Friday, March 12, 2010

Do these pants make my asteroid look big?

So, while The Boy is out of town, I've been watching all manner of trash TV.  Right this minute I'm watching Ruby.  Ruby is not on my regular list of trashy reality shows...I am just too busy watching 16 and Pregnant.  Frankly.

So, anyway.  Ruby.  Apparently Ruby is a virgin.  I don't know how old she is, but she's gotta be older than me.  And he "ex" boyfriend is on the show - and there's some kind of weird vibe where he sort of sets off my gaydar, but also he makes a lot of googly eyes at Ruby and talks about getting her to give him some nookie.

But, what I really wanted to discuss is...she doesn't cuss...she substitutes.

Her "butt" is her "bertha".  Her "ass" is her "astronaut".  "Hell" is "helicopter".  I can't even remember the rest.  The whole thing was just so weird.  Not because she doesn't cuss, and not because she's a virgin...but...because she's just so weird and Southern about the whole thing.

There's something about her that really makes me uncomfortable.  I think it's because I have lived so long with the feelings of inadequacy that being overweight can bring, and with the shame that comes with being with guys who only want to be with you in the middle of the night when their friends can't see. 

I don't know.  It's causing me to think.  She's very annoying, but I think there's a universal truth there somewhere about being a woman, and overweight, and ashamed...and still wanting to be sexually desired, whether you can admit it or not.  And, if you can admit it, and you find someone to fill the role, can you ever believe they mean it?  Maybe that's the thing...I cringe for her because I cringe for my past self...I want to scream at the TV "there's no way this is real!  RUN!  he's going to point and laugh and make fun of you and you have to GET. OUT. NOW."

Hmmmm.  Something to ponder.