Thursday, March 04, 2010

Na-ee-na-na-ja...It's not that hard.

Lately I'm having a crisis of faith.  Not in the religious sense, but in the sense of my own faith in myself.  Faith in my abilities.  Faith in my personality, my people-skills, my aura...if you will.  It's weird.  I've worried about my looks, my body, my style, my hair, my raggedy nails, even my recent inability to force myself to wear lipgloss because I'm just too damn tired.  But, usually I don't worry about whether I'm likeable.  And now I do. 

My therapist says that I basically always act like everything is OK, so people assume that I am, even when I need support.  She also says that it is therefore my fault when people don't realize I need more support, that I have feelings that can be hurt, that I want their love and acceptance.  It's kind of weird, because...don't we all want love and acceptance.  Do people really think that there are other people who DON'T want that? 

I'm working on being more mindfully needy.  I made that term up just now.  Aren't I clever?
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