What are your thoughts on Law School?

It seems that every attorney I speak with recently has had the same message to tell me. "Don't go to law school". Let me provide some background on this statement. I work for an attorney in a firm with 8 attorneys and about 20 support staff. The firm itself is very well established and has done a good job at taking in a lot of cases and turning them over quickly. The clients are generally happy and its a very steady job.

However some of the attorneys in the firm seem to have the same opinion. They constantly tell my friends not to go to law school. Now this firm is pretty laid back in comparison to other firms where you have to bill hours and maybe that's where their jaded perspective comes from. In addition to billing a required amount of hours, many firms in various practice areas are forced to engage in much more aggressive marketing than the other major professional services. This includes building expansive websites and expensive video production such as this personal injury attorney commercial. It's interesting to me though that I hear it from absolutely everyone. I can't help but think maybe they watched too many television shows or movies showing glorious lawyers giving amazing speeches and saving the world with their trials. Maybe they had that type of hope at one point, but now it's lost. I'm not sure. 

What are your thoughts on being an attorney? Would you tell your friends to go to law school?

Reflections on life with a mom who's not my mom anymore.

We moved every two years the entire time I was growing up. Sometimes more. My dad was an Air Force officer, and I was an only child.  The constant in both of our lives was my mom.  She made our house(s) a home(s).  She did it all...homemade potpourri, sheets ironed with lavender linen spray, cookies after school.  All.  For us.

When I got a little older, she became my best friend.  It's weird, because...I think she always was my best friend, and I just didn't know.  Not that we had the perfect family.  We didn't.  Now that she's gone, I'm realizing how empty my life is without her.  I was driving my daughter to her other grandmother's house yesterday, and I thought it would be fun to listen to some Christmas music.  She loved it.  I cried.  Buckets.

You might be asking yourself...wait, her mom isn't dead though.  Right?  That's correct.  Her body is alive.  She survived a massive aneurysm in 2009.  So massive that less than 2% of people make it through an event on the scale which she experienced.  I was so naive.  I sat in the waiting room and I prayed to...?  To God?  To some kind of androgenous, politically correct, non-denominational spiritual leader?  I'm still not sure, but I prayed so hard that sometimes I felt like my guts were turning inside out.  I was 6-months pregnant.

I prayed that she would live.  I never thought past that word.  Live.  It seemed like all I needed...a mom who was alive.  I've never put much thought into what makes a life.  Physical being?  Spiritual completeness?  Sense of humor?  Passion?  Love?  And then, much to my surprise after a life replete with many unanswered prayers...she lived.  And we rejoiced.  She made huge steps forward.  She's off the ventilator!!!  They took the feeding tube out!!!  She brushed her own teeth!  No diaper needed today!! 

It's been one and a half years now, and I'm just starting to realize that...my mom isn't coming back.  Not the mom from my childhood.  The mom that made all of my birthday cakes by hand.  The mom that made my daughter the most beautiful handmade quilts - WAY before I even met my husband - she was so excited that I MIGHT have a baby one day.  The mom I shared my life with. 

She's alive.  She's doing great.  She's learning how to do everything again, and physically she's a trouper, like she always was.  But.  She's not my mom.  I mean, she is.  But she's not.  I still love her, but it's so complicated.  I see this woman, and she's trying so hard.  And I love her so much for trying.  But the connection that used to seem unbreakable feels broken.  And I feel broken.  I want to connect with the new her, but I'm not even sure she *can* connect.  Or maybe I'm not sure she can connect like before.  Or maybe I just feel bad that all the things I miss seem so stupid now.  Who cares if she's not Martha Stewart anymore?? 

I guess this all goes to what it is that makes us whole.  What makes us a person? I guess that's what I'm thinking about these days.  Maybe it's what I need to know.  What is a soul?  What is inside a person that makes them...themself?

I miss it, but I'm too demotivated to bother.

I have so much going on mentally and physically, but I'm just too...demotivated...to even write about it.  Maybe this is the impetus for the book everyone is always telling me to write.  The Boy and Mini-Spatula are both great, so that's good.  The rest of it, I need to figure out how to write about.  Working on it.

Mama drama

Dude - what the HELL is up with women hating on other women for parenting choices.  I mean, not like "I choose to torture my child with electricity and bullwhips," but more like "I'm going to formula feed" or "I choose to go back to work, and I ADMIT I LIKE IT."  There, I said it.  

I think the stay-at-home mom vs. working mom thing is totally ridiculous.  In 2010, don't we all recognize that both are full of challenges and rewards, and both are valid choices that a woman can make?  I mean, there are women who MUST work in order to pay the mortgage and feed the baby (um, hi!), and I suppose there are people who MUST stay home because daycare is too costly or for other reasons.  So, I guess in that sense, there may be a disparity in how much of a "choice" each avenue actually is.  But, c'mon.  I'm not even going to go on about what brought about this little train of thought because it's just so stupid and mundane.  Suffice it to say...ladies gotz to stick together, yo!

Also, if you have a bumper sticker that says "You've never worked full-time until you've been a stay-at-home mom"...I really, really think you suck.  Darn it, I said I wasn't going to talk about how this all came about...but...seriously???  I'm looking into getting a sticker for my car that says "You've never worked full-time until you've WORKED FULL-TIME."  Jesus. 

Happy Belated Interdependence Day

How is it even possible that it's July?  I'm afraid that I spend so much time on Baby Spatula's little website (NOT a mommy blog...ick), that I really don't visit here anymore.  Besides that, I'm never sure anyone is even reading, and then I feel like I might look like a bit of a crackpot, posting away my innermost thoughts and feelings to an audience of...zero.

The summer here means that everyone (including me) comes out of their caves and then we intermingle for anywhere from 8-12 weeks before we go back into hibernation.  Plus, it's almost Baby Spatula's birthday and now she's walking and basically a much more mobile PITA.  I mean that in the most loving way possible. 

What I'm saying is, shit is crazy all up in here.  Yo.

Be careful what you ask....

Me:  "So, I applied for this job, and you emailed me back that I was unqualified even though I applied for a similar job last month and you said I was one of the most qualified candidates.  Is there some kind of a mistake?"

Nameless Faceless Government Bureaucrat:  "Oh yes, my apologies.  There was a mistake.  I have gone back and reviewed both applications and regret to inform you that you are actually unqualified for both jobs."

Me:  **crickets**

Some advice from someone entirely unqualified to give it.

It's kind of weird.  I stopped taking a really active role in this blog a couple of years ago mainly because I'm not sure how to transition a blog about law school into a blog about being a mom and an attorney who doesn't practice and doesn't want to talk about her job and get canned and have to beg on the street...but, I digress.  Anyway, people apparently still google phrases like "law school sucks" and "fuck law school" and "grades don't matter"...and they find my blog.  Weird, I know.  And then, they write me emails asking for advice on how to survive 1L, or getting bad grades (NOOOOOOO...NOT A B-), or not getting a great internship...DOUBLE WEIRD!

I can't believe anyone would ever ask me for advice, about anything.  I've been married three times, my baby eats dirt and worms on a regular basis and spends the better part of her day trying to gnaw through the propane line to the fireplace, and my husband honestly can't believe I've made it this far in life without setting myself on fire or running myself over with a car.  So...yeah.

But, just in case...here's my advice.

It doesn't matter.  I mean, it does matter - but only when it does.  Which is when you're in law school.  People who graduate with BOTTOM 90% GRADES (WHAT???) get jobs every single day.  Good jobs.  If they didn't, then 90% of people who graduate from law school would never get a job and no one would ever take the LSAT again, right?

If you get a B-, no one will kill a kitten, or set an angel on fire, or force you to listen to Justin Bieber on endless replay (unless that's actually something you like, in which case, why are you here?).  I know that because, hey, I got quite a few B-'s.  There, I said it.  I'm in the bottom 90%.

People, the ubiquitous "they," would look askance at my seeming nonchalance over my slightly less than stellar grades.  The thing is, I was bothered.  It's just that I was bothered that anyone thought a grade in a class that had no bearing on my future had anything to with my worth as a person.  I mean, you have to jump through the hoops, and depending on your school, the hoops may be more or less difficult to navigate.  I took Algebra in high school, I respected the fact that it was part of the curriculum, I did my best, I didn't do that great, and I found a way to make a life for myself without Algebra.  The end.

But, ask yourself, does a B- in Corporations matter?  Obviously not, unless you want to be some kind of business attorney, or it's on the bar.  Otherwise...whatever.  And, frankly, if you're into business law, you probably won't get a B- in Corporations anyway.

So.  Relax.  Take a deep breath.  Get a good night's sleep.  Drink a beer...or two...or three.  Take a walk, enjoy time with your friends, study in the way that makes the most sense to you, and remember that approximately three minutes after you graduate, none of it will really matter. Not really.  Being on law review certainly has merit, as does getting fabulous grades, but let's face it...there's the top 10% and the bottom 90%, and so most of us are destined to be at the bottom (BOTTOM 90%...again, WHAT??).

Stand out in the subject that resonates with you.  Find a topic or class that captivates you.  Focus on staying balanced. 

And, really, seriously...have a beer.

It's, like, whoa.

I'm still taking a writing class.  It's still not that satisfying.  First off, I'm not sure I want to write "fiction" per se.  Secondly, I know I don't want to be the next Agatha Christie or Ayn Rand, or...well, Jane Austen.  Or, whatever.  The point being, if I'm in a room with five people who all belong to Jane Austen book clubs, I'm in a room with five too many people (at least).  I am going to finish the last two weeks.  I am getting some good tips on organizing my writing and things like that, but the other people kind of freak me out.  Not one of them is going to write a book that I ever want to read.  Before you judge, let me just say...yes, I can tell just by looking. 

A sketchy character

For my writing class I'm supposed to be developing a character sketch.  The instructor has us filling out this form - sort of like an "interview" of our character, if they were actually a real person.  I'm trying to decide if the difficulty I'm having with this assignment means I should stick to some kind of non-fiction writing.

First of all - I cannot predict what my own friends and family think, or what their "motivations" are, and I am with them 5,000+ hours EVERY SINGLE DAY. What does my character like to eat?  I don't know - ask him! (or her!).

Secondly - Why does my "character", let's call him "Bob" have to have "motivation"?  What if his "motivation" is just the overuse of quote marks?  What if he's lazy?  What if smokes a lot of weed and his motivation involves finding some Doritos because damnitiknowtheyareheresomewhere?

Third - It seems very...I don't know...inorganic (unorganic?) to come up with this character and assign poor Bob a "look" and a "personality" and "other character-y stuff".  Maybe Bob would like to come to me.  What if Bob is shy?  What if Bob likes girls that are a little more subdued?  Well, if that's the case - he's going to hate me anyway, so I might as well make him stupid and take away his Doritos.  How does that feel Bob? 

Anyway, I'm home sick (AGAIN!) due to the fact that I live in baby-germ-warfare-ville, and needless to say, I'm not working on my character, or his motivation, or my own motivation.

Maybe I'll just write a book about my own life, which has lots of "characters", none of whom I understand in the least, but at least they do funny shit.  Or start doing stand-up.  Everyone says I should do stand-up.  I bet you have to find motivation for that too.  Someone please tell me there's a career that does not involve motivation.  

In sickness and greater sickness

I'm home sick today.  I actually feel a lot better now, but I'm still home because...well...who wants to go to work for just a couple of hours after a day of being sick?  No one, that's who.  Plus, it's raining really hard.  I know it does that here, like, all the time...but I'm ready to see the sun again.  My soul is gloomy.

Things have been very crazy here.  Business trips for both of us, and increasingly mobile baby, stuff with friends and family, etc.  We're working on getting our life (lives?) to be the way we want it (them?) to be...being married is a challenge, as is being a parent, and is being an employee.  As I'm sure you know.  When you add it all up, well, I never was good at the new math.

I'm looking forward to the writing class I'm starting next week.  Something to put my mind into, something to hopefully stir some creativity and help me to work through all the stuff that's going on in my life these day.  I feel like I went to bed and life was fairly simple and I suddenly woke up in the middle of one of those haybale mazes, wrapped in tangled up twine and covered in rubiks cube's.