Saturday, October 15, 2005

This is how we do it...

This is how we do things in my house.

First, I call my mom and cry and tell her about all the reasons I'm upset. She listens attentively, acts flustered, tells me it will be OK, and then hangs up.

Within 12 hours I get an email from my dad asking me what's wrong. I reply to the email with all the things I'm upset about. He cogitates upon my issue.

Withing 12 hours after the email I get a phone call from my dad. This can take one of two forms. The first is the "Let's Make a Plan Phone Call." Usually for this one my dad already has a plan and what he really would like is for me to execute it. This particular approach is used when I have gotten myself into a "situation"...i.e., I have married someone and discovered after two years of marriage that things just aren't going to work out. The second type of phone call is the "Pep Talk/It's All Going To Be OK Just Please Please Don't Cry Phone Call." This type of call is reserved exclusively for situations where I haven't done anything stupid but I'm just upset and freaked out and I need to be talked down off the bell tower.

Tonight I got the "Pep Talk." And here's the thing. I love my parents so much and I feel so happy to have them in my life because they're so supportive and wonderful and I just don't even think I deserve to have such fantastic people love me and worry about me. My dad told me that:

(A) I shouldn't worry about finding a job because I'm an amazing person and someone will hire me and they'll be lucky to have me.

(B) I shouldn't worry about money because:
1. If I get a low-paying job they will supplement my income enough to help pay my loans until I make enough money to manage on my own.
2. If I don't get any job at all for a while, they will make sure that I have a place to live and that my bills are paid and that I'm taken care of, just as long as I'm trying.

(C) When he got out of college he sent out 150 resumes, got 30 rejections and 120 dead silence no reponses, and, frankly, he ended up finding the job he was meant to be in when he least expected it.

(D) He is going to help me figure out the car thing, eventually. See, even though I'm the only grandkid, apparently that doesn't warrant a car in my family...so, we're waiting to figure that one out.

(E) He understands that we Spatulas, ok, me...I...have a really hard time with rejection and I'm taking a lot of things in my life personally these days, even some things that aren't attributable to me. Also, I'm impatient, a perfectionist, a control-freak, and a bunch of other stuff that, together, make me a little more neurotic than I would usually admit to. But, I come by it honestly...Spatulas are crazies...each and every one.

So, you see, I am a really lucky, but sort of messed up person. The worst part is, I know that I shouldn't even be worried about all this yet...I mean, shit, it's only October! But, I can't seem to help it. As M. would say, "Yeah E. Spat, you're TOTALLY laid back...just in a really driven way!"
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