Thursday, September 22, 2005

I'm so glad you asked!

OK, no one actually asked but I'm going to tell you anyway. Fitz has a post up this morning answering a reader's question about the scariest thing he's ever seen anyone do while driving. This compels me to tell the story of the scariest thing I ever saw someone do while driving...because if there's a bandwagon, I'm on it baby!

When I was about 22 I had a friend who was married to a guy that worked with my ex-husband. After my husband left me she offered to take me out for a night on the town, to clear my mind (ahem, meet boys and drink) and whatnot. Since she was really my only friend I didn't have too much of a choice and I agreed to go.

This girl was 21 (I think), had a kid and a husband who she hated and, I would find out later, was actually pregnant at the time this incident happened, although I don't know that she knew it yet. She to say the least.

So, she picks me up at my place and offers to drive, so that I can "go ahead and cut loose." This sounded pretty good to me because I had not really ever been drunk before, but having my husband leave me for his mistress seemed like a good time to go ahead and go there. In our very best hooker-ific clothes we set out for pretty much the most disgusting dance club in the entire city.

As we're driving down the main street in the city, tons of traffic, cops everywhere, she tells me to hand her "her bag." I hand over her purse and she goes "No, no, no, the diaper bag behind the seat." I gave it to her...I didn't think too much of it, most of us probably know moms who keep all kinds of junk in their diaper bags.

She puts the diaper bag on her lap and pulls out a bottle, a knife, a lime, and a tiny salt shaker. She proceeds to cut the lime against the center solid part of the steering wheel while we're sitting at a light and then starts to do shots of tequila out of a baby bottle while she's driving.

I can't even remember what my reaction was. I know I said something like "Oh my God, you can't do that! There's cops everywhere!" And she goes "Hey, don't worry -- it's a baby bottle, I can always just throw it back in the diaper bag, no one would EVER look in a diaper bag!"

Even at the time I was like "Yeah, I'm sure cops have never seen anyone hide something in a diaper bag before." I'm not sure what her plan to deal with the lime, salt shaker and knife was.

Anyway, that's the craziest thing I've ever seen someone do while driving, although my first time in Vegas I saw this chick giving a really old guy some oral pleasure in his convertible while he drove down Las Vegas Blvd. That was kind of weird/icky.
This blog is sponsored by The Reeves Law Group at 515 South Flower Street, 36th Floor. Los Angeles CA 90071. (213) 271-9318