Will Work for Favorable Dicta

Reflections on life with a mom who's not my mom anymore.

2010-11-15T20:19:00.000-08:00

We moved every two years the entire time I was growing up. Sometimes more. My dad was an Air Force officer, and I was an only child. The constant in both of our lives was my mom. She made our house(s) a home(s). She did it all...homemade potpourri, sheets ironed with lavender linen spray, cookies after school. All. For us.

When I got a little older, she became my best friend. It's weird, because...I think she always was my best friend, and I just didn't know. Not that we had the perfect family. We didn't. Now that she's gone, I'm realizing how empty my life is without her. I was driving my daughter to her other grandmother's house yesterday, and I thought it would be fun to listen to some Christmas music. She loved it. I cried. Buckets.

You might be asking yourself...wait, her mom isn't dead though. Right? That's correct. Her body is alive. She survived a massive aneurysm in 2009. So massive that less than 2% of people make it through an event on the scale which she experienced. I was so naive. I sat in the waiting room and I prayed to...? To God? To some kind of androgenous, politically correct, non-denominational spiritual leader? I'm still not sure, but I prayed so hard that sometimes I felt like my guts were turning inside out. I was 6-months pregnant.

I prayed that she would live. I never thought past that word. Live. It seemed like all I needed...a mom who was alive. I've never put much thought into what makes a life. Physical being? Spiritual completeness? Sense of humor? Passion? Love? And then, much to my surprise after a life replete with many unanswered prayers...she lived. And we rejoiced. She made huge steps forward. She's off the ventilator!!! They took the feeding tube out!!! She brushed her own teeth! No diaper needed today!!

It's been one and a half years now, and I'm just starting to realize that...my mom isn't coming back. Not the mom from my childhood. The mom that made all of my birthday cakes by hand. The mom that made my daughter the most beautiful handmade quilts - WAY before I even met my husband - she was so excited that I MIGHT have a baby one day. The mom I shared my life with.

She's alive. She's doing great. She's learning how to do everything again, and physically she's a trouper, like she always was. But. She's not my mom. I mean, she is. But she's not. I still love her, but it's so complicated. I see this woman, and she's trying so hard. And I love her so much for trying. But the connection that used to seem unbreakable feels broken. And I feel broken. I want to connect with the new her, but I'm not even sure she *can* connect. Or maybe I'm not sure she can connect like before. Or maybe I just feel bad that all the things I miss seem so stupid now. Who cares if she's not Martha Stewart anymore??

I guess this all goes to what it is that makes us whole. What makes us a person? I guess that's what I'm thinking about these days. Maybe it's what I need to know. What is a soul? What is inside a person that makes them...themself?

I miss it, but I'm too demotivated to bother.

2010-11-14T21:36:00.000-08:00

I have so much going on mentally and physically, but I'm just too...demotivated...to even write about it. Maybe this is the impetus for the book everyone is always telling me to write. The Boy and Mini-Spatula are both great, so that's good. The rest of it, I need to figure out how to write about. Working on it.

Mama drama

2010-08-18T20:15:00.000-07:00

Dude - what the HELL is up with women hating on other women for parenting choices. I mean, not like "I choose to torture my child with electricity and bullwhips," but more like "I'm going to formula feed" or "I choose to go back to work, and I ADMIT I LIKE IT." There, I said it.

I think the stay-at-home mom vs. working mom thing is totally ridiculous. In 2010, don't we all recognize that both are full of challenges and rewards, and both are valid choices that a woman can make? I mean, there are women who MUST work in order to pay the mortgage and feed the baby (um, hi!), and I suppose there are people who MUST stay home because daycare is too costly or for other reasons. So, I guess in that sense, there may be a disparity in how much of a "choice" each avenue actually is. But, c'mon. I'm not even going to go on about what brought about this little train of thought because it's just so stupid and mundane. Suffice it to say...ladies gotz to stick together, yo!

Also, if you have a bumper sticker that says "You've never worked full-time until you've been a stay-at-home mom"...I really, really think you suck. Darn it, I said I wasn't going to talk about how this all came about...but...seriously??? I'm looking into getting a sticker for my car that says "You've never worked full-time until you've WORKED FULL-TIME." Jesus.

Happy Belated Interdependence Day

2010-07-17T16:11:00.000-07:00

How is it even possible that it's July? I'm afraid that I spend so much time on Baby Spatula's little website (NOT a mommy blog...ick), that I really don't visit here anymore. Besides that, I'm never sure anyone is even reading, and then I feel like I might look like a bit of a crackpot, posting away my innermost thoughts and feelings to an audience of...zero.

The summer here means that everyone (including me) comes out of their caves and then we intermingle for anywhere from 8-12 weeks before we go back into hibernation. Plus, it's almost Baby Spatula's birthday and now she's walking and basically a much more mobile PITA. I mean that in the most loving way possible.

What I'm saying is, shit is crazy all up in here. Yo.

Be careful what you ask....

2010-06-09T19:41:00.000-07:00

Me: "So, I applied for this job, and you emailed me back that I was unqualified even though I applied for a similar job last month and you said I was one of the most qualified candidates. Is there some kind of a mistake?"

Nameless Faceless Government Bureaucrat: "Oh yes, my apologies. There was a mistake. I have gone back and reviewed both applications and regret to inform you that you are actually unqualified for both jobs."

Me: **crickets**

Some advice from someone entirely unqualified to give it.

2010-06-08T19:49:00.000-07:00

It's kind of weird. I stopped taking a really active role in this blog a couple of years ago mainly because I'm not sure how to transition a blog about law school into a blog about being a mom and an attorney who doesn't practice and doesn't want to talk about her job and get canned and have to beg on the street...but, I digress. Anyway, people apparently still google phrases like "law school sucks" and "fuck law school" and "grades don't matter"...and they find my blog. Weird, I know. And then, they write me emails asking for advice on how to survive 1L, or getting bad grades (NOOOOOOO...NOT A B-), or not getting a great internship...DOUBLE WEIRD!

I can't believe anyone would ever ask me for advice, about anything. I've been married three times, my baby eats dirt and worms on a regular basis and spends the better part of her day trying to gnaw through the propane line to the fireplace, and my husband honestly can't believe I've made it this far in life without setting myself on fire or running myself over with a car. So...yeah.

But, just in case...here's my advice.

It doesn't matter. I mean, it does matter - but only when it does. Which is when you're in law school. People who graduate with BOTTOM 90% GRADES (WHAT???) get jobs every single day. Good jobs. If they didn't, then 90% of people who graduate from law school would never get a job and no one would ever take the LSAT again, right?

If you get a B-, no one will kill a kitten, or set an angel on fire, or force you to listen to Justin Bieber on endless replay (unless that's actually something you like, in which case, why are you here?). I know that because, hey, I got quite a few B-'s. There, I said it. I'm in the bottom 90%.

People, the ubiquitous "they," would look askance at my seeming nonchalance over my slightly less than stellar grades. The thing is, I was bothered. It's just that I was bothered that anyone thought a grade in a class that had no bearing on my future had anything to with my worth as a person. I mean, you have to jump through the hoops, and depending on your school, the hoops may be more or less difficult to navigate. I took Algebra in high school, I respected the fact that it was part of the curriculum, I did my best, I didn't do that great, and I found a way to make a life for myself without Algebra. The end.

But, ask yourself, does a B- in Corporations matter? Obviously not, unless you want to be some kind of business attorney, or it's on the bar. Otherwise...whatever. And, frankly, if you're into business law, you probably won't get a B- in Corporations anyway.

So. Relax. Take a deep breath. Get a good night's sleep. Drink a beer...or two...or three. Take a walk, enjoy time with your friends, study in the way that makes the most sense to you, and remember that approximately three minutes after you graduate, none of it will really matter. Not really. Being on law review certainly has merit, as does getting fabulous grades, but let's face it...there's the top 10% and the bottom 90%, and so most of us are destined to be at the bottom (BOTTOM 90%...again, WHAT??).

Stand out in the subject that resonates with you. Find a topic or class that captivates you. Focus on staying balanced.

And, really, seriously...have a beer.

It's, like, whoa.

2010-05-09T19:25:00.000-07:00

I'm still taking a writing class. It's still not that satisfying. First off, I'm not sure I want to write "fiction" per se. Secondly, I know I don't want to be the next Agatha Christie or Ayn Rand, or...well, Jane Austen. Or, whatever. The point being, if I'm in a room with five people who all belong to Jane Austen book clubs, I'm in a room with five too many people (at least). I am going to finish the last two weeks. I am getting some good tips on organizing my writing and things like that, but the other people kind of freak me out. Not one of them is going to write a book that I ever want to read. Before you judge, let me just say...yes, I can tell just by looking.

A sketchy character

2010-04-20T15:48:00.000-07:00

For my writing class I'm supposed to be developing a character sketch. The instructor has us filling out this form - sort of like an "interview" of our character, if they were actually a real person. I'm trying to decide if the difficulty I'm having with this assignment means I should stick to some kind of non-fiction writing.

First of all - I cannot predict what my own friends and family think, or what their "motivations" are, and I am with them 5,000+ hours EVERY SINGLE DAY. What does my character like to eat? I don't know - ask him! (or her!).

Secondly - Why does my "character", let's call him "Bob" have to have "motivation"? What if his "motivation" is just the overuse of quote marks? What if he's lazy? What if smokes a lot of weed and his motivation involves finding some Doritos because damnitiknowtheyareheresomewhere?

Third - It seems very...I don't know...inorganic (unorganic?) to come up with this character and assign poor Bob a "look" and a "personality" and "other character-y stuff". Maybe Bob would like to come to me. What if Bob is shy? What if Bob likes girls that are a little more subdued? Well, if that's the case - he's going to hate me anyway, so I might as well make him stupid and take away his Doritos. How does that feel Bob?

Anyway, I'm home sick (AGAIN!) due to the fact that I live in baby-germ-warfare-ville, and needless to say, I'm not working on my character, or his motivation, or my own motivation.

Maybe I'll just write a book about my own life, which has lots of "characters", none of whom I understand in the least, but at least they do funny shit. Or start doing stand-up. Everyone says I should do stand-up. I bet you have to find motivation for that too. Someone please tell me there's a career that does not involve motivation.

In sickness and greater sickness

2010-04-08T14:21:00.000-07:00

I'm home sick today. I actually feel a lot better now, but I'm still home because...well...who wants to go to work for just a couple of hours after a day of being sick? No one, that's who. Plus, it's raining really hard. I know it does that here, like, all the time...but I'm ready to see the sun again. My soul is gloomy.

Things have been very crazy here. Business trips for both of us, and increasingly mobile baby, stuff with friends and family, etc. We're working on getting our life (lives?) to be the way we want it (them?) to be...being married is a challenge, as is being a parent, and is being an employee. As I'm sure you know. When you add it all up, well, I never was good at the new math.

I'm looking forward to the writing class I'm starting next week. Something to put my mind into, something to hopefully stir some creativity and help me to work through all the stuff that's going on in my life these day. I feel like I went to bed and life was fairly simple and I suddenly woke up in the middle of one of those haybale mazes, wrapped in tangled up twine and covered in rubiks cube's.

Do these pants make my asteroid look big?

2010-03-12T20:45:00.000-08:00

So, while The Boy is out of town, I've been watching all manner of trash TV. Right this minute I'm watching Ruby. Ruby is not on my regular list of trashy reality shows...I am just too busy watching 16 and Pregnant. Frankly.

So, anyway. Ruby. Apparently Ruby is a virgin. I don't know how old she is, but she's gotta be older than me. And he "ex" boyfriend is on the show - and there's some kind of weird vibe where he sort of sets off my gaydar, but also he makes a lot of googly eyes at Ruby and talks about getting her to give him some nookie.

But, what I really wanted to discuss is...she doesn't cuss...she substitutes.

Her "butt" is her "bertha". Her "ass" is her "astronaut". "Hell" is "helicopter". I can't even remember the rest. The whole thing was just so weird. Not because she doesn't cuss, and not because she's a virgin...but...because she's just so weird and Southern about the whole thing.

There's something about her that really makes me uncomfortable. I think it's because I have lived so long with the feelings of inadequacy that being overweight can bring, and with the shame that comes with being with guys who only want to be with you in the middle of the night when their friends can't see.

I don't know. It's causing me to think. She's very annoying, but I think there's a universal truth there somewhere about being a woman, and overweight, and ashamed...and still wanting to be sexually desired, whether you can admit it or not. And, if you can admit it, and you find someone to fill the role, can you ever believe they mean it? Maybe that's the thing...I cringe for her because I cringe for my past self...I want to scream at the TV "there's no way this is real! RUN! he's going to point and laugh and make fun of you and you have to GET. OUT. NOW."

Hmmmm. Something to ponder.

I am woman, hear me whimper

2010-03-08T20:59:00.000-08:00

So, I talked to The Boy, and it's decided...I'm signing up for my very first ever creative writing class. He's going to hang with Baby Spatula (I don't believe in "babysitting" your own kids), and give me some time to do this thing that I think really calls to me. So, yay!

Meanwhile, I've been thinking a lot about the balance of life. Like...we only get so much time, and there are ALL these things you want to fit into that timeline. Career, school, baby(ies?), partnership with spouse, fulfilling personal activities, friendships, time to actually enjoy it and watch it and participate in it. What a battle! Anyway, no finished thoughts on that, but it seems like things just get thornier every day.

Na-ee-na-na-ja...It's not that hard.

2010-03-04T20:26:00.000-08:00

Lately I'm having a crisis of faith. Not in the religious sense, but in the sense of my own faith in myself. Faith in my abilities. Faith in my personality, my people-skills, my aura...if you will. It's weird. I've worried about my looks, my body, my style, my hair, my raggedy nails, even my recent inability to force myself to wear lipgloss because I'm just too damn tired. But, usually I don't worry about whether I'm likeable. And now I do.

My therapist says that I basically always act like everything is OK, so people assume that I am, even when I need support. She also says that it is therefore my fault when people don't realize I need more support, that I have feelings that can be hurt, that I want their love and acceptance. It's kind of weird, because...don't we all want love and acceptance. Do people really think that there are other people who DON'T want that?

I'm working on being more mindfully needy. I made that term up just now. Aren't I clever?

Textual criticisms on the ending of Mark.

2010-03-02T19:56:00.000-08:00

Title of a paper I wrote Freshman year of college. Swear to God. I had a theory that professors would give you a better grade if the title sounded like you knew what you were talking about (even when you very clearly did not). I took this Religion class because I thought it would be easy, but it turned out to be pretty interesting. It was taught by a Rabbi. I don't miss religion in my life per se - but I do miss church. I kind of liked the community, the commonality, the conformity (there, I said it!). When I was little, I loved to get dressed up (the pink-and-purple dress, when I spun around it would fly out and show my cotton underwear with tiny colorful flowers), and head to church. There was always a children's service where I could run down the aisle, exit out the side door, and then go to a small room and learn fun songs and make art projects with cotton balls as Jesus' beard.

Jesus on construction paper with popsicle sticks and glitter. Oh yeah. Somehow, I think he'd be impressed.

You might not know what "bee bo" means - or maybe you've forgotten...

2010-03-01T19:04:00.000-08:00

It's just the tiny hippo way of saying....HOLY GOD ALMIGHTY I read a lot of stupid kids books. Seriously. The Hippos love balloons, they love belly-buttons, and they especially love going berzerk. FYI.

In other news - Baby Spatula is doing great. She's so awesome and is getting really close to crawling. It's pretty hilarious to watch her get up on her hands and knees and just rock SOHARD back and forth - trying to just figure out what comes next. I can't wait, but I'm also terrified.

Motherhood is so much fun, and believe me when I tell you that I never, ever, ever thought I would utter (or write) those words. I love it. I want to have a hundred more babies right now. The only problem is that I would have to be pregnant to have them, and being pregnant pretty much sucked the hugest bag of ass ever. So, there's that.

I'm thinking of taking a creative writing class this year.

And, finally...I have recently heard that many people hate me when they first meet me. The good news is, I found this out in the most awkward way possible by a whole bunch of people I really like and respect. I always think of myself as being pretty confident, but I've been reading Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman, and I think I might be one of those people that denies their feelings while pretending everything is OK. So, in case you're wondering...my feelings are STILL hurt. It's been months and I can't stop thinking about people hating me and making a bad first impression and all the detailed explanations that were given for why I am "over the top".

The Boy is going out of town for a couple of weeks, so I guess I better go suffer through the gourmet meal he's making and the wine he brought me... :) At least I know someone likes me.

Havana Daydreaming

2010-02-08T19:50:00.000-08:00

Holy crap - Blogger is as bad as Facebook at changing their format so much I can't keep track of what the hell is going on. C'mon people...I count on my fingers. I can't possibly adapt to all these changes.

In other news...babies are hard. I mean, don't get me wrong. Our little kiddo is so ridiculously cute. She makes a puppy holding a kitten on top of a cupcake surrounded by baby seals look like a crime scene photo. No joke. She's that cute. But...the screaming. Oh god. Plus, she's really gotten the hang of pure manipulation. SCREAMS SCREAMS SCREAMY SCREAMING - run to her room to check on her and she takes the binky out and SWEAR TO GOD smiles at us. SMILES. Sigh. I guess I can't complain. Manipulation like that has to be genetic.

I want to go on vacation. The Boy gets to travel a little bit for work, and almost always to fun places. I don't really travel much, but when I do...hoo boy. It's pretty bleak. I sort of want to go back to Texas for a long weekend. Just me and The Boy. Baby Spatula can stay with grandma while her dad and I eat our way through the Lone Star State. Well, eat and drink. Don't forget the sweet, sweet drinking. The whole time I was pregnant, all I wanted was a breakfast taco from Taco Cabana. I would seriously sit in my office and look up plane fares to see if I could get an awesome deal that would allow me to fly all the way to Texas to buy a $2.00 breakfast taco. Because being pregnant totally makes you rational.

All that being said...I wish I hadn't waited so long to have a baby. I wish I had time to have ten more (and money...sigh). Being educated and having a good job and doing my time in the Air Force...all great, but I'm not sure if I'm getting that promise of "having it all". I have it all, but at the expense of enjoying it all. I have it all, but I can't appreciate any single piece of it for any length of time because I'm too tired, busy and stretched so incredibly thin that I look like that piece of skin you pull off your back after a really terrible sunburn. Brittle. I'm trying to learn to slow down. To appreciate. To balance. To truly spend the time on what's important. To spend less time on activities that subtract and more time on those that add.

It's hard. More wine. More sex. More cuddles with The Boy and Baby Spatula. More sitting on the floor, laughing and watch Baby Spatula flip over, pull out the binky, and grin her cute face off.

Less email. Less Blackberry. Less driving around. Less scarfing down my food to get back to work/laundry/dishes/doing/going/having.

More breathing.

Ode to Snoring

2010-01-15T20:51:00.000-08:00

Roses are Red
Violets are Blue
You snore so loud
You're lucky I don't strangle you.

Roses are Red
Violets are Blue
When I hear you snore
I want to put a pillow over your nose and mouth.

Roses are Red
Violets are Blue
If I have to sleep on the couch again tonight
I'm going to pretend to be asleep next time the baby cries. Boo!

Sigh. Poor Boy. He just got home from a business trip and he's SO TIRED. He's snoring like a bulldog in the other room and I feel bad because I know he's probably not even getting good sleep. On the other hand, neither will I. So, mostly I feel sorry for myself. Because I'm selfish like that. Also, he went to bed at 8 so I had to tape Supernanny. How pathetic is it that Supernanny and 42 glasses of wine constitutes my big Friday plans?

If he ever reads this, I just want him to know that even though he snores like a rusty chainsaw in a cage fight with a pack of rabid bulldogs on meth, I still love him dearly.

Thirty Freaking Five

2010-01-14T19:53:00.000-08:00

So, my birthday was Monday. I turned 35. THIRTY FIVE. What the hell? I just had my first baby! I just got married (well...this time for real)! How can I possibly be...middle-aged??

On a more serious note, so sad about Haiti. I hope everyone is taking advantage of the opportunity to donate to Red Cross (or the charity of your choice) via text.

Go Team Conan!

Is that all random enough for you? Would you like a goat with your soup? Can I get you a bottle to enhance your exersaucer experience? Rice cereal anyone?

The boy is out of town. I'm very tired. Obviously.

Oooh...shiny.

2010-01-13T21:03:00.001-08:00

So, they have this new thing on Blogger where you can print up all your posts into a book and...you know...hold them and touch them. I think I might do it. Then I could get rid of this website and move on with my life. Right? Hmmmm...anyway. I've been very busy wife-ing and mommy-ing and employee-ing. And drinkie-ing. I'll say this about having MS - I had to go back on my meds relatively quickly after giving birth, which means no breastfeeding, which means...yay wine!

Wow. An entire paragraph and I said absolutely nothing. Blogging is cool.

Bejewelled Blitz is the reason for the season.

2009-12-04T14:11:00.000-08:00

Or whatever. I'm not sure how many people still come here to read my random musings, but I think I owe it to you to let you know that Bejewelled Blitz is the new ~~heroin~~ black. While I was on maternity leave I got really into Facebook, which is weird, because I never used to much care for it. I guess complete and utter social isolation combined with mind-numbing baby crying all day will do that to you.

So...now I spend all my free time ~~stalking down~~ friending people who wouldn't speak to me in high school and playing a game so addictive that I will need inpatient treatment and probably patches AND gum to get off it.

Have kids! It's great for your mind!

When did my life turn awesome?

2009-11-15T18:55:00.000-08:00

My husband pointed out yesterday, as I was sniffing the baby's butt through her clothes to see if she had pooped, that no one really ever talks about the dignity in parenting. And, it's true. I do things now that would have been unthinkable a few years ago. I hold out my hand to catch puke before it hits the floor. I sniff butts. I wipe snot off a tiny nose and then directly onto my jeans. I wear sweatshirts with baby barf on them all day because...well...why bother changing?

So, yeah, the dignity.

And, the weirdest thing is, I love this kid so much that sometimes I think my heart is going to leap out of my chest. She's so funny and amazing. Her personality is so...her. She's not like me or my husband, but she's exactly like herself, and it's awesome. She laughs at all my jokes and cries when she's hungry (which I totally get), and she loves to watch Iron Chef America (just like us! Don't interrupt my stories Mommy!!).

Anyway, I have no idea where this is going. Nowhere probably. I'm drinking wine on an empty stomach, which is, frankly, part of the reason I have a baby in the first place.

More another day.

Where do I even start?

2009-10-12T11:45:00.000-07:00

So, I totally did have a baby! Go me! Little Baby Spatula is now about 10 weeks old and she's totally rad in every possible way. I'm still on maternity leave, which I'm spending watching NCIS marathons on USA Network and eating cookies. And playing with the baby...because, duh...brain development is obviously more important that what's going on with DiNozzo and Ziva. But, seriously, WTF?

We do have a website for the baby. If you still read this blog, and I know who you are, and you'd like the address to the baby website, just drop me a line. Or, it's on my Facebook page, if you are into that kind of thing.

I'm still not sure what I'll do with this blog. I REALLY miss writing, even stupid one-liners about whatever the idiots are doing in the news on any given day. But, I mean...Favorable Dicta? I don't even practice. Starting something new seems sort of prohibitive though. I don't know.

DAMNIT!

2009-08-05T14:20:00.000-07:00

I just accidentally posted to the wrong blog. If you got a copy through a newsfeed, with pictures, please just delete them - huge mistake - those were meant for the grandparent blog that we are keeping up on a different site. I'm such a dummy.

Still pregnant after all these years.

2009-07-21T14:54:00.000-07:00

Yeah - I'm huge, it's in the upper 80's here, and we have no air conditioning.

I am hoping to go into labor at any moment, but so far, the baby really seems happy and content in there - no plans to leave. So, we wait.

My mom is doing awesome in her recovery and is able to have conversations with me on the phone about the baby and is excited that we will bring the baby down to see Grandma and Grandpa about 6 weeks after she's born...whenever that is.

Sigh. I think they make the last couple of weeks of pregnancy so miserable just so that you actually start to look forward to labor. At least the hospital has air conditioning.

Weird

2009-06-23T15:05:00.000-07:00

I am on modified bed rest, so basically two or three days a week, I'm home from work. Sometimes I actually rest, but normally I end up doing all kinds of stuff (chores, baby preparation stuff, doctors appointments, etc). Today I was pre-ordering birth announcement envelopes (my, what a gripping life I do lead!), and watching some old documentary on women over 40 who give birth (probably about 10 years old). And, what to my wondering eye does appear??? My very own obstetrician!!! Very, very, very weird.

Anyway, does being on a documentary on TLC mean she's famous??? My baby will be delivered by someone who's famous!

For those of you keeping score, 2.5 weeks and counting. YIKES!

And, for everyone, thanks for the kind thoughts and prayers for my mom. She continues to recover in inpatient rehab and is doing very well considering the severity of her initial brain injury. We love her and she is doing great!

It's been...well...

2009-06-16T15:17:00.000-07:00

Hi - to whoever (whomever?) is still following me here. I am now nearly 34 weeks pregnant. I was initially put on modified bed rest due to my blood pressure slowly creeping up and the risk of impending pre-eclampsia. That pretty much sucked. But, then, one month ago, the unthinkable happened...

My mom had a massive aneurysm. She was airlifted to a major research university, spent 15 days in neurological intensive care, had 3 brain surgeries, spent another 9 days on the neuro inpatient floor, and has recently returned to a city near her home to an inpatient rehabilitation facility. It has been devastating, obviously, for me and my father and our whole family. Although she is doing great (comparitively speaking), and is slowly regaining some function and independence, we have no idea where we will be in a year - but the doctors seem positive so we are trying to stay positive as well.

My mom is one of the most wonderful people to ever walk this planet. She's gentle, funny, fierce, athletic, intelligent, a great cook, a selflessly dedicated wife and mother. We want her back - all of her - and I hope that's what's going to happen. She won't be here for the baby being born or to help me out with navigating my first steps of motherhood, but I know she's here in spirit and we will be taking the baby down to meet her just as soon as we can. Hopefully she'll be living at home by then and will be able to enjoy her new granddaughter!

So, that's where I've been.

I'm alive...barely

2009-05-09T16:04:00.000-07:00

On modified bedrest with full bedrest coming soon. I'm just trying to keep this bun in the oven as long as possible...I feel like a veal.

Oh Murray...my sciatica!

2009-04-04T16:23:00.000-07:00

My back hurts. Well, not my back so much as my butt/hip/leg. It's awesome. Being pregnant is truly a beautiful and transformative experience. On Monday I'll be 6 months. You know what that means? There are still 4 long months left. Simultaneously too short and too long.

The Boy and I went to Babies R Us today to register. God help me. I literally almost passed out like four times. How can one tiny baby need so much crap??? Also, they give you a list of "must haves" that you should register for. How can it be a "must have" if I don't even know what it does?

Registering for baby stuff is a lot like registering for wedding stuff. I felt guilty registering for anything over $10.00, and manipulated by the store into registering for crap that I really don't need (or that people shouldn't have to buy for me). By the end, succumbing to low blood sugar and exhaustion, I just pointed the barcode gun at anything that didn't move and scanned it. I have no idea what we may get. The Boy spent most of his time wandering away and playing with the toys. Then I would force him back to my side, where he would faithfully stay for approximately 1.3 milliseconds until something else bright and shiny grabbed his attention.

In non-baby news, it's finally sunny here. We are going home to Mama and Daddy Spatula's for Easter next weekend, so I'm pretty much looking forward to that. I really miss them, especially my mom. I guess that is pregnancy related. Just goes to show you that I really CAN'T talk about anything else.

The Boy bought me this book - signed by the author - something I have been looking forward to for months. I'm going to read it next weekend. This weekend I'm cleaning out closets...because I'm exciting like that.

It Sucked and then I Cried...by Heather B. Armstrong

Like a pig in slop

2009-03-20T18:42:00.000-07:00

The Boy is out of town for a few days and I have, unfortunately, reverted back to my original, true self - a total slob. There are dirty dishes in the sink, laundry on the floor, dust bunnies taking over the bedroom, and that is just scraping the surface of how truly disgusting my living conditions have become. I almost hate to admit he's the more domestic of the two of us - but I will say he's never left a frying pan with the remnants of a fried egg soaking in the sink for five entire days. His head would probably explode if he walked into the house right now.

Needless to say...the first day of Spring brings me a much-needed incentive to get some cleaning done this weekend before he comes home. I'm still trying to convince him I'm awesome - and it takes A LOT of work (ie: trickery) to get the desired effect.

In other news...ummm...there is no other news. My life is fairly boring. Without the boozing I just don't think I'm half the blogger I used to be. Two of my favorite writing inspirations, being drunk and being hungover, are totally off the table. Bah.

Here are the highlights of my life: my crocuses are blooming, I figured out how to work the thermostat, I ate Indian food for dinner and am hoping I don't die of food poisoning because it looked a little sketchy, and I might buy a new shower curtain tomorrow. If I don't die from the Indian food. WOO HOO!

A question for all you great legal minds...

2009-03-08T15:22:00.000-07:00

Here's a law school hypothetical for all you lawyer types that are still reading this.

A woman, let's call her ES, rents a car at a car rental place (let's just say she's on a BUDGET...hint hint) in a remote city in Alaska. She arrives at 11pm. The keys are handed over, but there is no opportunity to check the car for damage as it is pitch black and raining and late. ES drives the car to the hotel, to her work meeting the following day, and back to the airport at 6am on the second day. There is no attendant at the rental car counter, and no one to check the car in. ES leaves the receipt for the gas, the contract, and the keys on the counter.

ES DID purchase the rental damage waiver offered by the company. ES did drive less than 25 miles. ES did not violate any of the terms of the rental contract, such as driving while intoxicated or on non-paved roads.

Approximately 2-3 weeks after her return to her home, ES receives a bill from the car rental company for $500.00 for a scratch allegedly done to the car while she drove it. She disputes the bill, and points out that she bought the insurance offered by the company. She is told that the insurance does not cover "ONE CAR COLLISIONS" and since she doesn't know what happened to the car, it is automatically a one car collision.

ES attempts to submit the bill to the Mastercard that she rented the car with, but is turned down due to the fact that she bought the supplemental insurance.

The national office of the rental car company will not help/get involved due to the fact that this is an independently owned franchise.

The $500.00 bill, which is in dispute, is turned over to collections.

ES obtains the cell phone number of the owner of the rental company franchise and explains the situation. He points out there is no way to know what happened, maybe another car hit her car in a parking lot. ES points out that a situation such as that would be a TWO CAR COLLISION, and thus covered by the insurance. The owner laughs at ES, says he doesn't care is she files a complaint with the BBB, but eventually agrees to look into it...albeit half-heartedly.

The "one car collision" loophole is listed in fine-print on the front of the contract, but is not listed on the back of the contract under the list of conditions that nullify the damage waiver.

ES believes the rental car company is using the "ONE CAR COLLISION" loophole to siphon off every instance of damage onto the consumer versus having to cover it with their own insurance, which would raise premiums and costs, etc. There is no way for the consumer to prove a one car collision didn't happen, nor is there any way for the consumer to investigate the damage as it is only pointed out long after they are gone from Small Town, Alaska.

Discuss.

I think we're alone now.

2009-03-01T17:47:00.000-08:00

I've been trying to think about what to write...not coming up with much. I feel a little...blah.

I always dreamed that I would get pregnant and suddenly feel all glowy and wonderful, eating ice cream and caressing my beautiful belly as my adoring husband gazed at me...adoringly. Instead, I am barely showing (at nearly 5 months), ice cream makes my stomach hurt, and although my husband is adoring, he has his own life to live so the gazing time is somewhat limited.

I'm an only child, so I don't have an older (or younger) sister to compare myself to, and most of my friends don't have children yet. I don't know if what I'm feeling is normal or not. I'm lonely. I feel isolated in my pregnancy. My husband is great, but he doesn't understand how bad my hips hurt, and how I want to cry all the time, and how I just want to be able to feel the baby move so I can have some companionship in this whole journey. And my hips really, really hurt.

Now that I'm pregnant, I'm realizing how much of my life was built on social drinking. Having a glass of wine with my husband, meeting my friends for drinks after work or to dish about whatever. Obviously I can still do all those things...but without the booze. I feel left out - like I haven't even had the baby yet and I'm already expected to just sit at home while everything I used to do goes on without me. My husband says "Wow, think about how much our lives will change after this baby comes". I'm like "Hey...guess what, my life IS changed. Right now!" Let's not even go into falling asleep at 9:30 only to wake up 4 times to pee!

I know I sound like a hormonal, resentful, shrew. I promise I'm not. I just wish I had more people to talk to, more stuff to do that isn't at a bar where I sit and watch everyone else drink, more of my pre-pregnancy dream of what this would all be like. I wish my mom lived here. I want my mommy! WAH!

Anyway, enough angst. I'm excited that we're going to find out the gender this week - provided the baby is cooperating. I'm a little worried that they could find something wrong, but a LOT excited about seeing the baby and knowing whether it's a boy or a girl I'm talking to all the time.

There's a tear in my beer...

2009-02-09T19:07:00.000-08:00

Well, not in my beer...because, sadly...no beer. But, I can report that everything you've heard about pregnant women is true. I cry every day, whether there's a reason or not. Sometimes it's because of an actual reason (i.e. story on the Today Show about man who dies and is then brought back to life). Other times, it's because of something...well...less than an actual reason. No orange juice in the fridge? Cry. Out of eggrolls at my fave fast food Chinese place? Cry. The Boy makes dinner? Cry. The Boy doesn't make dinner? Cry. Yeah, it's pretty impressive.

Here's an interesting thing about being knocked up...a group of people I lovingly call The Pregnancy Police (TPP). TPP will let you know, without hesitation, anytime you are doing something "wrong" in your pregnancy. For me, this includes such Sins as:

1. Drinking Diet Coke
2. Using Biore face scrub
3. Taking Sudafed
4. Eating a piece of brie

There's a lot of "Well, I guess it's your decision...buuuuuuuuuut......"

I've never had so many people concerned for my well being. Where was everyone when I was binge drinking and dating a guy who, on his very best day, looked like he crawled out of a dumpster full of patchouli oil and questionable morals??

Oh well. I know people mean well, but...in the words of Tim Gunn...I'm dubious.

The weather is here, I wish you were beautiful.

2009-01-31T17:38:00.000-08:00

I really, really, really miss drinking. Really alot. Things have been stressful of late at work, and with a bathroom renovation happening at home, and a bunch of stuff, and I would kill for a ~~bottle~~ glass of wine (geez, I'm not a total alkie).

We had an appointment last week and the doctor couldn't find the baby's heartbeat. It sucked for about five minutes, but they did an ultrasound and we got to see our little peanut in there, heart beating away. I guess he or she is just stubborn. Like Daddy. Because God knows I'm totally reasonable at all times.

Let's see...not much else is new. We are tiling our tub surround and our bathroom floor this weekend. In our only bathroom. Which is, by the way, the most important room in the house to a pregnant lady. So....yeah.

The Boy and his brother are doing the actual work. I'm eating a lot of cookies and watching the True Life marathon on MTV. I've watched people addicted to Adderall, people with insomnia, and people who are geniuses. I need to get a life.

Anyway, I just thought I should post something for the three of four readers who have come back recently. I'll try to pay attention this week and find something good to write about, I promise. I just know nobody wants to hear about my indigestion, swollen ankles, and inability to remember ANYTHING. It's like the baby actually ate my brain.

ABC Sucks!

2009-01-18T12:45:00.000-08:00

As if it wasn't bad enough to cancel Pushing Daisies, now they are waffling/refuse to air the last three episodes. I am so disturbed by the fact that they are willing to keep Grey's Anatomy, which jumped the shark like two years ago when Meredith went into the water during the ferry accident (and PUH-LEEZE don't get me started on Private Practice), but will cancel pretty much the most original show on television right now. They really needed that space to air Homeland Security USA and True Beauty apparently. What the world needs now is more vapid reality television produced by Ashton freakin' Kutcher. And, seriously...According to Jim is STILL on the air. REALLY?

Does anyone remember when television shows were actually shows? Like, with a cast and a plot and scripts and stuff? Well, I guess most of the "reality" shows have scripts, to be fair. I am so sick of bachelors, bachelorettes, survivors, idols and all things Howie Mandel.

Anyway, guess I'm just extra whiny today, but ever since Buffy the Vampire Slayer went off the air I've been waiting for another show to come along that would be interesting and unique and sort of whimsical, and I think Pushing Daisies was all of those things and more. Damnit.

What's not to be excited about?!

2009-01-15T17:10:00.000-08:00

So, for the last several days I didn't have any morning sickness. Instead of being happy, I immediately assumed something terrible had happened...because I'm ungrateful like that. So, for punishment, it's back today (now with more barfiness!). BUT WAIT! If you call within the next 20 minutes, I'll throw in headaches, indigestion, heartburn, constipation, emotional disturbances AND insomnia FOR FREE. That's right, for absolutely no additional money, you can have six (SIX!) times the pregnancy symptoms!

I continue to wait for the magical second trimester. I've heard a unicorn walks in on a rainbow and gives you a hundred dollars and tells you it's perfectly fine to drink from here on out. Sweet relief!

Want me to punch-a-size your face, for free?

2009-01-06T18:50:00.001-08:00

The thing about being pregnant is you can pretty much do anything you want, no matter how diabolical, and then blame it on hormones. It would be awesome, except I don't have the energy to take over the world and defeat evil because I'm too busy hovering over the toilet and thinking about how much I need to paint my toenails.

I am in Week 10, and the highlight thus far is how much I have come to love Rice Krispies Treats. I made some on Sunday and the whole pan is nearly gone. The Boy knows better than to get anywhere near them if he wants to live through the night. Other than that, I am eating a lot of toast, grilled cheese, and various other non-meat-based foods. The smell/thought/texture/taste of meat makes me gag. Oh yeah, and bagels. I really want a croissant too, come to think of it. OK, enough about food, it's kind of love/hate for me right now, but I think I'm moving into a happier place as the first trimester comes to an end. I hope.

In non-baby news, there is not much to report. The Boy is watching Anthony Bourdain right now, and I'm blogging because I think Bourdain is a douchebag. I think later we'll watch The Biggest Loser so I can feel less like a fat pregnant bloated cow. On the other hand, every week they'll be getting thinner and I'll just keep growing until I have my own zip code. Damnit.

OK, we're having a major windstorm, so I better go watch out the window in case our tree finally falls on the house of the neighbor I hate. Yessssssssss!

Sorry - I've been busy!

2008-12-31T10:42:00.000-08:00

Making a baby! Yup, that's right. The Boy and I, contrary to popular belief, actually HAVE done something useful with our lives and are currently incubating a tiny little miniature Spatula.

Here are some fun things I have learned about being pregnant:

1. It's hard to look excited when you are constantly on the verge of puking. It doesn't mean I'm not excited, so it's unnecessary to ask "Oh, is this a good thing?" when you congratulate me and I don't jump up and down and give you a big hug. I'm trying not to barf on your shoe.

2. People are so nice and mean so well, but the number of people who ask "So, was this planned?", is truly astounding. How should I answer that? "No. I wanted to be COMPLETELY off the drugs, but we just couldn't wait."

3. No one can out-burp a pregnant lady. We won't even talk about all the other gross stuff my husband has recently discovered about me. I'm sure he yearns for the days when I was all shy and didn't want to gross him out with my bodily functions. Now they're appropriate dinner conversation and any time, day or night, is the right time to remind him just where in the digestive process I am at that exact moment.

4. The baby is called a "fetal pole" on the ultrasound machine. Today we saw it moving and wiggling and declared it to be a "fetal pole dancer". I was pretty much the only person that thought this was funny. We're considering naming it Angel Chastity Heaven Cherry Pie Spatula, just to cement things.

5. Haagen Daaz Peppermint Bark Ice Cream is the Best. Thing. Ever. for pregnant ladies. If your lady is pregnant now, has ever been pregnant, or is even just a female, buy this for her. I really, really mean it.

Anyway, needless to say, we are extremely happy and excited. Yes, it was planned. Yes, I will probably write about it now that we've told everyone. I'm almost done with the spectacularly evil first trimester. Hallelujah.

Build a little birdhouse in your soul.

2008-10-23T15:28:00.000-07:00

A bajillion years ago, when I actually used to write here more than once a month, we used to have this little meme we would do about "Things I'm Thinking About" and "Things I'm Not Thinking About". I can't remember the rest of it, I think it had stuff you were reading or watching or whatever. Anyway, my life was way more entertaining back then, but I will try a similar theme to update everyone.

Things I'm Thinking About:

Typing: My hand seems to be slowly coming back to life, which is nice. I cannot be bothered to be productive when my hand is numb. I'm forced to read The Superficial all day and contemplate my deep-seated existential angst. It's pretty much a full time job.

Babies: I think I might want to get one. Not in the "kidnapping" sense, but more in the "throw caution to the wind and have sex without birth control for the first time since I was 18" sense. I will be sure to let you all know how that turns out.

The Boy: He's wonderful. I looked at him the other night and said "This is the first time I've ever been married where I didn't want to kill myself after the third day." Awwwwwwww, I'm so romantic. That guy is so lucky!

Things I'm Not Thinking About:

The Election: OK, I am thinking about this a bit. Up here in the Northwest a lot of people have the Sarah Palin Alaska/Minnesota/Wisconsin/Canada accent. That always reminds me I hate her.

Work: Again, I am thinking about it. I need to be actually doing it, but...baby steps.

Things I'm Reading:

In Defense of Food. I like it, but it can be a bit preachy. I feel extra-guilty about my Diet Coke, so then I have to drink another one to make me feel better. Vicious cycle. Sometimes, I throw caution to the wind a gulp down a Butterfinger Blizzard to boot.

Things I'm Watching:

Pushing Daisies. LOVE IT! I love Emerson, Ned, Olive, Chuck and most especially Digby. Finally, a show not set in a damn hospital or on a desert island. Thank Jebus.

Well, I guess that's about it for now. I wish I could talk about work, it's been exciting lately. But, alas, we bought a house in February, and I need the money. So, it would be inconvenient to get fired. You'll have to trust me that it's been a wild ride lately.

Yup yup.

2008-10-08T18:09:00.000-07:00

4 vials in which to place blood (1 red top, 3 lavender): $4.00
3 Nurses for 25 minutes: $120.00
5 needles and setups: $1.28
2 rubber tourniquets: $0.36
5 holes in my hands and arms: Free apparently

FINALLY HITTING A GODDAMN VEIN: PRICELESS

Pity: Party of 1

2008-09-29T17:02:00.000-07:00

I'm pretty much in a funk. A deep, dark, blue, sad, numb-handed funk. My body just keeps betraying me over and over and over again. I'm 33 years old and I am a sad person with numb hands and it's just pathetic. I try very hard to look at the bright side, or to at least not focus constantly on the negative, but right now it's pretty hard. I ate ice cream for dinner, I haven't been drinking (yet), and I am positively melancholy. The Boy will be home soon, and he is sooooooooooo nice and such a wonderful person and he always wants to make me feel better and he takes it so personally when I don't.

On the up side, my diet coke well runneth over and I have a job that allows me to pend $4.00 on a pint of ice cream that I will eat in secret while crying and bemoaning my various woes.

The claw

2008-09-15T19:20:00.000-07:00

I am around, Numb hands make blogging a hassle. MS sucks.

New couch! We're official adults!

2008-08-17T16:24:00.000-07:00

We decided to buy a new couch. We're getting a different fabric, but we really like the style. It's from Dania...we're finally graduating from Ikea to Ikea Plus!

I miss air conditioning

2008-08-15T18:11:00.001-07:00

I tried to come up with a clever title but I couldn't because my brain has actually baked inside my head and is no longer capable of retrieving things like funny movie lines.

On the up side, The Boy is making me dinner. He's so good. I swear, I totally don't deserve him. I've showed him my broken toe at least 53 times since Wednesday and he is so patient - he goes "Mmmmmm...gross", EVERY SINGLE TIME.

On the not up side, my left hand is basically totally numb, making typing extremely difficult, which will likely cut into my blogging in the same way it has cut into my work productivity. I totally can't feel my left pinky, which seems like not a big deal, but think of how many times you hit the Shift key or Shift with a special character. My inability to feel my ring finger is the tragic downfall of A S Z Q W and X. Typing the word "ass", one of my favorite words, has lost its joy.

If you are considering getting multiple sclerosis, I would highly advise against it. What a hassle. Thank god I can still hold a wine glass.

Oh yeah. Also it's 90 here. And no one has AC (very hard to type!!!), so it's like twelve thousand degrees in our house and even though I have a fan pointed right at me it is not even helping - my lipglosses are all melted like they've been in my car, and I think maybe my spleen is actually liquified.

If it weren't for bad luck...

2008-08-13T17:49:00.000-07:00

I'd have none at all.

Let me recap:

May 2007 - diagnosed with multiple sclerosis
December 2007 - compression fracture of T-10 vertebrae because I'm a dumbass and should have never gotten on that ATV
January 2008 - bad personal life event which I won't discuss online, but trust me, it sucked
August 12, 2008 - running down the stairs to grab the phone and broke my freaking toe! It's purple and black and blue and red...like tie dye if you could tie dye a bruise. Awesome.

To add insult to injury my left hand is pretty much completely numb now which is making typing a true adventure. My neurologist is switching practices and won't be available so I can't even get seen until after Sept. 1. Not that there's anything he can do really...welcome to MS - the incurable disease that causes a bunch of totally shitty symptoms with no real treatment except a bunch of drugs that make you feel even shittier than the disease or medicate you into a drug-addled coma. FAB!

I'm gonna go get a glass of wine. I hope I can go to the gym tomorrow...between numb legs and the broken toe, I'm ready for a damn vacation.

This is why the Romanians hate me*

2008-08-11T18:02:00.000-07:00

Normally, I consider myself to be pretty much an upfront, outgoing, tell it like it is kinda gal. For some reason, this all goes out the window when confronted openly and in person about a subject I am uncomfortable with. For instance...my alleged fatness. It's true that I have put on a couple of" happy to be married" and "thank god my husband loves to cook and also loves curvy girls" pounds. So, I joined a gym. I have been diligently attending said gym three or four times a week at 6:00am. Yes...SIX in the ANTE-MERIDIAN.

Anyway, part of joining this particular gym is two free sessions with a personal trainer. I vehemently oppose the idea of going to one of these trainers for a whole variety of reasons...they try to sell you supplements, they try to sell you more time working with them, etc. But, given my fear of open confrontation, when I signed up for the gym and the membership guy signed me up for a personal training session (it's FREE!), I was powerless to resist. We set it up for last Monday at 6:30. In the MORNING! It's FREE!

I was there. He was not. SWEET! I thought for sure I had actually managed to escape. No appointment, no one measuring my fat, no one trying to sell me protein powder, and no confrontation. But then, later at work...my cell phone rang. I didn't pick up. That's OK, I thought...I'm totally OK with being passive aggressive, I just won't call back. Problem solved.

Tuesday at the gym passes uneventfully. Then, Wednesday morning, I'm working out and I hear "Energy Spatula? Come to the front desk. Ms. Spatula...please come to the front desk!" And, here's where I made a mistake. I looked up! And, there he was...standing at the front desk...our eyes met...he waved...I knew I was in trouble.

I couldn't ignore him, eye contact was made. So, I stepped off my treadmill and headed over. He apologized profusely and wanted to set me up with a new appointment. How come no one, INCLUDING ME, has mentioned that he showed up at the gym at 6am specifically for the purpose of stalking me down? Why didn't I think of that??

So, I give in. I set the appointment for the following morning. In my 1/2 hour with the trainer, here is what I learned:

1. Muscles burn glycogen. Not everyone knows that.
2. If you take 8 years to get fat, you can't expect to lose it overnight. Fatty.
3. Most people quit the gym after four months.
4. If I manage to stick it out for four months, I will find myself becoming more magnetic as I shed my dull, inactive, unenergetic persona for a more "active" and "fit" and..."likeable" self. (People like thin people. I'm not thin. But, someday, with his help, I could at least make an attempt to get there.)
5. Romanians hate Gypsy's. Swear to God he told me this.
6. He knows all about MS because his sister-in-law has it. I shouldn't focus on my limitations, it's counterproductive. If I can't feel my legs, well, squats will help me with that if I would just quit whining.
7. Glycogen!
8. If I want more sessions, they can be had for the low, low price of $125. An HOUR!
9. Oh, I was in the Air Force? Well, he was a Marine. He's surprised I even know how to find a gym.
10. On a scale of 1-5, I know o, ZERO, about weight-lifting. The sooner I accept that, the sooner we can all get on with our lives.

But, I made it through. I fulfilled my commitment to have one free training session - I'm done, right?

WRONG! Today, I'm on the elliptical machine, headphones on, minding my own business. If I wasn't such a pussy about my MS and all focus-y on it, I would be on the treadmill, but the whole "numb from the thighs down" thing has me pouting like a five year old. I look over, and guess who is standing next to me in all of his pony-tailed glory? The staring commences. I'm not taking off my headphones, and apparently he's not budging. Finally I say "I'm watching the news." And he goes, "Yeah"...and then stands there in further awkward silence for at least two minutes.

Anyway, the whole thing is just creeping me out. This guy wants to save me from my own fatness, and I just want to be patted on the back for getting up at the crack of dawn and not falling off the treadmill and killing myself. If he had bothered to ask me my goals, he would know this. Instead I am cowering behind the elliptical machine every morning and dodging out of my own gym like it's the walk of shame or something.

*Actual quote from my trainer right before he enlightened me on his Gypsy heritage and the fact that Romanians hate Gypsy's for their superior ability to do squats and lunges. Seriously.

Fail!

2008-08-08T17:55:00.000-07:00

I can't even believe this John Edwards thing. OMG WTF. As the kids would say. I swear, when will these sanctimonious assholes stop lecturing everyone else about how to stay happily married and all that other BS when really they're out banging whatever adoring staffer comes along? I'm disgusted.

Let's see. What else is going on? Not much. The MS is acting up again. Numb left fingers, and numb legs from mid-thigh down. For all you people without multiple sclerosis (ie: probably everyone who reads this blog but me), "numb" is not the same as "paralyzed". It's more like wearing an oven mitt while trying to type. Your fingers are there, and you can feel them yourself...like sense that they are still on your hand, you can move them, you can see them...the skin just feels like it's been liberally hosed down with novacaine. Which sounds fun, but isn't. So, anyway...I'm walking funny again. Sadly, no booze and no awesome story to go with the funny walk, unless you think brain herpes is funny. Which my husband totally does.

I am so excited my internet is back. I keep thinking of things to write about...and then when I didn't have the internet I would just come home and rant and rave until The Boy's eyes glazed over and then be passive aggressive for a week. Because I'm mature like that.

PS: The example labels that Google suggested for this post are "scooters, vacation, fall". Done.

Um.

2008-08-06T19:41:00.000-07:00

Yeah. My internet has been down for like two months. I have just been too ~~lazy~~ busy with the wedding/reception/honeymoon to call the guy and have it fixed. As of today...fixed! So, I may be back on some kind of regular basis depending on if the internet holds out for more than five minutes. The nutshell of the past two months is: Wedding in Vegas - awesome. Reception in the backyard - Fun and stressful at the same time. Honeymoon - Relaxing, gorgeous, lots of booze. And I saw a whale. And dolphins. Woo!

You only get married...three times

2008-06-16T20:25:00.000-07:00

We got back from Las Vegas last night...I'm officially Mrs. The Boy. YAY!

It's absolutely crazy how busy we are. House renovations (he's doing most of it, I'm helping...sorta), wedding, reception (50 people - early July at our house), honeymoon (mid-July - cruise), work, family stuff, friends, separating the recycling, laundry, remote control needs new batteries, did anyone buy coffee??...you get the picture.

So, we're back. The Boy is doing his renovation projects (he's a drywall master - and I'm not just saying that cuz we're married), and I'm viewing wedding photos online. All I can say is "Thank God we got married in Vegas, because anywhere else and the dress I chose would probably be banned as pornographic". Tee hee!

Hopefully now that we're back I'll have a chance to write a bit more. We'll see.

If you can dodge traffic, you can dodge a ball!

2008-05-19T18:54:00.000-07:00

I've been swamped. I went to a CLE where someone said, I swear to God, "It's been a great learning lesson." Awesome. Bureaucracy rocks!

I also met some militant disability rights people who are very accusatory about my views of disability laws and their "ableist" perspectives and biases. Aren't I the one with the disability? Aren't I the one giving myself shitty shots three times a week that make me look like a pink polka dotted skin rashed pincushion freak? What is "ableist"? What does that even mean?? These people want me to (apparently) admit that because I have a medical issue versus a psychological or learning issue: (1) I'm lucky that I am able to be diagnosed within the "established mainstream medical community", and (2) I'm OBVIOUSLY not stigmatized, degraded, or discriminated against because of my diagnosis. Oh obviously!

I have to tell you, having any disease/condition/problem/disability, be it mental or physical, is basically The Suck. Who wants to trade their "psychosocial" diagnosis for my freaking incurable degenerative neurological disorder?? Bah!

Anyway, the bottom line is that people are weird. I already knew that, but it's good to have it confirmed once in awhile.

I'm getting married three weeks from Friday. Weird!

Also, I'm learning to drywall. A girl can never have too many skills to fall back on.

The thing about MS

2008-05-09T18:58:00.001-07:00

Here's the thing about having MS. You look SO good! It's funny, because if you read books or websites about MS (and why would you not?), PwMS (that's People with MS for all you non-initiated) talk about this phenomenon ALL the time. I look exactly the same as I did before I was diagnosed. Exactly the same as before I had my first exacerbation (ahhh...the totally numb feet during law school, turns out it wasn't stress Dr. Smartypants!). Well, I'm fatter. But other than that, I look exactly the same.

However, inside my head, it's a different story. Multiple sclerosis literally means "multiple scars". Inside my brain are scars that result from inflammation caused by my immune system attacking my central nervous system and lead to a disruption of the nerve signals traveling to and fro. And, lucky for me, I also have scars in my spinal cord nerves...a good indicator of potential mobility problems later in life.

As a result of my scars, or as I like to call them, "Tinglemakers", I have numerous ongoing, yet invisible, symptoms. These include: numb hands, tingling in all extremities, trigemic nerve pain (pain in facial nerves and teeth - it's excruciating), headaches, blurry vision in my right eye, and fatigue. Fatigue is a result of nerves finding new, but less efficient, ways to do things. Think of saving a penny off of every dollar you spend - it adds up! If your nerves reroute themselves in a slightly less efficient manner - by the end of the day - it adds up! As a side note, most medical books call the scars "lesions", but I hate that...it sounds so...so...brain herpes.

So, I don't know where I'm going with this. I drop my keys a lot. I need more naps. I fall down quite a bit more than your average Jane. It's not the end of the world. The side effects of the meds are honestly worse than most of the actual disease stuff. But, it's coming up on my one year anniversary of diagnosis (Happy Memorial Day everyone!), and I'm not sure I can say I've come to terms with all that this means. I look in the mirror and I just see me. And I kind of think that's OK. I mean, I don't want to be one of those sad-sack, I'm all about my disease type of people. But, when I feel really shitty, I kind of wish I could have a rash (ok, maybe not a rash so much) or turn blue or something...just to prove I'm not faking it. Maybe I just need physical validation of my occasional internal ickiness. (PS: Dear God, I promise I do NOT need physical validation in the sense of a cane, wheelchair, breathing tube, or any other horrible MS related medical nightmare. I'm sorry I even brought it up. Love, E. Spat).

OK. I've rambled enough. The Boy is making me dinner and has poured me a HUGE glass of wine, so off I must go. These meds are supposedly hard on my liver, but I kind of feel like a life without wine and cheese is a life I'd rather not live. They test my blood every three months - someone would let me know if I was sliding down hill in the liver department - right? Let's drink to healthy livers!!!

PS: Go visit Postcards From Yo Momma. Hilarious.

Stuff and things.

2008-05-04T16:36:00.000-07:00

Today we registered for wedding gifts. It sounds fun, but really it's exhausting. By the time we were done I pretty much didn't want to get married anymore - even with the free gifts. We also had a hard time because we kept feeling guilty about how much everything costs...I mean, I don't want to ask people to buy me a $129 Calphalon sauce pan...but, somehow I overcame my fear and registered for a bunch of stuff that I will love and use all the time, but that is NOT cheap. It's weird to think about having grown up cooking implements. This is my third marriage and his second, and it's the first time either of us has registered for gifts. It was fun to point the scanner gun at things though. Click - it's mine! Click - it's mine! Very easy to get carried away.

We also bought wedding rings today. Tungsten steel for him (no, seriously), and two tiny diamond bands for me, one for each side of my engagement ring. Mine might not be ready by the wedding, but that's OK...we'll still have the piece of paper, the unending love and devotion, and a 10-piece set of Calphalon to show for it. Right?

That brings us to the wedding. June 13th. Friday, June 13th. Friday the 13th. Oh well. My mom was born on Friday the 13th and she's pretty cool, so I'm going to work with it. We're going to Vegas...a small elopement there and then a HUGE reception/party here in July. I think it works better that way. Then we can really enjoy the party without the wedding stress...we're doing a huge backyard barbeque. With a cupcake tower. I heart cupcakes!

Let's see...what else. I'm typing this on my beautiful sunny back patio, which is pretty cool. Other than that, we are just trying to keep up with wedding plans, honeymoon plans, working, taking care of the house (The Boy is drywalling the basement right now), and doing all those regular life things. Add in the MS, perpetually numb hands, and medication side effects, and it's pretty much a neverending party. WOO!

Oh yeah, I also bought an at-home chemical peel and gave it to myself today. Swear to God, the label says that if it's burning, it's working. No pain, no gain - I guess.

Brokeback E. Spat

2008-04-27T15:45:00.000-07:00

For Christmas, The Boy and I went to visit my parents. If you're a reader from way back, you remember they live in the mountains in southern Oregon. They were very excited to have us there for nearly 10 days, and planned LOTS of activities for us. Including riding ATV's. As it turns out, shifting with my hand while braking with my other hand is not really my strong point. During my "training session", there was a point where The Boy and Daddy Spatula were yelling "HIT THE BRAKES! HIT THE BRAKES!" I was yelling "WHERE THE HELL ARE THE BRAKES???" You would think the first part of the training would be where to find the brakes. But, you'd be wrong.

Exhibit 1: The Hedge

You don't actually "know" me in person, but you can trust me when I say that the hole in the hedge is the exact shape of an E. Spat on an ATV going full speed.

So, even though any person with an IQ above freezing would know that I am clearly not cut out for the high adventure of ATV riding in the woods, we set off for just such an adventure.

To make the long story short...shifting from neutral into first while accelerating will definitely cause the ATV to go straight backwards onto the back wheels, throwing the rider off onto the rocky path. Hard. And, just as an aside, if this ever happens to you and you hear a giant "CRACK!!", it's not your helmet hitting the ground, no matter what everyone tries to convince you. It's your T-10 vertebrae breaking. Just so you know.

Exhibit 2: My T-10 vertebrae

I didn't go to the hospital for nearly two months. It was two days before Christmas, I didn't want to make a scene and ruin everyone's holiday. My mom was already crying when we showed up from our ride with me covered in dirt and barely able to walk or move. I decided I had pulled a muscle and left it at that. When it still hurt at the end of February, I went to my doctor, had an X-ray, and...well...I guess the picture speaks for itself.

It's feeling pretty much better now. The ortho I went to told me it would probably take 6 months to heal most of the way, and hopefully I won't need surgery. Going to the ER probably wouldn't have changed anything - it still would have been a wait and see thing, but I would definitely have gotten better drugs. No one could believe I survived this on Aleve and a couple Flexeril the first day or two that my mom had left over from a hip injury. It hurt. Bad.

So, the moral of this story, if there is one, is that ATV's are dangerous and I'm a bad shifter. And also, I'm a total badass because I broke my back and didn't even cry!

Out of towners

2008-04-26T15:27:00.000-07:00

We decided to make a spontaneous trip to Oregon to see my dad for his 60th birthday, which was yesterday. We flew in, showed up, and surprised him pretty good. It was fun. Anyway, since I have been pretty much the world's least reliable writer over the past few months, I thought I should say...no I haven't disappeared, yes I will be back in a few days, and no my home wireless internet isn't working. Again. Oh, you didn't ask? Well, it isn't. Just so you know. Not that I'm bitter.

In other news, my mom took us to lunch at her golf club today. The food was horrible. Not just run of the mill not that great. Truly awful. I actually didn't eat past the first bite because I knew I would be sick later. They did give it to us free. Yay. Too bad they couldn't have given it to us...say...edible. But, hey...whatever.

Third time's a charm (you know that's what you were thinking)

2008-04-23T19:29:00.000-07:00

That's right guys - I've been gone for, like, six months. Sorry about that. The short version of events is that I was dealing with my MS and medication side effects, then I got engaged, , then I broke my back (oops!), then we bought a house, then we moved, then I made like a billion business trips. Whew.

Moving in order of occurence, I'll start with the engagement. It was very romantic...and, of course, there's kind of a funny story.

So, The Boy took me to Victoria, Canada, for the weekend (this is in mid-October). On our second night, we decided to walk to this restaurant right on the harbor and have dinner. As we're walking, we come across a girl in a motorized wheelchair. For someone in a motorized chair, she was moving at exactly the speed of totally stopped. We stopped to talk to her, and it turned out, the battery in her chair had died.

The Boy, being the nice guy he is, asked her if it would be OK if he took a look underneath the hood (metaphorically speaking), to see if he could help. She said "sure", so we spent a good half hour trying to get the chair moving. While The Boy is trying to become an expert on Canadian motorized wheelchair technology, I start talking to the girl. It turns out she has MS, and has just suffered a severe exacerbation that left her unable to walk. She was 26.

The Boy offered to disengage the emergency brake and push the chair to the restaurant we were heading to, where she said they would let her sit at the bar and recharge her battery. Unfortunately, the e-brake did not have a "disengage" setting.

To make a long story somewhat shorter, The Boy pushed this girl, in her motorized wheelchair (a total of at least 250 pounds between her and the chair), UP HILL, for probably close to a mile. We got to the restaurant and she pointed out her apartment, just at the top of the hill. So, yeah, he pushed her the rest of the way home. Swear to GOD.

Meanwhile, the boy has developed a certain, shall we say, sheen. He won't take his jacket off, no matter how many times I ask. Finally, on the way up the last big hill, he handed it over. He told me later he was terrified I would feel the ring box.

We get back down the hill to the restaurant and walk in, both of sweating like pigs. The bartender goes "Is it raining outside"? Uh, no. So, we tell this story and get a free round of drinks. Finally, we head up to the balcony and eat a lovely dinner overlooking Victoria Harbor. After dinner, The Boy proposed - with the ring of my dreams and two colors of pink M&M's printed with "E. Spat, will you marry me?" (half the message on each M&M, them's a lot of words!)

So, we came back engaged, and with an added bonus of good karma.

Also, at another bar we said we had just gotten engaged, so the guy next to us bought us some shots. After we did the shots, he goes "So, are you pregnant?" Yes. Yes I am. My baby loves Jack Daniels and secondhand smoke! Who asks that?

And, perhaps the best part - which I learned later - The Boy sweat so much that he had to go to the bathroom for probably 15 minutes to find two M&M's with the words still on them. Sweaty M&M's are so awesome!

In the next few days, I'll tell the scintillating story of how I got a compression fracture of my T-10 vertebrae.

I'm considering coming back.

2008-04-23T12:42:00.000-07:00

Thoughts? Is anyone still checking for updates? Drop me a line. I haven't checked my email for nearly 6 months (I suck), but I miss writing, and I miss all my pals. I'm still not practicing law, but I am getting married, and I am doing really well. Tell me if any of you are still out there!

I promise!

2007-08-14T19:35:00.000-07:00

I am CRAZY busy attending a work conference, and have been doing a bit of traveling, both for work and for fun. I am going to answer the question in the comments below about working through the fatigue associated with chronic illness, particularly MS, and I have a couple of other ideas percolating in the brain. So, by the end of the week, when I'm caught up at work and not feeling QUITE so much like a crazy insane person, I will be back with new posts.

In the meantime...good news for those with MS - a possible vaccine.

I heard I was in town.

2007-08-05T09:38:00.000-07:00

I'm not dead or anything. Just very, very, very busy. I had to go out of town for work for a few days, and I've been having a lot of MS related fatigue. So, IF I'm able to make it through a work day, I come home and lay on the couch until I go to bed very early. Isn't life fun?

Anyway, not much else going on besides work. The Boy's mom's birthday was yesterday. I made a lemon cake with raspberry filling and lemon buttercream frosting. It was quite delicious if I do say so myself. I also bought pink candles. With glitter. I think she loved them!

Next weekend we're going to see my parents, so I'm getting excited about that. It makes me feel so much better to be around my mom and dad. I wish they'd move closed but I know they won't. They're very attached to Retirement-vile.

So, I just wanted to reassure everyone I'm not dead or anything. But, not much to write about except boring stuff or depressing stuff (Hey guys - my left arm and lower right leg are numb! YAY!).

Sweet revenge

2007-07-18T18:03:00.000-07:00

I promised myself I wouldn't talk about work on here, so I won't. Except to say there is no better feeling than knowing you FINALLY have the power to make a truly heinous person's life just slightly more miserable.

Other than that, life has been moving along in that way it does. Fast mostly, with moments of extreme fatigue. Saw the neurologist today...he seems to feel I'm tolerating my meds very well, and will have me back for a checkup and a liver function panel in October. I thought he was doing my first liver panel today so I haven't had a drink for several days...WASTE! Three more months? Think of all the whine opportunities I missed this week!

Anyway, we saw Harry Potter last night. I haven't read the books (for shame, I know!), so the movies are always a big surprise for me. It was good...but slower and darker than the others. I guess they're setting us up for the last two (or three...or whatever).

I'm off to surf the couch. We've recently become addicted to Last Comic Standing, so I have to get ready. And have a drink because, shit, I have THREE WHOLE MONTHS to study for my liver test!

Badonkadonk

2007-07-09T21:21:00.000-07:00

Tonight was injection night at the Spatula-Boy house. Because he's so awesome, The Boy has been very helpful right from the beginning with my medication. Normally I do my own injections, but every third time (Thighs, Abdomen, Butt), he has to help me and do my injection for me. Right in the butt. Needless to say, this has caused quite a few chuckles around the house.

"Are you ready to inject me in the butt?"

"Coming dear, just getting the warm washcloth ready!"

Yeah...you have to rub the injection site with a warm washcloth for five minutes after to diminish site reactions. It sorta works. Mostly I have a WHOLE lot of pink polka dots on my thighs, stomach, and butt.

Anyway, tonight was butt injection tonight. We got everything ready and The Boy cleaned off the area with an alcohol wipe. I felt him doing it and then...the following:

"No, that's too high. Move it down!"

"Here?"

"No, to the fat part!"

Silence......

"I mean, the really fat part!"

To his credit, he didn't laugh until after I started. And, I got my injection in the really fat part. Woo!

Who wants a moustache ride?

2007-07-06T18:59:00.000-07:00

Here's one great thing about MS. When I got my first brain MRI I discovered something very important about myself. Namely, I might be a TAD claustrophobic. Although, I've gotta tell you, I defy anyone to get into a plastic coffin with the equivalent of a catcher's mask attached to your face and feel really great about it. Add in the disembodied voice in your ear telling you to PLEASE not move and the horrible sound of the giant magnet irradiating your brain cells, and it's really awesome.

BUT, the upside of this situation is that when I was told I needed a second MRI for my spinal cord, I knew just what to say.

Hand over the drugs, biatch! I mean, Dr. Biatch...

So, because of MS I got to have my very first drug experience. I admit it, I'm a big old goody two shoes. Between that and never having been sick before so not having access to prescription meds, I had never really had a truly great high before. Enter...my new best friend Valium.

Before my spinal MRI I took a couple Valiums and The Boy carted me off to the hospital. By the time we got there I was in a full-on giggle fit. The radiology tech gave me the form to fill out before the MRI and I had a FINE time. It has a little drawing of the front and back of a person. You're supposed to circle where it hurts. I drew antennae, pointy ears, a smile, and a tail. Oh yeah...totally stoned.

Then, the best part happened. As I was getting situated on the little board they use to shove you into the ~~coffin~~ tube, The Boy leaned over to look in the machine. Since I wasn't *IN* the MRI machine, he thought it was off. Yeah. Not so much. The giant magnet is ON. Always. It literally sucked the glasses off his face. Right. Off. His. Face. I laughed so hard I almost died, the radiology tech had to go in the machine to retrieve his glasses, and he was, I think, happy to have provided me that level of comic relief.

So, anyway. If you have to get an MRI anytime soon I highly recommend the taking the Valium train to Happy Town. Really.

In other news...The Boy and I just went on vacation to Puerto Rico. Here's a pic of paradise. We stayed on Vieques Island. Sigh. It was...heavenly. PS: Please keep your crabs off the island. Geez.

I dropped my keys. Again.

2007-07-03T16:24:00.000-07:00

Hello!

Long time, no write...I know! But, I discussed it with my trusted advisors and decided to come back, at least in limited supply. And there is a reason...

I am still living with The Boy. We moved in together in February. He's still wonderful and awesome and great. It's bliss! We're considering buying our own place in the next year or so. Woo!

Work is still great. I definitely still believe I made the right decision not going to a "traditional" legal job. What I am doing is exciting, fun, and lucrative. What more could a girl ask for?

Well, I didn't ask for anything else, but I got it. After an episode of numb feet in law school that was attributed to a pinched nerve, another episode of facial numbness also attributed to a pinched nerve, and a series of key droppings so widespread as to require an entirely new blog just to describe them in greater detail, I have been diagnosed with MS.

I know. I was shocked too. I thought I was just clutzy and fell down and dropped stuff a lot. Which, frankly, is probably still true. But, in addition, my immune system seems to be waging war on my central nervous system. FUN! Rather than explain the entire history and etiology of multiple sclerosis, I think I'll just direct you to the National Society. Let me say though that I am happily injecting myself with the disease modifying drug Rebif three times a week (works better if you've got more fat...hell yeah!), which may or may not work to modify the course of the disease, but definitely satisfies my Type-A need to do something proactive.

And, to pre-answer the inevitable question: Yes, I am doing fine. My latest exacerbation, the one which caused me to seek an answer to why my nerves were so pinchy, consisted of a numb right arm from shoulder to fingertips, numb spots on my scalp, partial tongue and mouth numbness, and various other sensory symptoms. This has mostly gone away and I am left with occasional hand numbness, fingertip numbness, and some mouth numbness if I get overheated. I am very lucky to be manifesting extremely mild symptoms up to this point and to have insurance which allows me to start disease modifying drugs right away. I have had no mobility impairment at this time, for which I am eternally grateful. Every day that I can walk unassisted seems like a gift now!

Which brings me to my next point. You may be asking yourself why I decided to write this. Well, it's because some people apparently believe that if you're sick you probably brought it upon yourself by being a lazy fatass. I know that most people who read this blog don't "know" me, but I hope knowing that real people really get diseases that they really didn't bring upon themselves might be informative for anyone out there who still believes that not everyone deserves quality medical care.

So, I have been missing writing, but I still lack time to post on a daily basis. I think I will attempt to post more now though because lots of funny stuff has been happening both in my life and in the lives of others who I can make fun of anonymously, so I feel compelled to get those observations out of my system somehow.

And don't worry - when that MS Walk comes up next March I'll be expecting ALL of you to walk for a cure...if not, me and the numbclaws of death will hunt you down!

I can't say I'm missing it Bob.

2006-12-04T20:21:00.000-08:00

Dear Readers,

Well guys. As you can tell, I literally have NO time to write these days, and even less to say that I'm willing to write on the internet(s). I don't want to discuss my job, The Boy prefers that I don't discuss him (although we're moving in together in February! YAY!), and my tiny amount of free time every day is not spent on the computer.

This blog was started as a diary of my law school experience, and after having made it through law school, the bar exam, and the start of my first post-law-school job, I feel like it has run its course. So, on that note, I'm done. At least for now.

I will leave up the archives, probably indefinitely, but at least for a good long while. And if I decide to start another blog, more personal to my life now, I will let those of you I've become friends with behind the scenes know.

Thanks to everyone for reading, commenting, emailing me, supporting me, and just being cool as shit (generally). You guys rock, best of luck in your law school experiences and legal careers, and keep in touch.

E. Spat.

Floridays

2006-11-21T18:08:00.000-08:00

I'm off to Florida to see M. for Turkey Day. Hope you all have a wonderful holiday with your friends and family. I have a lot to be thankful for this year, and I intend to reflect upon that this week. In Florida. At a bar on the beach.

Red eye

2006-11-18T15:30:00.000-08:00

Not only am I taking a red-eye flight this week to spend Thanksgiving with M., I am currently suffering from a gigantic red eye, courtesy of (I think) a stye. I am using warm compresses to try to make it better, per the advice of WebMd, but so far it's just gross looking. On the upside, I'm meeting The Boy's mom for the first time tonight and I look totally diseased, so that's nice.

I am VERY excited about my trip to Florida next week to see M. I leave on Tuesday after work and come back Saturday night, and frankly I can use the break. I've been SO busy, I barely have time to think, and if I have to leave the state to get some time off, I'm willing to do it.

This week I had six, SIX, work events. Three lunch/afternoon things, and three evening things. Plus a law school friend was in town, so we had dinner on Friday as well. That means that on Friday I had three back to back events to go to. By the time I got done and go to The Boy's house last night I was totally exhausted. I took a shower and fell asleep. Poor guy, he didn't get so much as a "hello."

Let's see...what else is going on.....uh....not much. Fifty billion work events (ie: "marketing") per week, plus trying to meet my billables. Spending time with The Boy. Too tired and busy to do much else, like go to the gym, clean my house, or shop for groceries. I'm starting to definitely feel the pressure of my chosen field. I work with lots and lots of brand new associates, and a few partners, and I honestly think I work just as hard as an associate at any firm, plus I have to market a lot more than any of them do. Good thing I love my job, right?

So, in review, I leave for Florida on Tuesday, get back Saturday night, have three days of work, then leave for San Francisco the following Thursday through Sunday for a work event. I will try to post in between, and maybe I'll even get some pictures up of Florida.

Life happiness = bad blogging

2006-11-11T14:57:00.000-08:00

Well, as we've all discovered...the fact that my life is going well (and busy) seems to bad for the blogging business. I honestly blame it on a combination of being happy in my relationship, getting TiVO, and being so busy at work. Mostly TiVO to be honest with you. Holy shit, by the end of the week I have about 30 shows recorded, and then I spend all weekend laying around watching them. Because that's how I roll.

Today The Boy and I are enjoying our Saturday apart, which is nice. I think it's good to keep some personal time to yourself, so that you don't get on each other's nerves. So, what's new?

Last night we saw Borat. Holy shit. So freaking funny. Oh my God. Get thee to a theater immediately and see this movie. It's so politically incorrect, it's awesome. The Boy has a special talent for languages, as I think I've mentioned before, and has been talking like Borat for the past month...he was so excited before the movie, it was like having a 5 year old there. He's been walking around since last night going "Very nice!' I asked him how long this is going to last, and he told me anywhere from 1 week to 15 years, so that seems...uh...ominous. I'm not sure how much I can really take. Good thing he's such a good boy, I'm willing to put up with near constant Borat-isms for at least a little while.

So, today I am making an apple pie, cleaning my house, watching some taped shows, and reading a book...pretty much all at the same time. The other night one of my friends told me that I was the person who had changed the most since we graduated from law school because I'm so different now. I told her that I'm actually the person that has changed the least. If they had known me BEFORE law school, they would know that I was never like that before, and I hope never to be like that again. I am starting to get back into the swing of real life. I like it very much. Next week I'm getting sworn in...if there's any lesson to be had there, it should be that you can have fun in law school, decide not to follow all the lemmings off the stress cliff (as much as possible), and give up on believing grades have anything to do with you as a person, and still pass the bar exam, get a great job, blog all your experiences and make some great friends, and end up being sworn in as a lawyer just like all the people who wasted three years of their lives in abject misery.

Home.

2006-11-06T18:58:00.000-08:00

Hello! Well, I made it through my first B&B experience intact, and I had a wonderful weekend. The hot tub was HUGE, although not particularly heart-shaped...well, maybe a little bit. It was awesome! The island we went to (in the San Juans, near Canada) has a lavender farm, so we were able to buy all manner of fresh lavender bath stuff and dump it in the tub. So yummy!

The Boy and I had a very romantic weekend. He's WAY more mushy than me, and I have to admit it's nice to have someone be so enamored of me. We did tons of fun stuff, and probably drank and ate too much, but I got to sleep a LOT and that was so decadent.

OK, so, briefly, the Advantage Rent-A-Car story.

Advantage was apparently bought out by another company. Through a whole series of complaints I made to various people, who shall remain nameless, the COO of this new company heard about me. He call me personally, apologized profusely for my terrible experience, and gave me his cell phone number and told me I could call him anytime, day or night, and get a rental car anywhere, no matter what. It was a very nice gesture and he really impressed me with his speech about how the company is trying to make a change as far as customer service, etc. I hope it's true. I don't know if I'll use Advantage again, but it definitely took the edge of my anger. All I wanted was for someone from the company to recognize the legitimacy of my complaint.

Let's see...what else. I don't know. I'm happy, in love, busy, and generally pretty content with life.

I heard I was in town.

2006-11-03T17:28:00.000-08:00

I have been informed via email from more than one reader that I have been shirking my duties around here. I am so busy, I really apologize. At any rate, The Boy and I are headed out of town for the weekend, and we'll be back on Sunday. So, I will make an attempt to do a lenthy update on Sunday, but promise I'll have one up by Monday night. At any rate, I am not dead, kidnapped, abducted by aliens, or in any other way missing, maimed, and/or possessed by spirits of the undead or the otherworldly.

Back soon. We're going to a place with a heart-shaped hot tub. No really.

It's funny...

2006-10-29T18:24:00.000-08:00

One weird thing about blogging is that I kind of know you guys, but I kind of don't. The anonymous part of me feels like I could tell you anything, but the part of me that feels like I know you forces me to censor myself at least a little bit. So many weird and interesting things happen to me all the time, but they seem almost too personal to share with you if you DO know me...like, I would only tell my very best friends, or a stranger, but not acquaintances.

A couple of weeks ago I was misdiagnosed with an illness. Not a fatal illness, but something that worried me a great deal, only to find out when I sought out a specialist, that I actually had something totally different, totally common, and easily curable. It was very stressful, and if I knew you *less*, I would have told you all the ridiculous details.

In the meantime, lots of good stuff is happening in my life. The Boy officially used the "L" word! I know, I'm shocked too! He really is just a kind, good, decent person who is normal, and funny, and smart. I have no idea where it's all going, but for once in my life, I'm doing a pretty good job of not trying to control everything. He told me the other day, "Don't you know that you deserve to be treated well? You're amazing!" I thought...huh? I mean, really, no one has ever cared about whether I knew I deserved it before, let alone actually done it! At dinner last night I told him that I love that he doesn't try to snow me with a bunch of bullshit about all the nice things he's going to do for me, he just does them, quietly, and doesn't trumpet it to me or the world. I'm so appreciative of that after all the guys I've been with who just talked, and talked, and talked and never did shit.

Ummm...let's see. I have an AWESOME Advantage Rent-A-Car story/satisfying ending to tell you about, but it's going to have to wait until at least tomorrow. I'm due at dinner with my girlfriends. Yay!

I'm alive!

2006-10-28T16:02:00.000-07:00

Sorry about the extreme lack of posting. I wish I had a great excuse, but I don't. It's the busiest time of year from now until April for us...lots of accidents come (unfortunately) with crab season.

I have been trying to go to the gym after work, which means that I rarely get home before 8pm. Add in doing stuff with The Boy, hanging out with my friends, and just doing life stuff, and basically I'm home for an hour a week, which I don't particularly want to spend on the internet.

So, let's see. What's been going on? Uh....nothing.

I'm drinking too much, which you already knew. I'm spending too much money, which you probably could have guessed.

I'm taking crocheting lessons to learn a few things I need to make The Boy an afghan for Christmas - a really, really nice afghan. I figure if we break up, I'll still love it, so it's the perfect gift.

I saw a van today with a magnetic sign that said "Professional Latino Painting" on it. If anyone has a Latino they need painted, apparently there is a service here that will do that for you.

My only real plans for this weekend are to force The Boy to go to Ikea tomorrow with me, to see The Prestige tonight, and possibly to make some cookies. If I feel motivated. Maybe.

Back to the grind.

2006-10-23T18:09:00.000-07:00

M. left this morning after a very fun but whirlwind visit. We drank, shopped, and ate too much, all of which are FINE by me! We got to spend lots of quality time together, and really catch up, which was awesome. She met The Boy and has given her seal of approval, so that's good as well.

Work is very busy. The end.

The Boy is good. Really good. He made M. and I homemade gnocchi for dinner on Friday night, and strawberry napoleans because one time, in passing, I said that I loved them. He pays attention. He does instead of saying he'll do. I really am so glad I gave this whole thing a chance, because he is a wonderful person.

Having so much fun!

2006-10-20T10:26:00.000-07:00

M. and I have been having so much fun! Yesterday we went and got massages and facials...it was awesome. Then we went and had Indian food and came home and made cookies and drank wine. Tonight The Boy is making us dinner at his house, and we're going to spend the day shopping. Tomorrow is Girl's Night Out with all my girlfriends at a fancy restaurant. It's been really, really wonderful having her here and getting lots of best friend bonding time.

Anyway, more updates later. Nordstroms is calling me..."E. Spat, spend money noooooooooow."

M. gets here tomorrow!!!!

2006-10-17T18:55:00.000-07:00

YAY! I cannot wait to see M. in the morning. I pick her up at the airport in the morning, and then we have five days of fun, fun, fun planned. Massages, facials, hair appointments, and a girl's night out with all my friends at a fancy restaurant! Plus, The Boy is making us dinner on Friday at his place...I'm nervous for him, this is a big test that he *has* to pass. I think he'll be fine though. I like him quite a lot, and I think she will too.

I still have several stories that I want to tell on here...I just have to find some time. Maybe while M. is here and I have some time off work I'll get around to it. Right now The Boy is bringing me takeout, since I am trying to get the apartment ready for M. and doing laundry and stuff.

Updates on her visit will be forthcoming.

You know you're in a relationship when...

2006-10-15T17:48:00.000-07:00

You buy The Boy a coffeemaker because he loves coffee, you don't drink it, and watching him struggle through mornings pretending it's OK with him that there's no coffee just breaks your heart. I put it on the counter with a bow on top and two mugs next to it. We'll see how long it takes him to notice.

Weekend update

2006-10-15T13:15:00.000-07:00

Daddy Spatula made it through his surgery, and seems to be in good spirits. When they went in, they found that his collarbone was actually broken in five places, but they decided to pin it anyway. Depending on how it heals, they might have to go back in a couple of months and put plates in.

Yesterday The Boy took my car all day and put on new brakes with the help of his brother. When he brought it back they had detailed the whole thing and washed it and all that stuff. So nice! I made him and my other friend dinner, and LQ's famous cupcakes...it was quite a hit.

Today I am spending the day watching all my recorded shows and reading. I spent all day yesterday cleaning house while my car was out of commission, so I'm basically ready for M. to get here on Wednesday. I'm also doing all manners of beauty treatments while I'm home today. Technically I think my boss expected me to be at work at some point this weekend, but I just don't really feel like it. I didn't bill nearly enough last week, but I had a stressful week and I had other things on my mind...hopefully this week (until Wednesday at least) will be more productive.

Send good waves ~~~~~!

2006-10-13T07:12:00.000-07:00

Daddy Spatula has his surgery this morning to repair his collarbone. If they pin it, he'll be out of the hospital tonight, and if they put plates on it, then he'll be out tomorrow. They called last night and said they'd had a horrible day dealing with all the insurance companies and the hospital and stuff. I was like "Uh, HELLO! I am your daughter, I'm a lawyer, AND I'm an insurance adjuster!!! CALL ME!!!" I hope next time they have trouble they'll just give me a call - maybe I could at least save them some time.

I have to run to work, but I have lots of stuff to tell you this weekend, including (but not limited to):

1. Meeting the identical twin of The Boy (tonight)
2. Update on Advantage Rent-A-Car
3. General Life Update
4. Plans for while M. is here (I CAN'T WAIT!!!)

So, I will make every effort to be back writing tomorrow. The Boy is taking my car to his house and changing my brakes tomorrow, so I will be home alone with lots of time I think.

Crazy is as crazy does.

2006-10-11T18:24:00.000-07:00

Very busy. Busy at work, busy with The Boy, busy worrying about a few (very minor) health concerns, busy being a bit anxious about my dad's surgery, and busy being busy. Sigh.

The Boy made me dinner last night. It was fabulous (really), and he actually planned ahead and made some parts the night before. It was kind of amazing actually. So far that whole thing is going well...no more comments since inevitably anything I say is going to backfire on me.

I am reciprocating tonight with dinner for The Boy, so I better get busy on my homemade mac & cheese.

Poor, poor Daddy Spatula

2006-10-10T07:27:00.000-07:00

Poor Daddy Spatula, he is just not feeling well at all. His collarbone is broken in four places, and yesterday the orthopedist decided that he does need surgery after all. So, on Friday Daddy Spatula will get pins placed to sort of put all the pieces back together again. Poor guy.

In the meantime, the lawyer in me loves the story of how this happened. They were on their regular bike ride, and some people were standing on one side of the bike path shooting targets on the other side (why? who knows!). So, Daddy Spatula and the rest of the group went off the path in order to not have to ride in front of where these people were shooting, and that's when he tumbled off his bike and hurt himself. Wouldn't I just love to know if those people were allowed to be shooting there??? Oh yes I would.

Not much else going on. I enjoyed my day off work yesterday but it wasn't as relaxing as it could have been because I felt sort of disgusting after a weekend of far too much drinking. Now that I know I passed the bar, and the "Law School Chapter" of my life is blessedly over, it's time to cut back pretty significantly on the booze and get back to the gym on a regular basis. My last excuse for just eating and drinking everything in sight is gone, so it's back to the proverbial salt mines I guess. With the added benefit that I'll actually feel decent again hopefully.

Thanks Columbus!

2006-10-09T10:32:00.000-07:00

I am probably the only person on the planet who gets Columbus Day off, but hey, I'll take it. I slept in, and now I'm getting ready to do laundry...don't I lead a positively exciting life?

Everything is going well so far with The Boy. Someone in the comments suggested I call him The Man, but I think I will probably not talk about him too much on here, so, we'll stick with The Boy for now. Anyway, he's very nice and it was fun to spend some time with him this weekend.

On a sad note, Daddy Spatula crashed his bike yesterday afternoon and broke his collar bone pretty severely. He's in a lot of pain, and is definitely going to drive my mom nuts for the next few weeks that he can't ride his bike. I'm not sure who I feel more sorry for.

Anyway, I have to go separate my darks and lights. Cuz that's how I roll.

I passed the bar exam!

2006-10-07T09:37:00.000-07:00

I really passed!! Results ended up online in the middle of the night, and Ex-Roomie's boyfriend found them when he checked at around 2am when he got up to go to the bathroom. They called me and woke me up, and I called our other good friend and woke her up. Congrats to everyone who passed, and my heartfelt sympathies for those who didn't...this has been the most nervewracking week I've been through in a long time. I'm glad it's over.

UPDATE: The new (to me) Absolut Grapefruit Vodka is THE SHIT! Also, I spent $100 at Sephora today and am officially wearing the sluttiest eyeliner and sparkly eyeshadow ever! The Boy gets here in just under an hour. I'm nervous.

No news is...just...no news.

2006-10-06T18:31:00.000-07:00

I hate waiting. Knowing the results are in the mail is gut-wrenching, and the waiting is just awful. I am headed out for a night of subdued drinking with a couple of pals to try to take the edge off. Boy I Like is (hopefully) on a plane, headed home. We are to go out tomorrow night - I hope I can be happy E.Spat for him, not sad, deranged, slightly psychotic E.Spat. It's in the mail. Gulp.

12:33am: Nope, nothing online yet. So tired. Must go to bed.

Look Ma, I'm blogging!

2006-10-05T21:33:00.000-07:00

I talked to The Boy I Like tonight. He's really excited to be coming home tomorrow. Partially I think because he's excited to see me, but mostly because he left six weeks ago with one suitcase and a tale from his employer about how he'd be gone for a week...poor guy, I think he just wants to see the inside of his own house. And me (yay!).

Basically the only thing I can think of is bar results. Supposedly they will be mailed tomorrow, to be received on Saturday. Supposedly the results will be posted online no later than Monday afternoon/evening. Last year, apparently, there was a SNAFU with the mailing and people didn't get their results until Tuesday in the mail, but the list went up on the internet on Friday at midnight. So, basically, I think I should know by Saturday. I do not feel the least bit positive about it though, so I don't know...I just kind of feel marginally sick all the time. Ex-Roomie and I are going to dinner tomorrow night with our good friend who graduated last year. She's fantastic and always calms us down, so we're looking forward to that. Boy I Kinda Like's plane doesn't get in until the middle of the night, so I am not seeing him until Saturday night for our date. His brother is picking him up at the airport - which seems good...I don't think we're to the "pick up at the airport" point yet at all.

Let's see...what else is up? Work is going swimmingly. I still love it so much, and I think I'm doing a good job and that they like me - I certainly like them. My boss leaves Sunday for a two week vacation out of the country, so I expect to be very busy for the next couple of weeks. M. gets here on October 18th, which is exciting because I have to go to a law firm reception on October 19th, and she's going to go as my date. I am willing to be that no one at the reception will be as interesting as her, so I think it will be fun. We are doing tons of girly beauty things while she's in town, and I'm so excited...massages, facials, hair cuts, color, highlights, pedicures, waxing...the list goes on and on.

Anyway, gotta pay attention to the rest of Grey's Anatomy and then go to bed early because I'm exhausted. I fully expect a middle of the night drunk dial from Boy I Kinda Like since his coworkers took him out for a celebratory goodbye tequila-fest.

I'm a bad blogger!

2006-10-05T07:17:00.000-07:00

God, I feel so bad that I just can't get it together enough to find time to blog, but shit is BUSY! Between working, "marketing" (ie: taking clients out to fancy restaurants...yay!), and doing things with friends, I am pretty much busy every minute of every day.

The Boy I Like is coming back on Friday night. Unfortunately for him bar results will likely be out on Saturday one way or the other, so I will either be out with my friends or at home crying and getting drunk alone...neither of which is so romantic. But, we have tentative plans on Saturday night, and I think it will be very nice to see him in person and try to figure out what we really have going on here.

The guy from my accident turns out not to have a driver's license, insurance, or any documentation related to being in the United States in a legal way. I don't have any real problem with my insurance paying to fix the car (which apparently belongs to someone he knows), but it does irk me that my insurance is going to find me at fault when the other guy doesn't even have a license to drive.

Anyway, I am going to make a concerted effort to blog before Saturday, but of course, once I know bar results, you will all know bar results. My stomach hurts all the time when I think about it - I just want to know one way or the other.

Hi guys!

2006-10-03T07:03:00.000-07:00

Well, needless to say, I'm still alive - just been busy. I have been spending a lot of time with my friends, drinking wine and doing our nails and discussing the imminent release of bar results. Plus, I've been talking to The Boy I Like on the phone quite a bit, which puts a dent in most of my evenings. He should hopefully be back this weekend - I just hope we don't go out on a "real" date and decide we hate each other after all this time of talking.

So, I will make a concerted effort to write a post tonight. There's been lots of fun stuff going on with friends and work, but I just need to find five seconds to sit down and type it out.

Bar results are being mailed Friday, so I will likely know on Saturday the results. Scary.

Odds-N-Ends

2006-09-28T19:29:00.000-07:00

The Boy I Like sent me flowers yesterday to cheer me up after my accident...yellow daisies and roses. With a card (partially) in Italian. Sweet!

The guy from the accident has had his family members calling my insurance company looking for money. My insurance is being awesome and not giving any money to anyone until they can determine who the car belongs to and whether this guy even had a license to be on the road. It may begin to suck if he starts to claim medical expenses, but so far he hasn't. He was driving a 1988 Toyota Corolla junker, so I don't think fixing the bumper is going to be too pricey.

Work is very busy. I'm working a pretty large property damage claim, which is exciting but also nerve-wracking. Tomorrow I'm sitting in on my first settlement conference, so I think that will be really interesting. Overall I'm pretty much overwhelmed, but I think that might actually be better than having time to think about it.

Aside from all of this, I am:

Drinking too much

Spending too much time on the phone.

Looking forward to Boy I Like coming back perhaps as early as next weekend.

Dreading bar results coming out perhaps as early as next weekend.

Buying expensive lingerie. Because I can.

Increasing my auto insurance coverage. Because I need to.

Feeling really great about having so many wonderful friends out here.

Loving my job.

Being grateful I'm not back at school right now.

Worrying too much about stuff I can't control.

Taking my vitamins.

Getting really excited for M's visit in mid-October.

Just 30 seconds!!!!

2006-09-26T22:33:00.000-07:00

I'm not gonna lie, when I see this guy, the first word that comes to mind isn't "Listerine." Oh - drinking it you say?

Oops.

2006-09-26T21:42:00.000-07:00

Today on the way home I had a car accident. As you can tell by the utter lack of posting, I have been very busy. But, I was on my way to see an apartment, and was turning left and ran into a car that was coming down the other side of the street (i.e.: he had the right of way).

This only turned into a saga when the guy didn't speak English, his eyes were totally red and bloodshot, he was acting pretty inappropriately (laughing and stuff), and then when his friend got there he finally admitted he didn't have insurance. He wanted to leave before the police came (no surprise), so I gave him my insurance information - he wouldn't really give me any of his info. I ended up just writing down his license plate number and make of his car, and then I called 911 back, said we had "exchanged information," and came home. I know that I would likely have to pay no matter what, but it really pisses me off that this guy doesn't have insurance...it's just so irresponsible. Anyway, he told several people he wasn't hurt and didn't need an ambulance, and I pretty much set him right up with my insurance info, so I guess all is as well as it's going to get.

Anyway, other than all of that, life is moving right along. I am anxiously planning for M's visit out here in October. Many of you know she's been out of town since May, so this is a big deal. We are having two full days of beauty treatments, and I am really looking forward to it.

Bar results will likely be received by next Saturday (a week and a half)...nerves are setting in.

Everything is going good with the Boy I Like. He supposedly will find out tomorrow when/if he is EVER coming home...this is getting kind of ridiculous. He was really cute tonight about the accident, and was so upset he wasn't here to help. I did call him and have him ask the guy if he needed an ambulance or anything - helps to know someone bilingual sometimes. I hate to admit it, but I kind of miss him.

Home sweet home.

2006-09-23T22:44:00.000-07:00

I am home. Exhausted, but home. It was a whirlwind of a trip with lots of stuff to do, and many glasses of wine. I got to meet lawgeekgurl, which was totally fun. More to come later - I have to go to sleep now. Even Boy I Like went to bed early tonight, and we've been talking at all manners of weird, middle-of-the-night times lately. Poor guy...I think he's exhausted, and ready to come back.

I'm off to Portland.

2006-09-20T06:49:00.000-07:00

Last night we had "Girl's Night Out" at the Shooting Range (Tuesday is "Ladies Night" there...no really). Ex-Roomie brought her bf and he brought a friend from work, so it ended up being three women and two men, thus skewing the whole "girls" part of the "night out," but we had such an awesome time. I love taking people shooting. It makes me feel really good to see people who were scared or apprehensive about firearms get into shooting and walk out feeling confident about their ability to shoot safely and with some knowledge about the way firearms work. Everyone did wonderfully, and I was really impressed since they are all first-time shooters except Ex-Roomie, who I have taken out a couple of times during law school. I will be posting pictures of my targets if I ever get around to taking some.

I am going to work for a half day, then I'm off to Portland for a work seminar. I'm (happily) staying at a pretty swank hotel, and I definitely plan to enjoy myself while I'm there. I will be taking my laptop, but I have no idea what the wireless situation at the hotel will be. I have tentative plans to meet at least one blogger while I'm in town as well, but I can't remember if she tells on her blog where she lives, so I have to figure out if I can talk about that.

Right now I guess I better go pack. I got home so late from shooting, and then the Boy I Like called me, and then it was midnight and I was way too tired to pack. We had a long conversation about how weird (but good weird) it's been for him to be out of town all this time, and for us to get this chance to know each other outside the physical realm. I told him that to me it feels a bit like my notion of old-fashioned dating, where you see each other for a couple of hours on dates for quite a while before anything ever happens. I kind of like it because I really needed this time to get to know him and to figure out what was going on with myself, plus I'm so busy at work, I know we wouldn't be seeing each other this much if he was in town. Chatting on the phone and email allows talking to be squeezed in during drive times or other times when, if he was in town, we wouldn't drive out to meet somewhere.

Anyway, I'm off to Portland. Likely back to blogging on Saturday when I get home depending on the wireless situation out there.

I care!

2006-09-19T07:06:00.000-07:00

Contents of care package I am sending to Boy I Like today:

1. Two books, both by J. Maarten Troost: The Sex Lives of Cannibals and Getting Stoned with Savages.
2. Huge candy bar.
3. Animal crackers. The good ones...the kind in a box with a string.
4. Whistle shaped like a helicopter. Why? WHY NOT!
5. Mad Libs.
6. Hopping Lederhosen.
7. USA vs. Commies Army Men.
8. Aveda Skin Cleanser and Lotion (it's humid in the South and my pal, the man formerly known as Fitz Hume, recommended it to me).
9. Pencil for the Mad Libs, with pencil topper shaped like a molar.

So, as you can see...it's not the best care package in the world, but at least I tried to strike a good balance between food, skin care, and mindless entertainment.

I'm special!

2006-09-18T19:44:00.000-07:00

I'm going on my first business trip! I leave Wednesday and come back Saturday(ish) - I'll be in Portland, OR. So, yay for me!

Shopping and drinking and drinking and shopping.

2006-09-17T16:25:00.000-07:00

This weekend I did exactly two things to excess...drink and shop. I bought four pairs of shoes at Nine West, including TWO knee high pairs of boots - chocolate brown suede and red leather (HELL YEAH!) (similar to the picture, except they have a little buckle thing on the side). I spent the vast majority of the weekend with Ex-Roomie and her bf, hanging out and drinking tons of beer and eating too much. It was really fun. Today I finally came home and did some housework and I'm going to watch a girl movie in a couple of hours. Highlights of the weekend:

1. Getting my nails done. By a midget.
2. Giving a gun safety class to my three girlfriends last night, since I'm taking them all shooting on Tuesday night.
3. Teaching Ex-Roomie to drive stick on her bf's new Acura.
4. Sitting next to two guys from Texas at one of our local bars and talking barbeque for nearly an hour.
5. Going to an open house for a really nice condo.
6. Staying away from work even though I really should have gone in this weekend.
7. Getting a drunk dial every single night from the Guy I Decided I Do Like and listening to him ramble incoherently, plus one text message consisting entirely of a quote from The Three Amigos.
8. Going to lunch at a local Indian restaurant and being asked if my friend (who is a girl) and I were on a first date. I mean, it's awkward, but wouldn't it be so much MORE awkward if we WERE on a first date?

Anyway, life has been crazy busy, but I am hoping that I am eventually going to get it under control. I guess we'll see! The Guy I Decided I Do Like is potentially coming back in about two weeks after being gone this last month. So, I think it will be nice to spend some time together and see if we can reproduce in person what we have over the phone and email...a sort of easygoing, comfortable banter. He is literally the funniest guy I have ever dated and definitely the smartest I think. The chemistry thing is...well, I mean, who knows? Right now all seems well, and I guess that's the most I can say until he comes back and we just see what's up.

Drunkiety!

2006-09-15T22:34:00.000-07:00

Don't you haet it when you are JUSTT the right amount of drunk and the person wuou you whant to drunk dial isn't home or answring their cell phone???? DAMNIT!

So, you're saying today is actually the worst day of your life?

2006-09-15T06:48:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was very awful. Very, very awful. All day I got screamed at by claimants, who accused me of everything from purposely secreting their checks for a couple of days every month so they would be late and the person would get kicked out of their apartment (I don't even have time to eat lunch!!), to wanting someone to stay sick because it would somehow be "better" for me (yeah, it's totally better for me to continue to pay out tons of money indefinitely), to being accused of being a rich-bitch ("well, you were probably BORN rich, but I wasn't, and I need this money!").

To top it all off, I fell down the concrete stairs outside my building after work and, since I essentially tumbled all the way down, I have bruises EVERYWHERE!, and my hand is all cut up.

Then, after dinner last night, I started thinking that I was going to bring home a file last night, and maybe when I fell I dropped it, and it might be laying in the parking lot at my office. I obsessed about this all night to the point where at 2:30am I literally sat up in bed and was ready to drive to my office and see if the file was in the parking lot. I know that when I fell, I picked up my jacket and my purse and they were all in a big pile, so if the file was there I'm sure I would have seen it and picked it up, but I just worried all night.

I am so glad it's Friday. At least if it's as nuts today as it was yesterday I'll be wearing jeans. I'm going to happy hour after work with Ex-Roomie and her bf, so that's something to look forward to. Let's just hope that I at least don't break my neck today.

This is an occasion for genuinely tiny knickers.

2006-09-13T22:41:00.000-07:00

I looked at an apartment today.

Does anyone besides me think that $1100 a month for a one-bedroom should be devoid of holes in the floor?

In other news, the Boy Who I Like sent me a drunken text message last night with a quote from Bridget Jones. He has this amazing talent for remembering tons of quotes from every single movie he sees, I guess that has to do with speaking a bunch of languages...that part of his brain apparently works extra well.

Work is going OK. I am very, very, very busy and have been feeling a bit overwhelmed and upset, and I think that also had something to do with feeling kind of sick too. I'm feeling better physically and I noticed that today I was feeling more positive emotionally.

Still having trouble finding a schedule that works for me...sigh. I feel like I have all the stress of billable hours, combined with learning an entirely new industry besides what I've been doing for the last three years. Anyway, life is nuts, and I'm trying to figure it out piece by piece. I don't want to be professionally succesful at the cost of my physical and mental health, but it's just been slow-going in terms of figuring this shit out.

I am also spending some time phoning and emailing with the Boy Who Is Kinda Growing On Me, so I'm curious where that might go when/if he ever comes back from the neverending business trip, and I'm enjoying getting to know him without all the pressure of traditional dating. I had dinner with a friend tonight and she said that she was afraid I wasn't going to give him a chance because of my doubts about our compatibility/chemistry, but that she's happy to see I'm keeping an open mind. And I think I really am...I mean, if nothing else, all the communicating that we've been doing has really given me a lot of insight into who I am, and who I can be, and how another person who I have not immediately jumped into bed with might perceive me. It's just been really interesting for me.

I'm dying over here.

2006-09-12T18:58:00.000-07:00

I have been trying since Friday to convince myself the reason I feel so awful is allergies. It has become clear to me that I may have to admit...I'm sick.

Damnit. I barely got through any work yesterday or today, and there's still three days left. I am cranky, miserable, and would probably be clingy if I had the energy and someone to cling to.

I am going to hit the couch, read some "O"prah Magazine, and go to bed early. If my head doesn't explode.

PS: I'm looking at an apartment tomorrow. More to come.

Red is SEX! RED IS SEX!

2006-09-11T21:58:00.000-07:00

Tonight the Ex-Roomie and her bf came over and we ate dinner, drank soda (for us) and beer (for him) and watched Kinky Boots. We agreed it was a fun, lighthearted, feel-good movie. Very predictable, but with a happy ending and not a lot of thinking, which I was totally in the mood for. I learned that you can't judge a book by its cover, that everyone deserves respect, that hard work is rewarded, and that true love can conquer all. Great!

I think I am not going to comment too much on the fact that it's 9/11 since anything I say will sound trite, I'm sure. If anyone cares, five years ago today I was an active duty Air Force officer working in an intelligence unit. Weird how life changes, huh?

I had a day today that was, well, just difficult...so I'm glad the movie was fun. I hit myself in the nose accidentally with a water bottle (long story, maybe tomorrow), which made my nose bleed...I don't think it's broken, but I'm worried I'm going to have black eyes tomorrow. Sigh.

Anyway, it's 10pm, and that means it's about bedtime. Pathetic, I know. But, I'm trying to keep on the gym schedule, so early bedtimes are mandatory.

And, since a couple of people asked, the Boy Who I Like is still out of town for at least another two to three weeks. We've been talking a lot on the phone and via email, which has been nice. I really feel like I'm getting to know more about him, and certainly, our friendship is growing. His work situation means that he's sort of out of town right now indefinitely...so...I guess we'll just see. He's having a lot of fun going sailing at his Away Location, and taking clients out and getting them loaded or whatever, and hopefully he's about to go on a trip to another country that he loves...so, his life is more exciting than mine. As I told him today, I guess I should have learned to speak like five languages instead of going to law school and maybe people would ply me with sailing trips and tours of other countries. My bad.

Overheard at my friend's wedding...

2006-09-10T13:36:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I went to my good friend's wedding, which was very fun and laid-back. She invited one of our professors from law school who she is (apparently) very close to. After about five beer the following exchange occurred:

Law Professor: "So, when did you graduate?"

Me: "This year."

LP: "Oh really? I feel like I've never even seen you before!"

Me: "And yet you have."

LP: "Where?"

Me: "You interviewed me last year to be your research assistant. Someone else got the job."

LP: "Oh. Now I remember."

AWKWARD SILENCE...

We ended up having a very nice conversation about nontraditional job and whatnot, but all I could think in my mind while the above was taking place was... "OH NO YOU ARE NOT THE BOSS OF ME ANYMORE!!"

I think I have some problems with authority. Maybe.

In other news, I am considering getting rid of all my furniture when I finally find a new place to live and buying all new stuff. Mostly because I'm lazy.

I'm alive.

2006-09-09T10:39:00.000-07:00

I have been so busy. In the last three days of this week, I billed well over 30 hours, which you know means I worked like 40 at least, plus on Thursday I had to attend a meeting down in Olympia, which is over an hour away, so that ate up a good portion of my day. Then last night I went straight from work to dinner with friends, today I am leaving soon for a wedding that is about an hour away, so I'll be gone until late tonight, and then tomorrow I have plans with a friend to go walking and possibly have lunch. I think I have been home a total of less than one hour each day that I wasn't asleep. But, it's been fun and work is going good, which means I'm making lots of money, and I'm getting to spend a lot of time with my friends, which is nice. I got a bonus check yesterday at work, which was surprisingly huge - but I have to say, it's nice to get paid when you work really hard.

I have to go get ready for this wedding, but I will try to think of some stuff to blog about by tomorrow afternoon/night, when I will hopefully have a few minute to actually sit down.

Nails. Done.

2006-09-05T22:23:00.000-07:00

I worked a billion hours today, and got my nails done as a reward - they are long and frenchly manicured. Love them! They make my reward-ring look totally awesome too.

Anyway, I got home from my friend's going away party in time to watch Nip/Tuck. Yay! And I went to the gym this morning.

I'm awesome. And a little tipsy.

I'm taking your advice...

2006-09-04T19:26:00.000-07:00

I had rather a licentious weekend, what with the bachelorette party and the drinking and the stripper and whatnot. Lots of people are moving away and stuff as they prepare to start new jobs, so I've been spending a lot of time trying to hang out with people before they leave - there's another going-away party tomorrow night. It's crazy!

Anyway, I indulged all my hedonistic impulses this weekend and now I'm taking your collective advice. I am going to get up early every single morning for the next three weeks and go to the gym. I always hear it takes three weeks to make something a habit, so I'm just going to force myself to do it and see what happens. I mean, I think it'll be fine and I'll enjoy it after about the first week...in the past I've found I just have to work through the initial few days of creepiness and then I feel really good about myself for doing it. It has to be done, that's the bottom line.

Tonight is the season finale of The Closer, but on Tuesday Nip/Tuck starts again. YAY!

It's 2am, do you know where your stripper is?

2006-09-04T02:04:00.000-07:00

Good things about tonight:

1. Totally cute stripper
2. Totally cute stripper who flirted with all of us and earned every dollar bill
3. Tequila
4. Whipped cream
5. Non-attribution

Bad things about tonight:

1. Digital camera
2. Stripper only about 5'5"
3. I don't really like whipped cream all that much
4. Digital camera
5. Tequila