Well, two pitchers of beer, four hours of crying, and here's what I got out of it.
Guacamole Kid: "See, the thing is E. Spat, you've been in the desert for so long that you're willing to drink any water you can find."
Me: "Holy shit. At this point I think we should all admit I'm pretty much drinking my own pee. WHAT? It's sterile and it tastes good!"
GK: "Heh. God, I love Dodgeball."
Me: "Me too, but not sure it should be providing the theme for my lovelife."
UPDATE: Nobody makes me bleed my own blood. NOBODY!