Dear Mom and Dad,
I wanted to send you a letter and let you know how I am doing this summer at Camp Eyewana Jobb. The actual camp is pretty decent. It's pretty hot though and sometimes the locals can be kinda weird.
The other campers are OK. There is one in particular that I really don't like though. He's short. And angry. The other day, during Arts and Crafts, he cut my yarn ball in half and totally messed up my God's Eye. Right in front of the counselor. It was really embarrasing. And then today, when we were telling ghost stories, he rolled his eyes and told the counselor and some of the other campers he thought I was stupid. Like I wasn't even there! I hope he gets chiggers.
The rest of them aren't that bad. They never want to do any fun things though, like steal a canoe, or shortsheet the counselor's beds, or drink a fifth of Jack and feed the animals. Bears are so cool.
As for the counselors...we don't see them much. They seem pretty nice when they're around, but I've noticed that they don't spend much one on one time with us...they seem real real busy and important, but I can't say I really understand what they do yet. I hope you're not paying almost $11,000 for this. But if you are, don't worry, I am bringing you home an ashtray I hand-crafted all by myself, and a set of crocheted potholders/tennis shorts I made during our daily quiet contemplation time. I noticed that no one else seems to spend it quietly contemplating as it's in the middle of the day so they usually go somewhere and eat their boxed lunches, but they usually don't ask me...I think it's because I'm such a good crochet-er and they're jealous.
All in all, Camp Eyewana Jobb has been a pretty long six weeks so far. I leave next Saturday and I can't wait to see you guys. I even miss Molly the Satanic Dog. I hope she's been leaving the hummingbirds alone. One thing I will say about summer camp, it's not for the weak. The other campers are like dogs, they can smell fear. But, I know deep down in my heart they're just jealous of my mad Arts and Crafts skills. Not everyone can build a lean-to with only Spanish Moss, toothpicks, a glue stick, and pink glitter you know!