Blech.

I am lost this week...no idea why, but I just can't get it together. I'm not understanding anything I'm doing in any of my classes, even Trial Ad, which is about the easiest class on the planet. Plus I'm not feeling well. Ick. I did sign up for the MPRE so now that's looming on the horizon as well. I really, really, really cannot wait to be done with law school. I feel this aching need to start living a real life again. I want to go to work, and do fun things, and get a paycheck, and just not be in school. I think I'm officially burned out.

I hear the secrets that you keep...when you're talking in your sleep.

*Written a few days ago -- but I had to get permission to put it up since it's about someone else...cuz I'm nice like that*

My "friend" talks in his sleep. He works in a financial-type place (but not a bank), and so generally he talks about stuff from work. Last night, after he fell asleep but when I was still awake, he goes "So, do you want that in small bills or twenties?"

I laughed so hard I woke him up. After assuring him that he's lucky I'm not easily offended, I laughed some more. He told me he's going to start taping his mouth shut while he sleeps.

Last weekend while I was getting ready I thought he was awake because he was kind of talking/mumbling a little bit (this was before I knew about the talking in the sleep thing). He wasn't making any sense at all, so I said "Hey, what are you talking about? That doesn't even make any sense!" And then I realized he was asleep. So, when he woke up I told him what he had been saying and he goes, "Oh God, did I ask if you wanted the person on the other end to show ID?" I said, "Yes" and he goes "I was sending a Western Union in my sleep and I wanted to know if you wanted the person picking it up to have to show ID."

I just can't wait to hear what happens next.

Weekly Law School Roundup #5

Sorry this is a little late...but at least I managed to get it up on the right day this time! (heh)

Enjoy!!! Remember, next week it will be back at Evan's place.

Shellvester -- Fight those addictions!

Divine Angst -- Typos on your transcript...greeeeeeeeaaaat!

Cella Bellum -- Awesome bus story -- with a bonus pic!

Thrown for a Loop -- "Top 10 Reasons I Quit My Old Job"

Perky to a Fault -- Dude! Sweet!

My So-Called Internet Based Life -- Creepiest M&M's commercial...EVER! (I saw it too and had been thinking about commenting on how weird and gross it is.)

Passionate Discourse -- There's always one in every class.

Matt Schuh Online -- When West Wing and law school collide.

Legally Blonde -- Thank God, she's back from the precipice of insanity!

Phocas and Francis -- Directions to an interview with a search engine. Beautiful.

People will say we're in love.

I am drinking some pretty fucking fantastic white wine right now. I just thought you'd want to know. I'm also watching Silence of the Lambs. And I made a cheesecake today. God, I am so awesome.

Guilty.

My ex pled guilty yesterday (well, technically he made a deal where he doesn't exactly plead guilty but says that enough evidence exists to convict him), to multiple counts of rape and a few other things in that same general vein. Needless to say, prison is in his near future...although, with the plea he knocked down what would have been well over 100-years to something that will have him out before he turns 50. His wife (the woman he cheated on me with) is standing by his side, and since the start of this whole thing (his indictment was nearly three years ago), she has had another kid with him. Some people are slow learners I guess.

Wow.

Oh yeah!

(Upon writing and re-reading this I wonder if it sounds self-congratulatory, but it's not meant to - but I really want to preserve this moment of feeling semi-victorious in my own self-esteem just for when things get dark and cloudy again. Probably in about eight minutes.)

So, I was perusing non-law jobs today online (something I like to do, sort of a "treat" if you will), and suddenly I was reminded of something.

I have four years experience as an Air Force officer directly supervising a staff of eight, providing support to nearly 6,000, running programs that touched on every facet of a military member's life and were of the utmost importance to the health, morale, welfare and discipline of our nation's warfighting forces. I discharged people from the military. I was a subject matter expert. I defended my decisions and programs and people up my chain of command, all the way to a 3-star General, and made huge decisions with minimal supervision and maximum personal discretion.

I have a Master's degree in Human Resource Development with a G.P.A. of 3.98. A degree I completed at night, while working 70 hours a week in the military supporting intelligence personnel and our worldwide mission post-9/11.

I have years of professional experience working as a secretary/admin. assistant to the CEO of an HMO, and, indeed, worked full-time while going to school at night for four years to put myself through college. I also worked at a runaway shelter, a financial consulting place (as a receptionist), and one time I put over 100,000 car loan applications in numerical order for $6/hr. I always worked though, and I always moved up at my next job.

I'm smart, capable, not-just-computer-literate-but-computer-SAVVY (!!), type fast, have management experience of both people and resources, work well under pressure, can manage my time effectively, have above average "people skills," and have persevered through some pretty crappy times in my life in order to get where I am today.

See, I don't HAVE to be a lawyer if this all doesn't work out. I almost forgot for awhile that I have options. I can find a job doing something else. I will always be able to find a job. I have never, in my life, not been able to find a job, doing something that would at least pay the bills. Shit, between when I got out of the Air Force and started law school, I temped as a receptionist at an insurance company and made enough money that it would keep me afloat right now, at least for a couple months until I had to start paying off student loans.

I have options. You see?

Wow.

UPDATE: With the encouragement of Roomie and GK, I applied to a non-law job today. I am very excited to see if I even get an interview...I'm scared they'll just trash my resume because I won't graduate until June, but I tried to address it in my cover letter. It felt good to jump outside the box for a moment, and it was a perfect opportunity for me.

TGIF

Oh my god, I made dinner for a friend last night, and then we had a beer, and then I was so tired I went straight to sleep...and now...it looks like I had a party for 30 people here. Perhaps the apartment really WAS this messy BEFORE dinner but I like to think I wouldn't have let anyone in if it had been, which apparently isn't true. I guess this gives me something to do after school today.

The weather came on this morning and for the ten-day forecast there were just little gray rain clouds day after day after day. We did have one day of sun the other day, so I guess I should just take my tiny little gift and be happy I got it. But, of course, I won't be happy until I have what I want and that won't happen until the rain stops for AT LEAST three days running.

I'm still thinking about the job thing. I'm definitely going to go through the entire interview process with the firm here. I know that it's kind of a longshot because the guy I'm up against is super-fantastic and whatnot, but I still really liked the firm and thought it would be a good place for me, so I want to follow through. I also heard last weekend that the place I've been working for the past 7 months (through December) THINKS it will have a position coming open on the West Coast soon, so I kind of want to hold out for that as well because, frankly, it's my dream job and if I took something I knew I was going to hate and then it came open, I would cry and cry. So, I don't know how I'm going to manage this process or what I'll do when/if the firm thing doesn't work out, but I guess I have a short-term plan and what more can I ask for at this point?

I noticed Valentine's Day shit out in all the stores sometime around, oh, Halloween. But it's gotten really aggressive. Every single time I go to the grocery store, or Target, I feel like there is some evil corporate Cupid mass-marketing genius whose entire job is to shove Valentine's Day right down my big, fat throat. And here's the thing, I even think Valentine's Day is useful. Because, I usually go to Target the day after and pick up TONS of pink candles, and rhinestone-y picture frames, and all sorts of other pink, shiny shit for 50% off. But honestly, I'm just not sure that I need to be reminded for four months about my single-hood.

Finally...

I finally heard back from the place I had a second interview at just after Christmas. I'm going back up there for a THIRD interview next week. I am competing for the job with a good friend from school, so that's kind of interesting...we decided whoever gets the job has to buy the other one some beers. Seems like the fair way to handle things. I also applied to a clerkship near where my parents live, somewhat in the hope that it's so far out in the boonies I'll be the only one who applies...I do kind of hope the next-week place comes through though...but, you know, I've been on this roller-coaster ride before and frankly, it's never really worked out. Usually about a week after the interview I get a letter that goes something like this:

Dear E.Spat,

We were so happy to get a chance to meet you during your interview on XX Date 200X. You seem great, but unfortunately we only have 1 spot available. We received over XXX amount of applications this year, so you should feel thrilled and elated to have even made it as far as you did. Due to the fact that we have to very carefully screen who we allow into our 1 precious available slot, and despite the fact that you seem pretty OK to us and look like a real fun girl and have a nice rack, we decided to offer the job to a guy who goes to a better law school than you and is the editor of the XYZ Journal of Some Inane Subject That We Won't Even Explain To You Because You Wouldn't Understand It Anyway. We wish you the very best luck in finding a job. Ever. So, um, good luck with that.

Sincerely,

Employer Who Isn't Going To Hire You.
Not Today. Not Tomorrow. Never.
Please Quit Sending Us Your Resume Or We'll Take Out That Restraining Order.
You Know, The One We Talked About Before After You Called Us For the 20th Time Wanting To Know "Where In The Hiring Process" We Were.
Good Luck Though.

UPDATE: When it rains it pours I guess. One of the federal honor's programs that earlier had placed me on a waiting list called me today. The problem? I felt like they were SERIOUSLY pressuring me to commit to their whole "process" and the type of job they're offering (sitting in a dark federal office reviewing contracts until I die)...like, they wanted me to get all excited on the phone and say that I was super interested and that IF they get the job together (they're not sure yet) I'd be willing to talk to them and if they like me, make a decision immediately. And the job isn't even open yet. Plus, honestly, I REALLY want to see what is going to happen with the job out here. I have to admit that I'm a big old hypocrite, because as much as a I want a job, I don't want to move to D.C. to make $50K a year and spend all day reviewing contracts...necessarily. I don't know...I hope they are a typical government agency and take forever to get any of this moving so I can wrap up the thing out here before I have to decide whether I want to talk to them further. Contracts. Eh.

A day late and a dollar short.

OK, Elle and TheNambyPamby decided to start doing questions on Wednesdays that they are calling "The Hump-Day Mindfuck." You can participate if you want, or don't if you don't want, or just read other people's if that's your thing...or whatever. So, here we go.

1. For the Men: Boxers or Briefs? For the Ladies: Thong or Boyshorts?

If I have to choose, definitely the thong. Boyshorts are for women who are younger and with better asses than me...perhaps several years ago, but sadly, no longer. Besides, in my day to day life, thongs actually have some utility, what with the no panty lines and whatnot. For men, boxer-briefs or nothing. Boxers are good too, and can be kind of fun, but I do heart the boxer-brief.

2. What is the weirdest place you've ever had sex?

There are probably a few places I'm definitely not going to talk about on here, just because...well...I don't know, I'm just not. But, I did have sex on the trail (and I mean, right in the middle of the trail), at a national park at a time approximating high-noon. Also, the bathroom at a beach bar in Florida...that was truly spectacular since I think we thought we were being very sly and in reality EVERYONE who was there knew what was going on. Who says tequila isn't a good thing? That's all you're getting out of me on this one...a girl has to have a few secrets.

3. What is your policy on telling your significant other your "number"?

My policy on pretty much all things is "don't ask if you don't really want to know." I'm a big fan of a little thing called "the truth" and try to tell it most if not all of the time. This saves me from having to remember my lies, which is a big plus when your brain is being rotted out by aspartame day after day. That being said, normally I don't volunteer that kind of information, nor do I ask...who cares what happened before I met him? You can have a discussion about all the important stuff (ie: do you have any fun diseases I should know about?) without discussing specific numbers. One guy I dated during 1L year asked me if it was "more than 2? more than 5? HOW MANY IS IT THEN?" and I laughed right in his face, which went over about as well as you would imagine...but see, I TOLD him not to ask if he didn't really want to know.

I want to go back to the island...

I am SO BUSY...I'm sorry, but the beginning of the week until after my Trial Ad subsection on Wednesday night is just such a whirlwind. I have to do a cross-examination tomorrow night and I have NO IDEA what I'm going to say or do. The case is just sort of "eh"...it doesn't have anything about it that makes me want to get all involved and craft a really spectacular cross...or any cross at all.

Also, the only thing that I have to write about is how much I hate the fact that I don't have a job, I don't have any prospects for a job, I don't know how to find a job, no one will help me, and I have no contacts at all except for in the government, and guess what, they're not hiring. Basically, the job thing has me down and unlike most things in my life, I have no idea how to fix it or make it better. Every day I feel more stressed out about it because I just don't understand how to make this all work, and the people who are supposed to help me are totally useless. I'm worried, frustrated, stressed-out, and unhappy, and I don't know how to make it stop.

This makes my whole day better!

Go here to watch Kevin "My Wife Gives Me An Allowance" Federline rock out to his new piece of shit song single. Oh God. I so needed a good laugh.

My Uncle was microwaving our socks and the dog threw up on the couch for an hour.

I'm still so pissed about my post getting hijacked last night! I had written this big long post, and then it was gone, and then I was so tired I couldn't face trying to recreate it...I fell asleep on the couch at 9:30.

The one thing I remember that I wrote was this little gem from my Trial Ad professor:

"Getting into an argument or a dialogue with a witness during cross-examination is like wrestling a pig...you'll get dirty and the pig will like it!"

I thought that was pretty funny, but it kind of does sound like something Dr. Phil would say.

Anyway, that's it for now...mostly I'm spending a lot of time thinking about a job, trying to find a job, and just trying to find jobs to even apply to...in a little tidbit that I'm sure isn't news to any of you, Career Services is still entirely not helpful in either serving or helping my future career.

What the f*$&?

I was writing a blog post and then blogger wouldn't publish and when I finally got it back online, my post, which had been saved as a draft, had been taken over by spam. Like, it had inserted its link into the title, and had this whole thing written that showed up in the post body, and the post I had written had gone! How could that happen????

Better late than never!

I have been incredibly busy and for that I apologize. I was remiss in posting the link to the Weekly Law School Roundup #4 over at Evan's place yesterday...go there now! Next week it's my turn, so send any good, fun links my way!!

I basically spent the weekend drinking and hanging out with my friends. As I'm sure you can guess, it was a big weekend here -- you know -- because of the TVPNM football team and all. If you still can't guess where I'm at, I just don't know how else to help you.

I briefly stopped at a bar last night where all my friends were watching the game, just in time for this drunk guy sitting right behind us (and when I say "drunk" I mean "incoherent to the point of near-death") threw a beer, trying to hit the owner of the bar, and hit Roomie's Boyfriend. Roomie's Boyfriend got up and growled, the bar owner tried to get the guy up and throw him out, but Mr. Drunkypants threw the glass and it broke and then dumped everything off the table -- so then all the guys at our table, including GK, Roomie's Boyfriend, and another friend of ours, ended up getting up and wrestling this guy out the door -- he was out of control. It was all very exciting until the drunk guy bumped into our table on the way out and made me spill half my beer on my cashmere sweater -- BASTARD! Then I wanted to get up and throttle him too. Anyway, it was fun, and our team won, so it was all good.

I predict some pretty elaborate Superbowl parties around here.

Maybe you should put some shorts on or something, if you want to keep fighting evil today.

I have been having the most productive morning ever! My bathroom is so clean, it's just...insane. All my chores are done, I've been to the gym, I've been to Target, and I've gone to get my Diet Coke. And that's where I met my new archnemesis.

I'm going to call him PocketHand Man. PocketHand Man rolls up to the counter at 7-11 with a six-pack of Henry Weinhard's -- it's big here, but you can get it at the grocery store across the street for three dollars cheaper than at 7-11, and he sets it ALL THE WAY at the far end of the counter. Then, he sticks his hands in the pockets of his pleather coat, averts his eyes from the cashier, and waits. And waits. And waits. Meanwhile, the cashier doesn't know what this guy wants because the beer is all the way down at the other end of the counter. So, he's waiting for PocketHand Man to ask for cigarettes or something. I'm standing there with my Super Big Gulp just watching and sipping, watching and sipping.

Finally, the cashier glances down at the counter and sees the beer and goes "Is that yours?" PocketHand Man says, petulantly, "yeah," then sighs with disgust. At this point I'm trying to determine whether PocketHand Man might actually going to be about to rob the 7-11, what with the hands in the pockets STILL. So, the cashier walks down to the other end of the counter, gets the beer, rings it up, and says the total. PocketHand Man pulls one hand out of his pocket and drops a big wad of $1's on the counter. The cashier looks at me (I'm a regular after all), gets the guy's change, and drops it on the counter right in front of him. I cheer internally. PocketHand Man just stares at the cashier, waiting for him to pick it up. When he doesn't after about 15 seconds, PocketHand Man reluctantly pulls his hand out again, scoops up his change, and then straight back into the pocket. The cashier bags up the beer, sort of brushes the bag to the side, and starts helping me. PocketHand Man stands there for about ten beats too long -- long enough to make us all even more uncomfortable, and then picks up his bag and leaves.

After he left I went through my usual greeting with the 7-11 guy. He's nice, he and his wife are immigrants from Africa, and they both work at 7-11 and are there all the time. I tried to be extra nice to him today because I felt so bad about PocketHand Man. I don't know if he was crazy, or racist, or just thought he was better than the guy who works at 7-11, but what a total dick. I hope that I see him again someday, in another capacity, like across a courtroom. Until then, let's hope karma is paying attention.

Say what?

Did everyone but me know that boobies can be called "sweater kittens"? It was news to me, but now I'm highly amused and will from now on be referring to them as such, whether on me or on other people.

Guess how excited I am to spend tomorrow afternoon at school doing my Income Tax homework? Yeah, about that much. On a happier note, I'm going out drinking tomorrow night with my pals at a bar frequented by sailors and whatnot. Should be a good time. The place serves beer in individual pitchers. Oh hell yeah.

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Today GK and my old Roomie and I were standing on the corner after lunch, each sort of saying goodbye before we went our separate ways. We're standing there talking and all of the sudden....

A pigeon swooped down and flew into Roomie's hair...wings flapping around all over the place. She screamed bloody murder, GK and I doubled over laughing, and the pigeon, looking slightly bewildered, landed on the sidewalk and wandered around in a bit of a daze. Oh God, if I had a picture I could sell it for a million dollars because it would be the funniest picture ever taken.

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

*deep breath*

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

I was telling this to another friend and she's like "Oh God, that's horrible, it's not funny, oh my God, that's so scary!"

Well, yeah...it's only funny when it happens to someone else. Duh. If it happened to me I'd still be standing on that corner bawling my eyes out and trying to get the ickies off of me.

The best part was like five minutes later I get a text from Roomie saying "Oh my God, what if that thing gave me head lice?"

Head lice? BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Oh my God. Time to go get a beer.

Sweet, sweet slumber

Thank GOD I finally got some decent sleep last night. I fell asleep just after 11 and didn't get up this morning until 8:30 -- which is pretty late for me. I only have one class today and it's not until 11:30, so it's nice to not even have to set the alarm.

I am driving today. I love driving to school. Know why? Because I get to stop at 7-11 and get a Super Big Gulp Diet Coke, which makes me so, so, so, so happy. Ridiculously happy. Unnaturally happy.

I'm so glad it's Friday. Friday means Friday Night Beer Night, a tradition with some of my friends that I love. We get together, drink beer, and don't talk about law school. LOVE IT!

Lastly, I think I'm going to have to start applying to jobs again. I had a really good interview about three weeks ago (when I came home from Christmas early), and they had indicated a whole bunch of things to me, which, when summed up, equaled, "We'll be calling you soon, we want you to come back up one more time, you're one of the last two people we're considering." It's now been nearly four weeks (YIKES!), and despite numerous attempts to contact them, I have yet to hear back...not sure what's going on, but I'm pretty sure it means it's time to go back to square one. Damnit. Nothing like a little weekend project. At least I have Friday Night Beer Night to keep me happy for one more day.

Sadly, my life is boring. Even more sadly, I'm going to tell you about it.

Guacamole Kid and I went for a walk today at lunch (we walk usually about three times a week, a little over three miles), and he tried to kill me. He's probably about 6 feet tall, and I'm 5'9" (OK, I'm 5'8", but I FEEL at LEAST an inch taller!), and he was walking SO FAST. I know you don't care about this, but I almost died because we were walking so fast ("stepping up the pace" he said), and so I had to tell you. I did threaten to wait until he least expected it and kick him right in the balls for making me suffer, but he didn't look very scared. I think I might *possibly* be less scary than I would like to believe.

Still no grades. I have officially stopped caring really and have moved into checking them as a force of habit. Once they come in I'm going to have to take up smoking or something to kill all that time I was spending on checking and take care of all the obsessiveness and whatnot.

After I got home I threw in some laundry and then did an additional 40 minutes on my spinning bike...the grand hope being that I will be so tired I'll have no choice but to sleep tonight. We'll see how that goes. If I can't get back onto a regular schedule here pretty soon, it may be time to temporarily medicate. For now I'm hoping to tire myself out with activity and AS SOON as I feel tired at night, go to bed. It's not much of a plan, but it's mine and I love it.

There's really not much else going on...school, homework, gym, eat, beer, no sleep, start over. The sad, sad life of a law student.

UPDATE: FINALLY, grades are up. As expected, I am entirely average. Which means I did worse than expected in Legal Research, and better than expected in Crim Pro. So...yeah. Thank God I can quit checking.

Insomnia blows.

Lately I cannot sleep for shit. I have no idea why, but I seem to be alternating between not being able to fall asleep until 4am, and waking up at 4am after falling asleep at midnight.

My grades have all been turned into Academic Services...it's still a total mystery how long it might take them to get posted, but at least I know they're safe. And probably sleeping soundly. I know they're not up because I've already checked twice in the last ten minutes. Because you know there are people right now, at 11pm, working their fingers to the bone to get my grades posted. Yeah.

Direct exam went fine tonight, so much less stress than the closing last week. Next week it's cross, and I'm looking forward to it...I think that's going to be my strong point. Also, we are apparently going to run 45 minutes over each week, that's going to be an issue.

Thinking and writing...sort of a "chicken and egg" question.

I am having both writer's block, and too much thinking about things I WANT to write about -- but see, I can't, because...well...writer's block.

I am thinking quite a bit about relationships. I feel like my brain is trying to, I don't know, molt or something. Is that the right word? Like, it's been in hibernation for about the last four years, and now that I am confronted with, not *actually* meeting someone per se, but the prospect that it might be *possible* to meet someone someday, my brain (or maybe my soul? my personality? my heart?), is trying to suddenly assert itself and have something to say. And what it's saying is "You are one effed up broad sweetheart!"

So, I'm going to continue to think, continue to try to write something, maybe, and perhaps continue to ignore whatever that nudging feeling is that says "Wow, you better get ahold of yourself and these issues or you are going to be one very lonely little old lady."

As my friend told me today, I have spent years hating myself, blaming my relationship failures on being not good enough, or too fat, or too ugly, or too annoying, or too "intimidating" and it's probably a little much to ask to grow out of those behaviors and habits overnight. And, as M. said to me this morning, "It's not about whether you respect him. That's not the issue. It's totally about whether he respects you." I don't want a bunch of platitudes about loving myself first, or respecting myself so that others can respect me, or living a full life because that makes people want to be with you when they know you're not needy or whatever. See, I already know all that. I watch Oprah too. What I heard today from my friend and from M. was, "Hey, you ARE taking care of yourself, you ARE a great person, you ARE living a full life, you DO deserve happiness whenever or whereever you end up finding it, but a lifetime of self-hate is not easily overcome, but go you for knowing it's there and trying to work on it." That's helpful, and I appreciate it.

You have made me the happiest juvenile delinquent in Baltimore.

Grades are due in today. This is sort of nice in a way, as I can finally have mine and stop checking incessantly which probably wastes about an hour a day, every day, even on weekends when I know they won't be there but I still check because I'm obsessed. On the other hand, when prof's wait until the very last day to submit, it's kind of hard to get worked up over them if they're bad. At this point I'm already stressing about the classes I'm in now...like, how the hell am I going to pass Tax??? Maybe that will be enough to take the sting out of what is sure to be a fairly dismal performance in Crim Pro. Sigh.

I guess if they all get turned in today, they should be up hopefully by the end of the week...ish.

Also, I am not feeling this whole "coming back to school after the long weekend" thing. I have to do a direct examination tomorrow night in Trial Ad, so I've been trying to put that together, but they want us to write out the WHOLE thing since we're going to take over where the person in front of us left off, and that turns what could be a short assignment into a REALLY long assignment. Yay.

And, last but not least, we are getting a tiny break from the rain, but just until about after lunch, when it's supposed to come back with a vengeance. But, I'm not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, and if a few hours respite is all Mother Nature is offering, I'll take it.

Meme Squared

I got tagged with this meme about Fours twice, once by LQ and once by Lycos. I also owe some answers to Legally Blonde, who hit me with a meme last week that I never responded to because I was busy...and it's to tell you three things you don't know about me, which, frankly, is a challenge since I feel like you guys know more about me than I know about myself! But today I'm gonna take care of both these meme's in one fell swoop.

MEME #1

Four Jobs You've Had

Ice cream scooper at Baskin Robbins. I gave all my friends free ice cream, I ate lots of free ice cream, I made less than minimum wage, and every disgusting pervert in all of Tampa, FL got to look down my pink polo shirt every time I leaned into the freezer.

Counter person at a dry cleaner. Ewww. People are disgusting.

Air Force officer. Like LQ, the best job I've had...so far.

Secretary for the buyers at a food distribution company. Awesomely awesome samples of every food and non-food product under the sun...just for looking pretty when the sales reps came in the office. And I got to order all the cigarettes and booze for the member stores, which I always thought was fun.

Four Movies You Could Watch Over and Over

Secretary
Real Genius
Office Space
Super Troopers

Four Places You've Lived

Osan Air Force Base, Republic of South Korea
Roseville, CA
St. Petersburg, FL
Belleville, IL

Four TV Shows You Like to Watch

Gilmore Girls
The Office (American version)
What Not To Wear
Scrubs

Four Places You've Been on Vacation

Landstuhl, Germany -- technically I went here for the Air Force, but I did so much drinking and so little work and spent so much money that I consider it a vacation.

Vegas -- probably been to Las Vegas at least ten times.

Madrid, Spain -- super fun, hot guys, and I was old enough to drink legally which allowed me to experiment a little bit but not offend my delicately balanced up-tightness about following rules.

Grand Canyon -- M. and I took a road trip and we stopped at the Grand Canyon. It was amazing and I will never ever forget how beautiful it was.

Four Websites You Visit Daily

The Superficial
Kinja
MSNBC
Fark

Four of My Favorite Foods

Ice Cream
Pizza
Homemade Mac & Cheese
Cheesecake

(Oh my God, note to self: look at this list and really, really think about some life changes -- also, I'm leaving off Diet Coke, Beer and Vodka because they are not "technically" food, but with as large a part of my diet as they are...well...just know that I really debated).

Four Places I'd Rather Be

Trinidad, CA
Drinking in a bar in Germany with fun people who barely speak English but understand the international language of booze.
The Flying Saucer, San Antonio, TX
Anywhere with my friends, but without school or a job...in other words -- fantasy-land.

Four Albums I Can't Live Without

Jimmy Buffet Box Set (Beaches, Boats, Bars & Ballads -- I'm counting this as one)
Bradley Nowell & Friends -- Sublime Acoustic
Van Morrison -- The Best of Van Morrison (since I can only choose one)
Tie: Bob Marley & The Wailers -- Legend or Otis Redding's Greatest Hits (once again, have to choose compilations since I only get one)

Four People to Tag With the Lists

Amber
Kelly
The BLS
Blondie

MEME #2

Three things you don't know about me. I'm operating under the assumption that there must be AT LEAST three things that you don't know about me that I'm actually willing to commit to in writing on the internet, so here goes...if you are a regular reader and you recognize something as a thing I've said before...well...tough luck.

1. The only thing I have left from my first marriage is the set of knives that M's mom gave us as a wedding gift. Two of the knives are missing because my second husband broke them using them as screwdrivers to work on his car when he was drunk. Note that it's not an unknown fact about me that I have terrible taste in men.

2. I have a scar down the side of my wrist that I told my mom was front my friend's cat (I was in about fourth grade), but is actually from climbing over a rusty barbed-wire fence to retrieve my little plastic sled that blew over the fence while sledding. I didn't want tetnus shots, or to admit I was where I hadn't been, so I made up a story -- now I have a scar but at least I didn't get a horrible disease and die...that would have shown me, huh?

3. In 8th grade, at the height of my secret-eating issues, I spent all my money from babysitting on those candybars that people at school sell to benefit their clubs or whatever. My mom went through my backpack and when she opened the front pocket, about 100 candy wrappers fell out...she cried, my dad yelled, and I felt so horrible that I locked myself in my room and ate a bag of candy corn and a box of strawberry Pop-Tarts.

OK, I'm supposed to pass this one to THREE people...so here you are:

Law Dancer
Kristine
Some Guy (and also a Happy Birthday -- his is the same as mine...see what I mean about forgetting?)

Weekly Law School Roundup #3

The Better Late Than Never Edition, where E. Spat tries desperately to catch up after a weekend of hedonism.

An Experiment (Barely Legal: The Blog)

Seriously though, what *IS* up with Turk's new teeth? (Divine Angst)

Awwwww...puppies! Full Metal Attorney AND You Can't Arrested for Being Awesome

Getting Married...Congrats Denise! (Life, Law, Gender)

Three times through the metal detector. Sigh. (Mackenzie's Weblog)

A Professor who looks like Colonel. Colonel Sanders. (My So-Called Internet Based Life)

A dinosaur themed template. (Magic Cookie)

A confirmation hearings drinking game? Only in law school! (Preaching to the Perverted)

McDonald's at the gym. (LawDawg) (and, the Dildo Law Society...no really, DO ask!)

Look to the cookie. (Lawyerlike)

As always, thanks to Evan at Evan Schaeffer's Legal Underground for coming up with this fantastic idea, and for being so nice about it being up a day late (and likely a dollar short). I apologize again for having this up late, but trust me when I tell you that it was SO worth it.

SORRY!

I suck. Something came up (heh), and I am unable to do the Weekly Roundup tonight, but I will have it up (heh) in the morning. Sorry...it's not a bad something, it's a good something, and it's just been keeping me busy all day. Heh.

By the way...

I am going out tonight for my birthday party, so if I were all of you I wouldn't expect Weekly Roundup #3 to be up until a little later tomorrow...I have a feeling I might be sleeping late.

UPDATE: Just got up. Gotta get aspirin, water, and some food...and then I'll get my shit together...I promise. What can I say? How often does one's birthday party come around after all?? :)

Hooray for flowers!

I got these beautiful flowers from my friend Mir (you may have seen her in the comments from time to time). They are so bright and sunny and perfect in the midst of all the rain we've been having...an awesome birthday surprise. They are made all the better by the fact that she and her family live in Japan so the logistics are a little more difficult than normal. Thanks Mir!

VOTE. NOW. Or else.

If you have any soul at all, you'll go RIGHT HERE and vote for The Hot Librarian for the Best of Blogs Funniest Blog Award. Her blog is by far the funniest thing I EVER have the good fortune to read on the internets and if it doesn't win it will be the biggest travesty since...well...I don't know when (but I can think of a couple things).

I painted my finger AND toenails last night -- hot pink with glitter...hell yeah. Only 12 hours until my birthday party gets rolling and I get good and drunk. We decided on a local Irish bar that has an Irish band and dancing and lots of cheesy ambiance and LOTS of drunken frat boys and just pretty much all the things you would expect out of a semi-chain-ish Irish bar (not Fado's, but similar except the chain only extends to here and a couple other cities out this way). Anyway, it should be fun and I happen to like cheeseball Irish bars, and it's my birthday, so all is well.

No grades yet. Still raining.

Why won't it stop?

Swear to God, it is STILL RAINING. Apparently we are about to break some record for the most consecutive days of rain (something like 34 days in a row). It's awful! I almost cried when I woke up this morning and heard the stupid rain. And it's not just sprinkling, it's pouring down out of a steel-gray sky day after day after day after day (times 34).

I just want to be able to go for a walk outside. I want to walk to the gym without an umbrella and my shoes being filled with water when I get there. I want to go out for my birthday on Saturday night without having to carry an umbrella AND wear a raincoat AND have my shoes full of water. I WANT TO SEE THE SUN AGAIN.

I just want the rain to stop.

Honestly, I could also use some grades too though, as long as I'm asking for miracles.

UPDATE: It is still raining. I still have no grades. HOWEVER, I did buy a pair of FABULOUS jeans on super-duper clearance sale at Macy's for like $20 that were originally $100 and they look SO GOOD!! And in my NEW/CURRENT size! I also bought one of the most booby-licious shirts in the entire history of mankind which I will hopefully be wearing this weekend if I can find some shoes to go with it that don't hurt my feet so much that I'm hobbled for three weeks after I wear them.

At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought.

OK, two things.

First, what the hell is up with the CONTINUOUS commercials for the horrible new Jennifer Love Hewitt ABC Family Channel Misty-Eyed Movie of the Week? I swear to God, if I have to hear her whine "I don't want to be ADOOOOOOOORED, I want to be LOOOOOOOOOVED" even one more time I am going to come seriously unglued and stab myself in the face like ten thousand times. She's just SO. EFFING. AWFUL. When she gets hit by the car and her whatever-he-is looks all sad and stricken I want to stand up and cheer. If I could write a letter to "Love" (she lets me call her that) right now it would say, "Look sister, I do not EVEN want to hear you whine about being 'adored' rather than 'loved' when I would sell my soul to the devil just to have mediocre sex with a guy who can't remember my name and then spends the rest of the night crying in my arms over his ex-girlfriend who I kind of remind him of only she's skinnier and prettier." MAKE IT STOP!

Second, the most beautiful boy in the whole world sits in front of me in Tax and it's seriously affecting my ability to concentrate. Today I got called on and I sounded like the biggest douchebag in the whole world...it was seriously pathetic (note that this wasn't his fault, it was my fault...I'm relatively certain he actually has no faults beyond being truly fantastic looking). But you know what? Hottie McHotterson was wearing a very nice sweater and somehow that made it all better. I almost didn't write this because I was like, "shit, for sure someone will send him this and then he'll know I'm a gigantic stalker and he'll probably move his seat" (see how that's the only part that bothers me??), but then I though, "shit, if he hasn't realized it by now he is BLIND and also didn't get that collage I left in his locker made entirely out of eyeballs I cut out of magazines and then glued to a red heart made from construction paper because EYE HEART HIM...get it? GET IT?." I want you to know that this man is a GOD. He's not gorgeous in a way where I think to myself "Gosh, I wish I could talk to him because he seems cool in addition to being unbelievably hot." He's gorgeous in a way that makes me think, "Gosh, I think I'll make a detailed, perfect statue of him that I will worship and adore and every night I will bathe it with the tears of happiness that I cry each day because I'm allowed to bask in the glow of his hotness for 1 hour and 5 minutes during Tax class." Really. He's that hot.

Birthday -- Part Two

I had a fantastic birthday, thanks everyone for leaving nice comments and to the couple of you who sent me emails with links to what you WOULD buy me, if you actually knew me.

I got some great presents, including a CD Player/Radio for my shower from my old roomie, and a SUPERFANTASTIC birthday poem written by Guacamole Kid which I may put up at some point if he says I can.

My closing argument went fine. They liked my tone and style but basically said I had some seriously out of control crazy-lady hands. What can I say, the nervousness has to come out somewhere! The weirdest part was when we ran late, so I missed my bus, and then my instructor gave me a ride home. He's so nice and cool, and I rambled like a big moron because I was both nervous and sort of adrenaline riddled after finishing my closing argument and making it through.

Anyway, all is well in Chez Spatula. Mama Spatula's birthday is Friday...we heart us some Capricorns.

Happy Birthday to ME!

Ignoring the fact that I'm turning 31 (ACK!) and that I have to get up in front of several of my closest acquaintances and endure a truly humiliating moment while I give my closing argument in Trial Ad, and, of course, the fact that I have class all day until 7:30pm, I'm sure it will be a fabulous day. My friends are taking me to lunch, so that's good...gonna have to party this weekend though I guess.

Anyway, there's something to be said for having made it through another year in one piece I suppose. I'll try to focus on the positive. I'm still alive. And I have good hair.

I'm a bee. A busy, busy bee.

Like I said before, my week is SUPER front-loaded. I have to give a closing argument tomorrow night in Trial Ad, and it's not that I'm "worried" per se, but I feel like I've had a really hard time just getting to a starting point...finding that catchy "thing" about my side of the case that I can hang my hat on. So, that's my goal tonight, after Gilmore Girls of course. Anyway, that's where I'm at and what I'm doing. I'm busy.

UPDATE: OH NO. UH UH. When I turned to The WB for Gilmore Girls they were showing Access Hollywood. NO. It went on for almost a full five minutes before they switched to Gilmore Girls. Comcast Cable, this is UNACCEPTABLE. Totally. On a happy note, I wrote two pages single-spaced of rather sad and not-very-coherent closing argument, all I have to do before tomorrow is memorize it and somehow put in enough dramatic pauses to drag it out for 7 minutes (insert filthy joke right here...heh...I said insert).

Whine.

Why don't I have a single grade yet? Technically they're not due until this Friday, but I'm seriously worried about passing Crim Pro and it's affecting the quality of the rest of my life. Well, not really, but it could be if I actually had any more energy left to expend on stressing out about law school. Too bad I'm spending it all looking for a job.

UPDATE: Still no grades. I've checked 34 times in the last ten minutes alone. Do you ever just know, deep in your heart of hearts, that before the night is out you're going to be eating an entire pint of Ben and Jerry's and writing emails you'll never send to the last person that broke your heart? And I don't mean sappy emails. I mean, "I wish I knew where you lived now so I could come to your house and set your truck on fire and punch you in the face one thousand times and I'm happy that your slutty stripper girlfriend left you and by the way our nickname for you was Lap Pinky" emails.

UPDATE2: Does anyone find the absolute chick-magnetism of Horatio Kane on CSI Miami to be...well...kind of slightly TOTALLY unbelievable? David Caruso as a bonafide sex god? Uh. No.

UPDATE3: This site is the more addictive than crack. More addictive than aspartame. More addictive than Crack flavored Diet Coke laced with Heroin and sucked out of straws fashioned entirely out of Crystal Meth. h/t The 15-Minute Hipster.

Boon, I anticipate a deeply religious experience.

Oh my GOD, an Ashlee Simpson sex tape (just a safe-for-work story but has a link to pictures).

Oh my God.

It took me over three hours to write this post because I had to throw up approximately 437 times. For the good of humanity, and indeed the entire known universe, I hope this is a fake. I also hope that the bleach I'm pouring in my eyes right now will simultaneously kill whatever part of my brain those images are stored in and make me blind so I never have to see anything that awful ever again.

Sunday already?

Oh my God, today I decided to tackle all things domestic. I did ALL the laundry (usually I do selective laundry based on what I need right away), went grocery shopping, cleaned house, called all my various and sundry relatives, and even cleaned the kitchen and bathroom. The apartment is as clean as it's going to get anytime soon, but I am EXHAUSTED. I finally put on my pajamas (brand new pink polka-dotted ones I bought with some of my birthday money), sat down on the couch with my book, and I'm about to take a well deserved break for the rest of the day.

I spent all day at school yesterday studying, then went to dinner and drinks with my friend and her boyfriend. We tried to go Syriana but it was sold out, so instead we went to one of our fave bars where I got to sit next to a cute boy and talk to him (rather like blogging in the sense that I was telling him my whole life story and he was essentially a captive audience) for a couple of hours. It was fun (more so for me probably) and I feel sort of refreshed and ready to start the quarter with a nice clean place to live and a little bit of fun weekend behind me.

Weekly Law School Roundup #2

Evan has Weekly Law School Roundup #2 up over at his place, and, as usual, it's really great and well-organized and has a theme and everything. Next week it will be back here again, and I can see that I have a lot to learn from him to do justice to the Roundup legacy!

I'm not singing.

Hey, guess what? It's raining! Isn't that awesome! I heard on the news this morning that we are about to break the record for the most consecutive days of rain. Thank goodness I got a nice little jog in this morning during a "sunbreak." Yeah, that's right, I live in a place where it rains so much that every fifteenth day, when the sky turns a little less gray and it quits raining for fifteen minutes in a row, they call it a "sunbreak." I think that people probably do get really depressed here because of all the rain, but I guess on the upside there's the fact that the depression actually causes a lethary that probably keeps us them from actually working up enough energy or motivation to hurt ourselves themselves.

And, to cheer myself up, I'm going to spend the afternoon studying tax. I also need to work on my closing argument I have to give in Trial Ad next week (on Wednesday, my birthday...boo hoo!), but even the overwhelming fear of public humiliation isn't enough to scare me into working on that just yet. I need to be in the right mood. I'm not sure what the right mood is, but I think it probably involves vodka.

I'm itching like a man on a fuzzy tree.

Dear Apartment Laundry Room,

First of all, let me commend you on always being so clean. They say cleanliness is next to godliness and, even though I don't believe that to be true in your case, I appreciate the effort.

That being said, I have a few issues I would like to address with you. I want you to understand that I know you have a hard job. Just the other day I saw about 27 cigarette butts in one of your washing machines and I really felt for you. I know if I had to eat 27 cigarette butts I probably wouldn't feel very happy or helpful, and so I sympathize with your position there. Also, I have noticed, as I'm sure you have, that most of the people using you are either college students, old people, or people with no means of support that would allow them to *not* live in squalor, but seeing as how we're both stuck in this complex for the time being, I think we just have to accept those factors and move on.

I wanted to take a moment to write to you and try to explain to you what a frustrating experience washing my clothes has become. Just yesterday I did two loads of laundry, one of whites and one of colors. I did not overload the washers, or use too much soap. Imagine my shock, and frankly, anger, when I came to retrieve my clothes and found them sopping wet and full of soap suds. Normally I would allow for this kind of outcome as a fluke, but seeing as how it happens every single time I do my laundry I feel like I probably have a right to be upset.

The consequence of having clothes that are not properly rinsed is that the detergent makes me itch. From head to toe. Constantly. Maybe you can't appreciate how bad that sucks, but believe me, it's awful. And, as I'm sure you are well aware, the machine to put money on my laundry card is located in the manager's office, which is locked on the weekends. So, when you fail to fully wash and/or rinse my clothes, and I'm out of money, I have absolutely no recourse whatsoever save bringing my clothes back to my apartment, rinsing them in my bathtub like some kind of modern-day prarie woman, and then hanging them up to dry. Mind you, hanging them up to "dry" can be difficult when one's apartment that is roughly the size of a Saltine box, and it rains 364.5 days of the year and is so humid that nothing could possibly ever be fully dry in the entire city without the aid of sweet, sweet electricity.

I know none of this is probably your fault. After all, you, like me, are at the mercy of the maintenance people here who are, to the best of my knowledge, more like a figment of my imaginiation that actual human beings. But soapy, wet clothes are just not that helpful to me. Ideally, clean, dry clothes would be...well...ideal. I know it's a lot to ask, but I just know if we work together we can make all my dreams come true.

So, in conclusion, if there is any way to perhaps start both rinsing my clothes thoroughly and drying them to the point where they are unlikely to become breeding grounds for some horribly fatal strand of mold that is going to slowly strangle me with its microscopic spores which are, as we speak, setting up shop in the deep, dark recesses of my lungs, well, that would just be super. Thanks!

E. Spat.

We've got a piper down. I repeat, a piper is DOWN!

So, I was rereading this post today about Ex#2, and I was laughing and trying to think of some other funny things that had happened while we were married that I could exploit write about.

As I said in the prior post, Ex#2 was pretty funny and had a genuine knack for choosing the most inopportune times to say and do the most inappropriate things. Now, it seems funny. At the time, I sincerely wanted to throttle him at least 50% of the time.

One of the funniest things he used to do was use the word "machine" as sort of a...like...well, it's hard to explain, but it had the potential to be very funny or very annoying. Here are some examples:

"Oh E. Spat...don't be a boo-hoo-machine!"

"Oh E. Spat...Leroy is a very dumb dog-machine!"

"Oh E. Spat...you're looking VERY unhappy-machine!"

"Oh E. Spat...I shouldn't have eaten all those habaneros! My tummy feels yucky-machine!"

"Hey, why are you punching me-machine?"

See, there is almost no rhyme or reason to its use...and I really have no idea what the general rules were. He picked it up from a guy with Tourette's that lived at the long-term care place he worked at in college. Precious though, isn't it?

M. lived with us for awhile and when I told her tonight that I was trying to remember some of the things he used to add "machine" to, she reminded me of this one:

On the inside of a card he gave me for Valentine's Day:

"E. Spat, I love you a lot in my tick-tock machine."

See what I had to deal with? It is so funny when M. and I talk about it now (probably doesn't come through in the writing, maybe you had to be there)...but at the time, oh my God, it used to make me so mad.

Also, whenever I would say something that made him even vaguely uncomfortable or he felt like there would be a confrontation, he would try to joke his way out of it. His all time favorite? "Whoa sister...I am NOT picking up what you're putting down-machine!" I bet I heard that AT LEAST 37 times a day for nearly two years. To this day, I joke all the time with my friends that I'm not picking up what they're putting down. It's stuck in my head for the rest of eternity.

But, perhaps THE most annoying thing he came up with was The Most Horrible Nickname EVER. For whatever reason, Ex#2 decided that my little cutesy nickname from him would be "Hoo Hoo." I don't know why, I don't know how. I only know I HATED IT. SO MUCH. I have a feeling he chose it because it rhymed with "boo hoo," one of his favorite phrases to describe all aspects of human emotion that were not overtly joyous. So, when he REALLY got going, it would be...

"Oh Hoo Hoo, don't be so boo-hoo-machine."

That phrase right there is probably at least 75% responsible for my divorce.

At marriage counseling they asked us each to tell the other what they could stop doing immediately that would help to destress the relationship. I asked him to PLEASE stop calling me "Hoo Hoo" because it just really annoyed the living shit out of me. He asked me to do something which escapes me now, but I think it had to do with nagging him about being late all the time. Anyway, we had to hold hands, look at each other, and promise to work on curbing the behavior the other person had identified as being irritating. We did so, and I left our VERY FIRST counseling session thinking maybe we could work through our issues.

We got in the car to go home, and I said "Honey, I think that went well, I'm going to really try to stop nagging you about being late." He looked at me, put his hand on my knee, and said "Oh Hoo Hoo, don't be so boo-hoo!" Not five minutes after leaving counseling. I wanted to hit him right in the face. I'm sure we probably drove straight home and had a fight.

After about three or four counseling sessions we got the advice I wrote about in the other post, to cut our losses and move on without each other before we spent the rest of our lives in abject misery. About a year after the divorce I started thinking all this shit was funny, and now it'll be four years in February and I think it's funnier than ever. There is nothing like marrying someone and then waking up about a year later and realizing you married a guy whose idea of a great time is getting drunk and juggling knives. I'll never forget him telling me, about a prior girlfriend, "Oh yeah, well SHE used to throw plates in the air in the house and let me shoot them!" Oh! Well, silly me! Carry on then!

Anyway, sorry about that little trip down memory lane...the power was out for about three hours tonight and this is what I was thinking about and talking to M. about.

D-E-D -- dead.

R.I.P. Beefy McManstick Badass Spatula

October 26, 2004 -- January 5, 2006

This is the state I found him in when I got home from the gym today. And by "state" I mean "floating horizontally and dead as a doornail." Let's all take a moment tonight to pour some of our Mad Dog 20/20 on the ground for our poor dead homie, Beefy.

Survey says....!

Third year law students are slackers.

Raise your hand if you're in shock. Wait...no one? Really?

via JD2b

I'll let you get back to Reginald's quivering member.

This was such a long day. I can tell Wednesdays are just going to suck and I should get used to it. I have school all day and I didn't get home from my Trial Ad subsection until nearly 9pm. I'm going to try to work something out as far as driving in upcoming weeks. The bus takes too long, and I have to wait for it in the absolute WORST part of town, in the dark, by myself, after class. And, of course, I need to ensure that once new episodes of Lost start that I'll be home in time. I am so not missing my show. Perish the thought.

I'm working on a couple of long-ish posts about different things, not sure when those will come to fruition. I've been a little bit frustrated about the blogging thing because I feel sort of trapped. Like, I started an anonymous blog so I could say what I want, but now it's only kinda anonymous. So many people at school know about it that I can't really fulfill my original intent, which was to write about things that happen to be in school. Because of the previous point, and my own growth as a person and my discovery that this blog means I can do some different writing than I would have ever dreamed of doing, I'd like to occasionally branch out...but I think I'll lose my steady readers who are here to read about funny law school anecdotes. So, I don't know.

I will probably continue to venture outside the "law school blog" box every once in awhile, but, I've already been doing that, at least sometimes. After that, I don't know what I want to do. I'd like to write a book one day, I guess I could try to come up with one idea for a story that doesn't suck big, fat goat balls*...but that might be too much work right now. I could start another blog and make it TOTALLY anonymous, AND make it about something besides law school. But, once again, probably too much work. Oh well...these things generally work themselves out.

*In the alternative, I could embrace all my shitty ideas for plotlines and just start writing romance novels. All you need is a handsome man, a vulnerable woman, a crusade of some sort, and a lotta hot sex. I think I could handle that.

I'm OK!

Have you ever been walking through your living room, carrying a CD, and then just suddenly spazzed out and fallen down, breaking your fall with...say...a DVD player, two paperweights, a glass oil lamp, a candle, and a wireless router? Yeah. Me neither.

As much as I whine sometimes about being alone and/or lonely, sometimes it is such a blessing.

First day of the rest of my quarter.

First day of classes. So far, so good I guess.

Transmission of Wealth: Good prof, material is as interesting as wills and trusts can be. She seems determined to spice it up with backstories of the families involved in the cases and lots of juicy gossip-y tidbits.

Tax: Let's see, last year I ran screaming after approximately...oh...one class. This year, there is a visiting prof from another school and he is COOL! He has a very non-TVPNM attitude, seems laid back, made lots of little jokes and asides, and wrote the book. And, I'll even give him this -- the book is, at the very least, well formatted. Gotta love a guy who thinks to put the problems BEFORE the chapter so that you can read them before you read the material and it will be in your mind. Love it. Still not sure how I'll feel about the subject matter, but I think we all know a good prof makes all the difference.

Trial Advocacy: Prof for the large section is pretty awesome. I will meet the small section tomorrow night downtown, it's taught by two local practitioners, and there are 8 people in it. Apparently both the small section adjunct prof's are legal superstars in the community but seeing as how I've been working in a government cubicle for the past few months, I have never heard of either of them. I'm not sure whether to be excited or intimidated. Either way, it's pass/fail, so no worries there.

Overall, I'm pretty happy. The only sort of negative thing is that my week is really front-loaded because of Trial Ad being Monday and Wednesday, but maybe this week just seems worse because I had to jump right in without the benefit of the weekend to figure out what was going on and get some work done. I hate it when you start on Tuesday with a makeup class at lunch, and find out you have homework in two classes that you didn't even know about. Oh well...if that's the worst thing that happens all quarter, I'll be pretty lucky. No grades yet, so I can even still pretend that I passed Crim Pro. Ignorance really IS bliss.

Make it stop *sobs*

Why does the Today Show have Richard Simmons on it? Why does Katie Couric call "pounds" LB's? How can anyone but the most absolutely morbidly obese person lose weight by using Richard Simmons' Toning to the Oldies? Sorry buddy, stretching just isn't going to do it for the person who's only 20lbs overweight. OH GOD, why is he PRAYING?? Why are they playing "Oh Richard he's so fine" to the tune of "Mickey" over and over and over and over and over. How could anyone think that he is still relevant as a weight-loss guru? He's not inspirational, he's scary and makes my skin crawl.

This is the worst possible way ever to start a morning. Although, it is perhaps the only thing that can make me look forward to taking Income Tax. At least I don't have to see Richard Simmons there.

PS: I had an interview last Tuesday, and now it's this Tuesday and in the intervening week I've been busy being drunk and depressed, and then shopping and eating. Is it too late to send a Thank You email??

I almost forgot.

Guy at Bookstore: "Do you need validation for parking?"

Me: "No, I didn't park here. But I could still use some validation."

Guy at Bookstore: "Our brief interaction has been very pleasant. You seem like a nice person and have a beautiful smile. Really, a gorgeous smile!"

Me: "Gosh, thanks! I wish I had more books to buy!"

Me to Guacamole Kid: "Hey, did you hear that? I got validated!"

GK: "Heh. Right on."

The only thing that makes this tory less than perfect is that the guy was totally gay and so I couldn't bring him home and make him into my Sugar Bitch.*

*This term is going to be trademarked or copyrighted or whatever the hell it's called (hell yeah I'm in law school) by me, because I we came up with it the other day when I was talking to E. McPan about how I thought some guy was hot and I was going to call him "Sugar Britches" and then somehow we decided it would be funnier to just make him my Sugar Bitch. C'mon, it's funny!

Back to schoooooool...again!

I don't have any classes that start before 11:30am. HELL YEAH. The only possible downside is that I have absolutely no excuse whatsoever not to go to the gym every single day. But I think I can probably handle that, so no worries. I got to go to lunch and beers with my good friend and her boyfriend and then more beer after buying my books with Guacamole Kid. And, I made chicken soup and froze eight portions...it joins the two leftover portions of chile I have from before break. I guess I have no excuse whatsoever not to healthy dinners in the upcoming days. I also think we came up with a tentative gameplan for my birthday drunken binge celebration, but might have to adjust the dates a bit due to Guac Kid potentially being out of town on the day I originally chose. Finally, and perhaps most importantly, my hair looks so ridiculously good that it's crazy. I mean, it looks so good. I wish that I could give out my hairdresser's name and number to every woman in America, because she is seriously the shit. And she gave me a discount for my birthday. Having such completely unbelievably hot hair is perhaps the ONE thing that truly makes me regret the fact that this blog is anonymous and thus not so much with the pictures...a picture would be so helpful right now. But, sadly, I just don't think I can go there.

School starts back tomorrow. Two quarters to go. And, I decided to TRY Income Tax, so we'll see how that goes.

Weird...but unfortunately true

There is something so profoundly disturbing about waking up and realizing you were sort of...dream blogging. Like, not dreaming about blogging, but actually dreaming in blog format. I used to work with linguists in the military and they told me that they knew they were truly assimilating a foreign language when they started to dream in it. I feel like I don't necessarily want to become fully fluent in blog...there's a connotation there that I don't want to be caught up in.

Maybe because I've been thinking about where I want this blog to go and so subconsciously I was working something out or whatever. If this blog was a person I would be trying to get it slightly drunk and then make it talk to me about its feelings and "where" this "relationship" is "going."

What's a little boy like you doing with big boy smut like this?

Today I went to the mall and bought stuff that I don't need at 50% off. It was nice. I came away with a kickass pair of black cargo pants and two fleeces. I generally don't like fleece (in the sense that I think every single person in this whole city is just freaking covered in it from head to toe 24-hours-a-day and I don't want to look like any of them), but they were very soft, and in colors I really wanted, so I gave in. Plus, the other day when I cleaned out my closet I gave away FIVE hefty bags full of clothes to Goodwill, so I feel like there's a void there that has to be filled. Must. Buy. More. Clothes. The cargo pants are so cute and ALMOST make me look like I have an ass. So close, and yet so far away. Plus, I got out of the house for a few hours, which is very important when it's been raining for weeks and you're prone to depression.

I had SO MUCH FUN last night. We went to the Solid Gold dance party and although my feet almost fell off from dancing in my gold high heel sandals (sorta look like these), we just had a great time and I loved the music they played. In fact, we had such a great time that we decided the theme for my birthday party this year is going to be DANCING, with a secondary theme of DOING SHOTS. Although, with the whole "two days of my life gone due to the dirty tequila and sad, sad movie" still fresh in my mind, I think I might take it easy on the shots. Last night I didn't get drunk at all...but not for a lack of trying. I think the drinks were super watered down. In fact, I knew I was totally sober when my friend suggested we call M. at midnight and I went "No, she's on vacation and the time difference is two hours and I just don't think she'd appreciate that." See how that is the voice of a sober, sober girl? Oh well, it was nice to wake up and feel good instead of like death warmed over.

I am in total and complete denial that school starts on Tuesday. Tomorrow I am spending probably three hours getting my hair done (YAY!), and then I have to go buy books. Sigh. I'll probably spend $500 or more tomorrow between those two activities. I'll tell you what, the money is going fast. Thank God I should be getting some money back on taxes this year, it might just save my ass towards the end of the quarter. I mean, how does the government expect me to survive on my law school budget, which TOTALLY doesn't include registering my car, getting highlights, buying new clothes, bar tabs, and a potential trip to see M. for Spring Break. Sheesh.

Weekly Law School Roundup #1

Welcome to the first edition of the newly-revived Weekly Law School Roundup! I had every intention of having this up first thing this morning, but a case of dance fever caught me up last night and I didn't get home until nearly 4a.m., so I'm getting a bit of a late start. I've never done this before, but I guess I just jump right in.

Have you ever wondered which Supreme Court justice gets the most laughs? Well, Shangri Law has the answers, plus the annotated Scalia bobblehead.

How to Law School has everything you ever wanted to know about Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes. Stockton writes that "Holmes is probably most famous for his mustache. Holmes detractors claim his facial hair lacked the robust jocularity of Stephen Johnson Field's beard but many saw a sly, sardonic intelligence in Holmes' finally coiffed and dangerously sharp mustache." Who knew?

Elle Woods over at Legally Blonde brings us a day in her life working at Bill, More & Hours.

Perhaps the most pressing question of the new year...Legally Intoxicated wants to know where the...uh...hell...is his flying car?

Have you ever spent an entire semester toiling away in the coal mines of law school only to get the exact same grade as you did that time you spent the entire night before the exam throwing back sake bombs and then you showed up to the exam clutching a commercial outline, a cursory knowledge of the law, and wondering where you left your shoes? Well, Strict Scrutiny feels your pain.

Under the heading "Oh my GOD, I've so been there!", I bring to you...Matt Schuh liveblogging his wait for the cable guy.

Now, I'll admit this one was way over my head...I can smell people trying to hide math by using words a million miles away. But still, Ari David Kopolovic at The Distillery has a post involving game theory and when you should help your fellow law student.

The Namby Pamby Law Student has a sleepwalking dog. Weird!

Bonus Link -- it's not really related to law school per se, but Underneath Their Robes is back!

So, I hope that you enjoy the Roundup. You will be able to find it next Sunday at Evan Schaeffer's Legal Underground. Keep those emails and links coming! I REALLY appreciated the help this week and I found a whole slew of new blogs that I'm excited to start reading on a more regular basis!!!