Saturday, April 08, 2006


For the love of sweet little Baby Jesus, how do ex-boyfriends know to call just at the exact moment you would LEAST like to hear from them? And how come they always manage to be calling from some place weird that you don't have in your cell phone so you don't recognize the number and you end up picking up and getting into a whole long conversation? It must be something they teach in man-school.

If I ever find out the mathematical formula for how the relationship between suitability and attraction is totally inversely proportional, I'm going to be the Einstein of Dating. Oh, you have a dead end job? You barely made it through high school? You resent people who are more educated than you because you think they're all entitled, pretentious, assholes? You have (or have had in the past) problems with drugs/alcohol/other addictions/sexual deviancy/farm animals/your mother/axe murdering/insatiable lust for root vegetables? You have a criminal record (doesn't have to be big and impressive like serial rape, I also do license suspensions, restraining orders, DUI's, and even garden variety petty larceny)?** Well God, come on over and get to know me, I'll overlook it all, date you, and then you can randomly call me every time I start to feel better off without you and make me miss, if not you, the...uh..."companionship" you provided. You big old bastard.

**Consider this to be an amalgamation of traits of all my terrible boyfriends, not to be confused with all being present in the ex, although....
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