back, and your gross ear, also buried in sweaty hair (you are one hairy, sweaty motherf*cker, you know?), just makes me want to barf. Seriously.

Also, you're talking on your cell phone. ON the treadmill. AT the gym. What is WRONG with you? Oh well, don't let a little thing like "social norms" or "etiquette" or "being curteous to those around you" stop you from having your Very Important Conversation. I'm sure whatever it is just couldn't wait.

Go Straight to Hell.

Love.

E. Spat.

The kids like it when I "get down" verbally.

From:

Natural Resource Defense Council v. Daley, 209 F.3d 747

"The disputed 1999 TAL had at most an 18% likelihood of achieving the target F. Viewed differently, it had at least an 82% chance of resulting in an F greater than the target F. Only in Superman Comics' Bizarro world, where reality is turned upside down, could the Service reasonably conclude that a measure that is at least four times as likely to fail as to succeed offers a "fairly high level of confidence.'"

Emphasis obviously added by a highly amused me. That might just be the exam brain talking though.

In other news, I'm seriously considering killing my office mate, who is, right this moment, SLURPING something (sssssssssssssssssslurp, sssssssssssssssssssslurp) and keeps furtively getting up and running in and out of the office, turning the computer on and off each time he goes (Ding, ding, ding...Windows is shutting down motherf*cker!), like he's protecting state secrets and I'm a Soviet mole or something.

Homicide is OK if you're really annoyed. Discuss.

I smell good!

Tonight at Starbucks, studying with two friends, the female friend went "Someone or something really smells good? It keeps wafting over and it smells good! Do you smell it?" And so, jokingly, I went, "Ha, it's probably me!" So, she stuck her nose up to my neck (male friend watching with something between curiousity and intense confusion), and goes "It IS you!"

Didja get that people? I smell so good it WAFTS over people in Starbucks and makes them SWOON! Or at least makes them validate my $100 perfume that I bought with the ex-bf in mind, and which I'm glad he wasn't around long enough to become associated with in my mind so that it would be ruined forever, because there's quite a bit left in the bottle. I heart smelling good.

Go visit my friend's new blog.

My friend, going by the codename "Veritas" started a blog and he's really funny and a good writer, so you should go read it. He's also been nice enough to offer to guest blog for me at some point, so as soon as he comes up with a topic and writes it up, you'll also see some of his writing around here. Yay!

A Pack of Camels and a Pot of Coffee

When I say "STUDY" you say "BREAK"

Yeah, I am going to totally fail both my finals because I have the attention span of a coked up hummingbird.

I did watch both a Lifetime Movie AND a 2-hour Kathy Griffin special. I failed absolutely in forcing myself to care about the Business Judgment Rule, and I ate WAY TOO MUCH, but at least I went to the gym.

I have about 38 hours to figure out Bus Orgs, and I need to at least start thinking about Ocean and Coastal, which promises to be a problem since there are (literally) probably 1,000 slides from the class presentations, plus an entire book, but no common ground between what's in the book and what was presented in class...oh yay, double studying!

In other news -- I'm considering sending homemade cookies to my friend stationed in the Desert, and packages take about a week and a half to get there. But, I'm afraid they'll be totally gross...does anyone have any experience with this specific subject? Leave a comment or email me.

UPDATE: BWAHAHAHA...I used my evil powers of persuasion to get one of my friends to agree to go out to a coffee shop and at least sit with me while we both study separate subjects...I need socialization people! Off I go...too bad I hate coffee, guess it's tea and crumpets and Bus Orgs for me.

Just for the freshmaker taste of it....

An astute reader, and 1L at the TVPNU (who took me out to lunch once as well!), sent me this awesome video.

Diet Coke meets Mentos meets The Bellagio Dancing Fountains. Y

Kind of needs sound for true appreciation.

Weekly Law School Roundup...passing the torch.

The Weekly Law School Roundup has smoothly passed into the capable of hands of kristine at divine angst. Her first Roundup is...up...and she did a great job. I can graduate in peace now!

DAMN the man.

I keep trying to study for BusOrgs and falling asleep in my book. I've tried caffeine, catnaps, marshmallows, ice cream, Mexican food, and study breaks...all to no avail.

Maybe God WANTS me to fail?

It's becoming increasingly clear to me that without some sort of threat (joblessness, not graduating) hanging over my head, I can't perform. I mean, even with my miserable and insufficient level of preparedness, I'm still gonna pass the class. I might get a terrible grade, but showing up and writing my name in crayon will get me past "F" level...and I probably don't even have to spell my name right.

I actually feel like I have a reasonably decent grip on quite a bit of the material, there are some things I didn't read during the quarter though that I know I need to read before Tuesday morning, which is what I am TRYING to do...not that I've got anything to show for it (well, some highlighter marks on my arm from when I fell asleep and it slipped out of my hand).

Ocean and Coastal Law is even worse, although at least I got the paper done (minus citations which will, I'm sure, provide yet another opportunity for abject misery in the upcoming days).

I will be so happy on Wednesday afternoon when this part is all over. I'm going to put off worrying about the bar for at least 12 hours after graduation, which is exactly how long we get to rest before bar review starts. The joy of the quarter system extends right into bar review. Starting late? CHECK! Compressed schedule? CHECK! Six days a week? CHECK CHECK! JOY!

Anyway, I'm off topic now...one set of horribles at a time. BusOrgs. Sigh. Who decided proxy contests were something I needed to know?

Star-crossed lovers at the 7-11

Today at 7-11 while I was getting my daily Diet Coke Super Big Gulp, there was a REALLY attractive man ALSO getting a Diet Coke Super Big Gulp.

Our eyes met over the soda fountain.

We laughed over the fact that they were out of the "big" lids.

Angels sang.

Fireworks exploded.

Diet Coke flowed through the land like water, and every man, woman and child had a 44oz cup with which to scoop up the delicious carbonated goodness.

And then, I left and he went back to looking for peanuts with his friend.

In my whole entire life I never wanted so much to see my experience on the Craigslist "Missed Connections." I want to freaking marry this dude.

This song is stuck in my head...make it go awaaaaaaaay.....

I have actually said on here probably 100 times that I LOVE the Bradley Nowell and Friends: Sublime Acoustic CD, it's on pretty much constant rotation in my CD player and has been for several years. BUT, for some reason this song has been stuck in my head for the past couple of days and I can't get rid of it...I love it, but not on a constant basis!



Sublime: Freeway Time in LA County Jail

On the freeway in the county
The sun don't shine
I feel, I feel, I feel
I feel a Bati man
And outside my cell
Deputies creep
And in this cell
All I do is sleep
And I dream
That I'm free
And I'm back on the reef
Where I throw my net
Out into the sea
All the fine hanas come swimming to me
They hold me and they promise me things
And when the tide's high I cry like a little baby
Don't give me no right kind a love on a Sunday morning
Don't want no puppy loving
Hold me babe, a new stylee
Hungry babe, a new stylee
And an angry dog is a hungry dog
And a hungry dog is an angry dog
I feel like rocking
I wanna rock with you!

I'm alive gotta contact home
Gotta contact my baby girl
But I would never could get up
Why does it have to be so damn tough?
With mayates and the eses
Yes they're steady on the floor
I'll be damned if a man with a shake in his hand will make me feel
I feel a Bati man
And I know
That I'm there someday

I'm back on the reef
Where I throw my net
Out into the sea
All the fine hanas come swimming to me
Hold me baby promise me
With no protection on my erection I won't get no VD
Don't give me no right kind a love on a Sunday morning
Don't want no puppy loving
Go on!
Hold me babe, got a new stylee
And an angry dog's a hungry dog
He's a naked man is a naked man
And a wicked dog is a hungry dog
I feel like rocking
I wanna rock with you!

Exxon Was Here: Make them pay! - More News

In my grand plan to make you guys more environmentally aware, here is what Exxon has to say about the possibility of the reopener becoming a reality:

Hundreds of studies by Exxon have shown the environmental impact to be less serious than claimed by other researchers. Boudreaux said Exxon didn't know of any new scientific studies that would merit reopening the settlement.

"We believe Prince William Sound is healthy, it's robust, it's thriving," Boudreaux said.

Now, let's look at the pictures again:

I'm alive.

But just barely.

I spent all day yesterday until around midnight working on a paper I have due for my Oceans and Coastal Law class, and then came back to school and finished it (mostly) this morning...I'm not entirely sure whether I'm allowed to talk about it or not before it's turned in, so I'll just say that all I have left to do are citations. Sigh.

In other news, exams are Tuesday and Wednesday.

My BusOrgs exam is on Tuesday morning.

Tuesday.

6/6/06.

Coinicidence?

Anyone?

Anyone?

Yeah, I don't think so either.

I'm politically incorrect...a rant.

**This is long, rant-y, and concerns a subject that most people have strong feelings about...but I felt like getting it off my chest. Read at your own risk.

You know what won't stop the war? Military personnel going without equipment they need. I swear, I hate living here sometimes because there seems to be a pervasive belief that military personnel have any say whatsoever about policy decisions made by Congress and the President. Soldiers (by which I mean Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen and Marines) go and soldiers do...and they vote. That's it. Just like everyone else. They don't decide when we go to war and when we come home, and no amount of protesting and trying to stop cargo ships from taking them things they (presumably) need is going to change that.

The argument that military personnel should "not go" or should "stand up and say no" when asked to go to Iraq is idiotic and is uniformly made by people who have no idea what being in the military means. You take an oath. You are bound to protect and serve the U.S. Constitution and the orders of the officers appointed over you, including those of the President. If those orders were to be declared illegal, that would be one thing, but until then, working military men and women have no choice but to do their duty, and likely wouldn't have it any other way -- because they believe in what they do and they are professionals.

How many of these protestors would go to Fort Leavenworth for what they believe? And I don't mean a night in jail for civil disobedience ("Daddy? Is that you? I need you to post bail, I got arrested at a die-in"), I mean years of hard time for treason, insubordination, failure to follow lawful orders during a time of war, or failure to go.

Would any of these protestors actually DIE for their cause?? Because military personnel have put their bodies where their mouths are, they ARE willing to die for a cause. The cause of protecting America. The cause of keeping us all safe. The cause of safeguarding our liberty.

Even if you don't believe in the war (and not many people do), what about the military's humanitarian missions? Lifesaving medical aid in catastrophes? Logistical support during emergencies both domestic and international? Selfless service in the face of nearly insurmountable obstacles, including derision by the general public they are serving?

I am so sick and tired of people making the simplistic argument of "why don't you just say no" (a common argument presented to me all the time regarding the "Don't Ask Don't Tell policy" as well). And the reason that this story has been pissing me off so much is that lately I've seen a couple of bumper stickers "urging" military members to "just say no and don't go" to the war, and I've heard people espousing that same general sentiment out in public. Maybe it's been a hot topic on the news and that's why people are talking about it, but I kind of doubt it. It seems like one of those things dreamed up by someone with absolutely no earthly idea of how the military works or is organized and thinks it's just like their job assistant managing the Footlocker at the mall. Quit if you don't like it?! Not so much!

For a bunch of people who are protesting something they supposedly feel strongly about, they just couldn't do a worse job. It makes me so mad. If you're going to spend the effort protesting, why not protest to the people who actually can make a difference??? I'm all for free speech, but no military member has the power to make the decision to get us out of Iraq, that's an issue for Congress and the President, and that's where political activism should be directed. So, why try to deprive military personnel of equipment they need? If it makes them safer, improves their living conditions, boosts their morale, or keeps them healthy and happy, why take that away from them? Does the fact that it's warfighting equipment make the difference? What if it's new equipment that is actually armored and will save American servicemember's lives? How does taking anything from the warfighter on the ground help the cause? He or she isn't making the big decisions...we all know this, right?

I have friends in Iraq right now. Good friends. Believe me when I tell you that no one is more against open warfare than the people being shot at and blown up in roadside bombs.