Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Workin' in the coal mine...

Today was rough. Rough. A client hates me, witnesses are eluding me (and it's a special kind of eluding when people can escape to the Bering Sea on a fishing vessel to get away from you), and my boss was teasing me about something that kind of hurt my feelings and made me feel awkward (although she's the nicest person on the planet and clearly didn't mean anything mean). I'm confused and frustrated with billing, I feel guilty about how long it takes me to do stuff and since I'm not in a firm no one is checking my stuff and down-grading my billables because I'm new, so I'm kind of policing myself which means I have to work twice as hard since I'm shaving down my own billables. I am stressed that I will never have my own clients who will actually like me and won't just be in love only with everyone else in the office. And, they hired someone else to come in part-time starting in a couple of weeks, and I wonder how that will effect my ability to bill and the level of work I'll have. Plus, she used to work there before and so she already knows everyone and knows what's going on, which freaks me out. And there's not even a place for her to sit. If she gets the corner office with the view I'm going to go totally nuts.

Basically, I'm stressed out. Really, really stressed out. I still love my job, but I'm a stranger in a strange land and I don't understand even the simplest things and it's just so frustrating and nerve-wracking. I did go to a social thing after work tonight with one of my bosses and it was really fun and I met lots of neat people, so that was cool, but now I'm home and in full-on worry mode. Sigh.
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