Well, I don't need to look for a job anymore. There's an opening for a "foaling attendant" in my parent's town. I can live at home and make $7.50/hr to stick my hand up a horse's ass and help horse babies come out in big gushy blobs of grossness. I'm crossing "buy resume paper" right off my shopping list.
UPDATE: Wait. Never mind. Someone is looking for an "Exp. Tree Climber." GAME OVER BITCH! I can climb a tree like nobody's freaking business.
UPDATE2: I could do this one, I mean, God, I FULLY have a high school diploma!!
"ADULT SHOP NOW HIRING Sales Associate Part and Full time positions available. Graveyard? High School Diploma required. Cashier experience preferred. $7.50 to start Apply at 261 E. Barnett."