Thursday, March 10, 2005

When Diet Coke Kills.

OMG -- I'm so mad, I had to wait all day to tell you this story cuz Blogger was broken.

So, the morning started out pretty normal, except I got up really early to go to school and do some stuff. By the time Admiralty started at 8:30 I was SOOOOO tired. I ALWAYS have a Diet Coke in there every morning, and this morning I had brought one from home. I took one sip of it and then I left it on the desk while I ran up to Academic Services to turn in a paper, and when I got back, Prof. Admiralty was just about to start class. While he got his slides and computer and stuff ready, I set up my laptop, put my book out (left side of laptop), got my notebook and pen out (right side of laptop), and put my Diet Coke where I always do (right side of laptop above notebook). The bell rang and everything seemed pretty OK.

And then. IT happened.

I reached over for my pen and inadvertently knocked over my Diet Coke. Now, mind you, the cap was ON! I had already taken a couple drinks of it, so it had been uncapped and recapped. For about one second I breathed a sigh of relief that I always leave the cap on, JUST IN CASE OF SITUATIONS LIKE THIS! And then I heard it.


Oh yeah, the cap EXPLODED off the bottle, and the Diet Coke inside exploded out like the baking soda and vinegar lava in a poorly constructed fifth grade science fair experiment (not that I would know).

Diet Coke EVERYWHERE! There was a puddle on the carpet, a lake on the was running off my face, my hair and my glasses. It was all over my clothes. It was splattered on my laptop and had ruined all my handouts that were sitting by my computer. Literally, I have not seen Diet Coke explode like that EVER...and in my vast experience with Diet Coke there have been a lot of shaking-induced "incidents." And I WASN'T EVEN SHAKING IT!

Needless to say, Prof. Admiralty just stops talking, the whole class looks at me, and feeling a little vulnerable I go "Holy Crap, I guess I have a product liability action here huh?" Everyone laughs and I turn BRIGHT RED...I blush like a mofo my friends, it's the curse of being super-pale (or porcelain-skinned as I like to think of it). I run to my office for napkins and a plastic bag quickly, and when I come back, the Prof. has kind of started to teach again, but everyone still turns around to watch, and I can't stop giggling. And Diet Coke keeps dribbling out of my hair down my humiliating. The whole desk is so sticky that I have to move down a chair, but when I sit down my wet sleeves and everything just make a whole new puddle. It was awful.

But, lest you think it can't get any worse, rest assured it can.

As I'm cleaning up Prof. Admiralty decides to mention that for our take-home exam we can put our names on it because our class isn't subject to the curve, and then, I guess thinking that I'm almost done (or that I'm being very distracting), he goes "Well Ms. Spatula, when you drink Pepsi these things don't happen."

I look up, and swear to God, go "Do not EVEN talk to me about Pepsi! I am from the South. We drink Coke!"

The guy next to me then goes "God, I guess you're glad she'll be putting her name on the exam with a response like that!"

Prof. laughs, I laugh, everyone laughs...but I was SOOOOO embarrased.

I went and saw Prof. Admiralty after class and apologized for being such a distraction and he was like "It was funny...but you shook that bottle right?" And I was like "Are you kidding me? Why would I do that? I swear it was a defective bottle, or too much carbonation or something!" He told me that it was a nice "ice-breaker" for the last day of Admiralty and that it was good for a laugh. So, because it's the day of me being a moron, I go "Well, I may not know much about the law but I'm always good for a laugh or two!" He thought that was funny too.

I feel a little bad because he had just announced that this is the last time he's ever teaching Admiralty at our school since the school is getting rid of it, and he's such a great Professor, and then I totally made a big ass of myself right during his heartfelt moment. God, I suck. But I am still giggling.
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