Thursday, September 02, 2004

Adventures with Mama Spatula

My mom is a...uh...unique individual. She is entirely good and wonderful and would do anything for anyone, but at the same time she is prone to...well...let's call them outburts of random thinking. For instance, the other day at Home Depot she told the cashier guy that she is convinced that an entire family of wasps live in between the "layers of pink stuff" in the attic. And surprisingly, whenever my dad goes up there, he can't find the wasps. Shocking.

And, I've told you before that she thinks Molly the Satanic Dog has the Sixth Sense. She also believes that ice cubes and water from the automatic water dispenser in the fridge door give her heart palpitations. During the reign of our last princess dog, Abby, my mom also believed that Abby could sense extraterrestrial life.

Needless to say, the rest of the family can be a bit skeptical, but we all go along with her because she is just the nicest person in the whole world, if a little bizarre.

But, aside from all of the above, she also tends to say things in public that can be embarrasing for the rest of us. Remember the "bag of coke" incident? So, today at Costco, here's what happened.

The Scene: Walking through Costco looking at socks. I like those really tiny socks that you can't see to wear with my Chuck Taylors and capri pants. What can I say, if you had 35 pairs of Chucks, you would want the perfect complementary socks too! So, we're standing there talking about these little socks, and here's the conversation:

Mom: "Those socks are so tiny. Don't they slip off your feet?"
Me: "No, at least I've never had problems before."
Mom: "Well, your dad saw some in the laundry and he didn't know what they were. He thought they were VIBRATOR COVERS."
Me: "WHAT?"
Mom: "You know, vibrator covers for that neck massager I have in the front room."
Me: "Oh yeah, right. Of course that's what you meant. I mean, what else could you mean? Duh." Nervous laughter.

First, about 10 people heard this exchange and almost all of them had to walk away to laugh. Second, every time I think about it I start giggling and then have to cover it with a fake coughing fit. Third, oh my god, my mom said vibrator in public. At Costco.
This blog is sponsored by The Reeves Law Group at 515 South Flower Street, 36th Floor. Los Angeles CA 90071. (213) 271-9318