Monday, February 08, 2010

Havana Daydreaming

Holy crap - Blogger is as bad as Facebook at changing their format so much I can't keep track of what the hell is going on.  C'mon people...I count on my fingers.  I can't possibly adapt to all these changes.

In other news...babies are hard.  I mean, don't get me wrong.  Our little kiddo is so ridiculously cute.  She makes a puppy holding a kitten on top of a cupcake surrounded by baby seals look like a crime scene photo.  No joke.  She's that cute.  But...the screaming.  Oh god.  Plus, she's really gotten the hang of pure manipulation.  SCREAMS SCREAMS SCREAMY SCREAMING - run to her room to check on her and she takes the binky out and SWEAR TO GOD smiles at us. SMILES.  Sigh.  I guess I can't complain.  Manipulation like that has to be genetic.

I want to go on vacation.  The Boy gets to travel a little bit for work, and almost always to fun places.  I don't really travel much, but when I do...hoo boy.  It's pretty bleak.  I sort of want to go back to Texas for a long weekend.  Just me and The Boy.  Baby Spatula can stay with grandma while her dad and I eat our way through the Lone Star State.  Well, eat and drink.  Don't forget the sweet, sweet drinking.  The whole time I was pregnant, all I wanted was a breakfast taco from Taco Cabana.  I would seriously sit in my office and look up plane fares to see if I could get an awesome deal that would allow me to fly all the way to Texas to buy a $2.00 breakfast taco.  Because being pregnant totally makes you rational.

All that being said...I wish I hadn't waited so long to have a baby.  I wish I had time to have ten more (and money...sigh).  Being educated and having a good job and doing my time in the Air Force...all great, but I'm not sure if I'm getting that promise of "having it all".  I have it all, but at the expense of enjoying it all. I have it all, but I can't appreciate any single piece of it for any length of time because I'm too tired, busy and stretched so incredibly thin that I look like that piece of skin you pull off your back after a really terrible sunburn.  Brittle.  I'm trying to learn to slow down.  To appreciate.  To balance.  To truly spend the time on what's important.  To spend less time on activities that subtract and more time on those that add. 

It's hard.  More wine.  More sex.  More cuddles with The Boy and Baby Spatula.  More sitting on the floor, laughing and watch Baby Spatula flip over, pull out the binky, and grin her cute face off. 

Less email.  Less Blackberry.  Less driving around.  Less scarfing down my food to get back to work/laundry/dishes/doing/going/having.

More breathing.