Sunday, March 26, 2006


OK, here's the thing. If you're one of the people that has found a job, good for you. Congrats. Seriously. You probably have better grades than me, interview better than me, and/or are just more deserving of employment than me. The thing is, I am upset that I don't have a job. I'm unhappy. I'm depressed. I'm anxious. I wonder how I will pay my bills. How will I pay my rent? How will I pay my loans? I am stressed out because Career Services seems to REFUSE to help me almost as a matter of policy, because there is never anything listed on any of the job boards to even APPLY to, and logic would dictate that if I am not applying to anything I won't get anything, and because I wasted 8 months working for Big Government Entity only to get effed in the end because they have a hiring freeze and can't hire me and every firm I interview at, big or small, says "Hey, you know what? You'd be great in the government" and then sends me packing. I'm pissed off that people with little to no professional experience, and sometimes little to no actual personality, can get jobs, and I can't, even with four years as a military officer, awesome law school jobs, great recommendations, and decent (at least above the curve) grades. And a master's degree.

So yeah. When you all feel pissed that I am upset, or I'm not letting it go, or I get all weird and angsty when everyone is sitting around talking about their post-law-school-employment, I'm just telling you. There's a reason. My stomach hurts all the time. I feel like crying every time I think of having to go back and do some stupid job that I could have done before law school to pay the bills until I can find a law job, and how I just wasted three years of my life and $100K to get NOWHERE. I don't have anything in this city. My family isn't here. My husband left me less than a year before I started school and the only guy who apparently wanted to date me in this entire craptastic city dumped me, I don't have a job, and three years of my life are gone in a haze of people who weren't nice to me, classes I didn't understand, and crushing rejection on all fronts.

Yup. I'm upset. Unhappy. Pissed off. I'm sorry more people can't seem to understand what I'm going through here, but being in a black hole of debt with no discernable way out, and getting about three rejection letters a day, and being dumped and alone and lonely and poor just fucking sucks. It just does.
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