Monday, August 30, 2004

So you're gonna tell me that you don't have no black cats, no roman candles, or screaming mimis?

Today, in a flight of fancy, I went to the local Farm Store (seriously, it's called the Back 40 or something like that) to place a reservation for a U-haul for my trip back up to TVPNM. Now, this Farm Store place is essentially the ONLY place in this tiny town that rents U-hauls, the nearest big city (defined as: City with 2-gate Airport and a Target) is about 50 miles away, so the choices for moving van rental are pretty limited. And I was going to rent off the internet, but I NEVER see any U-haul trucks outside this place and thought maybe I ought to just stop in and ask how the whole thing works.

So, first thing when I walk in is that there are pictures of 4-H farm animals everywhere with these little notes from 4-H kids..."Thank youu verry mush four bying my hog afterr the fare this yeer. I am gladd you bot my hog. Yor stor is verry nice two buy my hog." I can't make this stuff up. And, of course, you know what happens to poor Mr. Hog...Mmmmmm...Bacon.

Then the lady asks if she can help me, I give her my song and dance about moving up to TVPNM and how I need a U-haul and everything and here's the conversation.

Me: "Well, I need a 10-foot U-haul to move my stuff up to TVPNM"
Farm Store Lady: "Well, you see here, we can take your reservation but we can't guarantee a truck on the day you need it"
Me: "Ummm...isn't that why it's called a reservation? What am I reserving if you can't promise me what I need?"
FSL: "Well, see, this is about supply and demand"
Me: (puzzled) "Yes, I understand that...and so that's why I'm giving you several hundred dollars and you're providing me with a truck...right??"
FSL: "But, we can't guarantee someone will turn in one that's the size you need by the day you need if they didn't you might have to go somewhere else"
Me: "You mean, you would refer me to someone that has the truck? Where?"
FSL: "Oh, you know...around here"
Me: "Where around here? In Nearest Big City? We're pretty much in the middle of nowhere here!"
FSL: "Oh, I don't really know. Do you want to make a reservation or not?"
Me: "WHAT AM I RESERVING? The opportunity to have my entire move effed up by your store and U-haul's apparently ridiculous policies?"
FSL: "Well, at least if we know you have a truck reserved, if someone brings one in then we can hold it for you"
Me: "OK, so if someone brings one in like next week sometime you'll hold it until the 10th?"
FSL: "No. We'll only hold it for one day. And you know, we don't get too many trucks coming in here because it's such a small town, so we can't guarantee you'll get the truck you need/want"
Me: "Oh my god, are you kidding me...have we just made a full conversational circle?"

This went on and on for about 20 minutes, until I finally gave her my credit card and driver's license and just pinned my hopes for getting a truck on all the good karma I racked up during the conversation by not pulling her over the counter and twisting her head until it popped off.

Went to the sparkly rock store today too...gonna have to save that story for later. It was owned by a woman who I AM SURE has at least 47 cats in her home. I guarantee it.
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