Sunday, February 12, 2006

Goddamnit. God. Damn. It.

I was unceremoniously dumped tonight. Two days before Valentine's Day. That's right. Dumped.

I gave him his Valentine's Day gift anyway, and I'm happy to say it made him cry. Hard. That fucker. I hope that every time he listens to them he feels horrible. I don't mean that. He told me no one had ever done something so nice for him. But he still broke up with me. I did mean it, before, when I said I hope he feels horrible. I hope he goes home and listens to those CD's and cries all night. Damn him.

I am crying. A lot. But, I think that I'll be OK in the end. He told me that he just doesn't think he will ever feel about me the way I feel about him.

And he's probably right. And he was wrong for me. He was a warm body that I grabbed onto because he was nice to me and called on time and treated me with a minimum of basic human decency -- something that I have not experienced much, and so it was easy to convince myself it was much more important than it probably was.

But I'm hurt. It's two days before stupid Valentine's Day, and I got dumped by someone I really liked, and he thought he could never love me. I don't want to be dumped. And I don't want to be unlovable. And he wasn't even that great, and all my friends are like "THANK GOD" because they all thought he wasn't good enough. And he probably wasn't. But I'm sad. Really, really sad.

UPDATE: I deleted all of his contact information out of my phone. There are no second chances here. I also called my parents. I'm going home for the long weekend for some parental love, and possibly a shopping spree at Costco. I want my mommy!

UPDATE2: It's 3:30am and I can't sleep, but the Olympics are on, and nothing could be more boring than that, so I'm sure I'll fall asleep soon. I take comfort in the fact that (a) I am not crying and haven't been really since the initial "incident" and (b) I did get SOME sleep before I started thinking about it all again. I have SO MUCH to do this week, I can't afford to let this get me all discombobulated. Focus E. Spat, focus.
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