Wednesday, September 29, 2004

Please God, let me die with dignity....

1. Meet my pet hamster, Killer.

2. There once was a man named Jay
Who tanned in the nude all day
He thought he was right
So he picked a big fight
And got killed in a most humiliating way
(I admit the last line is kind of lame...but I'm tired)

3. Hurricane + Gasoline + Trailer + Candle = Another guy who's too dead to be on Team Natural Selection.

And, just when I thought the Team Natural Selection pickings were getting pretty slim...along comes Leroy Brown. Ironically, Leroy Brown is not only a character immortalized in song by Jim Croce, it is the name of my dog...who currently lives with my ex-husband. But I digress. Mr. Brown believed his wife was cheating on him, so he set her pants on fire. She wasn't wearing them at the time, but he did manage to burn down his mobile home. How did that happen, you ask? Well, he was holding the burning pants, and amazingly, they started to burn his fingers, as things that are on fire are wont to do. So he dropped them. And burned down his house. Way to take quick and decisive corrective action Mr. sure showed her who's boss.

Finally, Jack Daniel's is making its whiskey a little weaker. The editor of Modern Drunkard Magazine is quoted in the article saying "You can't screw with a legend like that and get away with it, I'm sure Jack is spinning in his grave." Strangely, Jack usually gives me the spins too. The best part of the article though are the parts with this Modern Drunkard guy.

He says "I've switched to Maker's Mark since. I used to drink a bottle a week. Some of our board members drink three bottles a week. Once this gets out, it will be like the New Coke thing — they'll have to bring it back."

My god...three bottles of Jack a week -- holy crap...that makes my liver feel scared, like it needs a hug and nap.
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