Monday, February 28, 2005

The Bachelorette...OH YEAH, now I remember why I don't watch this crap.

OK, I have never actually watched an episode of The Bachelor or The Bachelorette because I desperately hate reality TV, BUUUUUUUUUT...while skipping through channels tonight I saw some special about The Bachelorette where the chick just totally dumped the guy, who apparently thought she was going to accept his proposal. Here is what I have to say about the whole thing, of which I saw approximately 10 minutes and know none of the backstory of because I've never been able to tolerate the show long enough to figure out the supposed point...that guy is HOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!

Holy crap.

This dude is total Cabana Boy material, I'm telling you.



UPDATE: His name is Jerry,which I found out while looking for a hottie Cabana Boy pic of him to share with you all. I feel so pop-culturally defective for not knowing all this stuff. Also, if that chick from the show, Jen (see all the stuff you can find out from looking at the ABC website?) is 28 years old I'm 16...puh-leaze. Musta been a tough life...mmm-hmmm.

Putting on my thinkin' cap...but only if it doesn't mess up my hair.

I have to either (A) answer about 900 Evidence questions in the next two weeks, or (B) come up with an awesome extra-credit assignment in the next two weeks, in order to get a decent grade in Evidence (decent = higher than what I would usually accept because I'm trying to boost the GPA after last quarter's grade fiasco). As I've mentioned before, the professor loves poems, songs, plays...anything creative. In fact, someone from my class sang an AWESOME song in class today about Evidence, I don't know if it had a title but if it didn't I would name it "Dirty Evidence Innuendo Song." I am trying, and have gotten a tentative agreement, to have this individual record his song for me to put on one of those newfangled podcasts...I'll let you know when/if that works out. It was honestly the coolest song ever...and to have the total and complete huge brass balls to sing it live in front of the class AND professor is just amazing.

Anyway, back to me. I have to come up with a creative assignment. I have a feeling (by "feeling" I mean "I know with absolute certainty") that I'm gonna need some high-quality booze for this assignment. Should I try to write a short-story? A series of HAIKU (you remember what happened last time I took on the haiku master*...maybe I won't go there)? Perhaps a Michael Jackson song parody? Hmmmmm...gotta make it happen, and soon. I'll be thinkin' about this.

*I apologize that the comments don't show up on the archived posts...trust me, they were a laugh riot.

I'm a teepee. I'm a wigwam. Relax, you're TWO TENTS!

I am *trying* to find time to get some work done but I have been totally sidetracked all day by one thing or another. I had to write a book review for my Law and Pop Culture class, which was fun and allowed me to write about a non-law book (sorta), and I also spent some time planning my presentation for that class on Thursday. More about that after it's done...I'm not really comfortable talking about assignments until after they're turned in, I have a horrible fear of a professor finding and reading this blog and thinking I'm not only a dipshit (that much is obvious and I can't hide or help it), but a somewhat ethically challenged dipshit (THAT I can help and/or hide).

We have been talking in there about creative writing and law school and I think I'll probably blog about that soon too...gotta get all my links in order and whatnot. Suffice it to say, I'm a fan and think it should be something that you are able to experience in law school, the question is, of course, how?

Other than school stuff, here's what I've been devoting my time to lately...

Um....

Uh....

Yeah, nothing. I am so not-well-rounded as a person, in fact, I am almost entirely rhomboidal, or maybe trapezoidal. I have to find a hobby, have to! Soon...I will do it very, very soon. Just as soon as exams are over. I swear.

Uh....duh....

Admiralty Professor: "And so, on a dark and stormy night when you see a ship out on the open sea..." (sweeping arm gesture towards back of classroom)
E. Spatula: Instinctively turns towards back of classroom, to see, apparently, a ship on the open sea...
AP: (totally deadpan) "Yeah, not right now."
Entire Class: Heh heh heh
E. Spat: (to self) "YOU TARD"

Sunday, February 27, 2005

Nobody gets out of here without singing the blues...

OK, I made it out of babysitting land alive. After a brief episode of hysterics punctuated by ear splitting screams of "MOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMYYYYYYY!!!!" I was totally fine. Ha. We went to the park and played Legos and blocks and read books and put "Baby" the babydoll to bed...all in all, I think neither of us are any worse for the wear, although changing diapers is not my strong suit -- I have a weak stomach, something I sometimes forget about but am usually reminded of in just the most miraculous and creative ways. I was paid for my services in Godiva Chocolate Cheesecake, so basically what I'm telling you is that it was all worth it!

I cannot believe it's Sunday night already, where did the weekend go? Oh well, my boyfriend James Spader is apparently taking the night off, as are my girls over at Desperate Housewives...no good TV for me tonight, only the stupid Oscars which I think are totally ridiculous and self-serving and a huge waste of time and money. I plan to eat my cheesecake and try to catch up on Admiralty reading. Mmmmmm...cheesecake.

Brad, no chocolate! Your acne! Sarah, it's time for your cough syrup... Daryl, fasten the seat belt!

I am about to spend my afternoon babysitting for LQ's 2-year old child...if that's not the blind leading the blind I don't know what is. We are going to stack blocks and have snacks, and after that I'm pretty much out of ideas, but I'm sure it will be interesting.

I got NOTHING done yesterday school-wise. You would think I don't have exams coming up in two weeks, a 20-page paper due during exam week, and a huge project due in Admiralty that same week. Oh yeah, I am so totally f*&#ed right now I can't even see straight. If anyone has any good ideas for teaching myself Fed Courts in the next two weeks my email door is wide open, hit me up.

The good news is that next quarter (and I know I've said this before, but this time it's true) is going to be so much better time-wise. I am only taking three classes, Admin Law, Professional Responsibility and a seminar on Law and Terrorism. It's only 12 hours, which is "frowned upon" by the school, but whatever...their stupid rules won't allow me to graduate early even if I take extra classes because I have to do 9 quarters in residence, so they can kiss my ass. It's good to know that even though *technically* I will have all my credits done a quarter early, I get to stay on and will be FORCED to go to school full-time my last quarter and take classes I don't need so the school can bleed me dry in the name of thier own stupid and inexplicable rules. Awesome.

In other E. Spat news, I've been considering trying to find a church to go to. I kind of miss going to church and having *something* that forces me to leave my house on the weekend and take a shower and interact with other human beings. My big excuse right now for why I'm not going involves my lack of any non-denim wardrobe items...well, technically I guess I have a bridesmaid dress, but not sure how well that will go over! Who knows if I'll ever make it happen, but I've just been thinking about it.

I'm off to babysitting land, population one and a half. The child in question is way cute so I don't anticipate there being any problems...in fact, it is probably tougher on her having me for a babysitter than the other way around! :) If anything funny happens you people will be among the first to know.

Saturday, February 26, 2005

Oh DAMN.

In my internet wanderings today I had occassion to look at some screenshots of the now infamous Fred Durst 3-minute sex video allegedly hacked from his T-Mobile Sidekick (just a link to the story, safe for work). All I will say, besides EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW, is, ahem, if I was as...er...underendowed as Mr. Durst, I would probably NEVER allow anyone to take a video of me strutting my 2-inch stuff in order to preserve the moment. As a matter of fact, if I was a guy, and rich, and, well, you know, in possession of a two standard deviations below the mean size wiener, I would pay any amount to ensure that no pictures or videos were taken and no tales were told. Damn. In all fairness, maybe it just looks smaller on tape or something, but, well, yeah....

WTF?

Man, what is going on in blog-land? Visits are down, nobody is commenting, everyone seems uninspired and are complaining of not having anything to write, people are quitting, the whole "blawgosphere" feels kind of deserted and ghost-townish...geez, it's the Blog Flu Pandemic of 2005!

Sick. Sick!

I, for some reason, am watching this show Dr. 90210 on the E! channel. It is seriously totally sick. This guy is getting the supposed bags removed from under his eyes...he has highlighted hair and manicured fingernails, and he's getting plastic surgery for something that NO ONE in their right mind could ever think was wrong, there are NO bags! And, they show him talking to all his friends and he goes "Can you see what I'm talking about? Can you see the bags?" Swear to God, one of his friends goes "Well, no, not really, but I think if it will make you happy you have to do it."

WHAT?! I am seriously disgusted. Breast enhancement was a topic over at Clearly Erroneous not long ago, and unless I am seriously misreading the comments that were left over there, nearly everyone that commented said "Don't bother, men would rather have natural than big and fake" and several people commented on the safety of surgery versus the somewhat nebulous results. We are so deranged in this country that all these people would RISK THEIR LIVES to have bigger boobs or their INVISIBLE bags removed from under their eyes...this is real surgery with general anesthesia. Don't get me wrong, in general I am pretty much a fan of just letting everyone do their own thing...if you want some kind of plastic surgery (and can afford it financially and time-wise and mentally) then hey, go for it. But, I really do just think it is totally sick what people will go through to try to look a certain way that they perceive is necessary for them to be successful and loved. I'm supposed to be catching up on Fed Courts anyway, I better turn this shit off before I come totally unglued.

Friday, February 25, 2005

BAHAHAHAHAHA

My garbage disposal just stopped working the other day, so I called the apartment complex office and filed a work order. The last few days I've basically been all pissed because the maintenance guy hadn't come yet and dirty dishes were piling up. So, tonight, I come home about 10 minutes ago and I'm all drunk because I've been drinking Aventinus all night, and here's what the completed work order laying on my counter said....

Fixed garbage disposal. Please quit putting gravel in the garbage disposal and it will work just fine.

Damn Beefy and his stupid tank cleaning, this is all his fault. If he didn't need "clean water" and "habitable living conditions" this would have never happened. Gravel in the disposal. Maybe I'm drunk, but a pile of blue gravel and a nasty note is SOOOOO funny right now. Damn.

I heart Hawaii!

In addition to the outstanding tropical fruit and flowers produced in Hawaii, they apparently have good music...something I didn't know until M. married a guy from Hawaii. When I was there he gave me some CD's, two of which are by a couple of guys called the Ka'au Crater Boys. I loooooooove them! They have some of their own material, and some covers, but all of it is performed in a very "Hawaiian" way...with ukulele's and just a very surf-y tropical feel. Anyway, it's very relaxing and I think I love it for the same reason I love Jimmy Buffett...it makes me think about sitting on a nice beach somewhere drinking fruity boat drinks and wearing a big pink flower in my hair and just shooting the shit with my friends, laughing and telling stories and drinking beer. I love times like that, and during this law school *thing* I at least can have the music. If you like beach music I highly recommend anything by these guys.

Who wants a moustache ride? I DO! I DO!

Holy Hot Firefighters Batman...there is some kind of CLE class here that must count for "public health" people, because our school is crawling with hottie firefighters and cops. DAMN! If I could think of ANY way to get into that room and, ahem, get to know some of them, I would seriously give my right arm. Well, maybe my left arm...it's useless anyway.

M. said I'm not allowed to sleep with talk to cops anymore since both my ex's were cops and I just have this weird weakness for law enforcement types. But no one said anything about firefighters...SCORE!

Anyway, gotta get back to stalking studying.

A post where I ramble about nothing.

I woke up this morning STILL SICK! My head feels like it's going to explode from all the coughing I've been doing...everytime I have a coughing fit I fully expect to blow out some kind of major blood vessel that I need for other stuff, like supplying my heart or brain with blood...or god forbid, the one that powers my liver. I hope that over the weekend I finally kick this thing, my GOD....when will it end?

OMG, the cameraman just got a little too close to Katie Couric's hand....holy crap they're ugly! I wish I had a screen shot to show you guys, they were so gross...they look like my grandpa's hands and he's 84 and has lived a life full of hard manual labor. She needs to get a hand lift or something.

I've been thinking about that show Cell Dogs because I have to do a presentation in my Law and Pop Culture class about a TV show or movie and I really liked that show. But, apparently it's not on anymore and the Discovery Store doesn't sell DVD's of it. I emailed the Corrections Corporation of America, who owned the prisons featured in the show and claim on their website to sell copies of videos of the show, but my email was returned as undeliverable. I ended up sending the email to someone else I just randomly chose off their website, but no one has responded. I have other ideas for my presentation, but now I feel like this has turned into a quest. Once I get started I can't quit until I get them to bend to my will and email me back and offer me the damn video. Things like this are literally the only times I feel like I am well-suited to being a lawyer...I'm nothing if not persistent!

Which leads me to my next point, yesterday one of my friends told me "E. Spat., you're a doer not a thinker. You might hate law school but you're going to be a totally kickass lawyer once you get out there." I thought that was such a nice thing to say. I'm not offended about not being a thinker, because, of course, I'm not. I mean, I like to think about stuff, but just not the intricacies of the wording of Article III, you know? I think about stuff that I write about on this blog, like how ugly Katie Couric's hands are, and how funny it is that people try to use gasoline to light their barbeques...why can't that be good enough? :)

Thursday, February 24, 2005

What else am I forgetting?

In the last couple of weeks I was checking my accounts online and noticed a very ominous message regarding my car insurance (I have non-owner insurance so I can drive other people's cars)..."Please contact a customer service representative, your information is currently unavailable." OOOOOOOOOOOPS!

I first noticed the message before I went out of town, but I didn't have time or feel like dealing with it, so today I decided (FINALLY) to call and talk to them and see what was going on.

Customer Service Rep: "How can I help you?"
Me: "Well, I'm embarassed to admit that I think I forgot to pay my bill and my insurance got cancelled...I've had this scary message for the past week or so saying my information has gone unavailable and I need to call you guys."
CSR: "OK, let me check your information...don't worry, lots of people forget to pay their bills and we can just reinstate you if you're behind on your payments or something."
Me: "Great, wonderful..."
CSR: "Ummmm, Ms. Spatula?"
Me: "Yes?"
CSR: "You didn't forget to pay your bill, on January 13th you paid your account off for the quarter, you don't owe us any money until May 2nd."
Me: "I did? Weird!"
CSR: "Is there anything else I can do for you today?"
Me: "Uh...nope!"

God, I'm such a dope sometimes. I seriously spent a week worrying about a bill I just paid apparently.

On the upside, I just spend over an hour writing an analysis of an episode of Dr. Phil for my Law and Pop Culture class, I love getting school credit for watching TV. I've also noticed that since I got back from Oklahoma City I feel all weird and surreal. Like every day I just feel like I'm in this sort of fog...marching through the day but not really feeling awake or connected. I think it's at least partially due to the cold medicine....gotta wean myself off the dirty damn Nyquil, it's making me into a zombie.

Zip. Zilch. Nada. Goose Egg. Nothing. Zero. None.

Hearsay Quiz.

What are the chances that a person, namely me, could make ZERO points on a quiz? If you are ME the chances are ONE HUNDRED EFFING PERCENT!

How could this happen? I mean, seriously...the law of probability should have had me getting at least ONE question right. Right? WRONG!

Don't get me wrong, I think this is funny as hell...the whole point of doing the quiz AND the paper was that the one with the least points was going to be counted towards class participation, so I guess I just have to come up with some kind of other participation points thing...but still, ZERO POINTS! ZEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERO!

I went and talked to the prof about it because he's one of my favorites, and he was just like "damn, I feel like I should give you extra credit for doing the worst out of everyone!" He also pointed out that I could have guessed all one letter on the scantron and done better...all "C's" would have gotten me like 6 points and I only need 13 more participation points. GAH!

Anyway, not I have to come up with some kind of participation thing to do, he especially loves things like songs written and performed that are about Evidence, episodes of TV shows, stories, poems, or any other "creative" type project that concerns Evidence. And and all suggestions are happily accepted.

I've got lots of other stuff to talk about too, I went to lunch today with some friends and talked a lot to them about blogging and stuff, but I think I'll save that for later when I'm sitting around whining about how I have nothing to blog about. ZERO POINTS! NONE!

Day 10 Of My Captivity

My Admiralty class got cancelled this morning, so I got to sleep in for an extra hour this morning. Strangely that did not make me feel any better, but at least it's Thursday, which means my week is nearly over, I only have one class on Fridays...I just have to make it through the three I still have left today.

I keep forgetting to post about this, but LQ is moving to D.C. over the summer and has asked over at her place for help/suggestions about schools for her, schools for her kids, where to live, etc. So, if you have any great advice that you're just bursting to share, go on over there and share away!

Also, I promised AmbImb that as soon as I'm feeling a little bit better and get my voice back I will do a podcast over at AI. I guess that means I have to think of something to say, but you'll all be able to hear me talk about something. Considering the fact that in real life I never shut the hell up and I mostly ramble about nothing, I'm sure it will be a real treat for you all. Or not.

I guess I ought to get my stuff together and head to school...for some reason I am really unenthusiastic this morning about sitting in class for the rest of the day. Must be the fact that I am STILL feeling sick and it's been TEN days, I just want to feel healthy! I'm also watching The Today Show and as always I'm wondering what the hell is wrong with these people? Al Roker is NOT funny, but no one seems willing to tell him, and Katie and Matt and Ann(e?) are all just...I don't know...divorced from reality. Katie Couric, America's Sweetheart? What? Geez.

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Thievery is afoot!

Poor Daddy Spatula! This bike shop he works at, which I think I've mentioned is a job he LOVES, lets customers take bikes out on "test rides" before they buy them. It's a small town, and I think they don't make people leave any kind of collateral behind...although most people leave their old bike. You know where this is going, right? My dad was closing up the store and a guy came in and looked at some bikes and wanted to take one on a test ride. He took off on it and never came back...rode right into the sunset on a $1500 bike.

This just breaks my heart because Daddy Spatula is really going to take this so personally. He'll lay awake at night thinking about how he could have done better, how he shouldn't have let it happen. He has such a strong sense of personal responsibility, there is never an excuse for why something bad happened...it's always a matter of "what could I have personally done better to prevent this?" (Not that I know all this because I'm exactly like him...NOOOOO!!!!)

Clearly the bike shop needs a different policy, even jewelry stores make you give them your driver's license just to try on jewelry IN the store...they sure as shit don't let you take it out for a test-wear. But still, that's the owner's problem, but I know my dad is going to feel so bad and beat himself up. I hope the bike stealer guy falls down and hits his head...take that Mr. Bike Stealer Guy! You got SERVED!

It's taking me a lot longer to get back into the swing of things than I thought it would. I had to read a short story for my Law and Pop Culture class today and I couldn't think of *anything* to write about it, but I have to write something to get credit, so I ended up contrasting it with the story from today's Dr. Phil. Law school credit for watching Dr. Phil...oh hell yeah.

The wedding of the century...

OK...Evidence paper - check! Hearsay quiz - check! Fail Hearsay quiz - check check!

Well, at least it's over...for some reason I just couldn't get any of the answers right...I'm going to blame it on bad questions, certainly it wasn't lack of proper preparation.

Anyhoo...the wedding. M. and K. had a really wonderful, simple, laid-back wedding...heavy on the Guinness and light on the formalities...it was awesome. M.'s custom made pink dress was a big hit, it had a real 20's feel to it, and she looked so gorgeous...she was amazing! The vows part of the ceremony lasted probably about 5 minutes, the guy who did the ceremony is someone from their squadron who happens to be ordained. They exchanged rings and vows and then basically everyone got booze and food and just hung out for a couple hours. After the wedding, M. and K. had a barbeque at their place with all the leftover beer and wine from the wedding.

The really great part about going out there was getting to meet M.'s extended family, and K. and his family. Despite having been super-duper-best-friends-forever with M. for nearly 13 years, I really hadn't met much of her family besides her parents and her two brothers. Her aunt, as it turns out, is a lawyer, and she is SOOOOO rad...she doesn't know it yet but she's going to be my new aunt now too because I don't have one. And her aunt's husband is totally cool too...makes me wish I had more than five relatives so I could get in on this "cool aunt and uncle" thing. K.'s parents were there and stayed at the house with me and M. and K. They were awesome too. K. is Japanese and from Hawaii and his parents were so gracious and laid-back. They cooked tons of great Japanese food for the barbeque, and imported these absolutely gorgeous tropical flower arrangements to put on the tables at the wedding reception, they had proteas and orchids and they were so beautiful.

At any rate, the entire time away from here was wonderful, and much needed. Even with being sick I had a great time. I think M. picked a really wonderful guy to marry, and I think K. is going to be a really good brother-in-law for me. It did sort of make me a little bit melancholy to see all these happy couples there...and I definitely felt really sad when I had to leave M. and K.'s house, with its dog, two cats, one ferret, and two people in love who have careers and are happy and making a life together. Just makes me want to be done with law school that much more.

So, that's the wedding trip highlight reel...overall I give the whole thing two thumbs up, and I wish that I could live with them forever! I would walk the dog every day and cook dinner and even vacuum...anything to keep from having to take my Fed Courts exam!

Oh yeah, here's a pic of the fabulous hand-blown glass candleholder I gave them as a present (the green one). When you burn a candle it looks like it's in a pool of water, the light shimmers and reflects. It's SO gorgeous, you'll just have to trust me.

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

I heart rhinestone glasses!

What's that you said? I look totally awesome in my new sexy hot law student glasses? I KNOW!

I am officially wearing my new fabulous glasses, and I'm happy to say that for the first time in weeks I can see fairly clearly out of my right eye...weird. I will borrow LQ's camera soon and put up a picture of them, the rhinestones are SOOOOOOO awesome...shiiiiiiiiiiiiiny!

For tonight I am listening to some awesome Hawaiian music M.'s new HUSBAND (so weird to say that!) copied for me and working on Hearsay for my test tomorrow, and finishing up my Hearsay paper, which is (I HOPE!) mostly done. I can't wait to get all this Evidence stuff out of the way, only one more paper due and then I'm done with that class. My one and only "real" exam this quarter is in Fed Courts and it's three weeks from Thursday, GULP! My other classes all have papers of one sort or another. Good thing I have such a strong constitution, I *never* get sick...well, OK, I never get deathly ill twice in one month (Dear God, please do not take that as a challenge, OK?).

Fat man in a little coat...

So, I thought I would start my recap of events in reverse chronological order, and as such, I will begin with my plane trip home yesterday.

The flight from Oklahoma City to Chicago was pretty uneventful. I was flying American Airlines, but one of those tiny planes with only two seats on each side of the aisle. I had an aisle seat and this woman came up holding a little kid and with another kid in tow, probably an 8 or 9 year-old little boy. The little boy had the window seat next to me and the mom (with the little kid on her lap) had the aisle seat across from me. So, the little boy goes "You need to move over so I can sit across from my mom and help her with my little brother." I was mildly shocked at his tone and the fact that the mom didn't correct him, but I went ahead and moved so they could all sit across from each other. As I'm moving all my stuff over the mom goes, "Thanks for moving, [the little kid] is a REAL tyrant so his brother has to help me with him." OK, so, you are unable to control your youngest child without the help of your 8 year old son? And she wasn't! She had this kid doing everything for her. "Bobby, wipe your little brother's hands." "Bobby, go get your little brother a bottle of water because he dropped his." "Bobby, find your little brother's favorite toy and hold it for him so he can look at it and see if he wants to play with it." It was ridiculous...I see an intense case of sibling resentment just waiting to rear its ugly head.

In Chicago I switched from American Airlines to Alaska Airlines. When the plane boarded it went roughly like this..."We would like to first board all families with small children or people needing special assistance...[pause one minute]...We would now like to board everyone else at exactly the same time in a manner roughly resembling a cattle stampede only with less order and common sense." It was crazy, everyone just sort of herded onto the plane in no apparent order whatsoever. Because I truly hate being stuck in a crowd I kind of waited and was towards the end of the line of people getting on the plane. So, I'm walking down the aisle looking for my seat and when I find it I know that God for sure hates my punk ass. Right in the middle seat of my row is the fattest man EVER! He has both armrests up and is taking up at least half my seat.

I look around trying to figure out if there is anywhere I can go, but every damn seat on the plane is taken. I mean, it's a very awkward situation. This guy is clearly in the 450+ pound range and cannot possibly fit in one seat. I'm sure that it's difficult for him, it's probably embarrassing (I would be embarrassed anyway), it would be very expensive to have to buy two tickets, etc...

BUT, I paid for my ticket too. And what I got was half a seat, one leg jammed under the outside aisle armrest which allowed me the distinctive pleasure of being hit with the drink/food carts during the entire 4 hour flight, and...this is the best part...this incredibly fat guy pressed up against my entire right side SWEATING ALL OVER ME! Oh yeah, my leg was WET when I got up because he was so huge and sweaty, I almost puked. I got up and walked around and went to the bathroom a couple times to try to stretch and get away from him, but with all the drink carts in the aisles and stuff, I couldn't really stay out of my seat long enough to get totally away from him. I was so claustrophobic that after about hour two of having this guy entirely in my space I was going totally nuts...I thought I was going to have a total panic attack. I couldn't even go to sleep because I had NO ROOM at all to even breathe or sit properly. It was seriously one of the worst flights ever.

I looked today on Alaska Airlines webpage and it says they have a policy where "customers of size" are required to buy two tickets if they can't fit in the seat, but clearly no one was enforcing that on this flight. I feel kind of guilty even being so angry about it, like it's socially unacceptable to feel like a really large person should have to buy two tickets, but this guy was so big that there's NO WAY he didn't know he needed two seats...when you can't put down the armrests and your leg is taking up half my seat, well then, I think it's time to just admit the truth to yourself that you may be inconveniencing others.

Anyway, I am still sick today but feeling a lot better. The hacking cough is not quite as horrible and gutwrenching and my nose is starting to heal from all the nose-blowing of the past few days. I still have to talk about how great the wedding was and all the fun people I met, but for right now I think I best go and try to work on the motion in limine I have due tomorrow...it's on Hearsay, and I have a test on Hearsay tomorrow as well. FUN!

Monday, February 21, 2005

Cough cough sputter cough

I'm back. I'm exhausted. I was deathly ill most of the time I was gone, but through the restorative powers of Nyquil and Myers Dark Rum, I managed to have a good time anyway. The wedding was fabulous and beautiful, K. is a wonderful guy who I really liked, and everything went really well (except my extended near death experience). Unfortunately I have two papers and a test in the next couple of days...law school always has to get the last word like that.

I'll be back tomorrow with something, wedding stories or at least an update. Also, I pick up my glasses tomorrow - YAY!

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

The Order of the Sleepless Knights has now assumed the throne...

Alright, in no particular order, here are some of my favorites from the Favorable Dicta archives...I ran out of time before I ran out of ideas for grouping posts and putting them up, so I hope these are at least a good start for while I'm gone. I hope I get to post a little bit while I'm gone, but I kind of doubt it...so, without further ado..."THE BEST OF WWFFD!" also known as "SOME POSTS I PICKED AT RANDOM BECAUSE I'M HIGH ON COLD MEDICINE!" Enjoy!

Peer Mentoring

Mr. Porn in the Library Guy...We Salute You!

Is Courtship Dead?

OCI...Where grades are the most important thing about you EVER!

Memo to Self: Fuck Law School

The Origin of the WWFFD Cabana Boy Theme...

Helpful Hints for Summer Interning

Lamenting the Quarter System..

Vitriolic Rants about Financial Aid and the Minions of Satan....here, here, here, here, and here.

Top Five Bad Dates Ever...One, Two, Three, Four, Five.

Dear Britney...my ongoing attempts to make fun of Ms. Spears-Federline...here, here, here, here, here, and here.

My fear of microphones...here, here, here, and here.

Seriouser posts...Epiphany, Lifesick, Croissant Shaped Paperweights, First Kiss.


OK, that's it for now...if I get a chance I will definitely post while I'm gone, otherwise I'll save up all my stories for when I get back. And, this time I mean it, no parties, no hookers, no spitting, no cussing, and NO live animals. Geez!

Hooray for being alive!

As it turns out, I did in fact make it through the night...although I coughed so hard all night I woke up with totally red bloodshot eyes which was kinda freaky. I am on so many cold medicine type drugs right now I don't even know how I'm still awake and semi-coherent.

Anyway, seeing as how I lived I guess that I might try to put together a "Best Of WWFFD" if I can swing it before I go. I have three classes this morning all in a row and then I'm leaving straight for the airport...so if it doesn't go up until tomorrow don't be mad at me.

In the meantime, feel free to worship my kick-ass haircut (too bad this isn't a photoblog because it's super-cute) and/or my fabulous new haircolor...coppery reddish brown with sort of golden highlights...oh yeah baby.

And last but not least, my newly engaged pal, whose birthday party was one of my greatest alcohol binges ever, needs some help, so if you can answer her question go on over there and leave a comment.

Anyone else out there take a mass media effects or mass communication effects course as an undergrad? Any other communications/media research course? I'm looking for a good book (most likely something textbook-y) that sums up media effects theories like the direct/indirect and limited effects theories. Pass any suggestions on my way!

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

It's not that I have nothing good to do...I actually *am* dying...

Great haircut but I have moved from "Gee, I wonder if I'm coming down with something?" to "I'm dying, there are spots swimming in front of my eyes, my head is floating above my body yet still causing me massive pain."

A couple people volunteered to guest blog but per a fab suggestion from Fitz I am going to attempt to put up a "best of" compilation before I go.

Right now I am shaking, nauseous, seeing spots, aching all over and wanting to be put out of my misery. If I make it through the night, I'll put up that post tomorrow before I go. Gotta go pass out now.

I don't want to die a virgin....

Last night I had a tickle in my throat and a little cough and I reassured myself that it was nothing, after all, God could not be so cruel as to make me sick right before I'm supposed to go on vacation, right?

WRONG! Over the course of the day the nagging cough has progressed into a headache, muscle aches, runny nose, no appetite (a sure sign of impending doom), and general overwhelming malaise.

I still have to head up a meeting, go to a two-hour seminar class, and go to a three hour (at least) hair appointment for a cut, color and highlights for M.'s wedding. DAMNIT! I cannot be sick. I especially cannot have the flu. I went to the drugstore just now and purchased something with the words "flu" and "extra-strength" on the front of the box (at least I think that'd what it said, I still don't have my glasses so it could say "All-natural erectile enhancement" for all I know).

No takers yet on guest-blogging, archives for six days it is...pray that I don't die before I even get to M.'s though...whhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhy meeeeeeeeeeee?

Monday, February 14, 2005

You are the new me...

Does anyone want to guest blog while I'm out of town for M.'s wedding? You be tall, dark, handsome, funny, good-writer, not too picky, bad eyesight, like curvy girls with big, natural...um...hazel eyes. I'll bring the cookies, vodka, and porn whatever romantic shit it takes to get you to put out. I like long walks on the beach as long as they end at a bar, and candlelight dinners where you buy me tons of good, expensive beer and I pretend not to be easy.

Just kidding (unless you are this guy in which case, email is over there on the right). If you want to guest blog while I'm gone drop me an email, open to anyone who wants to do it I guess, if anyone does, subject to my proprietary approval. If not, I guess you're all stuck with perusing the archives while I'm gone because M. only has dial-up and I'm gonna be super busy being the bestest number one super fantastic bridesmaid ever (by which I mean, drinking an awful lot).

Just Because: It's Valentine's Day

What better day for gratuitous manflesh than this? I didn't bother to label these since some are totally obvious and some I can't remember their names (art imitating life?) and all are just eye candy. I tried to put up a broad spectrum of all the requests I've gotten in the past...enjoy.

























Love....blah

Happy Fabricated Day of Consumer Driven Love! Seriously, not bitter. I made this special Valentine candy heart to celebrate my love for the one thing that has never let me down or treated me wrong. I would tell you the story of my best Valentines Day, but unfortunately for me, when you only date losers they're not usually hugely romantic.



(h/t THL)

Sunday, February 13, 2005

Grammy Award Green(?) Carpet Q&A...

Q: Could Starr Jones be any more annoying?
A: NO!

Q: Could Starr Jones make any more references to her own perceived hotness?
A: NO!

Q: Could Kathy Griffin be any less funny or any more grating and shrewish?
A: NO!

Q: Could James Brown be any more drug addled and incoherent?
A: NO!

Q: Could Gavin Rossdale be any more HOTT?
A: NO!

I can't watch any more of it, it's too horrible. The "stars" are total effing morons for the most part, Starr Jones is fake and plastic-y and weird, and Kathy Griffin is the human equivalent of nails on a chalkboard. Gavin Rossdale is very extremely wonderfully fantastically attractive. Damn that crazy dressing Gwen Stefani for bewitching him.

Relaxing on a Sunday afternoon...just me and Jimmy and Diet Coke...

I am happily ensconced in my newly clean house with some Joss Stone and some Modest Mouse and OF COURSE some Jimmy Buffett and even a little bit of Van Morrison. Here I plan to stay, doing laundry, taking study breaks to do more cleaning stuff, burning the new rose scented oil I got, and drinking huge quantities of Diet Coke. YAY!

I also have to try to find my shoes that I'm wearing for M.'s wedding. What other best friend would not only allow, but *encourage* super pointy, super high-heels with ankle straps and fishnets as part of the bridesmaid ensemble? See how lucky I am? I tried on the dress and all the stuff (except the shoes which are hiding) the other night and it is so Stepford Wife goes to a cocktail party, I LOVE it! Black dress, black cardigan sweater, black high heels, fishnets, and a pearl necklace (heh). HOT! I mean, properly modest for a civil wedding ceremony and a solemn occassion celebrating the love of M. and K. But still, HOT!

Saturday, February 12, 2005

Spending it like it's going out of style...

Best line from the play tonight: "No carbohydrates makes for one cranky motherfucker!"

Play = mediocre

Film that went with play = slightly better than mediocre with great potential to be much more

Wedding present for M. and K. = DONE! FABULOUS! She already knows what it is because I felt the need to get a go ahead before I spent that kind of money, but she's going to pretend to be surprised, and it's not like she's actually seen it or anything. No pictures or descriptions until after the wedding though so it will be at least mostly a surprise...this part she does know -- it's a piece of hand blown glass functional art.

Shopping and dinner with my friend (roommate from last year) = awesome!

Drink with dinner = SUPER DUPER AWESOME!!

If I can find a recipe for it I'll post it, something with bourbon, cranberry juice (I think), and a cherry. FAB!

Sephora = Bought two lipglosses that together are for sure The Super Fantastic.

More on the play and the lipgloss tomorrow, I am currently too exhausted to think, or type, or really be of much use at all. I'm going to put on my pajamas and my new lipgloss and read for a while. What a great day with nothing school related whatsoever, I even spent money like I actually have it. It felt so good!

Sisters...do they need to share everything???

OK, I know I'm supposed to be studying, but I just *happened* to have this cheeseball movie on the Hallmark Channel on, and one part of the story line has me so creeped out.

The premise is that there are three daughters who are all getting married at the same time, and their poor harried parents are having to deal with the whole thing and pay for it, etc. Basically it's Father of the Bride but with three girls. I'm not sure if the girls are supposed to be triplets, but they all look exactly like each other...exactly.

So, here's the creepy part. The eldest daughter has this guy who has been in love with her forever. She lets him do everything for her, but secretly she's dating some rich Italian guy. When the Italian guy comes into town to ask her dad to marry her, and coughs up a huge-ass ring, she basically tells the lifelong friend guy "Hey, thanks for the years of support, you're a great friend...see ya at the wedding to Mr. Hottie over here."

Meanwhile, the youngest daughter is the "best friend" to this guy and has comforted him all throughout his unrequited love for her sister. Now that the sister finally threw him over, the younger sister is putting the moves on him, and obviously he has to respond or else there won't be three weddings, and it's in the script. So, basically, she knows he's spent his whole life in love with her older sister who looks exactly like her, and is now going to *suddenly* discover he's really in love with her and marry her.

Somehow this just seems kinda icky to me. I mean, how can she ever be sure he's really in love with her? How will Thanksgiving be? "Are you staring at my sister's tits? YOU ASSHOLE!"

Anyway, it's not a good movie, I don't recommend it.

I'm sober NOW!

Well, reports of my total and utter drunkenness last night were greatly underover-exaggerated. Actually, I did go to a fabulous German bar and have some Aventinus, after which my friend and her boyfriend and I decided it would be fun to come back here and drink more beer and watch Super Troopers...which we did. I drank a bunch of Chimay, ate some Chinese food, and generally had a great time. If I'm going to get nice and drunk I really enjoy doing it at home where I can lay around in my pajamas and eat cookies.

Today the agenda involves a day of shopping downtown for a wedding present for M. and K., and then dinner and a play with my same friend from last night. I plan to spend the gift certificate to Sephora the fabulous LQ got me for my birthday while I'm downtown...I think I might buy some new perfume for the wedding. Or new lipgloss.

Anyway, I'm off to at least pretend to read Fed Courts.

Friday, February 11, 2005

Asinine story of the day....

Women in a Toyota autoworker's union in Australia are seeking 12 extra days of sick leave a year to be designated "menstrual leave." Apparently they think they are special and so they get to have some extra days off while every other woman in the damn world goes about her business, cramps or not. Give me a break. If they have chronic problems with their periods maybe they ought to go see a doctor and get something to alleviate the issues...this is Australia we're talking about, not some third-world jungle (where the women would never do something like this because they understand what a real problem is)...I'm sure there is at least one pharmacy in all of Australia that sells Aleve and those stick on heat-strips. I shudder to think of the amount of time and money wasted on this.

It's raining men...

Hallelujah!

I was walking to the bookstore this afternoon and I saw *the* most gorgeous man. This is quite an event seeing as how the Pacific Northwest isn't normally a place I associate with the kind of men I think are super-attractive.

But this guy had it all. YUMMMMMMMMMMY!

And so I saw him walking towards me and I thought to myself (seriously) "Don't stare at his crotch...QUIT IT!" I still looked, but I tried not to be too obvious.

The best part is, when he walked by he smelled so good. I mean, SO DELICIOUS! I wanted to jump inside his jacket and sniff his neck for about five hours.

I heart springtime...flowers blooming, sun shining, and hottie men walking the streets like little pleasure zombies. HOORAY!

So a guy walks into a bar...

I had the weirdest dream last night.

I was getting on a plane, and I was going somewhere overseas and then I would be going straight from that place to M.'s wedding. Only, as I was going through security I realized I had forgotten my bridesmaid dress and all my stuff I needed for the wedding, and I got all panicked and started to cry and stuff.

Eventually the airport people calmed me down and convinced me that I could just change my ticket once I got to the overseas part and come back through my city to pick up my stuff...which apparently made me feel better since I quit my bellyachin' and got on the damn plane.

Now, here's the really weird part.

Once I got to my destination (not sure which one), the flight attendants wouldn't let me off the plane until I had "counted out." For those of you who have had the unfortunate experience of working in retail, you know that at the end of the day you have to count all the money and take it to the bank or put it in a safe. At all the places I worked at you had to count it until you came up with the exact same amount twice.

Anyway, so, they give me this huge pile of money, bills and coins, and tell me to count it until I come up with the same number twice. No calculator either, which ensures that I will never succeed. And then, in that dream way, there are other things besides money. Like buttons, paperclips, barrettes, pieces of plastic...all these tiny things that I have to keep track of and count until I come up with the same number twice. And all the flight attendants are standing around yelling at me because they want to go home and I can't get it right...so I'm crying and apologizing and trying to keep all the little bits and pieces in neat piles.

I don't need a psychologist to tell me what this one means...but I am pissed that I never have dreams anymore where it's just me and James Spader having a romantic dinner and then heading off to Office Depot to buy some red pens.

Thursday, February 10, 2005

Semesters v. Quarters...why quarters totally and utterly blow.

Stanford Law School is considering moving to the quarter system starting in Sept. 2006. (via JD2B)

“The days when lawyers could simply opine on narrow legal issues from a position of isolation are over,” said Mark Chandler, Law School Class of 1981, who serves as vice president of legal services and general counsel for Cisco Systems. “Dean Kramer’s move to integrate the Law School’s calendar with the rest of the University is a key to maintaining the relevance of Stanford’s legal program for the future.”

But those impacted by the change note that there are potential downsides. Switching to a quarter system would complicate summer employments at law firms, because their start and end dates are typically defined and keyed to a semester system — which is the norm at most law schools nationwide, including Harvard and Yale.

Stanford law students would have to delay the start of their summer jobs by one to two weeks. For third-year law students, the quarter system could mean leaving school later and thus having less time to prepare for the bar exam. In addressing these problems, Kramer has worked to secure guarantees from the top 60 law firms that conduct on-campus interviews that Stanford law students would be able to spend the same amount of time as students from other law schools despite their late start date. If the calendar change materializes, the Law School may also offer third-year students the option of taking their final exams early to allow for adequate studying time for bar exam review.

“I don’t see any drawback associated with the quarter system that
cannot be resolved,” Kramer said.


Well, I guess it's nice that Stanford took the time to get guarantees from employers that they would cooperate, that's sure as shit more than my school has done. But, there's a hell of a lot more negatives to the quarter system than just being a couple weeks late to your summer job and having less time to study for the bar.

First of all, each quarter is 10 weeks long, and there are three "quarters" in a regular academic year (plus one in summer). Because classes are so short, most are 4 or 5 credits and are 4 or 5 days a week. That means, if you're taking 16 hours (like me), you go to class everyday, and are in class most of every day. I know almost no one that doesn't go to school basically all day at least four days a week...most of us have one "light" day, and in 2L we have a little more leeway in schedule making, but in 1L we took 4 or 5 classes (depending on the quarter) on a "block schedule," basically four days a week all day (8:30-2:30 or 9:30-3:30)...or at least considerably more "all-day" than what I understand people on semester systems usually do.

However, I think the best part of the 10 week quarter class is the fact that each and every textbook is written for a semester long class. That means there are two choices. The first one (and most popular) is to just ignore it and stuff it all into 10 weeks no matter how confusing, frustrating, overwhelming and horrible it is for both the professor and the students. The second (mainly used in 1L) is to make certain classes two quarters long (Property, Contract, Torts, CivPro). Since the book isn't quite long enough to make it, this usually gives the professors an opportunity to really expound on whatever their favorite subject is, no matter how tangential it is to the law, or the subject of the class, or...reality.

The quarter system generally does not allow time for reading periods or anything like that before exams. Classes end Friday, exams start Monday and last one week. Breaks are much shorter than semester schools, after all, gotta get back and start the next quarter RIGHT AWAY because you didn't start school until the end of September. We got out of exams this past quarter on Dec. 17th and were back in school on Jan. 3rd, which I believe is a significantly shorter break than other people had (although we didn't start school until end of Sept...but we don't get out until mid-June).

Employers don't want to recruit in mid-October, during our OCI...they've already been to all the schools they're going to interview at and have seen hundreds of great candidates. Non-local employers are not into it, and it is reflected in their attitudes. My call-back in San Francisco (as I've stated before) started with a partner asking me "Why are you here so much later than everyone else, what's wrong with you?"

Once you get a job, the issue of starting a couple of weeks late is the tip of the proverbial iceberg. First of all, you have to find summer housing. But, forget about subletting because students will all be getting back and wanting their place back three weeks before you're ready to leave...you started late, remember? Same with the law school dorms in whatever city you're going to. Every bit of help that employers offer is scheduled around a semester system...all of it.

Also, when you waltz in three weeks later than everyone else, they have bonded with each other, and more importantly, with the lawyers in the office. People already have favorites, choice assignments have been given out, desks are claimed, the summer associates have formed friendships and gone out for drinks, and guess what? You were not included. But don't worry, at the end of the summer when they're all gone, you'll have plenty of time in the three weeks you're there alone to fix all their mistakes and finish their half-done projects. FUN!

Now, less empirical and more nebulous is the "mental-health" factor. Do you want to work at an externship for a judge? Participate in organizations (other than law review and moot court because you get academic credits for those so they aren't totally outside the system...although I realize people spend hugely more hours on these than the credit they get, but everyone thinks they're smarter than me so I'm not feeling too sorry for 'em)? Have a job? Well, good luck fitting it in around being in class five days a week. Also, good luck with the fact that just as a class starts to ramp up it's time for exams again. Hope your boss doesn't mind that you don't get out of class every day until 3:30pm and you still have to read for your three or four classes tomorrow plus maybe participate in an organization or whatever. The quarter system means no down-time. EVER! You will never have a moment to sit back and do anything except be busy and crazy and worry about how busy and crazy you are.

As far as the bar goes...on the quarter system you will graduate in mid-June, about one month later than basically everyone else. One month you could have been studying for the bar. One month you could have used a week or two of to celebrate your graduation or unwind or whatever.

Anyway, these are just a few of the reasons the quarter system is ridiculous. My school, like Stanford (wow, never thought I'd say that), uses the excuse that they want to stay integrated with the rest of the campus. Well, you know, thank GOD we are on a synchronized schedule so that the five people taking undergraduate courses and the three people doing dual-degrees can not be inconvenienced. I mean, isn't it so much more important that we accomodate the undergraduate programs than that we align ourselves with the standard operating procedures of 99% of the other law schools in the country, including the ones that are setting the standards as far as how we are all judged? Dumb. I predict if they do it the students will hate it and they will regret it. Bad idea.

UPDATE: I forgot to put in a sentence or two about the horrors of exams three times a year instead of twice, but suffice it to say...exams THREE times a year!

Rub my belly for good luck.

I forgot to tell you this.

Today I was hanging out with some people outside the library, and I was sitting cross-legged on a bench. This woman who was in my small group last year comes walking by, says "Hi" to all of us, and then turns to me and goes "Wow, you look just like Buddha sitting there!"

To which I reply, "I look like a fat man?"

And she goes "What is wrong with us as women that we can't just take a compliment, we have to turn it around on ourselves?"

Me: "And the compliment was????????"

Her: "You just looked so calm and peaceful...you had a lot of zen going on."

Me: "Oh. Weird."

Ruminations...

I have nothing funny to say today I think. I was grouchy all day because I had to reformat all my spreadsheets for work (skipping one class AND lunch in the process), and everything all day was just irritating the crap out of me. And apparently at least one person noticed.

My mom...well, technically she didn't notice, but she still called today. I talked to my dad yesterday about work and law school and my life and how overwhelmed I have been feeling, and he apparently told my mom he was worried and she should call me (this is how we handle emotions in our house...it's like a game of mental health hot potato). So anyway, she called and we actually had a great conversation and I made her laugh a little and she said that made her feel like I was doing OK, because I was hanging onto my sense of humor.

We were talking about my future as a lawyer, and how I'm feeling about it now. I've made no secret on this blog about my desire to not foreclose other avenues of employment besides just being a prototypical lawyer. I am open to just about any career that uses at least some portion of my education and that I can be happy doing, at least most of the time. I'm not expecting career nirvana or anything, but I know that I am not the kind of person that can do a good job when I hate what I'm doing (ahem....let me introduce Exhibit One: LAW SCHOOL).

I told her that I've been really trying to tell myself that this whole experience isn't about one grade or another, but to hopefully actually get something from this education that is useful (or at least fulfilling in SOME way, no matter how nebulously connected to reality). I'm not always successful, but I really do *want* to be able to think about law school in a way that doesn't include me hating myself for not always being great at it or "getting" it.

I wonder *why* we, as students and consumers of legal education, stand for the system being the way it is. Unfocused, impractical in many ways, outdated...some people use it as an elongated bar preparation course, some use it for their own personal ego fulfillment, and some (like me maybe) are just swimming against the current most of the time and trying to stay above water despite the mental nagging of the drowning victim..."give up...just let go...quit even trying...you know you'll never make it."

For the people who excel at law school, I would guess the validation that comes from that from peers, employers, and society at large is probably pretty gratifying. For the people who do pretty well and know exactly what they want to do and are fulfilling a lifelong dream, well, it's probably pretty motivational and validating to them as well. Is it wrong to not be in one of those categories though? Not Wrong but just wrong. Why do the other students seem so hateful if you aren't either doing brilliantly (funny how, despite the fact that there's a curve, *everyone* seems to be "at the top of the class", isn't it?), or super-motivated towards a socially accepted goal? Is it somehow better to be making mediocre grades but be passionately dedicated to abolishing the death penalty? If I am treated like I'm stupid because I don't do great all the time, could I somehow transform that with a stroke of the "valuable social cause" paintbrush? "Yes, I know you were totally acting like a huge dick to me when you just thought I was just regular stupid, but I thought maybe if you knew my main goal in life was saving baby orphans and old people and the whales and chaining myself to old growth forest, you would be willing to think of me in a whole different light?"

I know a huge part of this is perception. My school isn't any different than many other schools, and the students are probably similar to those at many other schools too...although I will hazard a guess that due to the EXTREMELY liberal nature of this city, and the fact that the school is even more so, perhaps the ratio of students at my school with a seriously entrenched political agenda is greater than at other schools. Most people I've actually gotten to know personally have turned out to be great people. Do doctors have this kind of contention with each other during school? What about other professions? People always say that part of the reason law school breeds all this stress and whatnot is that it prepares us for the adversarial nature of the legal system. Would it be better to prepare us to ethically and professionally collaborate with each other to achieve a specific result or outcome, like the efficient management of the legal system itself?

Anyway, I have no answers (or a point apparently)...I'm just ruminating...because that's what I do around here. I am tentatively planning on taking an extremely light quarter in Spring and perhaps getting back some of my long-lost mental health. I'm also going to buy this book I saw somewhere (I'll link when I remember) about alternative jobs you can do with a legal degree. YAY!

Wednesday, February 09, 2005

Like trying to put a camel through the eye of a needle.

My afternoon.

1. Borrow friend's car to go to work so I don't have to ride the bus. SCORE!

2. Fret the whole way there about where I will park. Develop stomachache at thought of having to parallel park...thus ensuring that the only place to park will be...well...parallel.

3. Drive around for 10 minutes looking for regular parking spot, find nothing.

4. Find spot alongside curb near sign that says "2 Hour Parking North of This Sign."

5. Spend considerable time and mental effort trying to figure out which side of the sign is North. Decide to guess and just go with it.

6. Pull up next to car in front of curbside spot, take deep breath, and prepare to parallel park.

7. Back up, turn steering wheel, hit curb with back right tire.

8. Curse loudly. Pull back up next to car in front of me. Start again. Hit back right tire AGAIN.

9. Pull back up. Deep breath. Try again. FAILURE.

10. Start laughing. Look around and try to decide if anyone is watching. Try again. And again. And again. And again.

11. THIRTEEN MINUTES and AT LEAST twenty tries later, get car into space and give up. Wipe sweat from brow.

12. Go to work. Comment to boss that it's a good thing no one was taping me try to parallel park because it was one of the lowlights of my life. Boss comments back "Well, sometimes it can be hard to get a big car into a small spot. Was it a small spot?" "Ummmm...well, no." "Well, what kind of car is it?" "Yeah, it's a Honda Civic." "BAHAHAHAHAHA"

Yeah, that's right, it took me thirteen minutes to get a Honda Civic parallel parked into a spot roughly the length of three basketball courts.

On the upside, he pretty much told me my project is winding down which means I should be done soon....that means 20 hours a week of my life are going to be mine again...HOORAY!!!!

For the LAAAAAAAAAA-DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES! (see comments if you think I'm being more crazy than usual)


More on glasses, my new favorite topic.

Commenter Amanda left a link to this pic in the last post, and this is almost exactly what my new glasses look like. They are maybe just a little more cat-eye shaped and less square...but still. Very close. I think the bottom ones are maybe more the right shape. Anyway, YAY! I heart new accessories.




Tuesday, February 08, 2005

GLASSES! YAY!!

Well, I am officially a naughty glasses owning law student. Unfortunately I spent so long with Kurt, the Queer Guy For The Straight Blind Girl eyeglass frame advisor, that now I have to go finish my Admiralty homework instead of telling you all about it. If it still seems like a good story tomorrow I'll tell it then. I couldn't find any pictures on the internet beautiful enough to do justice to my new glasses, so I'll try to post a picture in a couple of weeks when they get here. They are red, and sort of catseye-ish, but a little more squarish, and they have two shiny, sparkly rhinestones in each corner. I heart them SOOOOOOOOOOOOO much! Poor Kurt, when I said I had to have them because they were so shiny I think he almost throttled me, but once it seemed like I could pay he got over it.

I'm off to try to figure out COGSA and The Harter Act...because my life is thrilling like that.

The continuing saga of my old agedness...

I just got back from the eye doctor and guess what?

NO...guess!!

My right eye is FOUR TIMES WORSE than my left eye. Four effing times!!! I'm practically a cyclops.

Also, I am left eye dominant, and I have carpal tunnel only in my left hand...but I am right handed, isn't that weird? I knew I was left eye dominant because I've always had difficulty shooting long rifles since I can never quite get as comfortable as I can shooting handguns and a cop once watched me shoot and said it was because I was left eye dominant...which I thought was total bullshit at the time, but maybe I owe him an apology.

Anyway, after school I think I will blow off school and work and go get me some hot librarian glasses. That way when I pull the pencil out of my slightly touseled bun and shake out my luxurious auburn hair, and hike up my super-tight, super-straight black skirt, and unbutton the top two buttons of my silk polka-dot shirt exposing my lacy black bra, it will be a complete package. YAY!

Monday, February 07, 2005

Do you like pina coladas?*

Blogging Q&A, in which I ask you questions and you tell me answers (or you tell me to get off my ass and figure this shit out myself like an adult...but don't do that....pleeeeease?!).

Q1. I need to find a place to live this summer in D.C. I know all the usual ways (Craigslist, staying in dorms of local law school...etc), the problem is that due to the EVIL, HEINOUS, HORRIBLE quarter system I cannot be out of any sublet by the beginning of August when all the students come back. Also, I'm scared of Craigslist because almost everyone I know who's used it to find a sublet has been horribly disappointed. I need a place to live from mid/late June to beginning/mid September. A couple of people I know are asking their friends in the area if any of them want to rent out a room or their basement or something, but I'm taking all other suggestions.

Q2. I worked my way through college and went to night school, and did my M.A. in the Air Force, so this is the first year that I have NO income to report for taxes. The school did send me a thingie with my "qualified tuition expenses" though. Do I need to file taxes? I can't get anything back because I didn't pay any taxes (right?), but do I need to do it for my FAFSA? Last year I still had AF income to report from the previous year...that's why I seem so far behind the power curve here.

Q3. When my insurance plan says it covers "hardware" for vision services, what does that include do you think? Frames? No lenses? The office is closed until tomorrow so I can't call...I'm not just too lazy to call. Seriously.

Q4. Have you ever given/gotten a fabulous wedding present? I need ideas for M. and K. Something unique, something that doesn't suck but can be purchased on a student budget, and something that is personal...no gift certificates. Also, something I can send to their house, or take in a suitcase. Ideas?

OK...feel free to email or leave comments to any and/or all of these questions. Try to ignore the fact that I'm shamelessly using my blog to find out information I could probably discover on my own if I wasn't totally lazy busy.

*There is no reason for this title except it's been stuck in my head since I read this.

Nice wrist brace you big dork.

Hand news.

I went to the Dr. today and am officially wearing a stupid brace on my wrist and hand now. This makes typing very very difficult and tedious. I'm not sure what to do about the blog...let alone school stuff. My God, it is going to take hours just to take notes or write a short paper. Blech. Anyway, I tried to draw you a picture of me with my new badge of uber-geekhood, but it was taking too long. Also, I got a handout for some home-schooled physical therapy, and in a month when I go back, if the brace and the home PT haven't helped I have to start thinking about real PT and surgical options. FUN!

Tomorrow I have an eye appointment...suddenly my vision is much crappier than it used to be. If I need glasses I'm totally getting the naughty school teacher ones. Also, why does it seem like suddenly I'm falling apart? Does my body know how bad my student insurance is? I kind of feel like I'm being punished for something!!!!

Anyhoo...there's the promised numb hand update. Sigh.

Sunday, February 06, 2005

BEADS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have been *wracking* my poor puny little overworked brain for something good and original to blog about, and let me tell you, I am just out of topics. Damnit. Every once in a while I think of something and then it just flies out of my mind and I can never remember it. But, today, I was reading Larry's post on her Mardi Gras celebrations and it reminded me of the last time I went to New Orleans...so here's a fun story I like to call "The Time I Almost Got Killed Dead By Jack Daniels."

I can't even remember what bar we started at, but it was a place that had 3 for 1 shots of Jack. I had no less than 4 of those in a very short time. 12 shots of Jack. And that was just my foundational drinking. From there we went to many, many, many bars...very much Jack was ingested. And hurricanes. And hand-grenades. And something called a sweet-tart. And God only knows what else. By the end of the night M. was dragging my ass back to the hotel. The highlight of this journey was me pointing at a group of hookers and screaming "I THINK THOSE PEOPLE ARE SMOKING CRRRRRRRAAACCCCCCKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!"

When we got back to the hotel M. starts begging me to throw up because she's afraid she's going to have to take me to the hospital. I am apparently singing, calling people up on her cell phone, wandering around the room in my underwear and a black feather boa, and passing out intermittently. Finally I just passed out...it had to be around 4am, and my plane was leaving at 7am, so I flew home still totally drunk and I think I didn't sober up enough to even start having a hangover for two days. When I got my film developed from that trip there were like three pictures of M. and I looking halfway normal, and then about 20 pictures of girls with their tops off because apparently I asked some guy to hold my camera since I was wearing a dress...hence, no pockets and too drunk to keep track of the stupid camera without it being somehow affixed to my person. Also, I had tons of beads from that trip and I distinctly remember trying to pull my dress up over my head to flash someone before realizing that then I would essentially be totally naked in the Disneyland of Filth. Thank God M. had a terrible hangover from a couple of days prior and so wasn't really drinking or I'd probably be dead or on some kind of Girls Gone Wild video.

All of this beats the first time I ever went to New Orleans though. Four couples went, we were all Air Force lieutenants...I had just started dating Ex#2. There was vomiting in ice buckets, a couple making out fell through a door they thought was boarded up and knocked over two people from a band that was playing in a bar, and the next morning, in effing JULY, we all took a swamp tour. Hot, steamy, humid, dank, putrid water plus eight hungover cranky people plus one swampboat driver who thinks it would be funny to get someone to puke so we can all see some 'gators. Not really the best morning of my life.

Puppies....cute, cuddly, warm, furry, wonderful puppies.

OHMYGOD
OH.MY.GOD!

The Puppy Bowl. Cutest thing EVER!!!!! I'm serious...I'm about to die of a heart attack from all the cuteness, it's so awesome. I heart puppies.

And Soup should be happy to note that almost all the puppies are beagles mixes...too bad Elvis didn't try out.

CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTE.

Semi-coherent update...

Happy I Don't Give A Shit About The Superbowl Day!

Don't get me wrong...I love the beer and snacks, but I don't understand football no matter how hard I try. It's sports math. Anyway, I only know one person who's having a party and there's no girls invited, so guess I'm just gonna have to sit around my house drinking beer and not understanding the game alone.

Yesterday I spent four hours at the horrible mall searching for ideas for a wedding gift for M. and K. NOTHING. Except that five minutes after I got there I wanted to kill about ninety different people for various social infractions. Let me just tell you, I understand kids can be hard to control sometimes, but when your wretched little beastie crawls under my dressing room door three times, I seriously think you need to consider one of those leash things or something. Also, when did all salespeople start calling customers "sweetie" and "honey"? I mean, I expected that in Texas, and it kind of sounds OK with a southern accent, but this is NOT Texas, so why the undue and overwhelming familiarity? It's *almost* as bad as when the waiter/waitress sits down at your table to take your order...I am perfectly able to admit my personal space needs are perhaps greater than "average" but I don't want people I don't know in my space. Unless they're James Spader. Or The Rock.

So, anyway, today I think I'm going to try to get all my reading done this morning so I can relax a little this afternoon. I turned in a bunch of work to my boss on Friday and he ALREADY wrote me back with new stuff to do. I love this job so much but I'm scared it will never be done and I'm going to be crazy with overwork forever...NOOOOOOO!

OK...my GOD, this post has gone from bad to worse to unintelligible...sorry. I just thought that since Soup finally came back from his little "blogging vacation" I should too. Unfortunately for all of us I neglected to make sure I had something to say before I opened my mouth (keyboard?) and spewed out four paragraphs. I promise I have some good blogging ideas hanging out in my brain, one day I'll get to them. Until then you're stuck with this. Again, sorry. I have to go have animal crackers and Diet Coke for breakfast.

PS: What's up with Gwen Stefani's videos lately? WEIRD! I have VH-1's Top 20 videos on while I'm typing this...trying to catch up on what the kids are listening to these days. Far as I can tell, a lot of crappy music.

PS..uh..S: See my fabulous artwork over at AI. I'm calling it "Miami Vice in the Abstract." Not really, I just made that up. It doesn't have a name because it's great art, so great that no one will ever be able to understand its greatness...not until after I'm dead. I'm going to call it E. Spatula #1.

Friday, February 04, 2005

Randomness

I got so much done today...I am Queen and Mistress of all that is Spreadsheet-y.

I watched Dr. Phil AND Oprah today. I know it's sick but I can't look away. Dr. Phil is like one of those fake TV psychics...he totally adjusts what he's saying to what the person says and so you get sucked in and think he was right the whole time. But I'm on to him. I'm a smartypants like that.

Also, the SBA is having our "Hump-Day" Party (i.e.: day that marks halfway through law school for us) on the night of the day I leave for M.'s wedding. If they had started advertising further in advance than 1.5 weeks perhaps I would have left Thursday morning, but judging by the general snubbiness of most of the people I go to school with, perhaps I wouldn't have. Yesterday after class, someone LITERALLY tipped their head towards me and commented to someone else that they were happy so many people seemed to not be paying attention because they thought it would help the curve. OH YEAH? Well, I'll have you know that even when I DO pay attention I still do shitty. So take that you big asshole.

Ummmm...what else. I've been thinking about what I'm going to do for Valentine's Day. Probably play the song "Alone Again Naturally" over and over again and drink an entire bottle of vodka just like every other year. Only this year I might splurge on Raspberry Vodka. I'm always open to new things. A holiday for lovers...fabulous.

Getting my feet wet

I *HATE* having wet feet. Wet feet is probably second only to being around someone throwing up on my list of things I truly cannot deal with being subjected to. This probably leads at least some of you to ask why I would move to the TVPNM, a place known for being generally rainy and wet all the time. I honestly have no answer...it just sort of happened.

So, today, although I didn't have any classes because my one Friday class got cancelled, I was headed out to school with all my "real" work to try to "finish" this project so my boss won't hate me forever, and it was raining. No problem. I will walk 9 miles out of the way to avoid a parking lot or a place on the road where the water is either super deep, or God forbid, deep enough that I can't tell how deep it is. I went ALL THE WAY around my apartment building to cross the street to the bus stop at a place I perceived to be the best for not getting my feet wet. And *right* before I got to the bus stop, I stepped in the world's larget puddle because I had so many books in my hands that I couldn't see it until it was too late.

I stood at the bus stop for perhaps 2 minutes debating what to do, and in the end, my overwhelming horror at potentially being stuck in soggy sneakers all day won out, and I went straight home, put on dry socks, and am now working from home in my pajamas.

In the end, I think this is better since I have to head all the way across town tonight for a friend's birthday party...two long roundtrip bus rides today in the pouring rain may have pushed me over the edge.

In lame hand news, yesterday in one of my classes the student presenter brought candy bars, the small ones that come in a long row in a package....and since she was sitting next to me, she handed them to me to open while she talked and I couldn't open the package because my left hand has no fine motor coordination at all. It was pretty awesome having 25 sets of eyes, all pining away for miniature Mounds bars, staring me down as I fumbled with a simple piece of plastic.

At this point I basically use my left hand like a lobster claw...I just aim at stuff I want and open and close it until it seems like I have a good enough grip to deliver the item to where it needs to be. Sometimes it's really funny when I THINK I have a good grip, but I don't, and I drop shit all over the place. Also, a new game I like to play is "put something in the left hand coat pocket and then spend an hour trying to retrieve it with completely numb left hand." It's like peek-a-boo for hands. I stick my hand in my coat pocket, do the lobster claw thing, pull out my hand to see if I have anything, and then, if I don't, I go back in. Repeat 90 jillion times a day looking for keys and cell phone. Fun!

Leave me alooooooooooooooone!

This is for people who are NOT my regular readers (I heart you guys)...it's for the several people in the last few weeks who have started trying to use my site to draw readers to their own sites, some of them being commercial or pay for content sites. NO! QUIT IT! It's not like I get thousands of readers a day (or even a week)...go bug someone else!

If anyone would like to use any of the material on this site for their own non-commercial site -- well, that's fine, I even encourage it, seeing as how the blog world is basically built on a foundation of links.

However, if you are going to use my material, or anything else you found here, and NOT link back to me, and then think you're going to send a trackback to the post you took the idea/story from in order to try to direct people to your own site, well, that just really pisses me off. Not just because you are trying to use my site to get traffic for your own site without linking back to me, but because it's a pain in my ass to figure out where those trackbacks are, since you people are apparently going to great lengths to use posts that are either off, or almost off, the main page, and then delete them...that takes moments of my precious time that I could be using for other things, like bedazzling all my plain t-shirts, or making shrinky dinks.

So knock it off.

Thursday, February 03, 2005

Wah.

I am feeling like a big whiny bitch today. Usually that's when I head straight for blog-writing time, but I think I might be so extra-special pissy today that it's not good to share. Which is fine because I'm an only child and I hate to share anyway. I especially hate it at restaurants when people want to share food...that makes me so mad. If you think my food looks good you should have ordered it, now get your dirty creepy hands outta my plate. /fork stabbing

See. I am going to class now to show my prison clip and watch what everyone else chose, which should be good for a laugh, and then I heard somewhere there was gonna be free beer this afternoon, so I might have to partake. Then I'm going home where I will eat comfort food, watch Thursday night trash TV and paint my toenails. Pink Glitter. So there.

George, what do you know about cocaine?

As usual, I am ashamed at how uncool I am in the face of all your great prison movie picks. I chose the scene in Blow where George first meets Diego and George decides to teach the prison class to try to earn some brownie points to get out early and he and the prisoners decide to turn it into a how-to class on drug running. George and Diego also cook up their plot to move from marijuana to cocaine at this point too...George says "I went in with a Bachelor of marijuana and I came out with a Doctorate of Cocaine."

I told you yesterday, it's not the BEST prison scene ever (or even close), but for whatever reason (partially at least the music) I love the movie Blow. I even think Penelope Cruz is almost tolerable in it. Almost.

In a totally unrelated story (except that Ex#1 might be going to prison soon depending on the outcome of his trial)...in what can only be an Act of God, the place I had my first wedding reception has burned to the ground. It was a beautiful club, our wedding pictures were taken on the beach right behind it, and when my dad worked with the Space Shuttle program we often were able to drive down to that area and watch launches.

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

Straight Outta Locash

I skipped my classes today to sit in a dark room in the library and do "real work" all morning. Now I am at home, sitting in a dark room doing "real work" while doing loads of laundry in the super-shitty laundry rooms. The common theme of all my activities today is "Not outside enjoying the beautiful weather." I did open all the windows though, which I think is actually making it even harder to focus.

At any rate, here's a chance for reader participation, which I know you all love. For my Law and Pop Culture class tomorrow I have to bring in a prison scene from a movie, because we just read a book about being in prison. I have one picked out, not really because it's my favorite but because I think other people won't choose it, however, I want to know: What is your favorite prison movie/prison scene in a movie ever? If you answer Shawshank Redeption or The Green Mile, that is -10 points for unoriginality. Cool Hand Luke and Silence of the Lambs are OK, but try to think outside the box. No pornos (looking at you AGAIN NDC) because, well, I don't know...it's my question so I make the rules. Although, and this is maybe only moderately funny, there used to be this DJ on the radio station I listened to in Albuquerque that, whenever it might rain, would go "There's gonna be more rain than a women's prison movie" and I would always laugh. /stupid story

I'll tell you the one I picked tomorrow - don't expect anything great though, it's an ordinary prison scene that just happens to be in a movie I really like (but that, I think, a lot of other people hate). Alright, you have your assignment, get to it.

Oh the humanity.

NDC, I'm right in your blogroll, why would you try to find me this way?

PSA

UPDATE IV 6:34am 2/2/05: Yesterday, in just one day, over 25,000 points were donated. Jeremy has upped the goal to 50,000 points by Friday (link fixed) so if you haven't donated any points, and you want to (and I know you do), just head over to Jeremy's and leave a comment telling him how many points you gave. An extra-special thanks goes out to everyone who donated yesterday -- from 100 points to over 3,000 -- what a great show of support! I wish that Lexis allowed charitable donations all the time, if I could give my points to the ASPCA or The Red Cross, I would donate them as fast I got them...
******************************************

This one goes out to all the Lexis point-holders in the house.

Jeremy Richey notes that you can donate Lexis points to the Tsunami relief efforts. His goal is to have "blawgers" donate 4000 points, but I think we can do A LOT better than that. The catch, you have to donate by February 4th, which is Friday. If you decide to donate points make sure to let either me or Jeremy know (in his comments or mine) so that he can add your donation to his running total (or, if you prefer to stay an anonymous donor, hey, that's cool too).

I really wanted to publicize this because I don't know if other school's Lexis reps are advertising this, but I know mine isn't...and I think Jeremy's efforts to get the word out demand attention. This is such a great way to contribute -- there's a kajillion contests you can enter to earn more points and isn't this better than getting another gift certificate to The Olive Garden?

I am donating 400 points tomorrow, which I think is sadly just about all I have right now, but The Red Cross is welcome to them.

UPDATE 8:12am 2/1/05: Just in Jeremy's comments and mine, there are already well over 10,000 points donated. As many have pointed out, it's difficult to know exactly HOW much a Lexis point is worth, but it didn't cost me anything to get them and enough of them together will make a reasonable donation to The Red Cross from a group of people who aren't really known for having tons of cash to throw around, even to worthy causes. I'll be posting updates occassionally to the total when I have time, since I have to get out a calculator to add any numbers that aren't in increments of 10, 100, or 1000.

UPDATE II 2/1/05 12:36pm: Heidi left a comment that her friend at Lexis says 100 points are worth approximately $1.60. There are WELL over 15,000 points donated so far which means we've probably raised over almost $250 in just one morning (I hope that math is right, I used a calculator...math is haaaaaard).

UPDATE III 2/1/05 5:16pm: I just counted (study procrastination time) and we are at nearly 25,000 points, in ONE day...that's nearly $400!

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

The Case of The Stinky Cheese

Q: Why is this so funny?

A: Because I am totally immature. Poop. Heh.

LEKAS & DRIVAS, INC., Pompeian Olive Oil Corporation, and Victor Cory, doing
business as Victor Cory Company, Libelants-Appellees,
v.
Basil GOULANDRIS, Nicholas Goulandris and Leonidas Goulandris, doing business
as 'Goulandris Brothers,' Respondents-Appellants.
*

When the cheese was loaded at Salonica, all 7 barrels and 67 of the cases were stowed in the after part of the No. 4 hold, and the other 241 cases in the poop, along with 704 other cases belonging to parties not in the present litigation. The judge found, 173 F.Supp. at 156, that the cheese 'had melted and spoiled due to the high temperatures experienced on the voyage,' and, id. at 179, that the poop was an improper place to stow cheese. The latter finding, which was the predicate of liability, was cast in terms of the poop's not being 'a fit and proper place for carriage of the cheese from Greece to New York via the Mediterranean-Gibraltar route * * *' The reasoning was that if the voyage had been made as contemplated, the cheese would nevertheless have spoiled; that the legal cause of that spoilage would have been the stowage in the poop; and that the vessel was therefore liable for the damage which in fact occurred.

Respondents vigorously attack the judge's conclusion that the poop was an unfit place to stow the cheese. They say that if the voyage had been made via Gibraltar as contemplated, air temperatures would have ranged between 53 degrees and 65 degrees Fahrenheit and that, although the poop had no permanent ventilators, adequate ventilation was had through an open hatch. We find it unnecessary to pass on this challenge, for reasons that will shortly appear.

[8][9][10] It cannot be disputed that the voyage of the Ioannis was affected by 'restraint of princes, rulers, or people' under § 4(2)(g) of COGSA. Indeed, there was a double restraint-- the threat of attack by an enemy government on the planned voyage through the Mediterranean and the order of the Greek Government to proceed via Suez and the Cape of Good Hope. "Restraints of princes, rulers, and peoples' covers any forcible interference with the voyage or adventure at the hands of the constituted government, or ruling power of any country, whether done by it as an enemy of the State to which the ship belongs, or not.' Carver's Carriage of Goods by Sea (10 ed.), 129. This 'restraint' altered the voyage from a four week trip of 5000 miles through the Mediterranean and North Atlantic, in cool November weather, to a trip of 13,000 miles and five months around Africa, with two crossings of the Equator. Outside temperatures repeatedly hit 100 degrees and above. Even with perfect ventilation in the poop, or with stowage elsewhere under adequate ventilation, the cheese would therefore, unless it were refrigerated, have been subject to extremely high temperatures for a period of time long enough to case it to spoil. [FN1] Whether stowage of some of the cheese in the poop was improper for the Gibraltar voyage is thus immaterial; 'if the accident would have happened without defendant's negligent act, then such is not the cause of it.' 2 Harper & James, The Law of Torts (1956) § 20.2, at p. 1114 fn. 18, and cases there cited; American Law Institute, Restatement of Torts, § 432, comment b and illustrations 1 and 2.

*Emphasis obviously added...sorry, I couldn't help it. Poop.

Nada. Zip. Zilch. Zero.

I got nothin' folks. I think I have anxiety induced writer's block...everyone has been so great and enthusiastic and supportive of my "Epiphany" that I feel like if I don't write something good I'll be letting you all down. Unfortunately for all of us I think I may have used up all my "profound" for this year and all I've got left is a bad attitude and a public forum.

In that vein, let me give a shout-out to some of my favorite neighborhood miscreants.

Mr. Porn In The Library Guy -- oh yeah, he's still around.

Mr. Hacks up a Lung on the Bus Every Damn Morning Guy -- I want to especially thank you for exposing me to TB and also commend you on your choice of a large aluminum briefcase...snazzy.

Ms. Wears Sandals in the Wintertime Girl -- To you I say, way to filter out the fact that it's 40 degrees outside and choose your clothing based only on the momentary presence of sunlight.

Ms. Laughs Too Loud in Class at Things That Aren't Funny Girl -- You are making the rest of us uncomfortable because we fear that, given your complete lack of social awareness, you could snap at any moment. Just thought you should know. Also, maroon is not your color.

Mr. Begging for Money with "I Need Booze" Sign -- Sadly, that does not make me want to give you any money. If anyone needs booze around here it's me.

Mr. Guy Wearing the Gorilla Suit as a Snowsuit -- Um. Interesting. Does it stink?

Ms. Girl Who Works at the Bridal Shop and Thought It Was Funny that the Security Tag Was Left On and I Had to Borrow a Car to Drive There and Have it Removed -- You are a horrid bitch. I hope you are stuck in bridal retail for the rest of your life because I can think of no greater punishment.

I guess that's all for now (not really, I see a lot of annoying people everyday but my fingers are numb and this is taking too long)...I hope to think of some good things to blog about soon. As always, requests are required welcome.

He just wanted someone to talk to...

Assistant State Attorney General in Florida gets beat up by hooker escort and her pimp male accomplice in Tampa. If you are an assistant state attorney, WHY do you call an escort service and risk getting caught? This guy is either so kinky that no girl he could pick up at a bar would do what he wants, or he's just so out of touch with reality that he thinks somehow he's going to be able to pass this off as a personal in-depth investigation into the shady business dealings of the escort industry in South Florida. Uh-huh.

I'm constantly amazed at the things people with a little bit of power think they can get away with. He was probably going to videotape the whole thing...geez.