Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Instead of prison, you'll come here. Are you through?

I have this whole plan about how I'm going to go to school early today and get all this "work" done...and I think we all know what that means. An entire morning of reading blogs and surfing the internets and updating my Netflix requests. Yeah, I'm so on task.

Well, needless to say (or maybe I do need to say it), things have been crazy around here. School is not too bad, but I am busy with Trial Advocacy and (especially) Tax. I like my Tax prof more and more, but it's still tough and I'm still a math-moron, so that's an issue. Plus, I'm spending LOTS of time looking for a job, with an added bonus of all the rejection I could ever want. Woohoo!

And, well, I guess it's obvious that I've been seeing someone as well, and that's taking up a little bit of time as well. We (he and I) have talked about whether or not I'll blog about our dating life, and he says he doesn't care, but aside from funny stories I've really been staying away from it (he doesn't own a computer or know anything about blogs, so I feel a little guilty writing things he really has no opportunity or desire to read). I am worried that if it doesn't work out it will be hard to go back and read all that stuff, but at the same time, I'm worried that if it doesn't work out, you will all be in the dark and won't understand why I'm all mopey and sad. Everything seems to be going fine, but with my job hunt maybe taking me to far off places, there is probably some potential for emotional trauma. Oh well, what can you do, right? So, I guess what I'm saying is that it is there, and I know that you all know it's there, but I may or may not discuss it now or in the future...we'll just see what happens.

Strangely, even with all my friends around, and with someone of the male persuasion to hang out with a couple nights a week, I've been having a really hard time with loneliness and feeling isolated. I don't know why I am feeling that way now, when I'm basically in a pretty good place, but it's there and I am battling it a little bit. Maybe the winter doldrums? I don't know. I think that the job and school/graduation/passing the bar/where the hell is my life going thing is really eating away at me more than I even know. The uncertainty of not knowing what I'll be doing or where I'll be doing it is touching on all the areas of my life in a negative way, most of all my confidence and ability to deal with everday life stuff. I hate not knowing, and I hate not having closure, and the waiting/constant rejection is really getting to me. Oh well. Guess the only thing to do is keep plugging away, right?

On that happy and positive note, I'm going to head to 7-11 for my Super Big Gulp Diet Coke and then off to school. Maybe this will be the day I figure out the secrets to federal income tax. But, considering the fact that my summer job doesn't know where it sent my W-2 or when they can get me a new one, perhaps not.
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