No, you are a hallucination, brought on by alcohol. Russian Vodka, poisoned by Chernobyl.

The annual Spatula Holiday Festival'O'Cookies went off last night without a hitch. Well, except I was asked twice when I would start popping out some grandkids (since it's Christmas I refrained from my usual retort which involves a story about a bottle of tequila and a couple stanzas of "What Would You Do With A Drunken Sailor"), and I actually had this conversation so many times that I couldn't count if I wanted to. I am trying to think of some good specialties I can name when people inevitably ask me what type of law I'm going to specialize in. I'm considering going with "Pirate and Wench Law." What would probably be funnier would be "The Law of Forcing Private Golf Clubs to go Public." That would really freak my parent's friends out...not because they're racists or anything terrible like that, but because, and I swear to God this is true, they don't like sharing the golf club with people who "wear jean shorts." So there you go.

Tomorrow my parents are having their "Christmas present to the house" delivered. Swear to God. It's a 60-inch HD blah blah blah super fancy TV. With all the stuff that goes with it, including video Ipods and a new computer system so that all the stuff will be wired together and the whole house will be like this gigantic entertainment center. On a happy note, this also includes a new Playstation (whenever the new ones come out, a few months from now I think), so that means I'm getting the X-box AND all the games. SCORE! I can't believe Mama Spatula is going to give up Halo, but apparently it's true. I can't wait to play Tiger Woods Golf on the new TV tomorrow, it's going to be super-fantastic. This is one damn lucky house to be getting such good presents, I'll tell you what. The only pisser is that the TV they got rid of (gigantic and very fabulous in its own right) they sold because they "didn't think it would be easy enough to get it to the TVPNM" for me. DAMNIT. I could have had an awesome freaking TV but instead some redneck bought it to PUT IN HIS TRAILER. I kid you not.

Anyway, I have an appointment for a bike ride with Daddy Spatula that I probably ought to keep.

PS: I've been totally playing with my new laptop -- it's SO AWESOME. I am going to be the best Bejeweled player blogger internet shopper law student ever with my new machine. Sweet.