Blech.

I am lost this week...no idea why, but I just can't get it together. I'm not understanding anything I'm doing in any of my classes, even Trial Ad, which is about the easiest class on the planet. Plus I'm not feeling well. Ick. I did sign up for the MPRE so now that's looming on the horizon as well. I really, really, really cannot wait to be done with law school. I feel this aching need to start living a real life again. I want to go to work, and do fun things, and get a paycheck, and just not be in school. I think I'm officially burned out.

I hear the secrets that you keep...when you're talking in your sleep.

*Written a few days ago -- but I had to get permission to put it up since it's about someone else...cuz I'm nice like that*

My "friend" talks in his sleep. He works in a financial-type place (but not a bank), and so generally he talks about stuff from work. Last night, after he fell asleep but when I was still awake, he goes "So, do you want that in small bills or twenties?"

I laughed so hard I woke him up. After assuring him that he's lucky I'm not easily offended, I laughed some more. He told me he's going to start taping his mouth shut while he sleeps.

Last weekend while I was getting ready I thought he was awake because he was kind of talking/mumbling a little bit (this was before I knew about the talking in the sleep thing). He wasn't making any sense at all, so I said "Hey, what are you talking about? That doesn't even make any sense!" And then I realized he was asleep. So, when he woke up I told him what he had been saying and he goes, "Oh God, did I ask if you wanted the person on the other end to show ID?" I said, "Yes" and he goes "I was sending a Western Union in my sleep and I wanted to know if you wanted the person picking it up to have to show ID."

I just can't wait to hear what happens next.

Weekly Law School Roundup #5

Sorry this is a little late...but at least I managed to get it up on the right day this time! (heh)

Enjoy!!! Remember, next week it will be back at Evan's place.

Shellvester -- Fight those addictions!

Divine Angst -- Typos on your transcript...greeeeeeeeaaaat!

Cella Bellum -- Awesome bus story -- with a bonus pic!

Thrown for a Loop -- "Top 10 Reasons I Quit My Old Job"

Perky to a Fault -- Dude! Sweet!

My So-Called Internet Based Life -- Creepiest M&M's commercial...EVER! (I saw it too and had been thinking about commenting on how weird and gross it is.)

Passionate Discourse -- There's always one in every class.

Matt Schuh Online -- When West Wing and law school collide.

Legally Blonde -- Thank God, she's back from the precipice of insanity!

Phocas and Francis -- Directions to an interview with a search engine. Beautiful.

People will say we're in love.

I am drinking some pretty fucking fantastic white wine right now. I just thought you'd want to know. I'm also watching Silence of the Lambs. And I made a cheesecake today. God, I am so awesome.

Guilty.

My ex pled guilty yesterday (well, technically he made a deal where he doesn't exactly plead guilty but says that enough evidence exists to convict him), to multiple counts of rape and a few other things in that same general vein. Needless to say, prison is in his near future...although, with the plea he knocked down what would have been well over 100-years to something that will have him out before he turns 50. His wife (the woman he cheated on me with) is standing by his side, and since the start of this whole thing (his indictment was nearly three years ago), she has had another kid with him. Some people are slow learners I guess.

Wow.

Oh yeah!

(Upon writing and re-reading this I wonder if it sounds self-congratulatory, but it's not meant to - but I really want to preserve this moment of feeling semi-victorious in my own self-esteem just for when things get dark and cloudy again. Probably in about eight minutes.)

So, I was perusing non-law jobs today online (something I like to do, sort of a "treat" if you will), and suddenly I was reminded of something.

I have four years experience as an Air Force officer directly supervising a staff of eight, providing support to nearly 6,000, running programs that touched on every facet of a military member's life and were of the utmost importance to the health, morale, welfare and discipline of our nation's warfighting forces. I discharged people from the military. I was a subject matter expert. I defended my decisions and programs and people up my chain of command, all the way to a 3-star General, and made huge decisions with minimal supervision and maximum personal discretion.

I have a Master's degree in Human Resource Development with a G.P.A. of 3.98. A degree I completed at night, while working 70 hours a week in the military supporting intelligence personnel and our worldwide mission post-9/11.

I have years of professional experience working as a secretary/admin. assistant to the CEO of an HMO, and, indeed, worked full-time while going to school at night for four years to put myself through college. I also worked at a runaway shelter, a financial consulting place (as a receptionist), and one time I put over 100,000 car loan applications in numerical order for $6/hr. I always worked though, and I always moved up at my next job.

I'm smart, capable, not-just-computer-literate-but-computer-SAVVY (!!), type fast, have management experience of both people and resources, work well under pressure, can manage my time effectively, have above average "people skills," and have persevered through some pretty crappy times in my life in order to get where I am today.

See, I don't HAVE to be a lawyer if this all doesn't work out. I almost forgot for awhile that I have options. I can find a job doing something else. I will always be able to find a job. I have never, in my life, not been able to find a job, doing something that would at least pay the bills. Shit, between when I got out of the Air Force and started law school, I temped as a receptionist at an insurance company and made enough money that it would keep me afloat right now, at least for a couple months until I had to start paying off student loans.

I have options. You see?

Wow.

UPDATE: With the encouragement of Roomie and GK, I applied to a non-law job today. I am very excited to see if I even get an interview...I'm scared they'll just trash my resume because I won't graduate until June, but I tried to address it in my cover letter. It felt good to jump outside the box for a moment, and it was a perfect opportunity for me.

TGIF

Oh my god, I made dinner for a friend last night, and then we had a beer, and then I was so tired I went straight to sleep...and now...it looks like I had a party for 30 people here. Perhaps the apartment really WAS this messy BEFORE dinner but I like to think I wouldn't have let anyone in if it had been, which apparently isn't true. I guess this gives me something to do after school today.

The weather came on this morning and for the ten-day forecast there were just little gray rain clouds day after day after day. We did have one day of sun the other day, so I guess I should just take my tiny little gift and be happy I got it. But, of course, I won't be happy until I have what I want and that won't happen until the rain stops for AT LEAST three days running.

I'm still thinking about the job thing. I'm definitely going to go through the entire interview process with the firm here. I know that it's kind of a longshot because the guy I'm up against is super-fantastic and whatnot, but I still really liked the firm and thought it would be a good place for me, so I want to follow through. I also heard last weekend that the place I've been working for the past 7 months (through December) THINKS it will have a position coming open on the West Coast soon, so I kind of want to hold out for that as well because, frankly, it's my dream job and if I took something I knew I was going to hate and then it came open, I would cry and cry. So, I don't know how I'm going to manage this process or what I'll do when/if the firm thing doesn't work out, but I guess I have a short-term plan and what more can I ask for at this point?

I noticed Valentine's Day shit out in all the stores sometime around, oh, Halloween. But it's gotten really aggressive. Every single time I go to the grocery store, or Target, I feel like there is some evil corporate Cupid mass-marketing genius whose entire job is to shove Valentine's Day right down my big, fat throat. And here's the thing, I even think Valentine's Day is useful. Because, I usually go to Target the day after and pick up TONS of pink candles, and rhinestone-y picture frames, and all sorts of other pink, shiny shit for 50% off. But honestly, I'm just not sure that I need to be reminded for four months about my single-hood.

Finally...

I finally heard back from the place I had a second interview at just after Christmas. I'm going back up there for a THIRD interview next week. I am competing for the job with a good friend from school, so that's kind of interesting...we decided whoever gets the job has to buy the other one some beers. Seems like the fair way to handle things. I also applied to a clerkship near where my parents live, somewhat in the hope that it's so far out in the boonies I'll be the only one who applies...I do kind of hope the next-week place comes through though...but, you know, I've been on this roller-coaster ride before and frankly, it's never really worked out. Usually about a week after the interview I get a letter that goes something like this:

Dear E.Spat,

We were so happy to get a chance to meet you during your interview on XX Date 200X. You seem great, but unfortunately we only have 1 spot available. We received over XXX amount of applications this year, so you should feel thrilled and elated to have even made it as far as you did. Due to the fact that we have to very carefully screen who we allow into our 1 precious available slot, and despite the fact that you seem pretty OK to us and look like a real fun girl and have a nice rack, we decided to offer the job to a guy who goes to a better law school than you and is the editor of the XYZ Journal of Some Inane Subject That We Won't Even Explain To You Because You Wouldn't Understand It Anyway. We wish you the very best luck in finding a job. Ever. So, um, good luck with that.

Sincerely,

Employer Who Isn't Going To Hire You.
Not Today. Not Tomorrow. Never.
Please Quit Sending Us Your Resume Or We'll Take Out That Restraining Order.
You Know, The One We Talked About Before After You Called Us For the 20th Time Wanting To Know "Where In The Hiring Process" We Were.
Good Luck Though.

UPDATE: When it rains it pours I guess. One of the federal honor's programs that earlier had placed me on a waiting list called me today. The problem? I felt like they were SERIOUSLY pressuring me to commit to their whole "process" and the type of job they're offering (sitting in a dark federal office reviewing contracts until I die)...like, they wanted me to get all excited on the phone and say that I was super interested and that IF they get the job together (they're not sure yet) I'd be willing to talk to them and if they like me, make a decision immediately. And the job isn't even open yet. Plus, honestly, I REALLY want to see what is going to happen with the job out here. I have to admit that I'm a big old hypocrite, because as much as a I want a job, I don't want to move to D.C. to make $50K a year and spend all day reviewing contracts...necessarily. I don't know...I hope they are a typical government agency and take forever to get any of this moving so I can wrap up the thing out here before I have to decide whether I want to talk to them further. Contracts. Eh.

A day late and a dollar short.

OK, Elle and TheNambyPamby decided to start doing questions on Wednesdays that they are calling "The Hump-Day Mindfuck." You can participate if you want, or don't if you don't want, or just read other people's if that's your thing...or whatever. So, here we go.

1. For the Men: Boxers or Briefs? For the Ladies: Thong or Boyshorts?

If I have to choose, definitely the thong. Boyshorts are for women who are younger and with better asses than me...perhaps several years ago, but sadly, no longer. Besides, in my day to day life, thongs actually have some utility, what with the no panty lines and whatnot. For men, boxer-briefs or nothing. Boxers are good too, and can be kind of fun, but I do heart the boxer-brief.

2. What is the weirdest place you've ever had sex?

There are probably a few places I'm definitely not going to talk about on here, just because...well...I don't know, I'm just not. But, I did have sex on the trail (and I mean, right in the middle of the trail), at a national park at a time approximating high-noon. Also, the bathroom at a beach bar in Florida...that was truly spectacular since I think we thought we were being very sly and in reality EVERYONE who was there knew what was going on. Who says tequila isn't a good thing? That's all you're getting out of me on this one...a girl has to have a few secrets.

3. What is your policy on telling your significant other your "number"?

My policy on pretty much all things is "don't ask if you don't really want to know." I'm a big fan of a little thing called "the truth" and try to tell it most if not all of the time. This saves me from having to remember my lies, which is a big plus when your brain is being rotted out by aspartame day after day. That being said, normally I don't volunteer that kind of information, nor do I ask...who cares what happened before I met him? You can have a discussion about all the important stuff (ie: do you have any fun diseases I should know about?) without discussing specific numbers. One guy I dated during 1L year asked me if it was "more than 2? more than 5? HOW MANY IS IT THEN?" and I laughed right in his face, which went over about as well as you would imagine...but see, I TOLD him not to ask if he didn't really want to know.

I want to go back to the island...

I am SO BUSY...I'm sorry, but the beginning of the week until after my Trial Ad subsection on Wednesday night is just such a whirlwind. I have to do a cross-examination tomorrow night and I have NO IDEA what I'm going to say or do. The case is just sort of "eh"...it doesn't have anything about it that makes me want to get all involved and craft a really spectacular cross...or any cross at all.

Also, the only thing that I have to write about is how much I hate the fact that I don't have a job, I don't have any prospects for a job, I don't know how to find a job, no one will help me, and I have no contacts at all except for in the government, and guess what, they're not hiring. Basically, the job thing has me down and unlike most things in my life, I have no idea how to fix it or make it better. Every day I feel more stressed out about it because I just don't understand how to make this all work, and the people who are supposed to help me are totally useless. I'm worried, frustrated, stressed-out, and unhappy, and I don't know how to make it stop.

This makes my whole day better!

Go here to watch Kevin "My Wife Gives Me An Allowance" Federline rock out to his new piece of shit song single. Oh God. I so needed a good laugh.

My Uncle was microwaving our socks and the dog threw up on the couch for an hour.

I'm still so pissed about my post getting hijacked last night! I had written this big long post, and then it was gone, and then I was so tired I couldn't face trying to recreate it...I fell asleep on the couch at 9:30.

The one thing I remember that I wrote was this little gem from my Trial Ad professor:

"Getting into an argument or a dialogue with a witness during cross-examination is like wrestling a pig...you'll get dirty and the pig will like it!"

I thought that was pretty funny, but it kind of does sound like something Dr. Phil would say.

Anyway, that's it for now...mostly I'm spending a lot of time thinking about a job, trying to find a job, and just trying to find jobs to even apply to...in a little tidbit that I'm sure isn't news to any of you, Career Services is still entirely not helpful in either serving or helping my future career.

What the f*$&?

I was writing a blog post and then blogger wouldn't publish and when I finally got it back online, my post, which had been saved as a draft, had been taken over by spam. Like, it had inserted its link into the title, and had this whole thing written that showed up in the post body, and the post I had written had gone! How could that happen????

Better late than never!

I have been incredibly busy and for that I apologize. I was remiss in posting the link to the Weekly Law School Roundup #4 over at Evan's place yesterday...go there now! Next week it's my turn, so send any good, fun links my way!!

I basically spent the weekend drinking and hanging out with my friends. As I'm sure you can guess, it was a big weekend here -- you know -- because of the TVPNM football team and all. If you still can't guess where I'm at, I just don't know how else to help you.

I briefly stopped at a bar last night where all my friends were watching the game, just in time for this drunk guy sitting right behind us (and when I say "drunk" I mean "incoherent to the point of near-death") threw a beer, trying to hit the owner of the bar, and hit Roomie's Boyfriend. Roomie's Boyfriend got up and growled, the bar owner tried to get the guy up and throw him out, but Mr. Drunkypants threw the glass and it broke and then dumped everything off the table -- so then all the guys at our table, including GK, Roomie's Boyfriend, and another friend of ours, ended up getting up and wrestling this guy out the door -- he was out of control. It was all very exciting until the drunk guy bumped into our table on the way out and made me spill half my beer on my cashmere sweater -- BASTARD! Then I wanted to get up and throttle him too. Anyway, it was fun, and our team won, so it was all good.

I predict some pretty elaborate Superbowl parties around here.

Maybe you should put some shorts on or something, if you want to keep fighting evil today.

I have been having the most productive morning ever! My bathroom is so clean, it's just...insane. All my chores are done, I've been to the gym, I've been to Target, and I've gone to get my Diet Coke. And that's where I met my new archnemesis.

I'm going to call him PocketHand Man. PocketHand Man rolls up to the counter at 7-11 with a six-pack of Henry Weinhard's -- it's big here, but you can get it at the grocery store across the street for three dollars cheaper than at 7-11, and he sets it ALL THE WAY at the far end of the counter. Then, he sticks his hands in the pockets of his pleather coat, averts his eyes from the cashier, and waits. And waits. And waits. Meanwhile, the cashier doesn't know what this guy wants because the beer is all the way down at the other end of the counter. So, he's waiting for PocketHand Man to ask for cigarettes or something. I'm standing there with my Super Big Gulp just watching and sipping, watching and sipping.

Finally, the cashier glances down at the counter and sees the beer and goes "Is that yours?" PocketHand Man says, petulantly, "yeah," then sighs with disgust. At this point I'm trying to determine whether PocketHand Man might actually going to be about to rob the 7-11, what with the hands in the pockets STILL. So, the cashier walks down to the other end of the counter, gets the beer, rings it up, and says the total. PocketHand Man pulls one hand out of his pocket and drops a big wad of $1's on the counter. The cashier looks at me (I'm a regular after all), gets the guy's change, and drops it on the counter right in front of him. I cheer internally. PocketHand Man just stares at the cashier, waiting for him to pick it up. When he doesn't after about 15 seconds, PocketHand Man reluctantly pulls his hand out again, scoops up his change, and then straight back into the pocket. The cashier bags up the beer, sort of brushes the bag to the side, and starts helping me. PocketHand Man stands there for about ten beats too long -- long enough to make us all even more uncomfortable, and then picks up his bag and leaves.

After he left I went through my usual greeting with the 7-11 guy. He's nice, he and his wife are immigrants from Africa, and they both work at 7-11 and are there all the time. I tried to be extra nice to him today because I felt so bad about PocketHand Man. I don't know if he was crazy, or racist, or just thought he was better than the guy who works at 7-11, but what a total dick. I hope that I see him again someday, in another capacity, like across a courtroom. Until then, let's hope karma is paying attention.

Say what?

Did everyone but me know that boobies can be called "sweater kittens"? It was news to me, but now I'm highly amused and will from now on be referring to them as such, whether on me or on other people.

Guess how excited I am to spend tomorrow afternoon at school doing my Income Tax homework? Yeah, about that much. On a happier note, I'm going out drinking tomorrow night with my pals at a bar frequented by sailors and whatnot. Should be a good time. The place serves beer in individual pitchers. Oh hell yeah.

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Today GK and my old Roomie and I were standing on the corner after lunch, each sort of saying goodbye before we went our separate ways. We're standing there talking and all of the sudden....

A pigeon swooped down and flew into Roomie's hair...wings flapping around all over the place. She screamed bloody murder, GK and I doubled over laughing, and the pigeon, looking slightly bewildered, landed on the sidewalk and wandered around in a bit of a daze. Oh God, if I had a picture I could sell it for a million dollars because it would be the funniest picture ever taken.

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

*deep breath*

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

I was telling this to another friend and she's like "Oh God, that's horrible, it's not funny, oh my God, that's so scary!"

Well, yeah...it's only funny when it happens to someone else. Duh. If it happened to me I'd still be standing on that corner bawling my eyes out and trying to get the ickies off of me.

The best part was like five minutes later I get a text from Roomie saying "Oh my God, what if that thing gave me head lice?"

Head lice? BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Oh my God. Time to go get a beer.

Sweet, sweet slumber

Thank GOD I finally got some decent sleep last night. I fell asleep just after 11 and didn't get up this morning until 8:30 -- which is pretty late for me. I only have one class today and it's not until 11:30, so it's nice to not even have to set the alarm.

I am driving today. I love driving to school. Know why? Because I get to stop at 7-11 and get a Super Big Gulp Diet Coke, which makes me so, so, so, so happy. Ridiculously happy. Unnaturally happy.

I'm so glad it's Friday. Friday means Friday Night Beer Night, a tradition with some of my friends that I love. We get together, drink beer, and don't talk about law school. LOVE IT!

Lastly, I think I'm going to have to start applying to jobs again. I had a really good interview about three weeks ago (when I came home from Christmas early), and they had indicated a whole bunch of things to me, which, when summed up, equaled, "We'll be calling you soon, we want you to come back up one more time, you're one of the last two people we're considering." It's now been nearly four weeks (YIKES!), and despite numerous attempts to contact them, I have yet to hear back...not sure what's going on, but I'm pretty sure it means it's time to go back to square one. Damnit. Nothing like a little weekend project. At least I have Friday Night Beer Night to keep me happy for one more day.

Sadly, my life is boring. Even more sadly, I'm going to tell you about it.

Guacamole Kid and I went for a walk today at lunch (we walk usually about three times a week, a little over three miles), and he tried to kill me. He's probably about 6 feet tall, and I'm 5'9" (OK, I'm 5'8", but I FEEL at LEAST an inch taller!), and he was walking SO FAST. I know you don't care about this, but I almost died because we were walking so fast ("stepping up the pace" he said), and so I had to tell you. I did threaten to wait until he least expected it and kick him right in the balls for making me suffer, but he didn't look very scared. I think I might *possibly* be less scary than I would like to believe.

Still no grades. I have officially stopped caring really and have moved into checking them as a force of habit. Once they come in I'm going to have to take up smoking or something to kill all that time I was spending on checking and take care of all the obsessiveness and whatnot.

After I got home I threw in some laundry and then did an additional 40 minutes on my spinning bike...the grand hope being that I will be so tired I'll have no choice but to sleep tonight. We'll see how that goes. If I can't get back onto a regular schedule here pretty soon, it may be time to temporarily medicate. For now I'm hoping to tire myself out with activity and AS SOON as I feel tired at night, go to bed. It's not much of a plan, but it's mine and I love it.

There's really not much else going on...school, homework, gym, eat, beer, no sleep, start over. The sad, sad life of a law student.

UPDATE: FINALLY, grades are up. As expected, I am entirely average. Which means I did worse than expected in Legal Research, and better than expected in Crim Pro. So...yeah. Thank God I can quit checking.

Insomnia blows.

Lately I cannot sleep for shit. I have no idea why, but I seem to be alternating between not being able to fall asleep until 4am, and waking up at 4am after falling asleep at midnight.

My grades have all been turned into Academic Services...it's still a total mystery how long it might take them to get posted, but at least I know they're safe. And probably sleeping soundly. I know they're not up because I've already checked twice in the last ten minutes. Because you know there are people right now, at 11pm, working their fingers to the bone to get my grades posted. Yeah.

Direct exam went fine tonight, so much less stress than the closing last week. Next week it's cross, and I'm looking forward to it...I think that's going to be my strong point. Also, we are apparently going to run 45 minutes over each week, that's going to be an issue.