Monday, December 05, 2005

Fun for you and your friends!

I wanted to take a quick minute out of my evening to thank Kamisar, LaFave, Israel and King. Although I have never met any of these people, they have produced what I think might be the single most effective sleep-aid ever to be introduced to the free world. Normally I lay awake at night, all sorts of thoughts and ideas running through my head, forcing me to finally give up on sleep and read filthy romance novels The Bible. But, now that I've found the KLIK (ooh, a good acronym even) Method, sleep is a breeze! If you follow the KLIK Method, you too could be on your way to instantaneous slumber, no matter where, when, or how many hours away from a final you are!

First, get settled in your preferred reading place. It you like studying on a nice cushy couch covered in your favorite down comforter, great! But, if you would rather be suspended upside down by one ankle over a pit filled with venomous sea snakes while a cannibal who looks suspiciously like Kevin "What Happened To My Ferrari" Federline pokes at you with the pointy end of a white hot iron rod...well, that's OK too. Either way, with the KLIK Method, you're goin' to sleep!

Second, organize all your study materials very carefully. Highlighters? CHECK! Pen? CHECK! HustlerStudy Aids? CHECK! M&M's? CHECK!! *

Third, once you're ready, open the book to ANY PAGE! That's the beauty of the KLIK Method -- it DOES NOT MATTER what page, chapter, case, or section you focus on! They will all put you to sleep equally well!! No really!

Fourth, you are guaranteed to fall asleep within 2 microseconds of focusing your eyes on any word contained in the book! ANY WORD! Even the publishing information! It Does. Not. Matter.**

So, you see, the KLIK Method has a lot of useful applications and can be applied not just to getting a good night's rest, but to any of your diminished capacity needs.***

*Please be careful when using any sharp object such as a highlighter or pen with the KLIK Method. Sleep onset occurs so rapidly that any objects within a five foot radius of the KLIK Method user could potentially end up imbedded in said user's face, causing unsightly yellow blemishes and permanent indentations and marks.

**Until you know how the KLIK Method will effect you, do not attempt to use it while operating heavy machinery or driving a car. For best results, only use the KLIK Method when you can devote a full 7-10 hours to getting a restful night's sleep.

***Please use as directed and follow manufacturer's directions. The KLIK Method should not be used on others, no matter how much they deserve it. Oh, who am I kidding? Use it on anyone you want, it's a miracle in print!! One page is enough to put even the most irritating gunner into a heavy slumber for up to eight, glorious, peaceful, no hand raised with finger snapping while calling out the holding backwards and in Latin hours.
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