Tuesday, November 09, 2004

Look Ya'll...I just want to be left alone! Right after I put this letter on my website.

I want to thank Wayne for pointing out to me that the Brit-ster is back with a brand new and marginally more grammatically correct "Letter of Truth." I covered the last Letter of Truth for my faithful readers, and I feel like it's my duty to at least bring to your attention the highlights of her latest missive.

First off, Brit is doing a little bit of home redecorating.
I'm redecorating a lot of things because when we decide to start a family, everything in it needs to be perfecto! I love decorating; it's very therapeutic for me. I believe your house is a reflection of yourself, so I want everything in mine to be exquisite.

Perfecto? Is it a South of the Border/Louisiana Redneck theme? Also, I wonder where one purchases the "Rode Hard and Put Up Wet" Collection?

Secondly, our little songbird is learning arts and crafts.
My new hobby is experimenting with all different types of art lessons. It's always been a passion of mine. Maybe I'll even do my sister's make-up next year for big events.

Wow, I would be so happy if my big sister had to take art lessons to be able to do my makeup! What I want to know is why can't little Jamie Lynn just go with the zit cream and cigarette look like big sis? If it's a formal event just add big sister's trucker hat that says "Carpe Assum: Seize the Ass." Voila!

Next, Brit wants us to know that she's shifting her priorities. I so miss the "My Prerogative" reference we got in the last Letter of Truth though!
I can actually enjoy & reflect on my success at this point in my life. I may be disappointing some fans out there, but I don't think I'll do another tour for a couple of years.

I know I'm disappointed! Gosh, we'll all miss your lip-synching Brit! Maybe you should send your hand me down vocal aids to Ashlee Simpson.

Just when we think Brit might be a grinch, we learn she is Very Excited about the Holiday's.
The Holiday's are right around the corner and I can't wait to have my own Christmas tree in my very own house. As far as New Year's plans, I really wanted to have a huge party for all our friends and relatives who were unable to be at our wedding, due to the last minute surprise element, but I think we might have to wait until after the house is completely finished.

I guess everyone will have to open their presents at home! What better place to enjoy your new "Pimp" or "Ho" velour sweatsuit than in the comfort of your own crib? Also, it must be tough redecorating in only a few short months when you have more money than God. And Lindsey Lohan.

Apparently, Britney isn't the only crazy bitch in the house either.
Well, I've got to go. My dog, Lacy, just got fixed and she's not acting like herself! I'm going to have Shabby Chic re-cover her bed and maybe that will lift her spirits!

Nothing says "Sorry about sterilizing you and taking our your reproductive organs" like having your doggie bed redone with an old curtain.

And last but not least, Ms. Spears-Alexander-Federline would like us to know that she might have been a little hasty in her last Letter of Truth. And to think, it was so well written.
Regarding last week's letter: I'm not the type of person to put blame on other people, but I do feel that some things which were done for me were not always in my best interests. Looking back, I feel now that on my 4th album "less is more" should have been the way to go. As for me quitting the business for good, that is kind of harsh. As I said earlier, my priorities have changed and I am going to be focusing on three main areas of my life for the immediate future. Myself, my husband, Kevin and starting a family.

I'm sure she'll be focusing in that order as well. First things first. She's gonna be a great mom, just sitting on the porch swiggin PBR and chain-smoking and firing nannies because they won't stop flirting with her VD ridden scumbag "fine" husband. Oh yeah, nothing like a kid whose parent is a multimillionaire (of course, the other potential parent is a guy who knew when a good thing was buying her own ring and trying to marry his punk ass and said "Sign me UP!") but who still has no hope of being anything other than a redneck piece of crap, just like his/her mom. I guess you can take the girl out of the trailer park, but if she's stupid enough she'll keep coming back no matter how rich she gets.

So, in summation, Britney Spears actually IS as dumb as she looks. And a slut. And has no talent whatsoever. That will be all.
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