Conversation between me and guy serving me a slice of pizza for dinner (really and truly, to the best of my ability to remember, this is pretty much the exact conversation):
Pizza Guy: "So, are you from here?"
Me: "No, I'm here for the summer from TVPNM"
PG: "Oh yeah...how old are you?"
Me: "Uhhhh...ummmm...I'll be thirty in a few months"
Intermission for narration: Pizza Guy is in his mid-forties, and the years have clearly been tough. He is missing teeth. He has a bald spot. He has one gold tooth...in the front.
PG: "Really? Damn...you look good girl!"
Me: "OK...well thanks" (try desperately to grab plate with slice of pizza from him)
PG: "Why you tryin' to run away like that? Are you scared? You are hot girl. I'm gonna hold on to this pizza so we can talk some more"
Me: "Ha..ha...ha...seriously, thanks" (more desperate grabs for plate)
PG: "You got a husband?"
Me: "No...I mean yes"
PG: "C'mon girl, you got a husband or not, don't lie to me now...you're too pretty to be lying"
Me: "Uh...I have an ex-husband, but I...uh...I have a boyfriend, yeah, too bad, I've got a boyfriend back inTVPNM"
PG: "What's his name?"
Me: "Uhhhh...well...hey can I just get my pizza" (Note to self: have name of imaginary boyfriend thought up in advance for next time)
PG: "Well, whoever he is, he's your ex-boyfriend now, because I'm here and I'm about to get all up on you girl"
Me: "OK...I'll let him know..."
PG: "Enjoy your dinner, let me know if you need anything"
And then he winked. EWWWWWW. Oh god, I'm totally traumatized.
