Monday, November 29, 2004

I have a great personality.

Actual comment on the Evidence paper I got back today (I've turned in two in the last week, this one was a made-up direct and cross regarding introducing evidence of character):

"Not very accurate, but highly entertaining."

If you can't be smart, be funny...that's what I always say! If the problem is about introducing character evidence regarding the most out there professor at the school (at least the most openly bizarre and semi-lunatic-al professor - but in a nice way) make sure to write a direct and cross that actually have nothing to do with character evidence (since you don't understand it in the least despite reading the chapter 87 times in a row) but are pretty damn funny. Also, get your friend to help you, because two funny-fied people are better than one. Here's just one example*/**:

Prosecutor: "Isn't it true that Prof. Torts was involved in a violent confrontation with another faculty member just two years ago?"
Character Witness (played by Evidence Prof): "Well, he is generally respected, but there was one time about two years ago that he punched another faculty member after a staff meeting, in fact it was the Dean of the Law School."
Pros: "Can you explain to the jury what happened?"
CW: "Well, during that staff meeting the Dean explained to us that a student had filed a formal complaint for being locked out of his first year Torts class for wearing an 'I Own A Gun And I Vote' t-shirt. Prof. Torts, in his frustration over the issue, went to punch a wall behind him, and inadvertently punched the Dean in the throat. Afterwards though, they both had a good laugh and no charges were filed."
Pros: "So, aside from the incident at the staff meeting, are you aware of any other instances where Prof. Torts acted in a violent manner?"
CW: "Well no, but I did hear a rumor around school that Prof. Torts was once arrested for attempting to sell drugs. But later, when I asked him about it, he told me that after he was arrested and the police tested the substance they found, it turned out to be coffee creamer. What can I say? Prof. Torts only likes organic hazelnut vanilla coffee creamer and as such, is forced to carry it on his person."

*Not that most of you know where I go to school or who my professors are, but it should be OBVIOUS that this is made up and bears no resemblance to anyone's life, real or imagined.

** All of you know that I am in law school, but it should be OBVIOUS that I have only a cursory knowledge of the law and a serious lack of understanding on how to apply what I do know. However, it should be noted that we INTENDED this to be funny rather than accurate after noticing that we had a clear lack of understanding on the evening before it was due. We meant it to be wrong. Yeah, that's the ticket.
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