I interrupt my craziness to bring you the quote of the day:
"He was very nervous, wearing loose fitting shorts with no other clothing, and he had a tremendous amount of Vaseline covering his entire body and the interior of his vehicle," Lansdale police officer George Johnson wrote in the criminal complaint.
Inside Cassell’s vehicle, police found pornographic magazines, sex toys, women’s garter bands and leggings, and a jar of Vaseline, according to the arrest affidavit.
When Cassell was arrested and searched, police discovered he was wearing a pair of women’s thong underwear under his shorts, according to court documents. When questioned by police, he admitted to having a problem masturbating in public places, according to court documents. (emphasis added)
I'm assuming by "problem" the author of this story means "can't stop" because in the context of that sentence it seems like he's got it pretty much down to a fine art.
Also, seriously, NO requests? God...I must be even less inspiring than I thought.
As you were.