Friday, June 04, 2004

Clever headlines and junk

Every morning I check my email and every single morning in my junk email box there is AT LEAST one email from giving me advice on my (non-existent) love life, or trying to convince me to give them money. This is my own fault because in a moment of weakness I took one of their stupid tests and had to give them my email…I couldn’t help it, I was sucked into the ploy of finding out “What Type of Guy I’m Really Attracted To.” So, this morning, they were there for me again…telling me how I can write an “intriguing profile” which will be the “key to my romantic success.” After all, “browsing through matches is like being in a room full of potential mates,” so I better get my shit together! I only have time to do the first part today…depending on how desperate I am for stuff to write about as I become more and more crazy with exam-fever, maybe I’ll do the rest. But today it’s all about the headline.

1. Make it unique
"Looking For Love" or "Seeking My Match" is too generic and won’t set you apart from the crowd. Remember that your headline is one of the first things other members will see; set aside a few minutes to make it special or try these suggestions.

I need someone to buy me beer and you look like you’ll do.

Looking for whoever is easiest to convince that I’m funny and charming…i.e. how drunk are you?

2. Be clever but clear
Don’t assume strangers will understand your sense of humor. "Clever Headline TBD" doesn’t give anyone a reason to read your profile. "Fat, Ugly And Stupid Seeks Thin, Gorgeous And Brilliant" doesn’t work either (would that make you want to click or move on?).

I love you, and you love me, SAY IT!

Husband wanted: Must be willing to marry me within six months, let my 7 children call you either “Dad” or “Pa” (your choice), and work at least 2 jobs to pay off my 40K in credit card debt. Must own AT LEAST a double-wide trailer (don’t worry, I have tie-downs I got in the divorce from my fourth husband).

3. Be realistic
"Prince Seeks Princess" and "Looking To Live The Fairy Tale Life" suggests that you need to get your feet back on the ground. Try not to set yourself up as an object of pity by using the words "lonely" or "desperate," as in "Lonely Lady Seeks LTR" or "Desperately Seeking Soulmate." Are you looking for someone who is lonely or desperate? Neither is anyone else. And surely there are more enticing ways to describe yourself!

Princess seeks boy with strong back and weak mind.

I am definitely not lonely and desperate, but if I was, would you want to be my knight in shining armor? Because I really need to be rescued…I’m prone to depression you know, and sometimes the med’s just aren’t enough and when I get manic I like to plunge into a relationship with someone and then slowly tear their entire world apart bit by bit. I also like long walks on the beach

I'm off to ConLaw review session...tomorrow if there's time I will be moving into "How to Write the Perfect Profile", otherwise known as "How to Fool People Into Thinking They Will Like You by Saying What They Want to Hear."
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