Tuesday, June 21, 2005

What about shot glasses?

Thanks to Milbarge, I was subjected to this "Ten Things Every Single Girl Must Own" list first thing this morning.

Now, I'm used to the MSN dating and love people giving us the most ridiculous advice ever, so I guess this shouldn't come as such a surprise...but what can I say, I'm always shocked by total ignorance and moron-i-cacy.

So, here's the MSN 10 Things:

1. A fabulous photo of yourself
2. A pretty pair of heels
3. An Eminem CD
4. A great pickup line…and a way to blow 'em off
5. A six-pack of good bottled beer
6. Bathroom reading
7. A business card
8. Earplugs
9. A straight male friend on your speed-dial
10. A condom

This list is stupid. That's the bottom line. To get the true appreciation you have to go read the commentary as well though...for a "six-pack of good bottled beer" they suggest Sam Adams as the ultimate microbrew. Seriously.

They suggest that you use the awesome picture of yourself to send to people you meet online so they'll think you're hot, and hang it on the fridge at eye-level so any guy you bring home will look at it and think you're hot too. Ummm...isn't sending pictures that don't look like you what all these men on match.com are always whining and crying about? God knows most of them aren't really Prince Charming, but you would think with their dire fears of picture switching that every girl is an evil (and ugly) picture switching maniac. Also, any guy I bring home better damn well think I'm hot before he opens up my fridge to take one of my beers, one of my way-the-hell-better than Sam Adams beers. Shit.

Also, bathroom reading means bathroom reading for HIM. So, I am supposed to take time out of my single girl day to make sure that some man who doesn't actually exist in my life yet will have something to read (theoretically) if he ever comes to me house and needs to take a theoretical crap?

Earplugs? In case "he" snores? Who is this HE that is so much a part of my life that I have to buy him bathroom reading material and wear earplugs because he snores, and yet I'm still calling myself single?

Ladies, I think we can do better than this...leave a comment with one (or a few) of the 10 things you think every single girl needs to have.

I'll go first:

1. A copy of Jennifer Weiner's book "Good in Bed"
2. Good beer in the fridge for YOURSELF after a hard day at work dealing with asshole-ish men
3. An emergency pint of Ben and Jerry's to get you through tough times
4. A perfect lipstick that ALWAYS looks good on you no matter what you're wearing
5. At least one hot CD that will put you and any guest you choose to have "in the mood"...I like Otis Redding, but do your own thing, live how you wanna live baby.

OK...there's a start...when I come home from work I wanna see a whole bunch of way better suggestions than bathroom reading and an Eminem CD. Jesus.
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