Monday, June 06, 2005

Tonight's subject is Denise...

Dear Denise,

I'm starting to think you are really stupid. In fact, you must be a complete fucking moron, because, honestly, how many times does your husband/boyfriend/live-in sinner have to scream at you to "take the goddamn dog out before he pisses on the fucking carpet again Denise, goddamnit"?

In point of fact, this is probably mostly your man's problem (although who DOES like dog piss on the carpet?), and were I not so busy, tired and cranky, I would not hesitate to recommend some nice couple's counseling or possibly an anger management class to help you two come to terms with what is obviously a stressor in your relationship. However, and I know you might find this shocking, I have other shit to worry about besides you, your man, and your, unless I hear him actually threaten your life I'm going to have to ask you both to please take your domestic disturbances down a notch.

Please Denise, for the love of all that is holy, and in deference to the fact that we don't have A/C here in the great Northwest and so my windows must remain open or I'll die of heat stroke, and I have a Very. Important. Exam. tomorrow...PLEASE, take the goddamn dog out before it pisses on the fucking carpet again. I'm begging you Denise.


E. Spat.
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