Monday, July 17, 2006

Are you lookin' at ME?


Uh. Yeah. Ms. Spatula? Yeah. This is Jane from your apartment complex? I just...uh...wanted to...uh...let you know that...uh...we were doing a walk-through of the grounds today...and...uh...I need to ask you to get rid of the...uh...trash and...uh...debris on your porch? Well, need you to do that...because...uh...well...I would...ummmmm...REALLLLLY hate to have to give you...uh...10-days notice. So. Yeah. If you could...uh...pick up that trash. Yeah.


Sadly for Jane, I am filled with aggression, have achieved something approximating minimal competence in Landlord-Tenant Law, and have nothing better to do than plan what I will say when I call her back in the morning. They want to give ME 10-days notice? For trash that isn't even f*cking mine? Did anyone on this so-called expedition of the grounds bother to effing look up and see that, HEY GUESS WHAT???, the neighbors DIRECTLY ABOVE ME have about 10 pots balanced precariously on the ledge of their balcony and, HEY GUESS WHAT???, the "trash" and "debris" on my "porch" is actually, HEY GUESS WHAT???, potted plants that seem to have somehow mysteriously fallen RIGHT OUT OF THE F*CKING SKY! Wow!!! It's a MIRACLE!

Needless to say, I was thrilled to come this evening and spend a few of my precious minutes picking up my neighbor's trash. No one bothered to even call and ask if it was mine before making what is essentially a threat over THREE POTTED PLANTS that CLEARLY came from the neighbor's balcony. Jesus! Oh yeah, if I don't make this girl cry tomorrow I will give you a dollar. Really. OK, not really.

In other news, I bought flouride rinse. Dental health is so important, don't you think? It's right up there with penmanship. PENMANSHIP COUNTS DAMNIT! As an aside, thank GOD I can type the bar exam.

Also, watch the Hearsay Video. It will make you happy. Don't forget the sound, or you won't remember the song when you're taking the bar.

I talked to Guacamole Kid tonight. He's doing good, still studying for the bar aboard his boat. He was a little tipsy and I was jealous. He's up there with his family, doing what he loves, studying for the bar knowing that he's still out earning a living, enjoying the beautiful Alaska summer, and drinking beer. That lucky bastard.

I'm reaching panic stage. As in...HOLY CRAP, there is NO WAY I know enough to pass, no way I'm going to learn the rest by next Tuesday, and no way that I can write 24 essays in 2.5 days on all these subjects (most of which I didn't have in school) that I haven't even learned yet, let alone memorized. PANIC PANIC PANIC. Hopefully the flouride rinse will at least keep me from getting a cavity, and maybe I'll get to make someone cry tomorrow. One can dream.
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