Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Tuesday Spies ©

Yeah, I didn't feel like doing this on Friday. But, I spent a goodly part of the afternoon drinking a nice local microbrew, and I'm actively avoiding writing a comment for Admin that was due yesterday (OOPS!), so, I thought, why not do this right now? Thanks (as always) to the gentlemen (and lady, if she's still around) of BTQ.

1. What is the best thing about the city in which you live? What is the worst?

Best: The four days a year when it's not raining are beautiful. The public transportation rarely has touchers on it, mostly just talk-to-selfers and public fingernail-cutters. There are a lot of bars.

Worst: The hippies, oh GOD, the hippies.

2. Describe an idea or invention of yours that you would like to see turned into reality.

Glitter golf balls. Yeah, that's right...glitter...it's the only thing that could get me enthused about golf.

Mail-order husbands from Alaska (or some other place with way more men than women). Order up the man of your dreams off the internet and have him delivered in 7-10 business days right to your front door!!

3. Name an overrated author, musician, and movie. Name an underrated author, musician, and movie.

Overrated: Steven King, Eminem, Sideways.

Underrated: Jennifer Weiner (should be required reading for all women, everywhere), Johnny Horton (Folk music about the founding of this country...hell yeah!), Secretary (not sure if it's underrated, but I think more people should see it!).

4. If your life were a sitcom slated to air in the fall, what would the show be called? Who would you cast in the starring role? And for extra credit, give us a brief treatment of the show.

The sitcom of my life would be called "Margaritaville." (DUH!)

The starring role would be played by Sara Rue as she has red hair like moi, and is also the only actress in all of Hollywood who is not far to skinny to acurately portray me (HEY LOOK -- TWO misspelled words in one sentence, maybe three if I misspelled misspell. I just wanted you to know that I did indeed notice, but don't intend to fix it...instead I intend to write three entirely new sentences about it. -- Ed.). Sure, she gets typecast as the funny best friend all the time, but whatever, that's pretty much like my life anyway.

Here's my "treatment."

The main character, Jane (well, E. Spat sounds stupid!), would be a girl who, in the past, had a really responsible career, has two ex-husbands, and started law school only to drop out in her second year. After she drops out, she moves to a small island where she runs a bar and begins a career as a romance novel writer, basing her characters on the men she meets running the only bar on the entire island...mostly pirates and crazy fisherman. Eventually she becomes quite famous and rich from her filthy novels and moves back to the United States where she opens up a 500 acre no-kill animal shelter and has a kajillion doggies and kitties that she takes care of with her faithful cabana boy husband, Jean Carlos Demetrios Cartwright Anderssen dos Santos O'Sullivan IV.

5. When is the fun supposed to start?

If you find out, let me know...I'm hoping that it will be starting in less than two weeks in D.C.
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