Now that's just wrong.

OK, this one is a question. I know I *said* I wasn't going to write about this interview before I got rejected informed about my status, but I have this one burning question I need answered (and I've talked to many other people who have had this same experience).

How do others in the field who have gone through interviews view the following question (paraphrased to make it nice and generic):

"Where else have you applied? Who have you heard back from? Why aren't you being offered a job at the place you work now? Are you going to be offered a job at the place you work now? What other interviews have you been on/will you be going on?"

I'm not gonna lie....I HATE HATE HATE these types of questions. I think they are rude and intrusive and put the student/interviewee in a really bad position. I mean, hello, I'm a 3L....OF COURSE I'm looking/applying/interviewing at other places. DUH! I don't think it's anyone's business where else I'm applying, where else I've interviewed, or whether or not I might take a job somewhere else if it's offered. The focus of an interview should be on the job, on my abilities and on how I could/would/might fit into the organization and whether I'd be the best candidate for what the organization needs.

Anyway, I guess that's my rant on that subject. If anyone knows anything about these types of questions or has experiences/comments/insights they'd like the share -- I'd love to hear it.

Home.

I am home. I am tired. I bought "He's Just Not That Into You" at the airport bookstore because I had a four hour layover in Chicago (so far I've been reading it in snippets at friend's houses and whatnot)...thoughts on that later. Right now all I want is to go to sleep in my own bed. And a shower.

You know who you look like? That one girl. From the show. With the kids.

So, I am often told (and by often I mean, more than one or twice a month) that I look like Neve Campbell (especially when I'm in a thinner stage). This is kinda weird, but you know, at least she's attractive. Frankly, I'm not sure I see the resemblance, but I get it often enough that there must be something there because it happens enough that I don't think it's totally random. Anyway, tonight I went to happy hour with a bunch of friends from work (and LQ) and the bartender was like..."You know, you look like someone famous...I can't think of the name...but, you know, she was on that show...the one with the kids and their parents died...uh..." So, I help him out and go "Neve Campbell??" and he's like "YES!" After that he spent the rest of the night trying to pick me up and then he gave us a free round of shots and charged off a couple rounds of $10 martinis for the entire group for $20 total. So, you know, whatever. He can have his obsession as long as I make out like a bandit. Also, he asked if I was wearing false eyelashes and I go "No, why?" He's like "Your eyelashes are just really long, they have to be fake!" So, again I go "Nope!" And he goes "Well, close your eyes and let me see." When I did, he kissed me! Right on the cheek! It was actually pretty smooth, in a creepy way. But, again, lots of free drinks.
On another note, the interview was...uh...well...hmmmm. We'll talk about it when if I get rejected. For some reason, every time I pay to come cross country (or cross West Coast) to an interview, it doesn't go as well as I would hope. It's like they knew I spent money. Anyway, I am still very interested in the job, but I think I could've done better in the interview. We'll see. If not I guess I still have my career impersonating Neve Campbell...except for the Wild Things years, I'm not sure I could do that justice.

Also, by the way, if someone tells you they are having a Horse Show at the Convention Center it's probably best not to scream out "WHORE SHOW? WHAT THE HELL IS A WHORE SHOW?? SOUNDS GOOD THOUGH, LET'S GO!!!" It's funny, but I'm not sure it's helping me get a job.

Safe and sound. And cold.

Well, I made it to D.C. in one piece, and to say the weather here is shitty is the understatement of the year. It's cold, rainy, and generally even worse than in the TVPNM, which is saying something I think. So, needless to say, running around town tomorrow in high heels and pantyhose should be totally joyous...I can't wait. Oh well, I'm excited about my interview and I just spent some time looking up the people who will be interviewing me and trying to get at least a sense of what they do and what their various departments and whatnot are about. I think that's probably about as in-depth as I generally get in terms of interview prep, so now I'm going to try to just relax and actually get some sleep and hopefully tomorrow I'll be feeling semi-human. I got about three hours of sleep last night between worrying about the alarm not going off, worrying about the interview, worrying that the car I borrowed to drive to the airport would mysteriously malfunction in some horrible way, and having to be up at 4am.

In other news, I GOT A CAR!!! Yes, my dad confirmed for me on the phone just now that, come Thanksgiving, I will be buying a one-way ticket home and driving back in my very own car handed down to me by my grandpa after much wheeling and dealing on my dad's part. YAY!

So, wish me luck as I brave the wilds of the D.C. metro/bus system tomorrow and go through a four hour interview process with an employer that is whittling down the last 50 or so people into 9. Yikes!

I have issues. And baggage.

I tried. I really, really, really tried to only have one carry-on bag for my trip to D.C.. But, after much consideration, and a lot of frustration, I have come to the conclusion that I'm just not a one carry-on bag kind of girl. So, I finally gave up and am going to check a medium sized suitcase, AND a carry-on, AND a purse. Apparently I need three bags for a three day trip...it makes sense to me. Sorta.

Honestly, I don't know why I'm not a better suitcase packer...it has always driven M. to distraction to watch me pack because it's just so painful. I am (a) not organized, (b) indecisive, and (c) unable to make any pre-trip decisions about what I will wear while I'm gone. It's seriously like an illness or a genetic defect or something. Oh well, hopefully the fact that I'm getting to the airport at the ass-crack of dawn will mean that there will be no lines at flight check-in and even with the bag I can just get through the line as quickly as possible. I hate the airport.

Early = bad

I have to get up at 4:30am and go to the airport to head to D.C. That sucks so hard, I cannot begin to even tell you how much I don't want to get up at that hour and go to the stupid airport. On the upside, I am staying with LQ (who just got accepted to her dream job -- you go girl!), so that'll be fun to see her, and I'm excited/nervous about my interview. Also, I'm going to happy hour with a bunch of friends/summer work colleagues...so I think that will be good too. Anyway, I have to go pack and work on feeling tired enough to go to sleep before midnight. I am not taking my laptop but I should be able to use LQ's home computer to keep you updated should anything exciting happen.

PS: My dad swears that I *MAY* have a car by Thanksgiving. Oh please, please, please let that happen. Please. I'll clean my room, I mean it this time!!

Finally, I have a motto!

Conversation I had this weekend:

My friend's boyfriend told us this story about a girl he had as a roommate when he lived in Scotland and how these two guys at a bar got into a fistfight over her.

Boyfriend: "So, what do women even think when two guys get into a fistfight at a bar over them?"

Friend: "Oh God, if you ever got into a fight over me I'd punch you right in the face myself!"

Me: "I think it's hot, if you got into a fight over me I'd have sex with you."

Boyfriend: "See honey, see how cool E. Spat is? She'd have sex with me and you'd punch me!"

Me: "Well, I mean, I wouldn't have sex with YOU because you're her boyfriend, but if you were a theoretical boy who wasn't dating one of my best friends...then...maybe."

Boyfriend: "You know what you are E. Spat? All stick and no carrot."

Gack.

So, I tell people often that I am "allergic" to red wine. I'm not sure if that's technically the truth, but it ALWAYS makes me very sick when I drink it and I have never had a good experience with it. Unfortunately for me, last night I drank some. I had already had several beers and so when the person I was having dinner with got a bottle of red wine (after I specifically said I was "allergic") I was easily persuaded to drink some...two glasses to be exact. Big glasses.

Now, I wish I could say that I ended up having a great drinking experience and from now on red wine will be my drink of choice...but...well....

Suffice it to say that I actually don't remember the last couple hours of my evening -- I mean, I remember them but there are definitely holes. Also, I woke up sick as a dog and spent the entire morning laying on the couch clutching a plastic bag in case I needed to puke. I am more bothered though by the holes in my memory, because, as M. pointed out, I'm probably repressing something I did or said that is not just inappropriate but WILDLY inappropriate. I hope that's not the case, but I'm scared it might be.

The whole thing is kind of funny, but it also makes me sad because I have really spent the last year or so trying very hard to dial back my drinking behavior, and I feel like last night I sort of inadvertently did something that may have caused me to behave in a way that I don't want to be known for.

Anyway, I will clearly never, ever, ever let someone talk me into the dirty satan wine again, and hopefully I'll start feeling better later today. Right now I want someone to shoot me.

Sticker shock

I just spent $185 getting a haircut/color/highlights. Damn. Every time I spend that kind of money I feel like I just need to have a couple of drinks and try to forget that I don't actually have a job or any way of replacing that money once it's spent on...of all things...my hair. But, I will say this, I think it's a pretty kick-ass haircut and the color is gorgeous, red and rich and warm. Love it. So, at least I'll feel confident for my interview next week and you can't put a pricetag on that, right??

Anyway, I turned in my legal research memo this morning and I am so paranoid that I did it wrong, or that I made a bunch of mistakes, or didn't use the right format or something. Legal memo's are my "oh my God, did I leave the iron on" thing...I just worry, worry, worry. I also didn't get a chance to eat all day because I was at the salon for four and a half hours, so I'm gonna go find an apple, put in some laundry, and try to catch up on the hellhole that is my apartment. Me and my new awesome haircut are gonna get down with the vacuum and the toilet brush and try to pretty the place up, if that's even possible.

Where in The Hell is my tinfoil cap?

Today a man came to the office where I work (well, technically just to the door...you can't get in without an escort) to report that he had been implanted by the FBI with a 2-way transmitter in his head and they were following him, putting bombs on his car, and listening to his conversations and telling him what to do. All I can say is thank goodness not just anyone off the street can walk into the actual office...although, I have to admit that I'm a little scared about how this dude got as far into the federal building as he did (he was pretty clearly crazy/high as a kite). The guy's father was called to pick him up and it turns out Mr. Paranoid McAddict has been suffering from mental illness and using meth for several years. And let me tell you, it showed. I feel bad for the guy because clearly he was just totally out of touch with reality, but it's scary to think that people like that can just walk into the federal building, approach the agency of their choice, and vent/complain/accuse/etc. I guess I'm a little more understanding of the metal detector I have to walk through every day, even though it hates every single damn pair of shoes I own.

Anyway, guess I better put the finishing touches on my memo that's due tomorrow. I think it's basically done, but, as usual, I'm having problems with citations.

If anyone knows of a job that will pay me enough to make my loan payments, will allow me to use my brain and be creative, will not trap me in an office for 14 hours a day with a bunch of uptight, irritating people, and requires no citations whatsoever, please leave a comment. I'm in the market for a good job, as you all well know.

This link's for you babe...

My good friend's boyfriend (who is also a good friend) is working on a campaign and has asked me to link to his candidate's blog. I have to admit that I know next to nothing about this candidate, but I trust my pal to only work for somebody worthwhile, so with that being said:

Go Ed Pottharst!

Visit Ed's blog and see what he's all about...something I myself will be doing momentarily!

What. The. Hell.

So, I decided to go to the mall on my way home today to look at some things in Macy's...seeing as how most of my clothes are three sizes too big now. Anyway, I got off the bus at the mall and walked up to one of the doors, where there was another lady trying to get in the same door. Because I'm a nice person I held the door for her and because she's a heinous bitch she tried to go between my arm and the door and ended up slamming it on my arm. The worst part of this is that, in the process of trying to kill me, this whore caused me to scramble to not be run over by her and I caught my watch on the door handle thing and ripped it off my arm. My $300 watch. The only thing that I own that I actually take care of and love. I've had it for five years...it was my present to myself for making first lieutenant in the Air Force - got a big pay raise and wanted to spend some of it. So, anyway...she just keeps walking, and I *KNOW* she saw my watch fly off and land on the floor.

But, this story has a happy ending (and not in a disgusting way...you perverts).

I walked into the mall and stopped at the first jewelry store I saw to ask if they knew where there might be a little watch repair place. The guy, whose name was Matthew, was just sitting there doing nothing and he totally fixed my watch...for FREE...while I waited. It was so awesome! I told him that he totally restored my faith in humanity, and I meant it. Between the kindness of strangers and the whole "getting ogled" thing, I feel like I'm having the best day ever. But, I still hope that hooker that broke my watch gets a horrible rash.

It's ogle-icious

I just want to state, for the record, that I was ogled today. By construction workers.

I went for a walk with Guac. Kid and we walked by a construction site, when all of the sudden I felt eyes on the back of my neck...I just knew someone was staring. So, I looked up and there are two construction workers, just staring. And then...they waved. Then they gave me two thumbs up. I received a successful review, and I appreciate that. Anyway, even though I'm trapped in the library doing my memo for legal research, I feel much happier now. I heart being the center of a cute construction boy's lustful attention.

See big men sticking screw drivers into things - turning them - AND ADJUSTING THEM!

I had the weirdest day. Some of it I can't talk about because it concerns something that happened at school, but trust me, it was bizarre, and I mean "bad bizarre" not "good bizarre." Then, I came home and went jogging even though it looked like it might rain. The first three songs that played on my MP3 player were:

KMFDM "A Drug Against War"
1,000 Homo DJ's "Supernaut"

AND

Chris Ledoux "Whatcha Gonna Do With a Cowboy"

See how one of these things is not like the others?

They're all motivating in their own way though, so it was OK.

I made an appointment to get my hair cut/colored/highlighted on Thursday afternoon...I think it's worth $200 to look good for my interview next week. Right? RIGHT? Just because my plane ticket only cost $230 and I am totally broke is no reason not to do it.

And, finally, because my life is kind of depressing, I thought it would be fun to see some people who are having a WAY worse time of it than me. So, the first season of "Oz" is on its way to me via Netflix as we speak. I need to thank M. for getting me Netflix for my birthday, and for allowing me to scar my soul forever by seeing Stabler from SVU kissing other boys...see how not having a job pales in comparison to being someone's prison bitch?

I feel kind of confused...

On Food TV just now the guy was making homemade bug repellant. Is it just me or does that kind of seem a little bit wrong? I mean, that's not what I want to see on Food TV.

I am kind of enjoying The Adam Carolla Project though...it's pretty much a bunch of his friends, who are idiots, with hammers and powertools, hurting themselves and each other and drinking a lot of beer. It's kinda funny.

Another day, another dollar

Well, I decided to get up and clean house today so that I would feel more organized and less stressed out. So far, it seems to be working. I especially liked going through my closet and throwing out two huge bags of clothes that are, well, huge on me. YAY! It's an incentive not to let the winter "let's put on thirty pounds of hibernation fat" doldrums get at me too much...I won't have any jeans to wear if that happens.

Also, I'm listening to Van Morrison. My dad used to tell me that the song "Brown Eyed Girl" was written for me...it's my favorite song and it always cheers me up. I have a memo to write for legal research so I guess I better get to work on that. But first, I think I might make cookies or something. I'm feeling productive today.

UPDATE: Snickerdoodles AND Molasses Cookies (like chewy gingersnaps), are DONE. Man, my whole apartment smells amazing, like Christmas. YAY!

This is how we do it...

This is how we do things in my house.

First, I call my mom and cry and tell her about all the reasons I'm upset. She listens attentively, acts flustered, tells me it will be OK, and then hangs up.

Within 12 hours I get an email from my dad asking me what's wrong. I reply to the email with all the things I'm upset about. He cogitates upon my issue.

Withing 12 hours after the email I get a phone call from my dad. This can take one of two forms. The first is the "Let's Make a Plan Phone Call." Usually for this one my dad already has a plan and what he really would like is for me to execute it. This particular approach is used when I have gotten myself into a "situation"...i.e., I have married someone and discovered after two years of marriage that things just aren't going to work out. The second type of phone call is the "Pep Talk/It's All Going To Be OK Just Please Please Don't Cry Phone Call." This type of call is reserved exclusively for situations where I haven't done anything stupid but I'm just upset and freaked out and I need to be talked down off the bell tower.

Tonight I got the "Pep Talk." And here's the thing. I love my parents so much and I feel so happy to have them in my life because they're so supportive and wonderful and I just don't even think I deserve to have such fantastic people love me and worry about me. My dad told me that:

(A) I shouldn't worry about finding a job because I'm an amazing person and someone will hire me and they'll be lucky to have me.

(B) I shouldn't worry about money because:
1. If I get a low-paying job they will supplement my income enough to help pay my loans until I make enough money to manage on my own.
2. If I don't get any job at all for a while, they will make sure that I have a place to live and that my bills are paid and that I'm taken care of, just as long as I'm trying.

(C) When he got out of college he sent out 150 resumes, got 30 rejections and 120 dead silence no reponses, and, frankly, he ended up finding the job he was meant to be in when he least expected it.

(D) He is going to help me figure out the car thing, eventually. See, even though I'm the only grandkid, apparently that doesn't warrant a car in my family...so, we're waiting to figure that one out.

(E) He understands that we Spatulas, ok, me...I...have a really hard time with rejection and I'm taking a lot of things in my life personally these days, even some things that aren't attributable to me. Also, I'm impatient, a perfectionist, a control-freak, and a bunch of other stuff that, together, make me a little more neurotic than I would usually admit to. But, I come by it honestly...Spatulas are crazies...each and every one.

So, you see, I am a really lucky, but sort of messed up person. The worst part is, I know that I shouldn't even be worried about all this yet...I mean, shit, it's only October! But, I can't seem to help it. As M. would say, "Yeah E. Spat, you're TOTALLY laid back...just in a really driven way!"

Alone again, naturally....*

I keep trying to think of something to write, but so far I got nothing. Or, rather, I got lots but I'm just not feeling very articulate today. I think that this time of year, when the weather gets dark and rainy, I just start to feel like a depressed hermit sadsack loser. There was a point in my life where I felt like I was on track, like I was enjoying each and every day, having fun, making decisions that were going to get me where I wanted to be eventually. Now, my life is up in the air - I know what I love to do but they can't hire me, I know where I'd like to live but it's not a place where there's work for me, and I'm going on four years of being single, getting hit on solely by wholly inappropriate men. Sigh.

Anyway, today I'm wallowing, tomorrow I have to do homework. But, today I wallow. Just the way I like it. I rented a movie, I picked up some fast food, and there's chocolate peanut butter ice cream in the freezer. Hooray. And, if I get really down, I can always peruse Match.com to look at the profiles and pick out all the things the men say they don't like that apply to me. That will send you to rock bottom in no time at all, trust me.

*This song is essential to wallowing, it is seriously the most depressing song ever. Thank God for that Billboard Hits 1972 CD...and to think I bought it for "A Horse With No Name."

Hot mama...yeah, that's me!

Today I did a lot of things.

I went to school.

I went to work.

I cried on the phone to my mom because I have gotten ten thousand rejection letters and I'm scared I'll never find a job ever again.

I had some/a lot of beer with my cool friends.

I went to a chocolate shop after said beer with said friends (don't you love the word "said"? so fun and official sounding!).

I was hit on at said chocolate shop when the boy working there went "you are one hot mama" and proceeded to semi-proposition me.

I'll tell you what, it's hard being so irresistable to those in the retail food service industry...a burden I must bear!

Anyway, sadly the only people that have hit on me lately are crazy dudes on the bus and a teenager working at a Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory, but, you know, take what you can get I guess.

Heh.

Today the Guacamole Kid and I went and got a couple beers, and then I went with him to the hockey rink to pick up his new skates. GK ended up buying a new helmet and asked the (very cute but 21 year old) kid working there to put his face shield thingie on it. So, we stood there joking around for about 20 minutes while the kid put the shield on, and, right as I was about to escape without TOTALLY embarassing myself, GK tells the kid "Hey, thanks for mounting that for me!"

At which point I DIE LAUGHING! And the kid and all his 18-21 year-old hockey buddies stare at me (probably because I was laughing so hard I was crying), so, to make things better I go "GK, you said MOUNTING!"

It was funny. To me.

Go down to the next post and leave your best Rejection Letter Greeting Card idea.

Taking it to the streets!

In the comments to my post about rejection letters, there has been a conversation (well, Centinel and I are so far the only ones participating) on Rejection Letter Greeting Cards...and, whether or not anyone else thinks it's funny, I do. So, here's what's in the comments so far...leave your own ideas in the comments to this post and I'll update this later tonight with everyone's suggested cards.


Front: We heard you wanted a job with us!

Inside: NO!
**************************************************************
Front: We thank you for your application!

Inside: If you'd been just a little more impressive maybe you'd have at least gotten an interview!
**************************************************************
Front: Congratulations!

Inside: On your continuing job search! (Centinel)
**************************************************************
Front: Thank you for your application to the job we have advertised!

Inside: Unfortunately we only consider qualified candidates!
**************************************************************
This one is inspired by the rejection letter I just got via email:

Front: We had lots of qualified candidates!

Inside: Too bad you weren't one of them!
**************************************************************

C'mon people, join the rejection fun!


UPDATED CARDS:

OK, I just thought of this one:

Front: Thanks for sending us your resume and cover letter!

Inside: But, sadly, we're just not that into you!

Here are the ones from the comments:


Front: Thanks for thinking of [firm name]

Inside: If you ever need a good lawyer, call us. (Jeff)
*******************************************************

Outside: Thank you for your job application!

Inside: Sorry you didn't get the job but happy birthday anyway! (Allan)
*******************************************************

Front: In case you were curious about our response to your resume...

Inside: (completely blank) (Brian)
*******************************************************

Front: We just wanted to let you know...

Inside: don't waste your time applying! (Jeff)
*******************************************************

Front: Your application left us with only one thing to say...

Inside: You suck. (kmsqrd)

If you guys keep putting them in the comments I'll keep adding them to the list...this is fun.

I am woman, hear me write memos!

Today was my first day back at work since I turned in the 18-page Memo of Doom, and this is how it went:

Boss: "Well, I read your memo"

Me: "Uh-huh"

Boss: "You covered the issues adequately. I had a question about XYZ and I'd like you to look into that more for me."

Me: "Uh-huh"

Boss: "Also, I want you to start working on this other thing and then find out about this...uh...hey, I guess I should tell you, your memo was really excellent! It was awesome! I'm sorry...I'm not used to giving feedback, but I've been on the other side of the desk and I want you to know you did a good job. Sorry about that...now, after you do the one thing...."

Me: *internally* "YAY!!! HOORAY FOR ME, I'M LITTLE MISS SMARTY MEMO PANTS!"

AND, I used the knowledge from my memo to solve an issue today, AND, I found a case directly on point to a question my boss asked me to figure out in less than 10 minutes. YES! *does Tom Cruise couch jumping routine and pumps arm in celebration of legal victory*

On a totally different subject, as I mentioned a few days ago, my grandpa has been asked by the DMV has decided on his own to give up his car, and I have asked my parents to ask him if he'll let me have it on a "I'll pay you for it when I get a job" basis. It would be really handy to have a car again...although I have one that I drive quite a bit, but this one could go with me to a new job (should I ever get hired). So, cross your fingers...I kinda doubt it will work, we're not really a "give your grandkid a car" kind of family, but hey, stranger things have happened.

Lie to me!

I got a rejection letter today saying they couldn't further consider me because of "budgetary constraints." Ahem...uh...bullshit! What does that even mean? Like, there isn't enough money to hire a separate person to review my voluminous application?

Personally, I like the rejections that say the place had many qualified candidates (YAY! That means I was qualified too! Right? RIGHT?), but, they cannot extend me an interview at this time (No worries...I'll just call, email and write until they CAN extend me that solid gold interview...what? Is that wrong?).

I do not appreciate the phony sounding rejection letter...or at least, I would appreciate a convincing lie that would leave me with a way to kid myself into thinking they would have hired me if only....if only.

WAH!

Do you know how horrible it is to get up in the morning and find out that instead of Creamy Milk Chocolate Slim-Fast you accidentally bought Cappucino Delight? Oh my GOD, I *HATE* the taste of coffee in any of its many and varied forms. I have Slim-Fast for breakfast on a pretty regular basis because it's easy and has vitamins and whatnot...and I tried the Cappucino (am I spelling that right?) one this morning. WAH!!! It sucks! And now I have to go to school early for a meeting with my career counselor. Please God, don't let this be a bad day. And make it stop raining so I can go outside for a walk. And let there be Diet Coke in the machine (this one is real important Sir).

A girl called Cranky

Damn people, I am C-R-A-N-K-Y today. Geez. There's a variety of factors involved in my current emotional turmoil, none of which are serious, but all of which are joining together to make me moderately to mostly miserable. At any rate, it's no big deal...I'm just being a moody bee-yatch, but I think I'll wait to blog until tomorrow when I'm feeling a little more like myself. Until then, it's laundry, Crim Pro reading, and Dr. Phil. Thank the good lord above it's a federal holiday or I'd be at work right now, and I'm in no mood for that.

Also, I thought this picture was funny (and appropriate today considering my general state of mind). Courtesy of Ilovebacon.

Somebody's got a case of The Mondays!

I went and saw "In Her Shoes" today. I've said before that I LOVE Jennifer Weiner's writing, but I have to say that "In Her Shoes" is not my favorite of all her books....but it was still good, I'm not criticizing. Anyway, the movie was good...not great, but good. I definitely had some girl moments during it where I was being a little teary eyed and idiotic about my lack of a love life and what have you. I think I'm supposed to feel inspired about the main character, who (at least in the book) is sort of an average, regular woman who finds true love (blah blah blah), but instead I felt lonely and sad. I had a hard time with the inspiration part, but the Diet Coke was excellent.

Anyway, on that happy note, I think me and my case of the blahs are going to watch the Sunday night lineup -- Cold Case, Desperate Housewives, Grey's Anatomy -- and try not to think about having to be back at school tomorrow. At least it's a federal holiday so I don't have to go to work...I have a free day to make up some homework, and believe me, I need it.

UPDATE: Oh yay, I'm so glad I checked the status of my one Honors Application that's available online -- I've been officially rejected and I got to find out before even the official notification. That's so awesome. I can already tell I'm going to be one of those people without a job...god help me, if this D.C. interview doesn't go REALLY well, I'm going to truly start with the freaking out. It feels impossible to find a job as a 3L without the whole "summer firm experience." Sigh. My mom said she was putting the D.C. thing on her prayer tree or chain or whatever it is, I hope God is on my side about this one.

Just Because: Mike Rowe

I don't know if anyone else watches this show "Dirty Jobs" on The Discovery Channel. But, I gotta tell ya, Mike Rowe is so unbelievably cute! He's very rugged and masculine looking and he's SUPER funny, which I heart. Mike Rowe = total hottie. Anyway, we hadn't had a JB Boy around here in awhile and I was sitting here watching the show...so...there ya go.

Geez!

I decided to head to 7-11 for a Super Big Gulp after my jog today because, well, you can never have too much Diet Coke, and I had the most annoying experience.

They are doing all this road work on the four-lane road that runs in front of my apartment complex. So, there's like ten dump trucks parked on the streets around here, and all these construction people, and they've pulled up the top layer of asphalt for about twenty blocks up and down the street. I pulled out in Guacamole Kid's car to head to 7-11 (just up the street) and encountered my first flagger. Although there is a perfectly good light there, and the flagger didn't appear to be doing any traffic direction in addition to the light, he still made a point of waving me through. Two blocks up, yet another flagger. She was standing on the side of the road, away from traffic, with the "Stop" side of the sign pointed at me. However, since she wasn't anywhere near my lane, I didn't stop. She didn't seem to care. Then, another couple of blocks, another flagger. This one didn't have a sign...maybe he's on double secret sign probation or something. He waved me through yet another perfectly good stoplight with his bare hand. Frankly, when I drove through the bare handed flagger's area I felt like yelling "You can't tell me what to do! You're not the boss of me, Mr. Bare Hands No Sign Flagger Guy!" Finally, a mere one block later, and perhaps one block from 7-11, ANOTHER damn flagger. This one was the worst. As each car would go by, she would tip the sign right towards the car and sort of wave it in the driver's face. And by "driver's face" I mean "my face." Seriously, I get it, "Slow." I was only going 15mph on a 40mph stretch of road -- no offense to Guac. Kid, but if I go much slower the car will stall out -- he did say something the other day about "adjusting the idle" or something.

Anyway, on the way home from 7-11 The Sign Bandit waved her sign in my face again..."STOP!" But, I had to stop because another construction vehicle was stopped in front of me blocking the whole road -- so see how the hostility was totally unnecessary? My God. I feel like I need to have a beer and relax after one lousy trip to 7-11...it was the Odyssey of the Flaggers.

Look, let someone else support Old Navy for awhile!

I just want to make sure that everyone knows that it's absolutely not OK to be wearing three articles of clothing made of fleece at the same time. I know this is the TVPNM and so there is this sort of...urge...to wear fleece head to toe. But, well...NO! Just no. Please.

Today I:

Turned in an 18 page memo to my boss that will probably cause him to want to strangle me...I'm not sure I was even coherent there at the end.

Had an interview that can only be described as...well...ummmmmmmm...not good. I won't go into details but it was just not good.

Drank beer. Yum. Beer.

Was forced to wear a suit to an interview (see above) that absolutely did not fit. As my friend E. says, having your clothes be too big is a "high-class problem," but still, I didn't have time to buy a new suit and I ended up looking (and feeling) like I was wearing clown pants.

Am going to bed early so that I can get up tomorrow and be productive. So. Far. Behind. In. School.

P.S. When is "How do you feel about your citation skills?" ever a good interview question? I try very very very hard not to put any thought at all into my citation skills, but thanks for asking. I'm pretty busy thinking about important stuff. Like beer. And boys. And global warming. And, uh, glitter lipgloss. No room for the Bluebook -- sorry dude!

It's me...only a lego

Thanks to Blonde Justice I was able to go HERE and make an EXACT REPLICA of myself, only as a lego. Fun! And frankly, a welcome break from trying to fix pretty much every cite in my memo. I do NOT heart the Bluebook.

I like long walks on the beach, and beer, and guns...how is that I'm still single?

The Aftermath

Well, after about two hours of full-on panic this morning, I figured out that (a) panic wasn't helping, and (b) I still had to finish my memo that's due tomorrow. So, I got to work on the memo, spent about 7 hours in the library, and am STILL NOT FINISHED.

Now, don't get me wrong, I have enough information for about ten memos, but am so worried about doing a good job that I just keep ADDING and ADDING and ADDING to it, instead of making it concise. Why oh why can't I get the hang of this legal writing thing? I am taking Legal Research II this quarter -- I figured there was no better way to learn than to force myself to do it, but I swear, I wonder if it will ever get less stressful.

Anyhow, for right now all is well in Favorable Dicta land. I thought a lot today about why I would feel so panicked about someone possibly finding the blog, and honestly, the feeling is kind of like being caught with your hand in the cookie jar. It's weird, I mean, all I really talk about it dumb stuff, but maybe that's the problem. I like the idea that I can bitch about school on here, and be stupid, and write nonsensical things about my love of beer and boys and Buffett...but at the same time, I probably wouldn't sit in my boss's (what the hell is the possessive of boss?) office and tell him all that, and I don't really want him to sit on here and read it. It's a conundrum. I want a safe place to spill my guts, but I only want people who are total strangers, and the friends that I trust, to read what I write. Weird, huh?

Oh crap.

So, I did something incredibly stupid this morning. I have all my email forwarded to my blog account (a decision I made a while back that I've known is going to get me in trouble), and today I accidentally responded to a bunch of people I worked with this summer on it. That's right, a bunch of people got an email from E. Spat instead of my real name.

My first reaction was total and complete panic. In fact, right now I am still pretty much in panic mode.

However, I talked to a friend of mine and she pointed out that (a) most of these people probably don't read blogs and will just think "hey, that's a weird email name" and then go about their day none the wiser, and (b) even if they do know or find out, so what? I mean, it's a personal blog where I talk about law school and my job hunt and stuff like that, and I've never blogged from work or talked about work except to say that I love it. So, really, what's the big deal?

Blogging is weird because it makes you think everyone KNOWS, or everyone is somehow going to find you out. I mean, realisitically, how many people who are busy in their day to day lives are going to take the time to google my email name just because...well, why would anyone do that?

Anyway, I'm trying to take some deep breaths, not panic, and resist the urge to delete the whole thing. I haven't done anything wrong but this really makes me think about what I'm doing here and whether, if I'm this panicked about people finding out, this whole thing is a good idea/moving in the right direction.

Wow. This is nuts.

YAY!

I got a second round interview for the job I interviewed for at OCI -- the one I REALLY LIKE and would actually be thrilled to get. So, I'll be going to D.C. in the next two or three week! YAY YAY YAY!!!

Note to self: No more inappropriate titles.

I'm alive. I did not get burned out of my apartment -- sadly, I think my apartment could use a good cleansing fire, but oh well.

Here's the thing. My new boss actually expects me to produce work. As in written product that he can read and understand. This is very stressful to me because, due to my total inability to organize my research and articulate my thoughts coherently, I am very afraid of turning in something that will make him cringe and tell all the people who could potentially hire me someday that I am a worthless imbecile with a cursory knowledge of the law and an almost addictive need to waste time. Anyway, Memo#1 is due on Friday before he leaves for the day so he can read it over the weekend. The issue is hugely complicated and I'm really struggling, but I have this plan for how I'm going to dedicate my afternoon tomorrow to getting it done. So, that's where I'll be if you don't hear from me. Executing the plan. And snacking.

Also, I have an interview on Friday directly before Memo#1 has be turned in. Geez.

Q&A

Q: "Hey, E.Spat, how was your jog today?"

A: "It was awesome until I got home and found out my apartment building was on fire."

More to come, there's smoke and fire and firefighters and firetrucks and what-have-you, but it seems to be in another wing of the building...no one is yelling at me to evacuate so I guess it's OK. But...scary, and smoky. And the firefighters are not as hott as one would hope.

Now, go listen to the song in the post below this one. Don't worry about me and the fiery doom and whatnot...but, uh...hey...do you have a couch I could sleep on? Just in case....

Who says Evidence isn't HOTT?

Thanks to AmbImb AGAIN, you are all invited to listen to the slightly racy song about Evidence written and performed by one of my classmates, John, during Evidence last year (well, technically he recorded this recently for me to post here, but he performed it live in class last year). Yes, it took me 6 months to get ahold of it and get it posted, but, you know...I persevered because it's so awesome.

(As an aside, you'll remember that for our Evidence class we got some participation points for doing something "creative" related to Evidence...this song and the video I link to below are two that really struck me as extra-special fabulous created by my super-ultra-talented classmates who are kind enough to let me post their work in my little corner of the blogosphere.)

Listen and learn people, listen and learn.

PS: The harmonica parts are performed by another friend of mine, Nikolai. You can see his artwork at the picture link under the "News and Stuff" header to the right, directly underneath "Blogs I Read."

PPS: You can still see the Evidence video I posted last year here.

PPPS: Once again, I'll reiterate that for Evidence credit I wrote a fairly crappy poem. Because, unlike my classmates, I'm not creatively talented like that.

It's a Good Thing

OK, I mentioned below that I have been buying up millions of new lipglosses because I found one I really like...and then in the comments there were demands to know what it was, etc. So, it's Cover Girl Wetslicks Crystals, and I heart it. There is also regular Wetslicks (presumably without the crystals), but what fun is it if there's no glitter?? Anyway, I will reiterate that this lipgloss makes me personally very happy and I accept no responsibility if you spend $5 and then hate it -- but you can send it to me and I'll be happy to take it off your hands...think of it as an early birthday present!

Day 986 of my captivity...but it's all good.

OK, I'm not sure it's been quite THAT many days since I started law school, but I swear it feels like it. I guess it's a pretty common problem to feel a bit of the 3L doldrums -- it's such a drag to be looking for job and worrying about that and still having to go to class and work and stuff. Blech.

On the up-side, look at all the good things that have happened to me:

- Guacamole Kid bought a new car and is letting me use his old one for a while 'till he sells it.

- Grandpa Spatula is out of the hospital after falling down last week and breaking a couple of bones in his pelvis...and he's FINALLY committed to selling his house and moving permanently into an assisted living facility...AND he's giving up his car (trust me, thank GOD he's finally gonna stop driving).

- A guy on the bus last week told me I was beautiful, and today a teenage girl saw me putting on lipgloss on my way to work and leaned over and told me "You're too beautiful to wear makeup -- you're naturally beautiful!!"

- My job is good and even though I'm writing the memo from hell and I still don't have a computer at my desk, I'm making some progress and I think I might eventually finish it...someday...soon, I swear.

- I had happy hour with some friends tonight and got to talk to new people about new things.

- I'm working out diligently and feeling pretty good and healthy and strong, most of the time (as opposed to none of the time, which is how I felt before).

- I got some fantastic new lipgloss that is just the right amount of glossy and not sticky...sigh...it's so goooooooooooood.

- Guac. Kid is going to start playing hockey again soon and that means...MORE BOYS ON SKATES!

- I'm within a couple of hours of finishing my very first crocheted afghan -- an undertaking of epic proportions if ever there was one.

- My parents are going to pay for a significant portion of a new laptop for me, AND I'm going to buy it when I go home to visit them for Christmas because their state has no sales tax.

- Jimmy Buffett is this month!! Of course, I have yet to buy a ticket because I've been trying to get everyone who's going on the same page schedule-wise, but I'm almost there I think.

So, you can see, although I don't have a job, or even a prospect of one, and I definitely am not in the swing of things school-wise yet, mostly life is going OK and aside from my naturally and melodramatically high level of angst and apathy, I am feeling pretty good.

From the (Un)Intentionally Racy Advertising Department.

Has anyone else noticed the new Nabisco Cheese Nips commercial?

The tagline is "When You Love Nips, It Shows"

Um. Yeah. Is it just me and my dirty mind or is that kind of...uh...creepy (and by creepy I mean "funny to others with dirty minds").

Send pics. Not THOSE kind...sheesh.

M. reported to me that she and K. got their mugs and that they were pretty cool. If anyone has gotten their mug and wants to send me a pic of it, I would love to see them. Extra bonus points if they contain adult beverages rather than coffee, but I'll accept anything you send my way! :)

As I just commented over at Law and Alcoholism, I'm still considering creating my ultimate blog merchandise dream, a "What Would Karl Llewellyn Do?" t-shirt. We'll see if that ever comes to fruition. I know it's probably only funny to like the 3 people from my 1L Contracts class who read this, but still, it always cracks me up. Professors who are obsessed with legal luminaries are funny. She even had a Karl Llewellyn hand-puppet. No really.

PS: If anyone knows of an EASY way to convert a .wav to an MP3 (or some other format that will make the infamous Evidence Song file small enough to email), I'd appreciate any advice. Right now it's 13.8MB and gmail will only accept attachments that are less than 10.

Oh SNAP

OK, who's seen this show on A&E, Family Forensics??

As my friend P. would say, DAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMMNNNNNN!

Basically, one person in the family (in the one I'm watching it's the stepfather) calls the show and asks to be on it. Then the family THINKS they're getting a vacation at a resort, but as they're walking out the door they find out that while, yes, they are getting the vacation, someone in their family called this show and while they're gone their entire lives will be gone through in minute detail to figure out a "family profile."

There is a detective, a criminalist and a psychologist that come in and go through the house like a crime scene. They read diaries, collect evidence, review financial statements, etc.... It's INSANE. I mean, they go through everything with the supposed purpose of helping the family to be totally honest with each other and improve their relationship.

If my husband or father called that show and got my family involved I would NEVER forgive him, and I mean it. Not because I have so much to hide, but because I think everyone is entitled to some privacy and it is such a huge breach of trust to have one member of your family sell out your entire private lives for a TV show.

Wow. I can't believe this show...it's so crazy.

Seriously though...

Why does the federal government have to make it so hard to apply for a job with them? I mean, why can't I just submit my resume and a cover letter and be done with it?

I got up early this morning because I have A LOT to do today and have been very productive already even though it is only 10:26am. Unfortunately I don't think I am motivated enough to head down to the school to study which is probably the one thing I really ought to do. I'm sitting here in my pajamas with all the creature comforts of home trying to convince myself that I'm disciplined enough to get all this stuff done without heading all the way to the library. It's cold and raining and I don't want to get on a bus to go to the school. I think I'll go to the store and get some groceries and then settle in and just try to get something done here. Surely I can be disciplined enough to make that happen, right? Well...don't hold your breath and I won't either.

Hellllllooooooo

I would blog more but I'm kinda drunk. Not drunk drunk, just "I don't feel like doing anything but laying on my couch and eating ice cream" drunk. So there ya go. I'm gonna try to finish the afghan I've been making in the next couple of days and then I'll post a pic of that and you'll all think I'm productive and shit. Tomorrow I have to make up five days of Crim Pro reading plus I owe my boss three hours of work. Sigh.

In other news, the Guacamole Kid is back in town (for those who don't know, he's a frequent commenter and fellow TVPNU law student plus a good pal and frequent egger-onner of E. Spat drunken antics) and it's good to have the whole gang back in town now. YAY!

Talk Amongst Yourselves

I need a new computer. My current laptop is an HP that I bought SEVERAL years ago and it is falling apart. It's slow, the keyboard letters are practically all rubbed off, the space bar is broken, the fan is L O U D, the battery is dead so I have to keep it plugged in all the time, and it randomly turns off for no apparent reason, plus I have to have a wireless card sticking out the side. I could probably send it to HP and have more memory put in and get everything fixed, but I think for my convenience and the time it would take to do that, it's probably easier to start shopping for something new.

So, who has suggestions? It needs to be fairly cheap, especially since I will probably get a new one in a couple years after I have a real job. I don't particularly care about gaming or editing music or photos or making movies or anything like that, but I do store a lot of music on it. Mostly I need something for word processing and the internet(s). And I don't want an Apple (sorry AI).

Discuss.

Ass-terisk

On the buses in the TVPNM the transit authority posts poems. Just regular poems written by all sorts of people who live in the TVPNM. Usually they are either terrible, or super cheesy...("Oh you remind me of a starry night my love!"). Today, on the way home from work, the bus poem was called Asterisk. It was about...wait...for...it....

It was all about how a cat's asshole looks like an asterisk.

I couldn't make this shit up.

D'oh.

Coupla things.

1. Walking down the hall this morning, my first year Legal Skills professor sees me and goes "E. Spat?" I turned around and looked behind me to make sure she was talking to me because, geez, that was two years ago and I didn't know she knew my name still. I sort of made my way over to her and she goes "I just wanted to tell you I found your blog this summer and I read some of it." OH CRAP! Then she goes "I didn't get back to the parts about me yet though." OH DOUBLE CRAP! I mean, I definitely went through periods during 1L where I thought I would die in that class, but now I'm going to have to go through and see what I said. Oh man. If she's reading this right now I want to state for the record that I am VERY PRONE to exaggeration and it wasn't me and I didn't do it and if I did do it I was insane.

2. My CrimPro professor uses the word "penetration" probably 50 times during each class. This is going to be an issue for me, because, let's face it, I'm totally immature.

File this under: Mad Skillz

Shout out to M. for directing me to the funniest thing I've seen in a while...How to Survive a Freestyle Rap Battle. Don't even consider going out into the world without this very important skill.

I'm thinkin'...

I've got a lot going on already with school and work. Got my first assignment today and let me tell you, this guy isn't kidding around. He's like "Hell yeah I've got an intern -- get to work!" So, busy. Plus...the whole "someone writing mean things about me" has me down a little bit...it just makes me think about this project of mine.

At any rate, not sure how much time I'll have in the next couple of days...but, I do have something BIG to post very very soon. The long awaited Evidence song. Remember the video? Yeah, like that, only a song written and performed by a friend from class -- it's funny and dirty and it only took about six months for him to get it recorded for me. You'll love it.

Ouch!

Never mind. I had a post up with a link to a post on another blog where someone wrote something about me and my blog that was very unflattering and basically said I was stupid and unfunny (and I almost forgot, "desparate" - good spelling skills, huh?). I took it down because I know there are all kinds of assholes out there and I don't want to give anyone an invitation to try to "out" me and my school. The day this blog becomes non-anonymous in even the smallest way is the day I walk away from it and never look back. I'm sad that there have to be dickheads out there that feel like their job is to try to expose anonymous bloggers -- especially since, if you hate my blog so much, why are you reading it, let alone wasting the precious hours and minutes of your day trying to figure out who I am, where I go to school, and then composing poorly written posts making fun of me? Seriously, just don't read it if you don't like it.

Punch-bug yellow motherf*cker!!!!*

I went to Oktoberfest TVPNM style last night. The thing about the TVPNM is that, at any given gathering, there will be either (a) hippies playing hackeysack and fretting about whether their beer cups are recyclable and trying to figure out a way to reuse the fry oil to power their scooter, and/or (b) yuppies talking about how much they love wine and talking incessantly on ridiculously small cell phones to their au pairs ("Did Dakota and Blake get their soy milk decaf lattes before they went to bed?"). We paid $20 to get in, they gave us a TINY tasting glass (4 oz) and five tokens to turn in for tastes of the different featured beers. I will say there was a pretty freaking awesome selection of beers to choose from...but...the Pilsner Urquell ran out after we waited in line for a half hour, the food was VERY expensive (I paid $20 to get in, I do NOT want to pay $7 for a polish sausage people!), and the people were, needless to say, annoying as hell. The wine-tasting yuppies seemed to have stayed home, but the hackeysack bouncing, overgrown goatee sporting, dirty dreadlocked hippies were out in full force. As were the frat boys. YAY! There were a couple of times I actually thought I had blacked out and woken up in an Abercrombie and Fitch store.

Anyway, we hightailed it out of there after we sucked down our five tokens worth of beer and went to a bar that my friend and I had been to last year and hadn't been back to since. I have to say, I bitched a little bit at first because it's a tiny pub and I thought there wouldn't be any boys there (I was playing third wheel to my friend and her boyfriend). However, we did run into one guy who was pretty cute, plus the place had awesome beer (HELLO Chimay and Aventinus and Delirium Tremens!), so it turned out alright.

It has been a bit of a rough morning, but I think I'm going to live.

I am SO NOT READY for school to start tomorrow. I know that most of you who are in school already started like a month ago, but for me it's tomorrow and I'm not excited. I am super-duper excited about starting work tomorrow though, so I guess that's what matters. I'm rambling now...and not even in person, on a stupid blog. I think that means it's time for my mid-afternoon nap. School and work tomorrow. Geez.

*Screamed by my friend's boyfriend in the car on the way to Oktoberfest right before he punched her in the arm. SO FUNNY.

Mmmmmmmm...beer.

Spending the whole morning shopping for new pants because none of your old ones fit anymore (TOO BIG!) -- FABULOUS!

Coming home to your next neighbor's rock band practicing at full volume -- NOOOOOOOO!

I swear, I hate my neighbors, they are so awful. When they're not playing music as loud as possible, they're playing X-box as loud as possible. I just seriously cannot stand them!

Oh well, I'll soothe my anger at Oktoberfest tonight, woo hoo! It's a beautiful day, no rain, and some good bands (or so I'm told by my friend in the know) are playing. Hopefully there will be some boys. Boys, beers, and bands. What more could a girl want? Besides dead neighbors of course.

Changes in attitude, changes in latitude, nothing remains quite the same.

I'm a free woman! Today I resigned from peer mentoring (or quit if you think it's hard to resign when you don't actually hold a "real" position and there's only been two meetings). It felt damn good.

I'm going to join my friend's group sort of informally and just hang with them, so that'll be good and low/no pressure. YAY!

AND, in an EXCLUSIVE WILL WORK FOR FAVORABLE DICTA ANNOUNCEMENT:

I'm going to see Jimmy Buffett in Portland, OR at the end of October.

HELL YEAH!

If any readers will be there let me know and maybe we can say "Hi." A couple of my friends have signed on to go, and my one friend has family there so I think we even have a place to stay.

Needless to say, I am VERY VERY VERY excited. Very excited. Yup.

Just a small note of thanks...

I just wanted to say a quick thank you to one of my neighbors who, probably drunk off his ass, started retching violently in the courtyard outside my apartment at 5:25 a.m. What a great way to wake up this morning. No really.

NOOOOOOOOOOO!

How could Warrick on CSI go and get married???????

I'm with Catherine, it's just no fun when a girl's fantasies get crushed like that. Damn.

I guess it's always hard when the hot guy at work runs off and gets married...sigh. Let's hope there's a quickie Vegas divorce sooner rather than later.

I'm so glad you asked!

OK, no one actually asked but I'm going to tell you anyway. Fitz has a post up this morning answering a reader's question about the scariest thing he's ever seen anyone do while driving. This compels me to tell the story of the scariest thing I ever saw someone do while driving...because if there's a bandwagon, I'm on it baby!

When I was about 22 I had a friend who was married to a guy that worked with my ex-husband. After my husband left me she offered to take me out for a night on the town, to clear my mind (ahem, meet boys and drink) and whatnot. Since she was really my only friend I didn't have too much of a choice and I agreed to go.

This girl was 21 (I think), had a kid and a husband who she hated and, I would find out later, was actually pregnant at the time this incident happened, although I don't know that she knew it yet. She was...um....trashy to say the least.

So, she picks me up at my place and offers to drive, so that I can "go ahead and cut loose." This sounded pretty good to me because I had not really ever been drunk before, but having my husband leave me for his mistress seemed like a good time to go ahead and go there. In our very best hooker-ific clothes we set out for pretty much the most disgusting dance club in the entire city.

As we're driving down the main street in the city, tons of traffic, cops everywhere, she tells me to hand her "her bag." I hand over her purse and she goes "No, no, no, the diaper bag behind the seat." I gave it to her...I didn't think too much of it, most of us probably know moms who keep all kinds of junk in their diaper bags.

She puts the diaper bag on her lap and pulls out a bottle, a knife, a lime, and a tiny salt shaker. She proceeds to cut the lime against the center solid part of the steering wheel while we're sitting at a light and then starts to do shots of tequila out of a baby bottle while she's driving.

I can't even remember what my reaction was. I know I said something like "Oh my God, you can't do that! There's cops everywhere!" And she goes "Hey, don't worry -- it's a baby bottle, I can always just throw it back in the diaper bag, no one would EVER look in a diaper bag!"

Even at the time I was like "Yeah, I'm sure cops have never seen anyone hide something in a diaper bag before." I'm not sure what her plan to deal with the lime, salt shaker and knife was.

Anyway, that's the craziest thing I've ever seen someone do while driving, although my first time in Vegas I saw this chick giving a really old guy some oral pleasure in his convertible while he drove down Las Vegas Blvd. That was kind of weird/icky.

The root of all evil.

Today I checked my checking account online to see if my financial aid had been deposited (thank god YES), and there was the weirdest thing.

A bar I went to in D.C. probably three months ago ran through a charge on my checkcard for $60 last night even though, clearly, I am here in the TVPNM and not in D.C. enjoying their fabulously entertaining nightlife. I called the bank and they said there's nothing they can do until it actually goes all the way through. I called the bar and they told me...

Their credit card machine has been broken since the beginning of July and they are just now getting all the charges from this summer run through the new machine (or whatever).

They are so lucky that my financial aid came through because I was literally down to about my last $50 and their bill might have bounced or whatever it's called when a checkcard doesn't have enough money. I mean, can they wait three months to charge my card?

I'm going back through my account today to make sure it REALLY didn't go through in July, but, it just seems kind of...unfair...that they can come back and start charging your account after several months.

In other news, I am going to complete my one task for Peer Mentoring that I promised to do (create an email listserv) and then I'm going to quit/move to a group with my friends. I don't need all that drama in my life. Please.

There's a few other things going on I will talk about later -- but right now I just got back from the gym and it's Super Big Gulp time...gotta get on that before I die of dehydration (it COULD happen!).

Help!

I am getting these weird pop-ups for dating sites and online gambling and stuff. I've looked through my comments and I can't find any spam, and I don't have any spam trackbacks. Where is this coming from? Is it one of my little site counters or other stuff like that? If you know why I'm getting this stuff PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE help me get rid of it!

Ways to feel better.

Go to drug store and buy ridiculous and totally unnecessary beauty products.

Go to grocery store and buy frozen lasagna, ice cream, and a magazine full of celebrity gossip. And beer. Duh.

Go running (so as not to feel guilty...see food choices above).

Email all friends and tell them about how many assholes had to be dealt with today and soak up TONS of sympathy, including an invitation to Oktoberfest (the local version...uh...duh again) this weekend.

Make plans for Happy Hour tomorrow with good friends for girl talk and crotch-watching. Yum.

Work on afghan...the Gods of crochet must be satisfied. Or else.

Check email compulsively in case anyone else wrote happy notes of encouragement. Every time one comes in give self virtual pat on back for being so popular and awesome. Good job girl!

Settle onto couch (not in a Nip/Tuck way -- if you didn't see it last night that makes no sense and I apologize) for a night of TV. Mmmmmmmm...cable.

More beer.

I wouldn't say I've been "missing" it Bob.

Apparently it's not the peer MENTEES who hate me, it's the other MENTORS. Know how I know? Because today they called a meeting to tell me about it! Isn't that awesome!?

UPDATE:

Also, the organization that I am PRESIDENT of had a lunch today for the 1L's and guess who wasn't notified OR invited? Hell yeah, I am batting 0 for 2 today.

This is a dark day in the life of E. Spat's self-esteem. A dark day indeed. Maybe I'll finally choose today to start online dating and then I could be rejected by like a thousand people before the sun even sets tonight. COOL.

Oh GOD, that's a good one! *wipes tears of laughter from eyes*

So, and this is the first funny thing, I am the HEAD Peer Mentor for my little group of 1L underlings. BWAHAHAHAHA. I have minions! Well, not really, but it's still kinda funny that anyone would let me be in charge of something like this.

What else is funny? Well, all the mentors only just met today and already some are bitching about the other mentors and how they talk too much about themselves (true) or aren't organized enough (I think this one might have been directed at me). Leave it to a bunch of law students to start bitching on the very first day and, instead of speaking with each other and coming to a solution, going straight to the top and complaining to the poor 2L in charge of the whole program. I swear, this whole mentoring thing is going to be stressful. The whole reason I sign up for it every year is that I feel like I have a valuable viewpoint about law school -- it's OK to stay who you are and to not let everyone force you into a mold of the prototypical attorney...it's OK not be crazy and stressed out ALL the time!

Anyway, we have to meet again tomorrow and who the hell knows that will happen. I just hope that everyone can relax and try not to stress everyone out right from the get-go.

The second funny thing is that, when we asked the 1L's to tell an interesting thing about themselves, one of them said he came to law school to 'become a more interesting person." I swear, I didn't mean to laugh and say "Oh my GOD, that's so WEIRD!" in front of everyone. They all had a good laugh though and I think the guy who said it took it in the spirit with which it was intended - good fun. I'm pretty much the worst peer mentor ever.

Love, the kind you clean up with a mop and bucket.

I had to go to Fred Meyer today (sort of like a cross between Super Wal-Mart and Super Target), and I saw The. Funniest. Thing. Ever.

I was standing in line at the self-checkout (which you might remember I have had a bad experience with before), and, as I perfected my 50-yard stare to try to avoid eye contact with any of the old ladies in front of me who might want to tell me about their creepy grandkids, I noticed the end of the grocery aisle nearest me was the display of all the various boxes of condoms...a surprisingly large array if I do say so myself.

Above the condoms on the top of the aisle wall was sitting a bucket with a bunch of rags and stuff in it and a sign on the outside that said "Wet Spill Cleanup Kit."

BAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Thank God

The best thing about the Emmy Awards this year is that, with Everybody Loves Raymond off the air (which I gather solely from the comments on the show since I would rather stick a white hot poker in my eye than watch Raymond), we'll never have to see them as nominees for another Emmy Award ever again...amen.

Seriously, "Best Comedy Series" -- Everybody Loves Raymond wins over Arrested Development? Beats out Desperate Housewives? WTF?

On a totally non-Emmy related note -- season finale of "Wanted" on TNT -- really good. That show is growing on me, it appeals to all the things I love in life. There are hot men, who are cops, and guns, and drinking, and cursing, and just a level of general tough-guy-ness that I love. Yum.

Shoulda, coulda, woulda

It occurs to me now, after two hours of TV time, that I should have live-blogged both the Emmys and all the absolutely ri-effing-diculous comments from the E! Entertainment TV hosts.

Star Jones - Totally irritating in every possible way. I don't get -- why do people let her host shows? She's so self-serving and over-familiar with everyone. It's kind of icky.

Julia Depandi - Hates Kathi Griffin and wants to punch her in the face. Poor Julia, she is just so horrified by everything Kathi says that she can barely control herself. I recognize the look because sometimes that's the way my friends look at me when I've been drinking and I start to really embrace my true colors.

Kathi Griffin - Sometimes funny, sometimes not. I liked it when she said Halle Berry was fat and made Julia really angry. Also, when Julia said she had a crush on Jeremy Piven (me too!!), Kathy said first "He hits on everyone so you could totally get him" and then "If you want to date Piven you have to hang out at the strip club night after night after night...you have to want to be part of a six-some." I also like that she said her greatest wish is for one of the beautiful starlets to fall flat on thier face. She elaborated with "And I don't mean just 'trip', I want someone to break a nose!" Hi-larious.

Carson Cresswell - Needs to stay on Queer Eye where he belongs. No one is listening to him anyway, and I just don't trust a gay man with such a bad haircut.

Next year I'm going to remember to do this because these people are insane. Not as insane as William Shatner, but close.

Done.

I just submitted my application to the Honors Program that I'm not naming but that we can all guess what it is. I'm going to resist the urge to go back and look at it because it can't be changed and if I find a misspelled word or a mistake I'll want to shoot myself. So, it's done...time to move onward and upward, there's lots of Honors Programs still to apply to -- God help me.

Note to self: Get off the damn couch you lazy wench.

Oh my God, I have done NOTHING productive for at least four or five days.

My "big" Honors application is due tomorrow, which means that, no matter how much I want to put it off, I *HAVE* to write my little personal statements today. Blech.

Also, since I'm not hungover, I have assigned myself the task of cleaning my place and also going jogging or to the gym or something else active. I just had lunch, and I'm sucking down the last bit of my Super Big Gulp, so once that all settles down I guess I'm obligated to get my ass out of the house and do something before I revert fully back to couch potato status -- I'm already afraid I'm losing some of the great progress I made this summer fitness-wise.

It is SOOOOOO hard to be back here and keep my positive mindset from the summer. I just want to lay on my couch bemoaning the fact that I don't want to go back to school and my lack of anything resembling a love life. But, I'm going to keep on truckin' (funniest saying EVER) and hopefully I can overcome the bad habits that I'm used to here and develop a new, healthier, attitude and lifestyle that will keep me feeling non-depressed and happy with myself. It's really weird being back.

There will be beer! And singing! And...um...drunken singing!

Is it bad that I had SIX vodka sours AND a martini tonight and I am the most sober I've been in three days? It seems weird, but I do love the vodka...I can already tell I'm not going to be hungover tomorrow...er...later today. That's good stuff.

I'm going to try to remember all the funny stuff I saw tonight so I can blog about it later -- one of the best parts of the evening was a bunch of drunken young men (and not hot ones) hitting on women and then handing out business cards that said "You've been picked up by a member of the Canadian Navy." My response? "Uh, Canada has a Navy?"

Anyway, it was a local Irish bar where we had girls night out tonight and the clientele was pretty unique and diverse, to say the least. More on that later. It's 2:20 am -- time for me to get my much needed beauty sleep.

QUOTE OF THE NIGHT.

From a guy who asked me to dance.

"I saw you sitting there and thought I'd ask you to dance. You looked like the angriest girl in the bar. You just look...well...mean! I thought if I asked you to dance you'd be less angry!"

So romantic. I always feel a lot less angry when I just gave up ten minutes of my life to dance with a guy who is either (a) having a lot of pity for me, or (b) scared of my anger issues.

You SUCK

Dear Dirty Hippie in the Grocery Store Parking Lot,

When I came out of the grocery store this morning I saw the most horrible thing. A cute furry dog shivering in the parking lot, all alone. He looked so sad and unhappy, I immediately got teary eyed thinking of the poor little guy all alone in the world, standing in a parking lot, probably about to get hit by a car. He was shivering for God's sake!!

So, because I am a decent human being I stopped to see if the doggie had a collar, thinking I would call his owner. Imagine my surprise when the dog actually had a collar! I was so happy! I immediately got out my cell phone and tried to call the number.

When I got the voicemail of the owner I was disturbed, to say the least. It went on and on and on and on. "Hey dude, thanks for calling man! I'm out, like doing some errands and shit and, uh, dude, if you want to talk to me, leave me a message and, yeah dude, I'll totally get back to you later and stuff, dude."

So, I wasn't that surprised when behind me I heard "Hey lady, the dog is fine. He's good." And when I turned around there you were, coming out of the Dollar Store, of course. You had long stringy hair covered by the world's filthiest straw cowboy hat. With a feather. Also, I liked the touch of not wearing a shirt so we could all see your emaciated body and your creepy sharp ribs poking out of your second-hand Army jacket. The person who originally wore that jacket would probably shit himself if he saw it on you. The cut off jeans and flip-flops did a good job of completing the look. Too bad it's about 50 degrees outside.

You don't deserve that nice doggie. No person as idiotic as you should be allowed to have a wonderful, sweet, trusting animal that thinks in its dumb little head that you're going to take care of it and make sure it doesn't get killed by a car in a parking lot.

The fact that you actually HAD A CAR in the parking lot and STILL chose to leave your dog in the parking lot, shivering and vulnerable, just adds the cherry to the top of my sundae of hatred and anger.

Seriously, you can take the time to jauntily position a feather in your straw cowboy hat but you can't manage to put on a shirt? Or, say, leave your dog in the safety of your vehicle? You suck. I'm glad I didn't get close enough to smell you, because I bet you smell like patchouli. Asshole.

Sincerely,

E. Spat.

Kerry-okie

Tonight a bunch of us had drinks at a friend's house and then walked to a local bar where they happened to be having karoake (sp?) night. It was great fun and totally topped off by my friend's boyfriend singing Should I Stay Or Should I Go with her and I having a full on dance party/groupie mind meld in front of the stage. Great fun. Now I'm home and ready to start the real drinking tomorrow night. As if five margaritas and about seven beers wasn't enough. Whatever. I was totally serious about the whole diet/fitness routine starting tomorrow...or Monday...or...you know...whatever.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life. I'll start tomorrow.

Because I felt like such a complete and utter bag of ass this morning, I made a Sept. 16th resolution to get back on the fitness and good eating bandwagon. Today. Or, maybe tomorrow. No, today. I promise. I mean it this time.

Then I went out and bought a ridiculously expensive purse. Because that's how I roll.

What is that pounding? Oh, it's IN my head...crap.

Oh man, I haven't tied one on like last night in a while...jesus. This morning I have been very productive though...I took some aspirin, drank a bottle of water, and watched two episodes of Buffy on cable. It's hard being this ambitious, I'll tell you what.

I had agreed to meet a couple of my friends downtown when they got off work and the bar we chose just happened to be having a charity thing where you bought a calendar full of pictures of half naked firefighters and they were there signing them and whatnot. There was a lot of ogling going on, which was fun...but...I don't know, I don't think we could compete with some of these girls who seem to pretty much be firefighter groupies. It was frankly a little bizarre. In the spring this same bar has an auction for charity where they auction off rugby players -- we're already making plans for that. Yummy.

I have just three more days to complete my MOST important Honors program application...still struggling with the personal statements. If I recover I'm going to work on it today.

Am I Drunk?

Yes. Yes I am. I am very VERY VERY drunk. In fact, I am so drunk that, at a bar tonight, I bought a Firefighter Calendar because the firefighters were there signing them, and I definitely drank a lot of beer and hit on a lot of firefighters.

At the same time, I am not drunk enough to forget that ADVANTAGE RENT-A-CAR DID NOT CALL ME BY 7PM TONIGHT LIKE THEY PROMISED. NO THEY DID NOT. NOPE. NOT EVEN ONE PHONE CALL. I HATE THEM.

Tomorrow I go to a low-key type bar-b-q. Saturday night - WE DRINK! YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

Woo Hoo

I am back in business -- internet at home!!! YAY! I am so excited to be back in my element -- with the cable and the internet and the Diet Coke and the huge effing mess...it's awesome!

I have to go mail out applications. The thankless work of finding a job never quits. Boo.

Interviews: The Good, The Mediocre and the...um...I only had two

I had two of my three OCI interviews today. The interview for the job I would really love to get went (I think) pretty well. I did forget to ask how long it would take them to get back to me...is there any appropriate way to find that out?

The other interview was OK but not great. For some reason I just wasn't connecting with the interviewer and I think part of it was that he was running about 1/2 hour late and I was just irritated from waiting by the time he got to me. Oh well.

In other news, Advantage Rent-A-Car still hasn't called me back. Monday by close of business my ass.

I can't believe it's already over!

I have been here a week (tomorrow). That means that tomorrow morning I have to get up early and my mom will drive me to the Amtrak station (about 2.5 hours away) and I will head back to the TVPNM. Man! How could it have gone by so fast!!??

I am over 1/2 done with my very first crocheted afghan. When I get home I'll take some pics and post them. My parents just got a new digital camera and it's too fancy for me to work -- my poor little pea sized brain can't handle this newfangled technology and whatnot.

Today I took a 3 mile hike through the mountains with my dad and Molly the Satanic Dog and now I am patiently awaiting the printer which is diligently producing multiple copies of my resume, writing sample and all the cover letters I've managed to get done (not nearly as many as I wanted to!). When I get back to the TVPNM I will take care of copying my "unofficial" transcript and grading policy (damn you people that ask for that -- without it my grades are WAY more impressive!). The stuff I didn't get to this week is mostly all the applications that were complicated in any way or asked me to do anything besides just write a cover letter...as soon as the instructions went past two steps I went ahead and moved onto the next thing. I need to be home to do complicated stuff -- trying to do it here is ridiculous. My mom comes in every five minutes to bring me cookies, the dog keeps dropping her slobbery Carl the Caveman toy on my lap, and my dad is always hounding to me to go for a bike ride/walk/hike/etc. For a small family, there's just peace! Of course, that's what I love about them.

Anyway, I asked Comcast to come hook up my cable modem on Thursday morning, but they haven't confirmed yet, so I'm not sure how that will work out. I will probably have some internet at the school on Wednesday while I'm down there for interviews, so I'll try to update on how they go. The two on Wednesday are both going to be interesting, but the first one is the one I would REALLY REALLY love to get. Of course, it's also the one I have almost no chance of getting -- but I'm going to try to impress them nonetheless. Wish me luck!

The Cover Letter Saga...it goes on and on and on...

Well, I did finish FOUR cover letters today...rather a miracle when you consider what a huge slacker I am. I also finished part one of the dreaded Honors Program two question sucker punch. I totally put together a satisfactory answer for "Why Do You Want To Work Here?" that doesn't include "hot guys in suits" or "it's in D.C. and there's a lot more hot guys in suits there than where I come from." TRIUMPH! Question two, "What's The One Thing You Want The Reviewer To Know About You?" is going a little bit slower. I mean, I am an awesome cook, I know the words to every Jimmy Buffett song ever written and can recall them even while drunk off my ass, I am currently about 1/4 of the way through crocheting my first afghan, and, let's face it, I have GREAT taste in beer. What's not to love??? Oh yeah, also, I would do ANYTHING to get this job...and I do mean ANYTHING. Read into that whatever you would like.

Aside from working on applications (hurry up and give me a job someone, I HATE doing these things!), I dyed my hair (OUT DAMN GRAY!), and am going to the video store soon with Mama Spatula to fetch "Sahara" so that she can moon over Matthew McConaghey (sp?)...her, NOT ME! I don't do stuff like that. Seriously.

Also, got a phone call randomly from an old flame...isn't that weird? Once we confirmed we were both doing good there was a moment of awkward silence and then a promise to "talk again soon" which will probably be in six months. Very strange.

Advantage Rent-A-Car also called me last night, supposedly the manager of the store I was given the shaft at. I don't think they are going to handle this the way I want them to, which should be no surprise at this point. The guy goes "Well, we did offer you a full-size Dodge Caravan, so it's not like we didn't offer you a car!" And I go "Well, Mike, here's the thing. First you offered me a 15-passenger van for over an hour, and then, after I stood there for an hour and a half, was treated like crap by your counter person, and was IN TEARS...and, oh yeah, after the counter lady saw me call Amtrak and make reservations, she offered me a full-size Caravan. So, you're right, I was offered a Caravan. A Caravan that I would have to pay full price for, put gas in, and drive through the MOUNTAINS in. So, no...that was not an acceptable solution to my problem. Mike."

He said he had to "investigat the issue further" and that he'd call me back on Monday. We'll see, but I think I'm gonna get no joy from Advantage Rent-A-Car. Those assholes.

Or are you just happy to see me?

The Scene: Mama Spatula goes to get in the car and all of the sudden springs back up and adjusts something in her pocket.

Me: "What is that?"

MS: "It's a banana!" **pulls banana out of pocket**

Me: "You have a banana in your pocket?"

MS: "Yeah" **said in the same way one would say "Well, DUH!"

Me: "Why?"

MS: "In case I start to have low energy...then I can refuel on the go!"

Me: "Uh...OK."

So, apparently Mama Spatula has taken to carrying bananas around in her pocket. Not a power bar, or a piece of candy, or something that isn't squishy AND smelly -- bananas.

Are we starting to understand how I turned out this way?

Man Down!

If an Energy Spatula falls in an empty forest, does she make a sound?

Yes.

She screams. Real real loud. And then she curses because her new black exercise pants with a hot pink stripe down the side got a rip in them. And then she pretends to be fine because Mama Spatula wants to take her to get a tetanus shot. What bleeding? I'm not bleeding!

I hate fitness.

Real Question this time...

When getting letters of recommendation from former employers, is it OK to just get sort of a generic letter (To Whom It May Concern) that you can send to potential jobs/clerkships/etc.? The example I have is addressed to a specific person, but, obviously, I am going to be applying to a lot of different stuff in the upcoming weeks and months and I think I just need something basic I can send to everyone.

I know one of you knows this. Don't make me call Career Services...in my weakened condition I'm not sure I would survive.

It's Freaky-Naughty

Question:

Could there by anything more awkward than watching Dodgeball with your mom and, when White is caught...ahem...fondling a slice of pizza...having your mom go "Gosh, I don't really understand why he had that pizza in his pants like that? That's not funny...it doesn't even make sense!"?

Answer:

No. Not since that time we watched Grease together and I finally realized that John Travolta was saying all the chicks would "cream" for greased lightning. I always thought that was an innocent movie about a boy and his car. Yeah.

In other news -- I just got back from a 90 minutes deep tissue massage so I have to go kill myself now in order to stop the pain. Or else maybe watch some TV and think about all the cover letters I didn't write today.

Why do I want to work here? Uh.....

I have spent, literally, HOURS working on my statement for a certain Honors Program application that is due next week which contains the following question: Why Do You Want To Work For This Place? (We won't even go into the last question which is "What's the one thing you want the reviewer of this application to know about you?" I HATE HATE HATE that question!)

I mean, I don't know if I have writer's block or what the hell my problem is, but I will write two paragraphs and then erase, two more, erase, two more, erase...ad infinitum.

Should I say it's the challenging nature of the work?

The wonderful opportunities for mentoring?

The ability to combine my past career experience and my legal education and start a new career that is perfectly suited for me?

The fact that, well, I just like it there????

WAHHHHHHHHHHH!

I swear, I keep waiting for my fairy godmother to come down from on high and scream at me "E. SPATULA -- USE YOUR WORDS!"

Why can't I do this? It's due in 7 days!!!!!!!!! Oh my GOD, panic!

In other news, I am learning to crochet these cool squares to put together to make an afghan...I finally made one last night that actually turned out square -- pictures to follow at some point. In the meantime, I have still about 20 cover letters to write, applications to mail/email/fax off, and this one application to finish -- the most important one -- the one I REAAAAALLLLY want. I'm getting a massage today, maybe it will align my chakras or something.

Buy a mug...help rescue an animal!

Here it is, the official Will Work For Favorable Dicta CafePress Store. Enjoy...and if anyone orders anything, let me know how it is...I'm very curious!

All proceeds through the month of September will be donated to the ASPCA Disaster Relief Fund to help with the rescue and care of animals left homeless by Hurricane Katrina and the reunification of pets and owners. Thanks!

Pepe LeMolly

Picture Molly the Satanic Dog frolicking along the golf course, enjoying her walk, sniffing trees, peeing on the fairways, maybe even sampling a delicious cat turd.

Now picture Molly the Satantic Dog walking behind a tree and getting a full frontal skunk spray from...well...let's call it POINT BLANK.

Now picture the entire Spatula clan standing in the driveway for two hours trying to deskunk Molly (and my dad who had to carry her home) with various potions cooked up by my mom from her gigantic Book 'O' Livin' in the Wilderness.

Domestic bliss I tell 'ya.

Leaving on a jet plaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaane

I would just like to state, for the record, that I am the worst effing suitcase packer EVER.

On the way here, my suitcase was .4 pounds below the weight limit, and what have I been doing? That's right...shopping! Meanwhile, the 50 pounds of crap I brought with me is mostly stuff I never wore, or really even looked at in a week. You would think the military would have taught me better than this, but, no.

M.'s plane leaves at 7am tomorrow so even though mine leaves much later I am going to the airport with her at the crack of dawn and I will be trying to get on an earlier standby flight. Traveling and packing is what makes a vacation seem like work, especially after the nightmare of a flight I had on the way out here.

Tonight we're going down to the Strip to perhaps see a show and do some drinking. I guess I'm not going to get to see American Storm, which is the one thing I really wanted to do here -- an excuse to come back I suppose. Hopefully we'll have a good last night and it won't leave me in a state of ickiness tomorrow morning that is incompatible with traveling. I hate that.

So, this is the last post until at least Monday. I don't have internet hooked up at my apartment yet (turned it off this summer), and I will be driving home to my parent's house all day Monday -- but if I get there early enough I will probably have some kind of good traveling story to post (or not...but I'll post it anyway and you can just pretend it was good).

I'm going to go try to finish packing, God help me. I've been watching the news about the Gulf Coast, and my heart just aches for those people -- it's horrible to watch. Today they showed a bar in Biloxi that I used to hang out in when I was stationed there for a couple months during my Air Force training, and it was just a pile of broken wood and a knocked down sign. The situation in New Orleans is heartbreaking, I just cry every time I see those people and what they're going through. I'm praying for them, and I know we all are...I hope that some supplies get there today.

I'll be back live from Oregon on Monday.

Blllllleeeecccchhhhh...

Oh my GODDDDD...all I have done for DAYS is eat! I feel so disgusting!

I never thought I would say this, but I can't wait to get home and back to getting regular exercise. I really felt like this summer I started to feel SO much better, physically and mentally, and after a week of sitting around doing nothing but eating I just feel gross. YUCK!

I'm getting excited to see my mom and dad and Molly the Satanic Dog...I wish so much they lived closer to a real city so that there would at least be the possibility of a job there after graduation -- but, alas, no. On the other hand, everywhere I'm applying for is far away, so I guess I haven't been looking too much in their area -- maybe I just need to try harder.

Are you guys still reading?

I wonder if my semi-erratic posting of late has driven away the regulars?

The people that I associate with being the original readers of this blog I don't think read it anymore. There are, of course, new readers, and some of the old readers are still around, but it's interesting that I don't feel like I know who I'm writing for anymore. I used to know everyone and talk to them all on email and even some by phone, but now it seems like they aren't really around and it's sort of discouraging. Am I boring? Am I not doing my blogging job? I think it's obvious that I've been traveling and living out of suitcases and just feeling very frazzled and stressed out and harried lately, and it affects my level of concentration as far as writing and posting stuff, but I hope some or all of you are still out there. I promise it will get better! And soon! I miss writing about my life and I miss sitting down and making time to post, I just haven't been up to it lately with all the stuff going on.

Anyway, hang in there readers who are left, I promise that the content around here will be up to it's usual marginally better than rock-bottom quality soon!

Diet Coke IS my middle name!

See below for the history of how I came into possession of all this crap. I heart Diet Coke. And I really REALLY mean it!

I heart aspartame.

I have been trying all morning to upload a picture of all the Diet Coke shit I bought at the World of Coca-Cola store last night, but I think dial-up is foiling my efforts. Damn you AOL! I will keep trying!

I got new Diet Coke socks because my old ones were totally falling apart, a light up Diet Coke pen, a GIGANTIC Diet Coke insulated cup/mug/thingie, and a Diet Coke magnet. This buying streak PALES in comparison to all the crap I bought at Margaritaville. I'm on a bit of a binge I'm afraid.

I also bought a REALLY cute dress for my friend's wedding on Sunday, and I think that I'll be able to wear it to work as well since it's kind of low-cut but in a way that can be disguised for work purposes (or not depending on how hot the boys there turn out to be). I'm excited because M. helped me pick it out and so I know she wouldn't lie and tell me it looks good if it sucks.

Anyway, hopefully a pic of the Diet Coke stuff will be forthcoming, we'll see if AOL wants to cooperate later. I have LOTS of stuff to talk about that I've been thinking about, but every time I write anything good (or put any effort whatsoever into a post), I get disconnected and lose all my work, so I think I'll wait. I'm kind of getting excited about school starting though, mostly because I'm so into my job and can't wait to go back to work.

I'll post at least once more before I leave Las Vegas.