Please do not feed the statue...but you may touch her nipples as much as you want!

People apparently line up to touch the nipples of this statue because they think it improves their relationships...the artist says "it's amazing to hear that the breasts have had to be repaired many times because they're being worn out by too much touching."

Paris Hilton has the same problem.

*SPOILER ALERT*

SPOILER ALERT...Friends Ends 10-Year Run on NBC.

SPOILER ALERT.
SPOILER ALERT.

See Yahoo News. That's what we call a SPOILER ALERT. We use it when we're going to post news stories with ambiguous titles but the information contained within could give away a big secret that people might want to be surprised by. See? I thought you might already know that seeing as how you're a big news provider and all...but maybe not. So now you know. Consider yourselves lucky that I don't currently have the time to write a strongly worded letter.

My (extremely long) take on Law School compared to Grad School

Well...I saw that both Jeremy and Ambivalent Imbroglio had chimed in on the Advice/How Does Law School Compare to Other Grad Programs post that Greg put up...and so, since I know that my three readers desperately want to know my opinion (probably their email is just down and that's why there aren't messages pouring in from them begging for me to weigh in) I decided to put up a couple of quick thoughts.

First, I would qualify everything that I say with the fact that I have a Master's Degree but it is in Human Resource Development which wasn't such a rigorous program but did last for two years and I did do it full-time at night while I was in the Air Force -- so the time commitment was at least there.

OK...I tried to write this point by point like Greg did...but my attention span isn't that long and I don't have enough new to say to validate making everyone read a 5 page treatise. So, here we go:

Overall, I am 100% behind Jeremy's assessment that Law School is what you make of it and it doesn't have to be a miserable experience (although it certainly has its moments). But, like Greg, I have experienced the job interview where they had no idea how to talk to someone with 5 years of management experience and a lot of knowledge in a particular field. I've also experienced the job interview where the interviewer questions my ability to be a fair and impartial person because I was in the military (which apparently breeds people who are unfair and impartial...who knew??). I handled that by narrowing down the types of jobs I was interested in to places I thought would gladly accept my experience, and I got the exact summer job I wanted...the exact one I would have dreamed about having!

Competition and grade weirdness are definitely present -- especially now with finals looming, Moot Court on the horizon, and the law review write-on less than a month away. But, I try to just focus on learning things that I need to know to be a good lawyer -- not to be a crazy All-Star law student. The people here are all used to being the "smartest one"...this has been said by MANY people before...it's hard to adjust to having a curve and sometimes not getting to be the smartest guy or girl in a given population.

I would say the vast majority of students here get a "B" or "B+" in most classes, with about 25% getting some variety of an "A" and a few people, especially in the larger classes, getting a "B-". I will also say that I was the proud owner of a "C" in Torts for almost a week because of a screw up somewhere in the system with getting the WHOLE test to my professor (who apparently had just the first two pages)...it's fixed now, but the point is that it was the ONLY "C" given in ANY 1L class that I'm aware of...and it was so unusual it was the talk of the town for a week or so. The moral of this story is that if your school has computer testing and you get a grade that seems way out of whack..it just might be. The moral of this story was going to be about grade curves and then I realized I'm not smart enough at math to have a point about that...and it just went downhill from there...sorry!

Like Ambivalent Imbroglio, my grad program had much smaller classes, and you really got to know the professors because you took classes over and over again with the same person. My classes here are pretty big, but we have one small section each quarter and generally get to know that professor really well (which can be good or bad, depending...).

I have made some of the best friends of my life here...the first few months were rough, especially for a girl coming out of the military into arguably one of the most liberal cities in the country--let's just say people weren't breaking down my door to be my pal (which is funny, because I have always thought of myself as pretty politically moderate, but the military thing seems to throw people). I've addressed how I feel about law school here, so I won't go into that again...it's a different world but I think that if you've been to another type of grad school, or have worked, or are the kind of person who can resist running over the cliff with the other lemmings...the law school mystique just doesn't work on you as well. The ability to see the experience for what it is and make IT work for YOU is valuable and the people I see doing it best are those types of people.

Anyway, now I still wrote WAY too much and I apologize (I also apologize for any inaccuracies in interpretation of anyone's opinions...I agreed with all three of them!!).

"Well..uh...ummmm...uh...."

It's official...not only do microphones amplify sound - they also amplify stupidity...

Today's the Day!!

Today is "MY" day in CrimLaw to be an "expert." I will primarily be addressing the topic of "Why I Should Have Never Been Allowed to Come to Law School" followed up by a short question and answer session on "Why I'm Not Supposed to be Allowed to Hold the Microphone...or Anything Sharp."

If there's time left I will giving free tips on my new article in the Not Quite The Law Review Times: "7 Simple Steps for Selling Your Soul: A Practical Guide to Improving Your Bejeweled Score in Trying Times (or When the Professor is LOOKING)."

Fun things you can do with roadkill - Part 1

Oh my god.

"GERMANTOWN, Wis. -- It was a stench of decay that caused authorities to search an apartment in suburban Milwaukee. They found a home crawling with life: About 200 creatures -- including alligators, scorpions and carnivorous beetles -- formed a bizarre menagerie kept alive by a woman who fed them roadkill."

This sounds like a Carl Hiaasen book...I wonder if her name is really Skink?

Good things come in small, capsule shaped packages...

This guy put Xanax in his coworker's coffee because she was "too hyper" and he wanted to "calm her down." Now, how would one get Xanax into say....a law school water system?

Weird Day...

In my CrimLaw class someone has to be an "expert" everyday on whatever topic we are studying that day. My day is tomorrow, but my good friend had her day today. It went like this:

Prof: "Well, what do you think about the provocation defense when it's used by people who kill someone OTHER than the person they were angry with...?"
(oops, you're not the guy who was screwing my wife...sorry about that)
My Friend (hopefully still my friend after she sees this): "Well, gee, if you're gonna kill someone you probably ought to take the extra minute and make sure you're killing the right person."

Well said!

Like I said, tomorrow is my day, and I will have to talk into a microphone, so I'm sure my pseudo-Tourette's will be acting up appropriately...fun!

In other news -- I got accosted by ANOTHER LaRouche zombie today on my way back from lunch...she asked me "Do you want to get information on how to stop the war in Iraq" and I said "no" (mainly because I don't want to hear it from her and honestly I think LaRouche is crazy...I would LOVE for the war in Iraq to stop and for all my friends to come home safe)...so she SCREAMS "You DON'T WANT to STOP the war in Iraq???????" and I turned around and almost got into it with her but decided against it...I have too much work to do to stand on the street arguing with a crazy person, plus, it's Cinco de Mayo...you can't be mad on Cinco de Mayo...right??

Baby Fever

Number of days until my final brief is due: Five
Number of days past her due date my VERY pregnant Moot Court Partner is: Five
Number of aneurysms I am going to have if she (1) goes into labor while we're studying and/or (2) goes into labor before our brief is done and I have to finish the whole thing even though I'm totally unprepared to do so because she's the mature/organized partner (I'm the funny partner...or maybe the bringing-snacks partner): Probably just the one....

I'll take one hotdog please...hold the bullets.

Honestly, the fact that this woman thinks a bullet is the worst ingredient in the hotdog she's eating is probably the funniest part of the story...that and the fact that she's (almost definitely) making the whole thing up and has a big sign around her neck that says "I'm gonna sue and I'm willing to give up my dignity to do it."

Slutwear for the masses...

Anna Nicole Smith is starting her own clothing line...who knew you could weave cloth entirely out of craziness?

Busted!!

I got busted today...not that I've tried very hard to keep my actual identity such a secret since for the most part I'm not trying to hurt anyone's feelings or anything (recounting people's ACTUAL idiocy is fair game)...but just trying to stay under the "Google radar," if you will. It's a little weird to know that someone from my school, who wasn't one of the people I specifically told about the blog, knows who I am and associates what I write here with me. Sometimes I think that everything I write is only being read by me and like maybe one other person who already likes me and thinks I'm funny and who I don't have to impress...but clearly, that idea, much like my hope of becoming Mrs. Energy Spatula-Spader, is pretty much a figment of my imagination. Weird.

Ironic?

A new study at the State University of New York at Buffalo suggests that a high-fat diet might actually be BETTER for you than a low-fat diet*.

*funded by the United States Society for the Advancement of Buffalo Wing Advocacy

Umm..Hi...I broke up with you..don't you check your text messages?

Breaking up with someone using a text message sounds OK to me (mainly because I don't have that pesky soul anymore...but honestly...did you SEE that Bejeweled score? Totally worth it). I had a boyfriend once who broke up with me via cell phone and I have to say, the worst part about the whole thing (aside from not being able to physically get my hands around his neck) was the cell phone reception (Huh...what??...oh, you don't love me anymore and you wet someone else...no, you MET someone else...oh I see)...so perhaps text messaging is the better choice. I mean, who would actually break up with someone IN PERSON. That would be awkward.

Today's "waste of money" post

This guy runs a "Vent-Line" where people call him and, for only $1.99 per minute, he listens to them vent about their problems in life. Ummm, hello....isn't that what bartenders do for free? And that way you get booze. Duh.

P.S. That is $199.40 an HOUR!
P.P.S. Thank you to Beanie at Screaming Bean for gently pointing out to me that it is ACTUALLY $119.40 an hour...which is still exorbitant and could pay for many things that could probably reduce one's need to call such a service. As Jimmy Buffett would say..."Math Sux"!

I'll call you soon!

Sydney Still Basking in Olympics Afterglow...wonders how many days it will take Olympics to call, after all "he said he had a great time and would definitely call soon" before skulking out at 4am claiming he "had to be at work early."

Did you get the memo?

Normally I would not subject my reader...er...readers to a vitriolic diatribe detailing my experience dealing with the probably Satanic/definitely sadistic Financial Aid Office at my school. But, honestly...I just have to vent. My school (by which I mean the Law School in conjunction with the University) distributes scholarship money according to the following process:

1. All students turn in a one page scholarship application stating what their financial need is along with a short paragraph of the "Why I deserve your money" variety.
2. Any student with an Expected Family Contribution (EFC) can fill out a Revision Request Form asking to lower their EFC to $0. This is so that students who had an income last year but won't have any income this year aren't penalized in the financial aid distribution process (and apparently the scholarship process since the EFC is indicated along with other financial aid information on the one page scholarship form) for money they made (and spent to live on) while they were working. Per Financial Aid Spokesatan "We understand that 'student poverty' can take a couple of years to catch up with the financial aid distribution process."
3. Once all the forms are turned in and finalized the Financial Aid Office (Satan+minions) takes all the applications that STARTED OUT with an EFC of $0 and gives them scholarships FIRST.
4. Any person who has an EFC of $0 because they filled out the Revision Request Form DISTRIBUTED BY THE UNIVERSITY are considered LAST for scholarships.
5. The reason for this is because...and I quote..."if you filled out a Revision Request Form you have resources you can use to pay for school."
6. WHAT?
7a. Clearly the money I made at my job was used to live on, back when I had a job, over a year ago, when I actually had the job.
7b. Clearly I would not be filling out the Revision Request Form and asking for a $0 EFC if I had loads of "resources" just lying around waiting to be spent.
7c. Again, WHAT?

The absurdity of this process is overwhelming. I am someone who is used to dealing with bureaucracy at its most inane and still, I'm kind of shocked. The only thing that could make it worse is if they issued me less financial aid than last year, raised my tuition over $1,500, and then told me I would just have to spread the financial aid I am getting for next year over the summer as well (I'm doing an internship for credit) as there is no more aid awarded just because you're going to be paying tuition for an extra quarter...oh, wait, never mind....

Endangered Monster

It's a conundrum...the monster is on the endangered species list, but a budding entreprenuer wants to hatch the monster's eggs and raise the monster babies as a tourist attraction to bring adventure tourism business to his area. The monster's lineage goes all the way back to the 17th Century:

The Storsjoe monster was first mentioned in print in 1635, when Mogens Pedersen took down a legend about two trolls who were boiling a mixture in a large kettle on the shore of the lake. Having boiled the mixture for many years, the contents of the kettle began to wail and groan and then there was a loud bang.

"A strange animal with a black serpentlike body and a catlike head jumped out of the kettle and disappeared into the lake. The monster enjoyed living in the lake, it grew incredibly big and terrorized the people living on the shores. After some time it extended all the way around the island in the middle of the lake, and could bite its own tail," Pedersen's chronicle said.

Sounds reasonable to me...I wonder if the trolls are on the endangered species list too?

Oh Bill, not again...

Bill Gates Fined $800,000....tells U.S. to wait because he's gonna have to turn over TWO sofas to get that much change...

Thanks buddy!

I don't have class until 10:30 on Mondays and so usually I don't set my alarm clock...I just sort of sleep in until my need for caffeine becomes overwhelming. But today, thanks to the guy who stopped right outside our apartment to barf into our bushes, I got up without an alarm clock, and BEFORE the caffeine headache kicked in. Thanks buddy, for watching out for me and making sure I didn't miss class...or the sunrise. I totally appreciate that of all the places you could have retched, you chose our landscaping. Can't wait till next time...thanks again!