I am actually feeling mostly OK. That makes me happy. While I don't appreciate the DELIVERY, I think his message was right, we weren't right for each other, and waiting for months upon months to break up would have just made it so much more horrible. It would be easier if I could hate him, but I'm hoping that he'll respect my wishes and keep this a nice clean breakup, and perhaps that's the most I can ask for. So far, he's stayed away both in person and via the telephone, and that makes me happy. He's a nice guy, who is kind of misguided and has "issues" and brings out my instinct to protect and nurture and care for, and that is a dynamic that would be too easy to get mired into, so it has to stay clean -- no contact. I'm not actually finding it TOO difficult except for the worries about running into him, and the occasional urge to call him...which is REALLY sick because what I kind of want is to make sure he's OK. What is truly bizarre is that last night, he was having such a hard time breaking it off, I was actually sort of encouraging him. "It's OK...just say what you think!" "You just need to go ahead and get this all of your chest, tell me what's really going on!" "You need to do what's right for you!" I'm officially way too nice.
Also, my friends are being so awesome. I was telling someone via email tonight that I feel like I'm on some non-lethal form of suicide watch. My one friend came over for the whole evening tonight. My other friend and I are having drinks tomorrow night downtown. And a third friend is hanging out with me after Trial Ad on Wednesday, which had sort of become my night to hang out with the guy. On Thursday I go home...so I'm totally covered. How could you ever ask for better people in your life?? I'm also headed to lunch tomorrow with a couple of friends as well. See, just the other day I said how lucky I am, and this is a prime example of that. It's not such a big breakup really, it's not like we were together for a really long time, or I was "in love" or whatever...just "in like," but I do appreciate the support both online and in my "real life," especially given the timing of this whole thing, and the fact that, like I said, the delivery left a bit to be desired (I mean, c'mon "Sorry, I'll just never be able to love you or feel the same way about you that you feel about me no matter how long we stay together" is kind of harsh, right?). All the comments, e-cards, and emails from you guys have been SO AWESOME! And I think my friends here appreciate that I'm spreading the angst around a little bit. :)
Pictures of cupcakes tomorrow. They are delicious and we had the most fantastic time ever making them!
