Last night I got the profiles of all the other interns I am going to be working with in D.C. this summer...and as it turns out, I AM the weakest link. Oh my god, these people all speak 12 languages and have degrees in micro-nuclear-electrical-chemical-genetic-engineering. I have a degree in Psych/Crim from a state college (and not really a good state either!), a semi-coherent take on English, and a cursory knowledge of the law. OK...so my plan between now and June is as follows:
1) Contact Devil (this shouldn't be hard, I've heard he's working in our Financial Aid office)
2) Sell soul
3) Become endowed with all the characteristics that I now lack...a second language (or just a firm grasp on English), a technical degree (Vo-tech doesn't count), and as long as I'm selling my soul...better hair
4) Quit playing Bejeweled in class (as soon as I break through the 30,000 high score barrier...just a few more days...I swear)
5) Visit low rent Meditation studio right off campus and have my chakras aligned so that I can better absorb the hugely confusing miasma that is "Property" (this could help with #4 as well)
6) When that fails, buy every Property study guide available to mankind, and, using Diet Coke and caramel filled Hershey's Kisses, stay awake for the next four weeks in order to study enough to pass the final
7) Find and marry rich billionaire so that even if I suck at my summer job it doesn't matter, I can wipe my tears away with thousand dollar bills
8) Feng Shui my glorified grad school dorm room in order to increase my studying effectiveness...perhaps the fake wood desk should be on the opposite wall...where the twin extra long bed is now?
I'm off to Financial Aid now to leave a note...do you think I should include a twenty or is my soul enough?
